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Wedding Etiquette Forum
AWednesday
member
Destination wedding welcome party protocol?
Please help. Wedding is in 15 days - achk!
We're having a destination wedding of 60 people. We're paying for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and a day after brunch.
The day before the wedding we want to get together with guests for lunch. Super casual- more like a, "hey, bride and groom will be at X around 2 if you want to grab a drink with them before the big day and hang out with other wedding guests". We won't be paying.
Problem is -- the moms are Insisting that we include an invite in the welcome bags with an RSVP. I think this gives the impression we are paying. Also, the restaurant (where we ate before getting engaged) doesn't take reservations but has a large outdoor bar and patio. But fiance's family told guests that "a place will be reserved for our guests" without asking us, because the restaurant won't be doing that. The moms want to move it to another restaurant where they will take reservations, but we want it to be at this place which is sentimental to us. It's getting out of hand and farther from what we've originally wanted.
I'm not sure what to do/how to handle the situation. Or how to word it so that guests get the right idea. HELP, please.
- Stressed out bride.
We're having a destination wedding of 60 people. We're paying for the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and a day after brunch.
The day before the wedding we want to get together with guests for lunch. Super casual- more like a, "hey, bride and groom will be at X around 2 if you want to grab a drink with them before the big day and hang out with other wedding guests". We won't be paying.
Problem is -- the moms are Insisting that we include an invite in the welcome bags with an RSVP. I think this gives the impression we are paying. Also, the restaurant (where we ate before getting engaged) doesn't take reservations but has a large outdoor bar and patio. But fiance's family told guests that "a place will be reserved for our guests" without asking us, because the restaurant won't be doing that. The moms want to move it to another restaurant where they will take reservations, but we want it to be at this place which is sentimental to us. It's getting out of hand and farther from what we've originally wanted.
I'm not sure what to do/how to handle the situation. Or how to word it so that guests get the right idea. HELP, please.
- Stressed out bride.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Destination wedding welcome party protocol?
If you must have it at this place, just keep telling your moms no, and suggest that if they want a lunch with reservations they organize and host that themselves, but you two will be at superspecialplace.
I'd let your guests know by word of mouth that you are not paying for them if they choose to join you. I also would not move the restaurant or include anything in the welcome bags mentioning it just because your moms are insisting on it. You can tell them that if they're going to insist on it, they can pay for it, but if not, they don't get a say.
It does sound like your FI needs to clear up with his family that there are no reservations and to pass the word on to any guests they erroneously told this to. I'd leave this ball in his court, since they are his family and guests.
As for this lunch- do not include any written invitation or RSVP in the welcome bags, as that implies you are hosting. Keep it to word of mouth "FI and I are having lunch at X restaurant around 2".
However, I do agree that trying to have a casual, but group, sit down lunch is a logistic nightmare without hosting it. How will you be able to hang out with your guests if you and your FI are at a table of 2 and the other guests are at their own separate tables? You also have no guarantee that other patrons won't be seated in between you and your guests. Thus I agree that meeting at a bar is easier. Or just don't do it.
2. Put it in writing and asking for RSVPs imply you are hosting. And if it's a sit-down restaurant that doesn't take reservations and there will be other guests there also trying to eat their lunch, logistically this will probably be annoying for both your guests and other patrons of the resort as you all try to get tables together, wander around to different tables to chit-chat, etc. And then trying to organize separate checks on top of it since you aren't hosting? It sounds like a hassle, for everyone involved, including the resort.
A "casual come and join us" is more suited to either a bar or hosting it on your own by renting an event room or reserving a patio and hosting some small nibbles, lemonade, and iced tea rather than expecting a restaurant that doesn't take reservations to work around uncertain numbers. Personally, I would have your sentimental lunch with your FI, then spread by word of mouth that you'll be hanging out at whatever bar has the largest amount of room to accommodate such a free-form group at some point afterward during a non-meal time. Or, let the moms just pay and host for a welcome gathering themselves at a location of their choosing and you have your sentimental meal sometime else.