Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...

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Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...

  • edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:2a55a8a5-0dc5-4973-8e77-6134884e66ee">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE][QUOTE]You should choose people based on how close they are to you, not based on what they can do for you. Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE] Exactly!  That is actually what I'm trying to say!  And if they are that close to you, they will step it up and do whatever is needed for you and your FI on your wedding day.  When my best friend got married in November, 2010 and I was a co-MOH, I was there for her whenever she needed me.  I live 6 hours away and do not have a car<strong>, so everytime I came home for something I had to fly.  I flew to visit her to shop for BM dresses (she picked the color and we picked the style), her shower, threw her bach a party (which she told me what she wanted to do and we planned it according to her wishes), her dress fittings, her flower appt, her rehearsal dinner, and obviously for her wedding</strong>.   I did all this while A)  Planning my own wedding in February, 2011 and B)  having to help my dad with my extremely ill step-mother who ended up passing 2 weeks before my friends wedding.  <strong>Did my life and things I couldn't control get in the way of being SUPER excited for my friend and her Fiance?  Nope.</strong>  I wanted to be there, I wanted to be supportive Like a PP said...if you just want someone to show up and wear a dress, then pick a random off the street.  All I'm trying to get across is that the OP has a reason to be upset and came here to vent and I'm being supportive.  Obviously people have different views on the subject and that's great.  What kind of world would this be if we all agreed? 
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    The first bolded part, that's really nice of you. Unfortunately, not everyone has that kind of free time, available time off of work, or money in order to do those things... once again, that does NOT make them bad friends or BM's. It makes them people who have their own lives, bills, responsibilities, etc.

    As for the second bolded part, DOING things for the bride aren't the only way to "be excited for" a friend. I have no doubts in my mind that my MOH is totally stoked for me, as is evident by the fact that she started crying with me when I called her to tell her the news (besides my mother, she's the first person I called). But that doesn't changed the fact that she has a hard time getting time away from school and work, and as a student, doesn't have a lot of money to spend on gas or flights to come visit me. The same could be said for my other closest friend who is a BM and is in vet school. It's been 17 months since I've seen my MOH (will be 18 by the time I see her next month) and it's been even longer since I've seen this other BM.

    Friends should be excited for you, yes. We can agree on that much. But being excited for you =/= helping plan, throwing parties, etc. It's <em>nice</em> if they offer to and are able to do those things. But again, it's not a necessity. To expect it is ridiculous... because once again, their life/priorities trump your wedding.


    Repeat this line with me: <strong><em>no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you and your fiance.</em></strong>
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2011
    The first bolded part, that's really nice of you. Unfortunately, not everyone has that kind of free time, available time off of work, or money in order to do those things... once again, that does NOT make them bad friends or BM's. It makes them people who have their own lives, bills, responsibilities, etc. As for the second bolded part, DOING things for the bride aren't the only way to "be excited for" a friend. I have no doubts in my mind that my MOH is totally stoked for me, as is evident by the fact that she started crying with me when I called her to tell her the news (besides my mother, she's the first person I called). But that doesn't changed the fact that she has a hard time getting time away from school and work, and as a student, doesn't have a lot of money to spend on gas or flights to come visit me. The same could be said for my other closest friend who is a BM and is in vet school. It's been 17 months since I've seen my MOH (will be 18 by the time I see her next month) and it's been even longer since I've seen this other BM. Friends should be excited for you, yes. We can agree on that much. But being excited for you =/= helping plan, throwing parties, etc. It's nice if they offer to and are able to do those things. But again, it's not a necessity. To expect it is ridiculous... because once again, their life/priorities trump your wedding. Repeat this line with me: no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you and your fiance.
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    I strongly feel that if you don't have the time/money/whatever to contribute to being a bridesmaid or MOH, then you shouldn't accept the offer when the bride asks you. It is like saying, yes, I will be your MOH, but don't expect me to help with anything, or be there for anything, because I don't have the time for you/my life is more important than yours. If the bride says to you "I completely understand that you live far away/have a crazy job/etc, but I still want you to be a part of my wedding party, even if you can't be there for anything else", then that is a different story. But, I think it is selfish to accept the offer, knowing that you are unable to be a part of anything, while leading the bride to believe otherwise.

    But again, this is off topic from the OP. Her bridesmaids/MOH planned a shower for her, but didn't care about what she wanted to do and told her "if you don't like it, then don't come". Her bridesmaids/MOH offered to help with something and said they would be there, and then didn't show up. And those actions are completely selfish and rude.

    When you are good friends with someone you MAKE time for them, if you WANT to. If you want to be there for a good friend, you do it. That is what makes a good friendship. Sure, we all have lives, and our lives shouldn't end because our friend is getting married, but if you want to do something, you find a way, or at least try to.
  • That sucks!  I picked my sister's and my husband's sister as my bridesmaids and they were amazing!!!  My sister/maid of honor took my cell phone from me the day of the wedding and handled all my calls (people kept calling me with problems the day of the wedding!).  My sister had been a maid-of-honor before so maybe that's why she was so awesome?! 

    Thank goodness I had my husband's sister as a bridesmaid... she was the only one who knew how to corset my wedding dress!!!






  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:83c8ec73-f240-42a5-b304-b9de84fb6eb1">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]The first bolded part, that's really nice of you. Unfortunately, not everyone has that kind of free time, available time off of work, or money in order to do those things... once again, that does NOT make them bad friends or BM's. It makes them people who have their own lives, bills, responsibilities, etc. As for the second bolded part, DOING things for the bride aren't the only way to "be excited for" a friend. I have no doubts in my mind that my MOH is totally stoked for me, as is evident by the fact that she started crying with me when I called her to tell her the news (besides my mother, she's the first person I called). But that doesn't changed the fact that she has a hard time getting time away from school and work, and as a student, doesn't have a lot of money to spend on gas or flights to come visit me. The same could be said for my other closest friend who is a BM and is in vet school. It's been 17 months since I've seen my MOH (will be 18 by the time I see her next month) and it's been even longer since I've seen this other BM. Friends should be excited for you, yes. We can agree on that much. But being excited for you =/= helping plan, throwing parties, etc. It's nice if they offer to and are able to do those things. But again, it's not a necessity. To expect it is ridiculous... because once again, their life/priorities trump your wedding. Repeat this line with me: no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you and your fiance. Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]<strong> I strongly feel that if you don't have the time/money/whatever to contribute to being a bridesmaid or MOH, then you shouldn't accept the offer when the bride asks you</strong>. It is like saying, yes, I will be your MOH, but don't expect me to help with anything, or be there for anything, because I don't have the time for you/my life is more important than yours. If the bride says to you "I completely understand that you live far away/have a crazy job/etc, but I still want you to be a part of my wedding party, even if you can't be there for anything else", then that is a different story. But, I think it is selfish to accept the offer, knowing that you are unable to be a part of anything, while leading the bride to believe otherwise. But again, this is off topic from the OP. Her bridesmaids/MOH planned a shower for her, but didn't care about what she wanted to do and told her "if you don't like it, then don't come". Her bridesmaids/MOH offered to help with something and said they would be there, and then didn't show up. And those actions are completely selfish and rude. When you are good friends with someone you MAKE time for them, if you WANT to. If you want to be there for a good friend, you do it. That is what makes a good friendship. Sure, we all have lives, and our lives shouldn't end because our friend is getting married, but if you want to do something, you find a way, or at least try to.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    Again, you are sorely misunderstanding the point of a MOH.  You should be selecting them because they are the closest person to you, not because of their availability to help you with stuff.
    Anniversary
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...:
    [/QUOTE] Again, you are sorely misunderstanding the point of a MOH.  You should be selecting them because they are the closest person to you, not because of their availability to help you with stuff.
    Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

    But isn't that the same thing?  Wouldn't your closest friends WANT to be there for you during this most exciting occasion?
  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:7502abc5-2ed3-4104-8540-33ec7f9f023e">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE] But isn't that the same thing?  Wouldn't your closest friends WANT to be there for you during this most exciting occasion?
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]
    EXACTLY my point.. You select them because they are the closest person to you, and with that closeness comes certain things that people that are close to you do!!!
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:3c5fb485-f54a-4c36-beed-4d4c750ed4ff">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing... : EXACTLY my point.. You select them because they are the closest person to you, and with that closeness comes certain things that people that are close to you do!!!
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    Cindyn, I'm glad we are on the same page!
  • LMAO.

    Apparently I've been picking my best friends wrong all these years... apparently "closeness" is equated to "time and willingness to help/be an unpaid b!tch". Who knew...

    I guess I should inform my BM's that I'll be expecting them to forego studying and working in order to help me plan MY wedding... because, you know, that makes sense and all. *eye roll*
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:7e0d2ce4-f979-4679-80b8-54cf6ddbf443">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]LMAO. Apparently I've been picking my best friends wrong all these years... apparently "closeness" is equated to "time and willingness to help/be an unpaid b!tch". Who knew... I guess I should inform my BM's that I'll be expecting them to forego studying and working in order to help me plan MY wedding... because, you know, that makes sense and all. *eye roll*
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    Bachelorette parties/showers/fittings/and any other event leading up to and including your wedding should be fun.  I don't think of these things as chores/being an unpaid b!tch when it has to do with my friend's happiness.

    Have you ever considered the thought that maybe you don't know how to make things fun?  Maybe you are demanding and a bridezilla and that's why your friends don't choose to come to these events?  And the most they are willing to do is "wear the dress, show up sober and stand next to you"?   Maybe it's a reflection of your personality that you don't have the support from your friends.
  • edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:7502abc5-2ed3-4104-8540-33ec7f9f023e">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing... : But isn't that the same thing?  Wouldn't your closest friends WANT to be there for you during this most exciting occasion?
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    <div>Honestly, not everyone enjoys weddings and wedding-related events, even close friends.</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: And most of my bridesmaids have not/are not coming to my showers because of the distance. I think they will all be at the bachelorette and RD, but if they don't/can't come in two days before the wedding it won't bother me.</div>
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:7e0d2ce4-f979-4679-80b8-54cf6ddbf443">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]LMAO. Apparently I've been picking my best friends wrong all these years... apparently "closeness" is equated to "time and willingness to help/be an unpaid b!tch". Who knew... I guess I should inform my BM's that I'll be expecting them to forego studying and working in order to help me plan MY wedding... because, you know, that makes sense and all. *eye roll*
    Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]

    You are missing the point.  Sure, I have "friends" who probably wouldn't care that much about being involved, etc..and that is directly related to the fact that I am not super close with those friends, ie. why they are not in the wedding party! The wedding party/MOH is selected based on how close you are with those people, isn't it??

    The people who ARE close enough to you to be in the wedding party, should care about your wedding <u>enough to make an effort</u>. If they are selfish enough to put their lives before anything that has to do with you, wedding or not, then I'd be reconsidering whether or not to even consider them my friend, let alone a part of my bridal party.
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:c0382275-2c42-47cf-9f01-8cd6ca320ac7">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing... : Honestly, not everyone enjoys weddings and wedding-related events, even close friends. ETA: And most of my bridesmaids have not/are not coming to my showers because of the distance. I think they will all be at the bachelorette and RD, but if they don't/can't come in two days before the wedding it won't bother me.
    Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

    I really don't care for weddings or the events leading up to them, but I LOVE my friends.  End of story. 

    I have a wedding this weekend that I'm dreading....but it's a work aquaintance of my H, so we are going to go, eat dinner, have a drink, give them their gift and head home. 
  • edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:eb34d7b9-48e9-4acb-a3f6-cce03e29578c">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing... : Bachelorette parties/showers/fittings/and any other event leading up to and including your wedding should be fun.  I don't think of these things as chores/being an unpaid b!tch when it has to do with my friend's happiness. Have you ever considered the thought that maybe you don't know how to make things fun?  <u>Maybe you are demanding and a bridezilla and that's why your friends don't choose to come to these events?</u>  And the most they are willing to do is "wear the dress, show up sober and stand next to you"?   Maybe it's a reflection of your personality that you don't have the support from your friends.
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    Have you read any of my posts?

    My BM's aren't "choosing not to come" to events - I've flat out told them that I don't expect them to plan OR attend such events because I understand that they are busy with school and work (ie: their own lives). Once again, I have 1 BM who is expecting, 1 BM in vet school 7+ hours away (I think she's actually closer to 10 hours away, but I haven't had a chance to visit her at vet school so I don't know quite how far it is yet), 1 BM in college 2+ hours away (my FSIL, who went dress shopping with me initially), 1 BM in another <strong>country</strong>, and my MOH in school 9+ hours away. Oh, and ALL FIVE of them work. 

    I'm pretty sure me being a bridezilla would involve expecting them to drop everything, spend a crap-ton of money, and come out here to help me plan <em>my</em> wedding... or me demanding that they take time off work/school to plan parties in my honor.

    We'll have fun the days leading up to the wedding when they finally get in town and we'll have a ball at the wedding - which is the ONE day that is most important that they are there with me.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:b2ec29b6-78d9-4b53-a9bf-9f74d42aa5fe">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing... : You are missing the point.  Sure, I have "friends" who probably wouldn't care that much about being involved, etc..and that is directly related to the fact that I am not super close with those friends, ie. why they are not in the wedding party! The wedding party/MOH is selected based on how close you are with those people, isn't it?? The people who ARE close enough to you to be in the wedding party, should care about your wedding enough to make an effort . If they are selfish enough to put their lives before anything that has to do with you, wedding or not, then I'd be reconsidering whether or not to even consider them my friend, let alone a part of my bridal party.
    Posted by cindyn9178[/QUOTE]

    It is MY wedding (and my FI's) - NOT my BM's. And thus I do not expect them in any way, shape, or form to HAVE to plan it for me. Am I looking forward to dress shopping with my best friend/MOH when she gets into town? Absolutely - but it will be just for her, as she wasn't able to drop everything and fly out or drive 9+ hours to go dress shopping when I went and found my bridal gown.

    I still fail to see how that makes her a "bad" friend or how that means we're not "close enough". When it comes to my BM's/friends, why shouldn't their lives come first for them!?

    You <em>honestly</em> believe that it is appropriate to expect your BM's to miss school/classes and work on multiple occasions just because you're planning <em>your</em> wedding?! I really don't understand equating the closeness of a friend to how much time they take off work/school and how much money they spend to do things for you...


    Once again... <strong>No one will ever care as much about your wedding as you do.</strong> And that doesn't make them a bad friend or a bad person... it makes you a bad for expecting them to care as much as/more than you do. <em>They </em>aren't getting married. You are.
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Kelly, what Cindy and I are trying to say is that our friends don't feel like the HAVE to plan anything, they WANT to...just as we've wanted to plan things for our friends weddings. You can repeat to yourself that it's your wedding and that your friends aren't excited. In my life, that's not the truth.
  • Just want to jump in and high five KellyB, I second everything she's said. 

    But gosh, good luck on your wedding!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:599bb6f5-ad24-47da-842d-847cbfdaddba">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Kelly, <strong>what Cindy and I are trying to say is that our friends don't feel like the HAVE to plan anything, they WANT to</strong>...just as we've wanted to plan things for our friends weddings. You can repeat to yourself that it's your wedding and that your friends aren't excited. In my life, that's not the truth.
    Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

    I just want to jump in and say that I high five Amy and Cindy! I couldn't have said it better myself! Honestly, I think that these girls are just jealous that people like us have amazing BM's/MOH's and they come up with the idea that their best friends shouldn't have to (or want to) do anything but show up sober so that they aren't disappointed when they don't do anything above and beyond that. Amy and Cindy, you said it perfectly when you said that according to these girls' standards and expectations for their WP there really is no difference than picking a random stranger off the street.

    It really is sad that your friends aren't involved the way a real BM should. I understand people have lives of their own, but my friends/family ARE my life (and vice versa) and I would do anything to make their wedding planning and celebration nothing but the best! Thats what real friends do
  • edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_lame-bridesmaids-gift-nothing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:de695e61-d458-431a-8f79-c97f3edef1c6Post:369f8b57-d8d3-4ea8-8ff5-4ccdbb353470">Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Lame Bridesmaids - no help, no gift, no nothing... : I just want to jump in and say that I high five Amy and Cindy! I couldn't have said it better myself! Honestly,<u> I think that these girls are just jealous that people like us have amazing BM's/MOH's and they come up with the idea that their best friends shouldn't have to (or want to) do anything but show up sober so that they aren't disappointed when they don't do anything above and beyond that.</u> Amy and Cindy, you said it perfectly when you said that according to these girls' standards and expectations for their WP there really is no difference than picking a random stranger off the street. It really is sad that your friends aren't involved the way a real BM should. I understand people have lives of their own, but my friends/family ARE my life (and vice versa) and I would do anything to make their wedding planning and celebration nothing but the best!<u> Thats what real friends do
    </u>Posted by jeng5077[/QUOTE]

    I'm nearly at a loss for words. Who knew that respecting the lives of my best friends and their monetary/time situations meant that I'm actually a bridezilla with no real friends.

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.



    I've never said that my friends don't <em>want</em> to be involved. If you can find where I said something to that effect, by all means, point it out and I'll eat my words.

    What I did say is that I don't <em>expect</em> them to help plan my wedding or to plan parties in my honor. Because they have lives of their own and responsibilities that SHOULD come before my wedding planning and pre-parties. As a bride, you get ONE day... and if one of my BM's fails to show up on that day (without good reason), then yes, I'll be disappointed and will have to re-evaluate that relationship.

    But regardless of how close my BM's and I are, it is unrealistic to <strong>expect </strong>that they take time off of work and school to plan parties for me or plan <em>my</em> wedding... if I need help planning, I turn to my FI (since it's his wedding too) or my mother (since she's kindly paying for it). I gather none of you have gone to vet school - missing 2 classes means my friend FAILS her program and is kicked out of vet school. What kind of friend would I be if I said to her "So what? It's my WEDDING and you should be excited for me and should be out here helping plan and doing stuff with me."

    Yeah, I'd be a shiitty friend.

    Or my MOH? "So what that you don't have the money to drive/fly out here? And you don't have any vacation time since you just started at work? Well, too bad. You should have thought about that before you took the job since you <em>knew</em> you were in my wedding and you should be out here helping me plan and doing stuff with me."

    Ummm, again, shiity friend.

    But good luck with your weddings if that's how you expect your friends to be okay with being treated.

    Friendships =/= doing stuff for you. Nor does "being excited for"... my friends can <em>be excited for me</em> without having to <em>do</em> anything wedding related. If they choose to throw a party or attend a shower, great! I'll be thrilled to spend more time with them! But I certainly don't think it's appropriate for them to fail school or lose their job to do so.
  • Facepalm. If your bridesmaids OFFER to do things, that's an entirely different story. It's expecting them to give up tons of their money and time that's a problem. Just because they agree to be bridesmaids doesn't mean that they put their lives on hold for your pretty princess day. I'm just done trying to explain this to girls who don't get it.
    image
  • amys325amys325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    SMH. If I were asked to be a BM or MOH in a friend's wedding, I know that comes with duties and responsibilities. If I knew I couldn't or wasnt willing perform those duties, I would respectfully decline. Because it is an important job and I wouldn't want to disappoint the bride. With that said and as I've said before, I've never turned down the job and I've always done everything asked of me and more...not because it was expected, but because I wanted to. My one friend actually told me I didn't have to fly home for her shower...I couldn't imagine missing the shower when I was the MOH. Spending a few hundred dollars and taking a day off of work is worth it to be with my friend on these important days leading up to her wedding! But obviously we are all different. If your BMs are ok with missing these events and you are ok with it, than great! That's your perogative. Obviously the OP did expect a little more support from her friends that she obviously didn't get. All I'm saying is that she is not a bad person for being upset.
  • I had similar situation.  I did not ask my bridesmaids for anything in terms of "jobs," and only requested they wear a "little black dress" (which they all already owned or would wear again...even lent my own to one)  A couple of them did help with my makeup on the day, s I am thankful for that.   I gave each of them a gorgeous champagne glass (pricy! $60 each) with their names engraved.  No gift from all 5.

     Two are married and I gave them something (including an out of town wedding during midterms just before our wedding! And we had financial issue.)  One showed to the combined bachelor/barchelorette paty at 11:30pm and we barely got to see her.  One didn't show at all period for "various reasons."  I always send a gift even when not attedning a wedding- where are manners these days?
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