Cross posted to The Nest-The Very Hangry Wedding

MegEn1

Such a great example of people who will make more trouble for you if you push them even a little bit. Can you imagine how this wedding would have gone if she'd stood up to her sister for the first time then and there? I'm really amazed by people who have no sense of right and wrong, no sense of respect for others, etc. Such an easy life they must lead. 

cupcait927

MegEn1 said:

Such a great example of people who will make more trouble for you if you push them even a little bit. Can you imagine how this wedding would have gone if she'd stood up to her sister for the first time then and there? I'm really amazed by people who have no sense of right and wrong, no sense of respect for others, etc. Such an easy life they must lead. 

All of the bolded. My sister is a terror, so much that I recently cut off all ties with her because she makes life hell for anyone that stands up to her. It's easier to be a pushover around her because it's the lesser of two evils and less yelling. I don't fault the OP for much of what she did, because it sounds like she was trying to keep the peace and preserve her own feelings. Her sister's wedding day was NOT the best day to start standing up to her.

japlanet

So basically this sounds to me like your sister has borderline personality disorder. I would advise you to save yourself in the future by cutting all ties and/or suggest that she seek professional help and cognitive behavioral therapy. Playing into the every whim of someone with BPD is life ruining and potentially dangerous (both mentally and physically) to everyone involved in the sitaution. 

justsie

japlanet said:

So basically this sounds to me like your sister has borderline personality disorder. I would advise you to save yourself in the future by cutting all ties and/or suggest that she seek professional help and cognitive behavioral therapy. Playing into the every whim of someone with BPD is life ruining and potentially dangerous (both mentally and physically) to everyone involved in the sitaution. 

Please don't diagnose someone over the internet based on what someone else says about them. Especially with something as serious as a personality disorder. 

novella1186

justsie said:

japlanet said:

So basically this sounds to me like your sister has borderline personality disorder. I would advise you to save yourself in the future by cutting all ties and/or suggest that she seek professional help and cognitive behavioral therapy. Playing into the every whim of someone with BPD is life ruining and potentially dangerous (both mentally and physically) to everyone involved in the sitaution. 

Please don't diagnose someone over the internet based on what someone else says about them. Especially with something as serious as a personality disorder. 

This. And if you tell someone with BPD to go see a therapist, that will NOT go well. Not at all. 

southernbelle0915

justsie said:

japlanet said:

So basically this sounds to me like your sister has borderline personality disorder. I would advise you to save yourself in the future by cutting all ties and/or suggest that she seek professional help and cognitive behavioral therapy. Playing into the every whim of someone with BPD is life ruining and potentially dangerous (both mentally and physically) to everyone involved in the sitaution. 

Please don't diagnose someone over the internet based on what someone else says about them. Especially with something as serious as a personality disorder. 

I can't love this more than once, so QFT.

PrettyGirlLost

JellyBean52513 said:

housewifehobbyist said:

If I had known they would be three hours late @Katwag I would have gone to get food.  But when I tried checking in with her she wouldn't give me an ETA besides "soon" and as they were running late and supposed to be bringing food I didn't want to drive the 20 minutes out to get something to eat in case she came after I left.

And no one has an issue with her getting a car or upgrading her ring, but I do take issue with not downsizing the wedding along with her budget for it.

It is still your responsibility to feed yourself. If you are hungry, go get some food. Your sister could wait a few minutes. And it sounds like your sister is pretty unreliable, so I would have thought ahead and gotten food for myself.

While your sister should have had more food options to accommodate food allergies (this assumes that she know what your are allergic to) it sounds like she had a properly hosted event- food wise. BBQ and non- alcohol beverages are perfectly acceptable for an evening wedding. She didn't need to have a cocktail party or have several kegs of beer.

While its not necessarily right, if you have food allergies I would assume you are use to eating before or after an event or packing some snacks in your purse. You also could have been pro-active and asked your sister what she was serving so that you could plan ahead.

So I agree that your sister did some shitty things, but you could have done a lot to make the weekend better for yourself.

-------boxes aint happening today------ Are you kidding?? They ran out of beer so early that pictures were barely over. That is NOT hosting properly. The bride and groom didn't need to have the beer, but since they chose to have it, they were in the wrong not to provide enough for everyone. I won't even bother touching all of the other BS this sister pulled. I don't put much blame on the OP here. We can all sit here and theorize what WE would've done, but when it comes down to it, none of us a part of that family dynamic AND I seriously doubt anybody here is that much of an antagonist to make moves that they know will send their crazy sister off her rocker on the day of her wedding.

Saying "No" is NOT being an antagonist.  It's enforcing your own fucking boundaries.  AND please don't try and presume to know how we'd act.

You better fucking believe I'd tell my own sister, no matter how much of a drama queen she is, on her own shitshow of a wedding day "No" so that I could fucking eat.  And then I'd just walk the fuck away and go eat.

I don't just make shit up to type here, just for funsies.  My advice is based off of how I'd deal with certain situations.  Thee are a lot of people who post across these boards that are super passive aggressive- not me.

cupcait927 said:

MegEn1 said:

Such a great example of people who will make more trouble for you if you push them even a little bit. Can you imagine how this wedding would have gone if she'd stood up to her sister for the first time then and there? I'm really amazed by people who have no sense of right and wrong, no sense of respect for others, etc. Such an easy life they must lead. 

All of the bolded. My sister is a terror, so much that I recently cut off all ties with her because she makes life hell for anyone that stands up to her. It's easier to be a pushover around her because it's the lesser of two evils and less yelling. I don't fault the OP for much of what she did, because it sounds like she was trying to keep the peace and preserve her own feelings. Her sister's wedding day was NOT the best day to start standing up to her.

There's a huge difference between keeping the peace and making peace.  Keeping the peace just adds to the general dysfunction of the situation.  Wedding day or not, people shouldn't be keeping the peace if it means they don't get to eat for 12 freaking hours.  I feel sorry for the OP that she went that long w/o a decent meal.  That just blows, on top of all the other bullshit of the day.

Maggie0829

PrettyGirlLost said:

JellyBean52513 said:

housewifehobbyist said:

If I had known they would be three hours late @Katwag I would have gone to get food.  But when I tried checking in with her she wouldn't give me an ETA besides "soon" and as they were running late and supposed to be bringing food I didn't want to drive the 20 minutes out to get something to eat in case she came after I left.

And no one has an issue with her getting a car or upgrading her ring, but I do take issue with not downsizing the wedding along with her budget for it.

It is still your responsibility to feed yourself. If you are hungry, go get some food. Your sister could wait a few minutes. And it sounds like your sister is pretty unreliable, so I would have thought ahead and gotten food for myself.

While your sister should have had more food options to accommodate food allergies (this assumes that she know what your are allergic to) it sounds like she had a properly hosted event- food wise. BBQ and non- alcohol beverages are perfectly acceptable for an evening wedding. She didn't need to have a cocktail party or have several kegs of beer.

While its not necessarily right, if you have food allergies I would assume you are use to eating before or after an event or packing some snacks in your purse. You also could have been pro-active and asked your sister what she was serving so that you could plan ahead.

So I agree that your sister did some shitty things, but you could have done a lot to make the weekend better for yourself.

-------boxes aint happening today------ Are you kidding?? They ran out of beer so early that pictures were barely over. That is NOT hosting properly. The bride and groom didn't need to have the beer, but since they chose to have it, they were in the wrong not to provide enough for everyone. I won't even bother touching all of the other BS this sister pulled. I don't put much blame on the OP here. We can all sit here and theorize what WE would've done, but when it comes down to it, none of us a part of that family dynamic AND I seriously doubt anybody here is that much of an antagonist to make moves that they know will send their crazy sister off her rocker on the day of her wedding.

Saying "No" is NOT being an antagonist.  It's enforcing your own fucking boundaries.  AND please don't try and presume to know how we'd act.

You better fucking believe I'd tell my own sister, no matter how much of a drama queen she is, on her own shitshow of a wedding day "No" so that I could fucking eat.  And then I'd just walk the fuck away and go eat.

I don't just make shit up to type here, just for funsies.  My advice is based off of how I'd deal with certain situations.  Thee are a lot of people who post across these boards that are super passive aggressive- not me.

This.  There is a big difference standing up for yourself and your needs (like food) vs. being an out right antagonist.  OP is blaming her sister for her not eating for 12 hours.  Well that is not her sisters fault.  That is OPs fault.  Now if her sister had gotten the food and arrived on time and OP started screaming at her for not remembering the potato salad, then that would be OP being an antagonist.  But for OP to say "hey I got to get food, so we are going to start hair and makeup 30 minutes late, sorry" is not her being an antagonist.

climbingsingle

What a shit show. 

OP, I really don't put much blame on you like others have. IRL I tend to avoid any type of confrontation. And with the way you've described your sister, I wouldn't have picked her wedding day to take a stand. I'm sure you wanted to help her have a nice wedding day, what with agreeing to do hair and makeup. I wouldn't have waited to eat though. I would have passed out. And I would have left the wedding once I realized that there was no food I could eat. 

I think the blame lies solely on the bride and groom for hosting this event so poorly. If you're going to provide beer, you can't just factor one beer per person. That's crazy! 

PrettyGirlLost

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

JellyBean52513 said:

housewifehobbyist said:

If I had known they would be three hours late @Katwag I would have gone to get food.  But when I tried checking in with her she wouldn't give me an ETA besides "soon" and as they were running late and supposed to be bringing food I didn't want to drive the 20 minutes out to get something to eat in case she came after I left.

And no one has an issue with her getting a car or upgrading her ring, but I do take issue with not downsizing the wedding along with her budget for it.

It is still your responsibility to feed yourself. If you are hungry, go get some food. Your sister could wait a few minutes. And it sounds like your sister is pretty unreliable, so I would have thought ahead and gotten food for myself.

While your sister should have had more food options to accommodate food allergies (this assumes that she know what your are allergic to) it sounds like she had a properly hosted event- food wise. BBQ and non- alcohol beverages are perfectly acceptable for an evening wedding. She didn't need to have a cocktail party or have several kegs of beer.

While its not necessarily right, if you have food allergies I would assume you are use to eating before or after an event or packing some snacks in your purse. You also could have been pro-active and asked your sister what she was serving so that you could plan ahead.

So I agree that your sister did some shitty things, but you could have done a lot to make the weekend better for yourself.

-------boxes aint happening today------ Are you kidding?? They ran out of beer so early that pictures were barely over. That is NOT hosting properly. The bride and groom didn't need to have the beer, but since they chose to have it, they were in the wrong not to provide enough for everyone. I won't even bother touching all of the other BS this sister pulled. I don't put much blame on the OP here. We can all sit here and theorize what WE would've done, but when it comes down to it, none of us a part of that family dynamic AND I seriously doubt anybody here is that much of an antagonist to make moves that they know will send their crazy sister off her rocker on the day of her wedding.

Saying "No" is NOT being an antagonist.  It's enforcing your own fucking boundaries.  AND please don't try and presume to know how we'd act.

You better fucking believe I'd tell my own sister, no matter how much of a drama queen she is, on her own shitshow of a wedding day "No" so that I could fucking eat.  And then I'd just walk the fuck away and go eat.

I don't just make shit up to type here, just for funsies.  My advice is based off of how I'd deal with certain situations.  Thee are a lot of people who post across these boards that are super passive aggressive- not me.

This.  There is a big difference standing up for yourself and your needs (like food) vs. being an out right antagonist.  OP is blaming her sister for her not eating for 12 hours.  Well that is not her sisters fault.  That is OPs fault.  Now if her sister had gotten the food and arrived on time and OP started screaming at her for not remembering the potato salad, then that would be OP being an antagonist.  But for OP to say "hey I got to get food, so we are going to start hair and makeup 30 minutes late, sorry" is not her being an antagonist.

Plus, it's all in the delivery. I get the sense that people don't understand they can refuse to go belly up to the bullies in their lives WITHOUT being a bitch about it.

Liatris2010

Let's be serious everyone. The real ending of this story is,

"And even though the wedding started over an hour late, there was not enough food or drink, and only one cup per person, everyone had a wonderful time. No one noticed the terrible hosting because they really love the couple and just wanted to see them have their special day."

PrettyGirlLost

Liatris2010 said:

Let's be serious everyone. The real ending of this story is, "And even though the wedding started over an hour late, there was not enough food or drink, and only one cup per person, everyone had a wonderful time. No one noticed the terrible hosting because they really love the couple and just wanted to see them have their special day Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day®."

FIFY

Liatris2010

PrettyGirlLost said:

Liatris2010 said:

Let's be serious everyone. The real ending of this story is,

"And even though the wedding started over an hour late, there was not enough food or drink, and only one cup per person, everyone had a wonderful time. No one noticed the terrible hosting because they really love the couple and just wanted to see them have their special day Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day®."

FIFY


Thanks PGL, not sure how I could have messed that up.

TrixieJess

PrettyGirlLost said:

Liatris2010 said:

Let's be serious everyone. The real ending of this story is, "And even though the wedding started over an hour late, there was not enough food or drink, and only one cup per person, everyone had a wonderful time. No one noticed the terrible hosting because they really love the couple and just wanted to see them have their special day Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day®."

FIFY

DON'T USE THE PINK!

SP29

What a shitty weekend and hosting experience!

While I agree, a lot of what your sister does has been enabled, I also agree that her wedding wasn't the time to take a stand. Though I hope you will in the future- for yourself.

I would have left to get food though, or else I would've been hangry right back at your sister all afternoon trying to do make up.