Pre-wedding Parties

Timing for prewedding events

My lovely cousins, who are bridesmaids, are reaching out to me with questions about timing for the bachelorette they are hosting. One of them is getting married March 9 and a 3rd bridesmaid is having a baby in March, so although I'd rather not be involved at all (it's so awkward to say YES PLEASE HOLD A PARTY FOR ME ON THIS DATE THAT IS MOST CONVENIENT FOR ME), coordinating the events is important for budgetary and scheduling reasons. So I'm sucking it up over the awkwardness and helping them with the timing as they have requested. :)

I think I prefer having prewedding events a little bit closer to the day itself as it seems more fun that way, but they are also planning a shower for April, so I want to have enough time between events that no one is tapped out, so to speak. Plus, we may be doing cousin's prewedding events in the January/February timeframe, I'll likely host a baby shower for my pg bridesmaid in the Februaryish area, and then the holidays in late November/December.... so jeez, I don't wanna have it in October, know what I mean? It won't be a big, spendy event or anything - from the questions they've asked me about what I would like, I think they are planning for wine/painting, dinner, and some variation of "drunken sleepover." Even so, with 5-10 busy adult women, at least one of whom will either be pregnant or have a newborn, scheduling is a bitch.

Would it be insane to have the shower 4-5 weeks before the wedding and the bachelorette 1-2 weeks before the wedding? (That would leave 3-4 weeks between events.) Would that be making my wedding party do too much in a short period of time? Is it AWish to have basically an entire month dedicated to being fêted, even though others are choosing to do the fête-ing? What's your experience?
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Re: Timing for prewedding events

  • My lovely cousins, who are bridesmaids, are reaching out to me with questions about timing for the bachelorette they are hosting. One of them is getting married March 9 and a 3rd bridesmaid is having a baby in March, so although I'd rather not be involved at all (it's so awkward to say YES PLEASE HOLD A PARTY FOR ME ON THIS DATE THAT IS MOST CONVENIENT FOR ME), coordinating the events is important for budgetary and scheduling reasons. So I'm sucking it up over the awkwardness and helping them with the timing as they have requested. :)

    I think I prefer having prewedding events a little bit closer to the day itself as it seems more fun that way, but they are also planning a shower for April, so I want to have enough time between events that no one is tapped out, so to speak. Plus, we may be doing cousin's prewedding events in the January/February timeframe, I'll likely host a baby shower for my pg bridesmaid in the Februaryish area, and then the holidays in late November/December.... so jeez, I don't wanna have it in October, know what I mean? It won't be a big, spendy event or anything - from the questions they've asked me about what I would like, I think they are planning for wine/painting, dinner, and some variation of "drunken sleepover." Even so, with 5-10 busy adult women, at least one of whom will either be pregnant or have a newborn, scheduling is a bitch.

    Would it be insane to have the shower 4-5 weeks before the wedding and the bachelorette 1-2 weeks before the wedding? (That would leave 3-4 weeks between events.) Would that be making my wedding party do too much in a short period of time? Is it AWish to have basically an entire month dedicated to being fêted, even though others are choosing to do the fête-ing? What's your experience?
    I can't do these weekends due to this event and that event.  These two weekends are my preferences, but most other weekends work for me.  Let me know as soon as you decide so I make sure to put it on my calendar and not make other plans.
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
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    @adk19, Thanks! That would be great, but there aren't dates set in stone for most of these events yet. We are trying to get them set in stone by working together around everyone's wedding and baby stuffs. But, I did realize that we can definitely do the shower/bachelorette on the same day or weekend so that has really simplified things and I don't think it's gonna be as crazy as I thought.
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  • @adk19, Thanks! That would be great, but there aren't dates set in stone for most of these events yet. We are trying to get them set in stone by working together around everyone's wedding and baby stuffs. But, I did realize that we can definitely do the shower/bachelorette on the same day or weekend so that has really simplified things and I don't think it's gonna be as crazy as I thought.
    I was thinking more, "I can't do March whatever because of this friend's wedding.  Can't do this other weekend because of a work thing.  I have a thing I want to do one weekend in February, but it doesn't much matter which weekend, will just depend on what gets planned and scheduled first.  This weekend in April is my first choice, but if it doesn't work for you guys, we can do whatever."
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
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    @adk19 I think that's a good way of looking at it. I think I'm just overthinking it because of the awkward factor. I think I will totally simplify things and have a combined event about a month before the wedding, that way it will be the only thing going on and I won't need to worry about the timing of other showers or prewedding events.
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  • @adk19 I think that's a good way of looking at it. I think I'm just overthinking it because of the awkward factor. I think I will totally simplify things and have a combined event about a month before the wedding, that way it will be the only thing going on and I won't need to worry about the timing of other showers or prewedding events.
    It's not really awkward if you think about it like, They can't really have a party For you if you're not there.  So they're not asking you to schedule it, but they want to make sure they don't start making plans for a weekend you're going to be busy.  So, while you should definitely declare your preference for that weekend a month before your wedding, what if that particular weekend doesn't work for one or two of them?  "This is my preference.  But if that doesn't work, anything other than This and This should work.  Let me know before you make any firm plans so I can be sure to put it on my calendar and not agree to anything else."
  • tj&cwtj&cw member
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    dreadpirateroberts--I agree with everyone above.  It is also not strange to have your events close to the wedding. My wedding is Sept 27th...bachelorette  party is the 14-16th of Aug and my shower is Aug 29th. If a date doesn't work just be honest.

    Good Luck
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  • Time wise I think you would be ok if they planned your shower 4-5 weeks prior to your wedding date and your bachlorette party 1-2 weeks before. If it works for all for you to have your shower a little earlier, go for it. Reason being, that will give you more time to get the shower thank you cards done before you have to deal with all the last minute stuff for the wedding.Depending on what they plan for the bachlorette party 1-2 weeks shouldn't be any problems, but if it's an overnight/weekend type thing, maybe suggest 2-3 weeks prior as to give everyone a bit of a break before your wedding day. You have a very busy schedule of family events coming up. It is nice that you are trying to be considerate of others.
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