Registry vs No Registry and other stuff

Knottie1437445399

Planning my 2nd wedding and not sure of a few things. Looking for opinions please.

1. Is it acceptable to put on the invitation: "We want for nothing except for you to be part of our special day. In lieu of gifts, we ask that you make a donation to your favorite charity in our honor.".

2. We are not drinkers. Is it poor form to not have an open bar?

3. Can I send electronic save the dates? I will mail formal invitations but to me spending money on a save the date is bit unnecessary.

4. What services so we actually tip for? Photographer? Bridal consultant when choosing a gown or having alterations done? DJ? Caterer?

A lot has changed since my previous marriage in '93 and I don't want to be the topic of discussion in a bad way!

Thanks in advance for your opinions. Look forward to different views!

LD1970

1. No. You're obviously coming from a good place, but you shouldn't mention gifts or indicate any presumption that you'd be getting them... Or asking people to spend their money a certain way.

2. Not at all, as long as you also don't have a cash bar. A dry wedding is 100% fine.

3. Others may have differing opinions, but I wouldn't side-eye it. On the other hand, save the dates aren't actually a necessary part of wedding planning, so if budget is a concern, feel free not to have them at all. Also, whatever you do, if you DO save the dates, make sure you send them ONLY to people you're 100% sure you'll be inviting. You can't send someone a save the date and then not send an invitation unless the friendship has actually ended.

4. Photographer, DJ, caterer, bartenders, hair and makeup personnel, maitre d', wedding planner. I think that covers it, but someone will pipe up if i missed one.

Viczaesar

Knottie1437445399 said:

Planning my 2nd wedding and not sure of a few things. Looking for opinions please. 1. Is it acceptable to put on the invitation: "We want for nothing except for you to be part of our special day. In lieu of gifts, we ask that you make a donation to your favorite charity in our honor.". 2. We are not drinkers. Is it poor form to not have an open bar? 3. Can I send electronic save the dates? I will mail formal invitations but to me spending money on a save the date is bit unnecessary. 4. What services so we actually tip for? Photographer? Bridal consultant when choosing a gown or having alterations done? DJ? Caterer? A lot has changed since my previous marriage in '93 and I don't want to be the topic of discussion in a bad way! Thanks in advance for your opinions. Look forward to different views!

1.  No.
2.  No.
3.  Yes.
4.  Typically you do tip photographers, caterers, and DJs.  I wouldn't tip a bridal consultant or seamstress, personally.

Jen4948

Knottie1437445399 said:

Planning my 2nd wedding and not sure of a few things. Looking for opinions please.

1. Is it acceptable to put on the invitation: "We want for nothing except for you to be part of our special day. In lieu of gifts, we ask that you make a donation to your favorite charity in our honor.".

No. It's not up to you whether others give to charity. That's because whether or not anyone gives you a gift, and what it is, is not up to you.

2. We are not drinkers. Is it poor form to not have an open bar?

You can have a dry wedding or a limited bar, as long as your guests are not at any time charged for anything they are served.

3. Can I send electronic save the dates? I will mail formal invitations but to me spending money on a save the date is bit unnecessary.

Yes.

4. What services so we actually tip for? Photographer?

Yes.

Bridal consultant when choosing a gown or having alterations done?

I don't think so. I'm guessing that when helping you choose a gown, they're working on commission? For alterations, do they charge fixed prices?

DJ? Caterer?

Yes to both.

A lot has changed since my previous marriage in '93 and I don't want to be the topic of discussion in a bad way!

Thanks in advance for your opinions. Look forward to different views!

My answers are in bold.

STARMOON44

1. No
2. No. But you can't have people paying for any drinks or giving them drink tickets etc.
3. Fine
4. Caterer, not bridal consultant.

AddieCake

1. No. Gifts should never be mentioned, and you shouldn't push your charity at people via your wedding. 2. No. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't have an open bar if you want to provide that for your guests. 3. Yes, but I hate all electronic correspondence for weddings personally. 4. Tip most vendors. I wouldn't the consultant. You don't tip salespeople when you shop for clothes normally, right?

2. 

climbingsingle

1. No. Totally get where you're coming from. I got married for the second time last year and I didn't register and I didn't want a shower. And I felt uncomfortable accepting any kind of gifts from anyone that had given me a gift the first time around. But it's very rude to include something like that. 

2. You can have a dry wedding. What you need to avoid is having a cash bar. So if you have a dry wedding, there should be no option to purchase alcoholic drinks. Your guests should not have to pay for anything. You can also just serve beer and wine if you'd like. 

3. Yes. 

4. I pretty much tipped everyone, except for the bridal consultant and seamstress. Honestly I've never heard of anyone tipping them before. Also, my "consultant" was the owner of the salon. 

aliwis000

PP have it summed up pretty well.  But I will add my spin.


1. Do not mention gifts, its just not nice. If you do not want anything do not register, decline any showers or other gift giving events (someone could still offer to host you a bridal tea or other non gift event) and when people about gifts just tell them you are both fine and just want their company at the wedding.

2. Anything you provide should be free. If you choose to not do alcohol that is just fine. However, whatever is at the bar needs to be free. How would you feel if I invited you over to dinner tonight and then said "wine is $5 a glass, please have cash" when you got to my home? Pretty crappy of me right?

3. Electronic save the dates are fine. Save the dates are not necessary so if you want to forgo them completely that is also fine. 

4. I think this is kinda different for each person. I am not really planning on tipping anyone other than maybe my hair/make up person. Everyone else either owns their business or has service charges in their contract that should cover tips for everyone.

HTH!

MandyMost

On the topic of gifts, you can never put anything in writing about what you do or don't want with regard to gifts. However, if you don't register, people will often ask you what you want, or ask other close friends/relatives what you want. It's perfectly fine to have a stock response like "Oh, nothing, we're just happy to have you attend! If you feel like you must do something, we'd be thrilled to have you provide a donation to your favorite charity in our name". 

You're still going to get money at the wedding. Just write out your thank you cards, and donate the money to charity yourself (but don't tell the givers this is what you did with it, it's none of their business).

[Deleted User]

1. Is it acceptable to put on the invitation: "We want for nothing except for you to be part of our special day. In lieu of gifts, we ask that you make a donation to your favorite charity in our honor.". I would put nothing & if people ask, you can tell them. If you get a cash gift, it's up to you if you want to use it for a night out on the town or to donate it to your favorite charity. But by doing it yourself, your not asking people to support a charity that they might not support

2. We are not drinkers. Is it poor form to not have an open bar? Totally fine as long as you have a nice assortment of non alcoholic options available (soda, coffee, water, ice tea)

3. Can I send electronic save the dates? I will mail formal invitations but to me spending money on a save the date is bit unnecessary.  Yes, but be cautious, if sent out as a mass email, they could end up in a lot of peoples spam boxes

4. What services so we actually tip for? Photographer? Bridal consultant when choosing a gown or having alterations done? DJ? Caterer? Not sure about bridal consultant, but all the others should be tipped

[Deleted User]

1. Nope
2. Nope
3. Does everyone have email?

4. Not for sure on this one

Knottie1437445399

Thanks to everyone! Seems like y'all are in agreement so m glad I asked. As far as the registry issue, my intent was good and I didn't even see it from the perspective mentioned here. Your feedback is appreciated!!