Pre-wedding Parties

Bachelorette for 2

I am getting married in 3 months. One year ago my bridal party asked if they could throw me a shower and a bachelorette party on two different weekends, and I agreed, I saw no problem in accepting their request to do so since I hadn't asked them to do either. Flash forward a few months, they were all stressing about picking dates and planning and costs (and the shower venue and date had been picked), so I told them not to worry about throwing me a bach party, that the one event is more than enough. So at that time, it sounded as if everyone had accepted that and put their focus into giving me a shower and not doing a bachelorette.

Well one bridesmaid decided she still wanted to give me the gift of taking me away on a girls weekend trip, even though I said it wasn't necessary. I am still touched by all of her effort and I don't want to downplay that, because she has been amazing and so selfless to do everything she has. She invited all of the other girls but they insisted they just did not have the time or money. So last week she gave me an awesome gift box all decorated with pictures and knick knacks for the place she is going to take me. I am so excited and beyond grateful that she is doing this for me and excited for a mini-vacation before the wedding. I was bummed to hear that none of the other girls could attend, but that was their choice, so I didn't mention anything to them since I was given the notice I will be going on a trip, because I didn't want them to feel like I expected them to go or do anything; I had already told them I was more than thrilled with the shower and them being there the day of the wedding.

Flash forward a few more days. Now my bridal party is being very snarky to my one bridesmaid for giving me a trip. They said they thought everyone was in agreement that there would be nothing else planned outside of the shower and they feel like she went behind their back to give me a bachelorette weekend (even though I now know they were asked to go and even given a list of potential dates to choose from before the trip was booked and they still declined). I've already accepted the trip, and to be honest, I am soooo excited for it. I feel like I can't talk about it in front of the other girls, which is making me a little uncomfortable, but moreover, I don't want them to be debby downers towards my one bridesmaid who did plan this for me, because she really did it to celebrate me and had no intention to upset them.

How do I handle the situation or address the elephant in the room if when everyone is together I feel that tension? I don't want to get involved in my bridesmaids drama, but I feel bad they are now treating my one bridesmaid bad to the extent they won't return her calls and no longer want to work together on the shower (which is occurring in a week). Unfortunately, this is now giving me anxiety for the shower because I know we will all be together on that date and in close quarters.

Re: Bachelorette for 2

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I am getting married in 3 months. One year ago my bridal party asked if they could throw me a shower and a bachelorette party on two different weekends, and I agreed, I saw no problem in accepting their request to do so since I hadn't asked them to do either. Flash forward a few months, they were all stressing about picking dates and planning and costs (and the shower venue and date had been picked), so I told them not to worry about throwing me a bach party, that the one event is more than enough. So at that time, it sounded as if everyone had accepted that and put their focus into giving me a shower and not doing a bachelorette.

    Well one bridesmaid decided she still wanted to give me the gift of taking me away on a girls weekend trip, even though I said it wasn't necessary. I am still touched by all of her effort and I don't want to downplay that, because she has been amazing and so selfless to do everything she has. She invited all of the other girls but they insisted they just did not have the time or money. So last week she gave me an awesome gift box all decorated with pictures and knick knacks for the place she is going to take me. I am so excited and beyond grateful that she is doing this for me and excited for a mini-vacation before the wedding. I was bummed to hear that none of the other girls could attend, but that was their choice, so I didn't mention anything to them since I was given the notice I will be going on a trip, because I didn't want them to feel like I expected them to go or do anything; I had already told them I was more than thrilled with the shower and them being there the day of the wedding.

    Flash forward a few more days. Now my bridal party is being very snarky to my one bridesmaid for giving me a trip. They said they thought everyone was in agreement that there would be nothing else planned outside of the shower and they feel like she went behind their back to give me a bachelorette weekend (even though I now know they were asked to go and even given a list of potential dates to choose from before the trip was booked and they still declined). I've already accepted the trip, and to be honest, I am soooo excited for it. I feel like I can't talk about it in front of the other girls, which is making me a little uncomfortable, but moreover, I don't want them to be debby downers towards my one bridesmaid who did plan this for me, because she really did it to celebrate me and had no intention to upset them.

    How do I handle the situation or address the elephant in the room if when everyone is together I feel that tension? I don't want to get involved in my bridesmaids drama, but I feel bad they are now treating my one bridesmaid bad to the extent they won't return her calls and no longer want to work together on the shower (which is occurring in a week). Unfortunately, this is now giving me anxiety for the shower because I know we will all be together on that date and in close quarters.
    Your other BMs are being immature brats.  This one BM had every right to plan something for you if she wanted.  Just because the others can't make it doesn't mean that she deserves their snark.

    If I were you I would say something like "I don't appreciate the snark towards Sue.  She has done nothing wrong so I would appreciate that the comments stop."  And then leave it alone.

    Just make sure you let Sue know that you are super grateful for this trip and that you really appreciate her generosity.

    ** And I just randomly picked the name Sue to call your BM.

    thespeshulestsnowflakeTheCheeseWench
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