Wedding Party

Acknowledging girlfriends who aren't bridesmaids

We have decided to have a small wedding party - my side will be my sister, his sister, and my best friend. However, I have been in many weddings and I have a pretty big group of close girl friends who would definitely be bridesmaid material if we wanted a larger party. But keeping it small makes it easier on everyone since it's a destination wedding. Does anyone have any ideas on ways to acknowlodge these ladies in some way on the wedding day? Something I could do during the ceremony maybe?


Re: Acknowledging girlfriends who aren't bridesmaids

  • beachyone15beachyone15 TEXAS (the home of my exes) member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Well, I don't think you have to do anything. Having them at the wedding will be acknowledgement enough. I definitely don't think doing something during the ceremony would be appropriate AT ALL. Why don't you get together for a girl's night - maybe treat them to dinner or something?


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    [Deleted User]novella1186Fosmohlc07
  • If there are any readings during your ceremony, it's also an honor to ask them to be readers (if you think that's something they'd be comfortable with). But that's about it. Anything else you're just drawing attention to the fact that they aren't bridesmaids. Better to just let them enjoy the wedding as guests.
    lc07
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Bridesmaids, readers, ushers, and singers are the only roles. Not everyone gets or needs to be be included in everything. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    MesmrEwe
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    as PPs have said, no need to do anything at all or else you're just bringing it to everyone's attention that they "didn't make the cut" and probably making the situation worse.

    A story from personal experience: a girl I know got married a few years ago and had a family member-only wedding party (her sisters, FI's sisters, and her female cousins) and didn't ask her girlfriends to be bridesmaids. Totally fine, except that one of her girlfriends, a friend of mine, told me that the bride took all of her girlfriends out to lunch to sit them down and tell them they weren't in the wedding. The friend said that she and the other girls were totally fine pre-lunch with the bride's choices (none had automatically expected to be in the bridal party knowing that she had many relatives) and that the childish, sit-down "sorry you didn't make the team" speech from the bride during lunch was super off-putting. Not to mention that they all snarked about it big time to everyone.
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    FosmohCharmedPamlc07
  • Invite them all out for manis/pedis before the wedding or have them get ready with you the morning of, if you want them to. 

    Or just take them all out for a fun girls night some other time. 

    Other than that, they're just guests and that's fine. It's still an honor to be a guest, because it still means they're important to you. Doing something during the ceremony would be really odd. 
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    onefootinthebayouMesmrEwelc07
  • After agonizing over a guest list where we had to make hard choices, I appreciate even more that "guest" is a position of honor.

    Don't draw attn to the fact that they will not be bridesmaids.

    There is nothing wrong with family only, small, or no WP and if your friends are mature adults (that's not necessarily redundant around here), I'm sure they'll understand. Calling attn to why someone will not be invited or part of the WP is not ok.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Don't do anything other than invite your other friends and treat them as honored guests - exactly the same as all your other guests. Any "explanation" or "acknowledgment" that they aren't in your wedding party will be very off-putting. It really does come off like a condescending slap in the face.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    We have decided to have a small wedding party - my side will be my sister, his sister, and my best friend. However, I have been in many weddings and I have a pretty big group of close girl friends who would definitely be bridesmaid material if we wanted a larger party. But keeping it small makes it easier on everyone since it's a destination wedding. Does anyone have any ideas on ways to acknowlodge these ladies in some way on the wedding day? Something I could do during the ceremony maybe?


    Pray tell, what exactly is "bridesmaid material?"


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    novella1186[Deleted User]sparklepants41
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    The best thing you can do is invite them to wedding related activities (bachelorette party, etc.) and just have fun with them at the wedding. They probably understand that you wanted a small wedding party, and acknowledging them during the ceremony will just be awkward and make them feel self-conscious. I'd leave it alone.
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  • FosmohFosmoh member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I agree with others.  just have them as guests.  don't do anything special or it just gets really awkward.. the example above about the lunch where the bride said she would have wanted them as bridesmaids but didn't is a PERFECT example of how that's not the way to go about it.  i would be off put by that as well.  just have your wedding party be what you selected and leave it as that.

    You can add them to the guest list for things like bridal showers and bachelorettes but there's no reason to do anything "extra" i would NOT ask them to do tasks/jobs at the wedding.  don't ask them to usher don't ask them to man the guest book or anything else.  i wouldn't even ask them to do readings. invite them as your guest and treat them as a GUEST, don't make them work.  

    also don't stress so much about not having them as bridesmaids.. it's OKAY that they aren't and i'm sure they're fine with it and will understand especially since you're having such a small bridal party. 
  • FosmohFosmoh member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think doing anything extra will REALLY put them on the spot and draw attention/highlight that they weren't bridesmaids. i would absolutely HATE it if someone did that to me, i think that would be really embarrassing. and like others said, the ceremony is a really inappropriate time to do this (though i wouldn't do it at all)
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