I'm a little torn about how to handle this situation, and this post may only be good for a vent in the end, but I'd appreciate any advice or even just the time to read it. I realize this is long. I suppose the TL;DR is: Is it really my job to entertain this girl I don't like for the week leading up to my wedding? Am I out-of-line for being upset that she's inserting herself where she's not welcome?
We're getting married in our home town, but a lot of our friends have moved away and so this is sort of a DW for them. We're late 20s and many are still underemployed etc. so we've tried to help by putting up as many people as we can in our apartments, picking them up from airport, arranging day-of transportation, etc. Many people are coming in 5 days or more before the wedding and staying for several days after, so, there's a lot involved and that means that this upcoming week is a crazy one. For the most part I don't mind as most are beloved mutual friends, but there is one person I am struggling with. This girl joined our friend group halfway through college, but I never considered her my friend. She very quickly took over the group, before I even knew what had happened, to the point where she was somehow dictating everything from when we'd go to dinner to where and when we'd study (to the point where, on occasions where FI and other friend and I, who were very close and in the same program, would go study on our own, she would get upset). If I didn't want to eat dinner at the time she chose or with her group of 10-15 other people, then I was eating alone. I realize this all sounds SO SO petty, and there is more to the story that would require too much detail, and I've tried really hard to move past it over the last 7 years, but I was dealing with a lot at the time and it has been hard to shake the feelings of extreme isolation and exclusion that I associate with her. She is definitely a 'busybody' but many things she's done and said over the years make me believe that her intentions are less than innocent. I really do not trust her.
With that being said, she and FI and other friend (one of the GM) ARE on good terms, and while FI and GM admit that she has annoying tendencies, they love her anyway, and they don't see anything malicious about it. She also knows FI's family and they dote on her. FI and GM are well aware of my feelings and don't really understand them, but try to respect them. FI promised me many years ago that I had no obligation to have her in the BP, and when the time came I did not. However, she was obviously going to be invited, and unfortunately due to having only a limited number of people who are qualified to fulfill a particular religious role, she's part of our ceremony anyway. She's not going anywhere, so for a while, even with her coming into town last year and complaining about wedding things that I know we're going to do (nothing against etiquette, things like asking the DJ not to play explicit songs), I was making my peace with her.
Then a few weeks ago she booked her travel plans for the wedding. She's coming 4 days before the wedding and staying for well over a week. She started by carrying on about how we need to have parties to celebrate this friend reunion. Then she started prying about a bachelorette -- not my right to plan and I didn't think I was having one anyway, so I blew her off nicely by saying I didn't think I was having one but anyway they're not really my thing. She responded by going around me to both FI AND FSIL (a BM) pestering them about how she wanted to plan one, which led to BP having to come back to me because, surprise, they WERE planning one, so then I had to be the bad guy and request that it be BP only. She hasn't decided yet where she plans to stay for any given point during this week, so she might be staying with FMIL or she might be staying with me or, more likely, her presence + space and entertainment issues will result in FI and GM and her moving to our new apartment for the week, leaving me alone. She wants to see other friends and FI has already had to tell her that he can't be driving her around all week, but she doesn't fully get that. Now I'm struggling to figure out how to balance other things we had planned with my parents, with my BP, etc. with her seeming expectation that we keep her entertained all week.
I feel like she is taking over my wedding (and I'm not asking for much, just to not be catering to her whims when I have so many other obligations and am working 2 days this week too!). I ended up taking an extra day off of work just to avoid being left out of plans. I feel like she is demonstrating many of the reasons I can't stand her, but FI doesn't understand why I'm upset. He's made it clear over the years, btw, that there is nothing sketchy going on between them (well, on his part; I'm not convinced about her), but this is still driving me NUTS.
Am I completely off my rocker? Am I obligated to keep her entertained when she voluntarily flew in days early? I would appreciate any advice. And if I am off my rocker, I'll try not to be bothered by anyone saying so. I'm just really lost and I really wouldn't be posting here if I had anywhere else to get this out. My family is just enraged and want me to yell at FI (which might not be helpful) and everyone else just loves this girl for reasons I am struggling to understand.