Random Question

Teddy917

My husband asked me an interesting question: What would I do if he lost all his memory? Not like in 50 or more years, but right now. I told him that I would stay by his side and take care of him.

Now I'm curious what you all would do. What would you do if your SO lost all their memory?

southernbelle0915

I'd take care of him as best I could. But if it was something like Alzheimer's, I'd probably have to enlist professional help eventually. I'm not a doctor and I know there are places/people that could offer better care than what I could provide. I'd try to give him what I thought was best and what would make him most comfortable.

But I'd stay loyal to him if that's more the question.

huskypuppy14

I'd take care of him to the best of my ability, but sometimes it's best to get professional help. My grandmothers husband (dad's stepfather) has dementia and my grandma had to put him in a nursing home ( and she's a nurse!). He needed to have someone with him at all times because he tried to take the car a couple times and then didn't know where he was. She missed my wedding because his nurse cancelled, and my grandma couldn't leave him. That's when she decided it was better for everyone if he went to a nursing home.

AddieCake

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

climbingsingle

AddieCake said:

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

I was just coming in here to post the same thing.

hellohkb

I would stay and try and get as much help from medical professionals as possible. 

photokitty

AddieCake said:

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

This.

If course I'd stay, I love him. But in reality, it would probably be more his call. I'd know that I love him, but he might not feel the same. I'd stay with him and hope he fell in love with me again, but if he didn't love me and wanted out of a marriage he didn't remember...I'd be broken hearted, but I'd be forced to let him go. What an awful thought...

wandajune6

photokitty said:

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AddieCake said:

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

This.

If course I'd stay, I love him. But in reality, it would probably be more his call. I'd know that I love him, but he might not feel the same. I'd stay with him and hope he fell in love with me again, but if he didn't love me and wanted out of a marriage he didn't remember...I'd be broken hearted, but I'd be forced to let him go. What an awful thought...

@photokitty said it better than I can.

Also, I saw this post right after reading this article on the subject:

http://www.salon.com/2015/07/20/my_husband_had_to_learn_sex_again_and_i_had_to_become_one_tenacious_bitch/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

justsuzie

Fall in love all over again.

hellohkb

photokitty said:

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AddieCake said:

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

This.

If course I'd stay, I love him. But in reality, it would probably be more his call. I'd know that I love him, but he might not feel the same. I'd stay with him and hope he fell in love with me again, but if he didn't love me and wanted out of a marriage he didn't remember...I'd be broken hearted, but I'd be forced to let him go. What an awful thought...

True. You may love that person but they may not love you back. I didn't even think about this!

ShesSoCold

AddieCake said:

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

I came to post this, just to be a sarcastic ass. And you ruined it for me.

Viczaesar

There was a movie about this.  I forget how it ended.

IrishPirate60

"Away from Her" with Julie Christie. "Still Alice" with Julianne Moore.

paperpusher

Isn't this what the Notebook was about?

BouxRadley

paperpusher said:

Isn't this what the Notebook was about?

Nah. The Vow. Different Rachel McAdams movie. 

photokitty

Alzheimer's is very different from sudden memory loss. Alz typically comes on slowly, and there is often some memories, older ones, still intact. It is difficult when your loved ones is talking about you to you, bc they don't know who you are, but it also allows you to still feel loved.

With a sudden memory loss like OP is suggesting (the movie I'm thinking of had Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum - which I still don't know how she didn't say "I don't remember you, but of course I love you, look at you!!!! ) there's often nothing there, not even a ghost of the past. The person with he memory loss doesn't even remember who they are. It's a totally different animal.

If DH develops Alz I will do my best to care for him at home, but I also know that being an effective caregiver means knowing when to ask for help. If that means putting him in a long-term care facility to ensure he is properly cared for then I will do that. I still won't give up on him. In that case he doesn't have a say in me giving up or not. 

With acute or sudden memory loss, it sudden becomes, does he want to falling love with me again. To be honest I don't know if I could live "50 First Dates" for the rest of my life. But I'd try my best.

Maggie0829

I'm sorry but this is the dumbest question.  It is like asking "will you still love me if I gained 500 pounds?" or "will you still want to be with me if I lose my penis/vagina?"  Like come on.  What exactly was he expecting you to say?  "H I would ecstatic if you lost your memory because it would be an easy way out for me!"  So ridiculous.

[Deleted User]

BouxRadley said:

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paperpusher said:

Isn't this what the Notebook was about?

Nah. The Vow. Different Rachel McAdams movie. 

Well technically the woman in The Notebook did have either Alzheimer's or Dementia, and the man was reading their story to her to attempt to jog her memory. Didn't see/read The Vow, but it isn't similar, Nicholas Sparks might need some new material...lol

I think the obvious answer is that I would do my best to help FI feel safe and comfortable. (I'm approaching this scenario like he lost his memory in an accident or something). But, like PPs said, he might have different feelings about me, which would be hard. I would definitely be challenging, because there can be a lot of complications from traumatic brain injuries. (David Tennant movie plug: Recovery is about this! It's heart wrenching, but really good!)

ETF: Words are hard on Monday morning

beachyone15

AddieCake said:

I'm confused by this question. It's not like anyone is going to say, "Oh, sorry, but I'd be out of there if that happened."

Whatever @AddieCake. You stole my answer.

BouxRadley

abcdevonn said:

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BouxRadley said:

paperpusher said:

Isn't this what the Notebook was about?

Nah. The Vow. Different Rachel McAdams movie. 

Well technically the woman in The Notebook did have either Alzheimer's or Dementia, and the man was reading their story to her to attempt to jog her memory. Didn't see/read The Vow, but it isn't similar, Nicholas Sparks might need some new material...lol

I think the obvious answer is that I would do my best to help FI feel safe and comfortable. (I'm approaching this scenario like he lost his memory in an accident or something). But, like PPs said, he might have different feelings about me, which would be hard. I would definitely be challenging, because there can be a lot of complications from traumatic brain injuries. (David Tennant movie plug: Recovery is about this! It's heart wrenching, but really good!)

ETF: Words are hard on Monday morning

oH RIGHT. UO I never liked The Notebook, so I've only seen it once, like right when it came out. 

Eta: The Vow is more of what OP is talking about. Car crash, memory loss, right now. 

madamerwin

IrishPirate60 said:

"Away from Her" with Julie Christie. "Still Alice" with Julianne Moore.

Ugh, H had to watch this for a class once, and I watched it with him. It was really depressing. I hadn't thought about the fact that someone with memory problems could be the one to want to end a relationship until I watched that movie.

hellohkb

This article was really interesting and made me think of this thread.

http://www.xojane.com/sex/my-boyfriend-had-a-brain-injury?utm_source=FBPAGE&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=IHTM

[Deleted User]

hellohkb said:

This article was really interesting and made me think of this thread. http://www.xojane.com/sex/my-boyfriend-had-a-brain-injury?utm_source=FBPAGE&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=IHTM

I can't articulate why, but this girl really rubs me the wrong way. It's like...she feels so bad for herself, she can't even fathom what her ex and his family are going through. On this subject, there is another good documentary movie about TBIs called The Crash Reel. If you've never experienced a TBI or don't know someone who has, what really goes on is fascinating and disturbing. A friend of mine was in an accident on his bike the night of our college graduation and has a similar story. Except, a girl who was not dating him for some reason decided to start dating him when he was still in the hospital then freaked out when he got out and was "really clingy." TBIs REALLY screw people up, and it's totally out of their control.

hellohkb

abcdevonn said:

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hellohkb said:

This article was really interesting and made me think of this thread.

http://www.xojane.com/sex/my-boyfriend-had-a-brain-injury?utm_source=FBPAGE&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=IHTM

I can't articulate why, but this girl really rubs me the wrong way. It's like...she feels so bad for herself, she can't even fathom what her ex and his family are going through. On this subject, there is another good documentary movie about TBIs called The Crash Reel. If you've never experienced a TBI or don't know someone who has, what really goes on is fascinating and disturbing. A friend of mine was in an accident on his bike the night of our college graduation and has a similar story. Except, a girl who was not dating him for some reason decided to start dating him when he was still in the hospital then freaked out when he got out and was "really clingy." TBIs REALLY screw people up, and it's totally out of their control.

Yeah, I can see that. She definitely should have tried to understand things from her families point of view. Then again, it was a relatively new relationship so I can't really blame her for wanting to leave.

I'll check out that documentary, sounds interesting.

photokitty

hellohkb said:

show previous quotes

hellohkb said:

This article was really interesting and made me think of this thread. http://www.xojane.com/sex/my-boyfriend-had-a-brain-injury?utm_source=FBPAGE&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=IHTM

I can't articulate why, but this girl really rubs me the wrong way. It's like...she feels so bad for herself, she can't even fathom what her ex and his family are going through. On this subject, there is another good documentary movie about TBIs called The Crash Reel. If you've never experienced a TBI or don't know someone who has, what really goes on is fascinating and disturbing. A friend of mine was in an accident on his bike the night of our college graduation and has a similar story. Except, a girl who was not dating him for some reason decided to start dating him when he was still in the hospital then freaked out when he got out and was "really clingy." TBIs REALLY screw people up, and it's totally out of their control.

Yeah, I can see that. She definitely should have tried to understand things from her families point of view. Then again, it was a relatively new relationship so I can't really blame her for wanting to leave. I'll check out that documentary, sounds interesting.

I can't believe his parents let her move it. They had been dating for 6 months. I would not let her move in with my family - get an apt sure, but move in - hell no! I don't buy her side of the story, she seems super needy and guilty to write this article. I think the mom wanted free help caring for her son and the GF is a stage 5 clinger herself - but toes not wasting my time on jealousy, nope... whatever. 

Viczaesar

BouxRadley said:

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paperpusher said:

Isn't this what the Notebook was about?

Nah. The Vow. Different Rachel McAdams movie. 

That's the one I was thinking of! 

[Deleted User]

photokitty said:

show previous quotes

hellohkb said:

hellohkb said:

This article was really interesting and made me think of this thread. http://www.xojane.com/sex/my-boyfriend-had-a-brain-injury?utm_source=FBPAGE&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=IHTM

I can't articulate why, but this girl really rubs me the wrong way. It's like...she feels so bad for herself, she can't even fathom what her ex and his family are going through. On this subject, there is another good documentary movie about TBIs called The Crash Reel. If you've never experienced a TBI or don't know someone who has, what really goes on is fascinating and disturbing. A friend of mine was in an accident on his bike the night of our college graduation and has a similar story. Except, a girl who was not dating him for some reason decided to start dating him when he was still in the hospital then freaked out when he got out and was "really clingy." TBIs REALLY screw people up, and it's totally out of their control.

Yeah, I can see that. She definitely should have tried to understand things from her families point of view. Then again, it was a relatively new relationship so I can't really blame her for wanting to leave. I'll check out that documentary, sounds interesting.

I can't believe his parents let her move it. They had been dating for 6 months. I would not let her move in with my family - get an apt sure, but move in - hell no! I don't buy her side of the story, she seems super needy and guilty to write this article. I think the mom wanted free help caring for her son and the GF is a stage 5 clinger herself - but toes not wasting my time on jealousy, nope... whatever. 

Yeah, I think she sounded like the kind of person who chases "disasters" so that they can "help" and then be praised. I could be completely wrong, though. I'd never let some chick move into my house if my child was severely injured. Get your own place, woman!

BouxRadley

It reads like she just wants validation in a "LOOK HOW GOOD OF A PERSON I AM" kind of way. 

eta: I think she's mad that no one is acknowledging how much SHE thinks she's suffered, or acknowledging how selfless she thinks she is.