Wasn't going to do a Dollar Dance...but fiance's friends all do them. Should we?

Minabea

I wasn't very familiar with the Dollar Dance before dating my fiance, so had no plans to do one at my wedding. But between last summer and this summer, we've gone to about 6 weddings on his side - friends and family but mostly friends. ALL of them have had a Dollar Dance so apparently it's normal in his circles. Almost none of my friends or family have gotten married yet so I'm not sure if it's done much on my side. 

I personally haven't thought it was tacky at the weddings we went to, even though it was new to me. Yeah it's asking for money but I enjoy having some activities at weddings, and a dollar is hardly anything. I don't enjoy when they last too long, but that can be controlled. Some people on here have said they're awkward because no one dances, but that's definitely not been the case at the ones I've seen. Since my fiance's friends all do it, I'm sure many people would dance at ours. Also I don't have easily offended friends or family so I don't think they will mind. 

So should we do it since it's a regular thing for my fiance's side? If it's normal and kind of fun we may as well, right? Or is this still a thing where everyone hates it besides small regional communities who are used to it?

AddieCake

Just because they are used to it doesn't mean you should do it. Break the cycle!

Maggie0829

If these people had cash bars or 10 chairs for 150 guests or a 5 hour gap between ceremony and reception would you think those are good ideas too?

And sorry but a dollar dance is not fun.  Maybe a handful of people will think it is fun but the rest of your guests will probably be rolling their eyes and judging you hard for asking guests for money.

justsie

Minabea said:

I wasn't very familiar with the Dollar Dance before dating my fiance, so had no plans to do one at my wedding. But between last summer and this summer, we've gone to about 6 weddings on his side - friends and family but mostly friends. ALL of them have had a Dollar Dance so apparently it's normal in his circles. Almost none of my friends or family have gotten married yet so I'm not sure if it's done much on my side. 

I personally haven't thought it was tacky at the weddings we went to, even though it was new to me. Yeah it's asking for money but I enjoy having some activities at weddings, and a dollar is hardly anything. I don't enjoy when they last too long, but that can be controlled. Some people on here have said they're awkward because no one dances, but that's definitely not been the case at the ones I've seen. Since my fiance's friends all do it, I'm sure many people would dance at ours. Also I don't have easily offended friends or family so I don't think they will mind. 

So should we do it since it's a regular thing for my fiance's side? If it's normal and kind of fun we may as well, right? Or is this still a thing where everyone hates it besides small regional communities who are used to it?

Everyone one in my family does a dollar dance. It is still tacky. I am not doing one. Everyone pretends its fun but honestly? You ask me to do a dollar dance and I'm not giving you the same nominal gift I was going to give you. 

[Deleted User]

So these ARE a thing in my area... I've actually been to only 1 wedding that didn't do one out of probably 40 weddings I've been to. I don't like them, I think they are tacky, I think other people think they are tacky but think they are expected so the circle of gross continues.. Anyway we didn't do one... I got MANY compliments on not having one... A lot of people said they also thought by NOT doing one it kept the flow of the dance going. People didn't have to sit out for a long time so it kept people up and dancing. The couple extra hundred dollars isn't worth it.

ShesSoCold

NO.

climbingsingle

Just say no to the dollar dance. 

kimmiinthemitten

FFIL tried telling us we should do one because it's a Hungarian tradition (and they're proud Hungarians).  I played dumb and said I would look into what it is.

Next time he brings it up I will say something like "I don't care about gifts or money, I am just looking forward to marrying your son and celebrating with family after."

Jen4948

Don't do it. It is tacky as hell.

lavenderfields13

Don't do it. Even if most people think it's fun there's going to be the people that think it's tacky (it is) so I wouldn't do it. 

lembaslover

Honestly the one time I've seen it done it was super awkward because most people myself included just didn't have cash on hand... since your group is used to it that might not be an issue but no one is going to miss it if you skip it either so since they are tacky I'd skip it.

Minabea

RachelLee83 I appreciated yours especially because you say most weddings you've been to have had them. I know a lot of people think they're tacky but it seems to be mostly people who never see them - which isn't surprising since they seem to be a small regional thing. But yeah it seems like not doing one is the way to go. 

[Deleted User]

No problem Some other things I didn't do because I hate but are so common I was looked at like I had horns growing was NO head table. We did a sweetheart table and let our attendants sit with their families. LOTs of thank yous after this since most of our attendants have small children.  And I didn't get the girls jewelry to wear with their dresses. They could wear what they wanted... even the day of the wedding they were really confused by this

Jen4948

Minabea said:

RachelLee83 I appreciated yours especially because you say most weddings you've been to have had them. I know a lot of people think they're tacky but it seems to be mostly people who never see them - which isn't surprising since they seem to be a small regional thing. But yeah it seems like not doing one is the way to go. 

They aren't a "small regional thing."  Even though @RachelLee83 says they were common at the weddings she has been to, it doesn't mean that her region as a whole approves of them-it could be just one small subset of that region. 

And sorry, but they are tacky, regardless of who has seen them.  It is not appropriate to hit your guests up for money in any form-registries, dollar dances, passing your own hosting expenses on to them.  Like you say, not doing one is the way to go.

[Deleted User]

Don't do it.  Tacky, rude, money-grab.  Ew.

[Deleted User]

Minabea said:

RachelLee83 I appreciated yours especially because you say most weddings you've been to have had them. I know a lot of people think they're tacky but it seems to be mostly people who never see them - which isn't surprising since they seem to be a small regional thing. But yeah it seems like not doing one is the way to go. 

I haven't been to many weddings (maybe 8?) and 3 of them had dollar dances.  Aside from being tacky, all were awkward to me- one especially so when it seems most guests didn't have cash on hand.  A few people ran up with credit cards in hand just so the B/G weren't partner-less for the whole damn song.

ETF:  stuff

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

Minabea said:

RachelLee83 I appreciated yours especially because you say most weddings you've been to have had them. I know a lot of people think they're tacky but it seems to be mostly people who never see them - which isn't surprising since they seem to be a small regional thing. But yeah it seems like not doing one is the way to go. 

They aren't a "small regional thing."  Even though @RachelLee83 says they were common at the weddings she has been to, it doesn't mean that her region as a whole approves of them-it could be just one small subset of that region. 

And sorry, but they are tacky, regardless of who has seen them.  It is not appropriate to hit your guests up for money in any form-registries, dollar dances, passing your own hosting expenses on to them.  Like you say, not doing one is the way to go.

I'm not sure if you actually read what I wrote or stopped.  I explained how in my area it's more common to have them then not BUT I found them tacky and didn't do it. Not once did I said they were approved all I said is that ALL of the weddings i have been to most had them.  I think you assumed I thought that made it ok. I only stated my experience to show her she's not alone in the thinking or battle that just because it's common doesnt make it ok. Which like I said if you read it says otherwise. Just wanted to clarify that point. Thank you.

Jen4948

RachelLee83 said:

Jen4948 said:

Minabea said:

RachelLee83 I appreciated yours especially because you say most weddings you've been to have had them. I know a lot of people think they're tacky but it seems to be mostly people who never see them - which isn't surprising since they seem to be a small regional thing. But yeah it seems like not doing one is the way to go. 

They aren't a "small regional thing."  Even though @RachelLee83 says they were common at the weddings she has been to, it doesn't mean that her region as a whole approves of them-it could be just one small subset of that region. 

And sorry, but they are tacky, regardless of who has seen them.  It is not appropriate to hit your guests up for money in any form-registries, dollar dances, passing your own hosting expenses on to them.  Like you say, not doing one is the way to go.

I'm not sure if you actually read what I wrote or stopped.  I explained how in my area it's more common to have them then not BUT I found them tacky and didn't do it. Not once did I said they were approved all I said is that ALL of the weddings i have been to most had them.  I think you assumed I thought that made it ok. I only stated my experience to show her she's not alone in the thinking or battle that just because it's common doesnt make it ok. Which like I said if you read it says otherwise. Just wanted to clarify that point. Thank you.

Whether I read it is not your business, but thanks for clarifying. Good to know you agree that dollar dances are inappropriate.

[Deleted User]

How is it not my business when you mentioned my name?? WTH?  Calm not kitten and read like I said before you TRY to jump all over someone which is what you were trying. 

Jen4948

RachelLee83 said:

How is it not my business when you mentioned my name?? WTH?  Calm not kitten and read like I said before you TRY to jump all over someone which is what you were trying. 

Meow. You calm down.

Maggie0829

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

Minabea said:

RachelLee83 I appreciated yours especially because you say most weddings you've been to have had them. I know a lot of people think they're tacky but it seems to be mostly people who never see them - which isn't surprising since they seem to be a small regional thing. But yeah it seems like not doing one is the way to go. 

They aren't a "small regional thing."  Even though @RachelLee83 says they were common at the weddings she has been to, it doesn't mean that her region as a whole approves of them-it could be just one small subset of that region. 

And sorry, but they are tacky, regardless of who has seen them.  It is not appropriate to hit your guests up for money in any form-registries, dollar dances, passing your own hosting expenses on to them.  Like you say, not doing one is the way to go.

I'm not sure if you actually read what I wrote or stopped.  I explained how in my area it's more common to have them then not BUT I found them tacky and didn't do it. Not once did I said they were approved all I said is that ALL of the weddings i have been to most had them.  I think you assumed I thought that made it ok. I only stated my experience to show her she's not alone in the thinking or battle that just because it's common doesnt make it ok. Which like I said if you read it says otherwise. Just wanted to clarify that point. Thank you.

Whether I read it is not your business, but thanks for clarifying. Good to know you agree that dollar dances are inappropriate.

You called this poster out by name.  Is it that difficult to say that you misread her post rather then respond in such a snarky manner?  God forbid you acknowledge that you were wrong.

BrinkyDink16

At OP:  You're in the same boat I was a few months ago!  The Dollar Dance is a tradition in FH's family but not in mine.  I didn't really want to do one because I really don't like to dance and also felt weird at the thought of having to dance with some guests who I don't know like FH's out-of-state family who I've never met.  Then we went to his cousin's wedding in June and the Dollar Dance was so fun!  Most of the guests got really into it and had a blast.  I talked it over with FH and we decided to have one but since it's a tradition from his side we'll both do it instead of just the bride.  So guests will start by dancing with him, then he'll pass them off to me.  Maybe that's something you guys could consider?

ShesSoCold

BrinkyDink16 said:

At OP:  You're in the same boat I was a few months ago!  The Dollar Dance is a tradition in FH's family but not in mine.  I didn't really want to do one because I really don't like to dance and also felt weird at the thought of having to dance with some guests who I don't know like FH's out-of-state family who I've never met.  Then we went to his cousin's wedding in June and the Dollar Dance was so fun!  Most of the guests got really into it and had a blast.  I talked it over with FH and we decided to have one but since it's a tradition from his side we'll both do it instead of just the bride.  So guests will start by dancing with him, then he'll pass them off to me.  Maybe that's something you guys could consider?

No.

TrixieJess

kimmiandkoley said:

FFIL tried telling us we should do one because it's a Hungarian tradition (and they're proud Hungarians).  I played dumb and said I would look into what it is.

Next time he brings it up I will say something like "I don't care about gifts or money, I am just looking forward to marrying your son and celebrating with family after."

I've been to several Hungarian weddings and have lots of Hungarian friends. This is not a Hungarian tradition. The only tradition that I know of is that the Father of the Bride and Bride do a specific waltz together then open it up to the rest of the family.

kimmiinthemitten

@trixiejess good to know!  Thanks!  As with most situations FFIL means well, and is a happy participant at other weddings that do this, but we will be declining respectfully:).

We will however, be serving Tony Packo mini dogs for the late night snack.  As far as anyone in his family is concerned kolbasz > dollar dance!

sparklepants41

TrixieJess said:

kimmiandkoley said:

FFIL tried telling us we should do one because it's a Hungarian tradition (and they're proud Hungarians).  I played dumb and said I would look into what it is.

Next time he brings it up I will say something like "I don't care about gifts or money, I am just looking forward to marrying your son and celebrating with family after."

I've been to several Hungarian weddings and have lots of Hungarian friends. This is not a Hungarian tradition. The only tradition that I know of is that the Father of the Bride and Bride do a specific waltz together then open it up to the rest of the family.

My mom's side of the family is Hungarian. Dollar Dances are not Hungarian. I never even heard of a Dollar Dance until I joined TK.

Knottie80779227

The Dollar Dance is very popular in my area. For those of you who are not familiar with the tradition, as I've been told from my family (and by simply Googling it, I don't think this is far off), it is a Polish tradition. In the area where I live there is a giant Polish population; therefore, these are super common at weddings. Furthermore, they are traditionally dance to a polka song. Something newer I have seen is that after the guest pays the $1, they are given their choice of a shot of alcohol or a fruity shooter and then proceed to dance with either the bride or groom for maybe 10 seconds.

Since they are so common here, and I have a lot of Polish relatives, I have been asked dozens of times already what song I will be dancing to at the wedding for this and I am very excited to do continue the tradition. Every wedding I've been to that has done one, including other family members, everyone has had a blast and I would say at least half the guests (and in one instance, EVERY guest to the point they had to play a second song) participated and everyone laughed and danced and had a great time. If people want to come up and dance with me and get a graet picture and not give a $1, they don't really have to.

I think this tradition is all in good fun and I hardly see it as so awful as some of the other posters may, and if your FI really wants this, it won't be nearly as bad as you think and you can request a short song from the DJ or for him to cut it off as soon as there is no longer anyone waiting to dance with you. If his family is expecting it and more so, if it's something he wants and he hasn't asked to do anything else at the reception, just let him have his one request.

Jen4948

Knottie80779227 said:

The Dollar Dance is very popular in my area. For those of you who are not familiar with the tradition, as I've been told from my family (and by simply Googling it, I don't think this is far off), it is a Polish tradition. In the area where I live there is a giant Polish population; therefore, these are super common at weddings. Furthermore, they are traditionally dance to a polka song. Something newer I have seen is that after the guest pays the $1, they are given their choice of a shot of alcohol or a fruity shooter and then proceed to dance with either the bride or groom for maybe 10 seconds.

Since they are so common here, and I have a lot of Polish relatives, I have been asked dozens of times already what song I will be dancing to at the wedding for this and I am very excited to do continue the tradition. Every wedding I've been to that has done one, including other family members, everyone has had a blast and I would say at least half the guests (and in one instance, EVERY guest to the point they had to play a second song) participated and everyone laughed and danced and had a great time. If people want to come up and dance with me and get a graet picture and not give a $1, they don't really have to.

I think this tradition is all in good fun and I hardly see it as so awful as some of the other posters may, and if your FI really wants this, it won't be nearly as bad as you think and you can request a short song from the DJ or for him to cut it off as soon as there is no longer anyone waiting to dance with you. If his family is expecting it and more so, if it's something he wants and he hasn't asked to do anything else at the reception, just let him have his one request.

Bad advice. Lurkers: disregard.

Dollar dances are rude. No one should be expected to open their wallets at any wedding for any reason. The "fun" of it and "everyone I know does it/it's traditional in my circle" doesn't excuse the rudeness of it. It's really, really bad and suggests that you don't care about your guests' needs or feelings. If you want to dance with your guests, you can do it for free with no money changing hands.

ShesSoCold

I don't and will never understand how dancing is more fun when money exchanges hands. The bride and groom are perfectly capable of dancing with guests without taking money from them, and they do. Why the dollar dance is "ZOMG BEST FUN EVERRR" will never make sense to me.

I mean, is it a performance kind of thing? If Uncle Creep-o gives a $20 will the bride grind on him? I'm thinking about the homeless people who play their 5 gallon buckets better and with more enthusiasm when there's a lot of people around and they're getting a lot of money.

TrixieJess

Knottie80779227 said:

The Dollar Dance is very popular in my area. For those of you who are not familiar with the tradition, as I've been told from my family (and by simply Googling it, I don't think this is far off), it is a Polish tradition. In the area where I live there is a giant Polish population; therefore, these are super common at weddings. Furthermore, they are traditionally dance to a polka song. Something newer I have seen is that after the guest pays the $1, they are given their choice of a shot of alcohol or a fruity shooter and then proceed to dance with either the bride or groom for maybe 10 seconds.

Since they are so common here, and I have a lot of Polish relatives, I have been asked dozens of times already what song I will be dancing to at the wedding for this and I am very excited to do continue the tradition. Every wedding I've been to that has done one, including other family members, everyone has had a blast and I would say at least half the guests (and in one instance, EVERY guest to the point they had to play a second song) participated and everyone laughed and danced and had a great time. If people want to come up and dance with me and get a graet picture and not give a $1, they don't really have to.

I think this tradition is all in good fun and I hardly see it as so awful as some of the other posters may, and if your FI really wants this, it won't be nearly as bad as you think and you can request a short song from the DJ or for him to cut it off as soon as there is no longer anyone waiting to dance with you. If his family is expecting it and more so, if it's something he wants and he hasn't asked to do anything else at the reception, just let him have his one request.

I asked my Girlfriend who is from Poland about this. She had never heard of a Dollar Dance before. She said that people will discretely gift money to the bride and groom through the night, but they don't "dance" for it. She said "like a stripper?" So no, it's not a Polish tradition. It's probably something that has been bastardised through the ages and slapped with a "regional" well this group does it. If you ask people who come from those countries, they will tell you nope. 

AddieCake

Why do some people act like the only way to dance with the bride, laugh, and have fun is to have a Dollar Dance? If that's the only way you're getting your guests to do those things, you're doing it wrong.