Display of Parents & Past Loved Ones

Brigadigit

Hi everyone!

I am trying to think of a way to come up with a loving and nice saying to honor parents and grandparents, alive and ones who have passed. 
Currently I have the wedding photos of both our parents, my grandparents who are still with us, and the grandparents who have passed on.
Has anyone done this combined or have a cute idea for a little tribute table!?

ShesSoCold

Brigadigit said:

Hi everyone!

I am trying to think of a way to come up with a loving and nice saying to honor parents and grandparents, alive and ones who have passed. 
Currently I have the wedding photos of both our parents, my grandparents who are still with us, and the grandparents who have passed on.
Has anyone done this combined or have a cute idea for a little tribute table!?

I don't think you need a cutesy sign to display old wedding pictures. Just put them up somewhere. People will know what they're looking at and enjoy them without a "loving saying".

At the last several weddings I've been to, there's been pictures of deceased family members and a framed "I know you'd be here today if heaven wasn't so far away" sign. It was too much, IMHO. 

Brigadigit

I do like that idea, perhaps a candle lit in front of the ones who are gone is a sweet tribute. 

ShesSoCold

I think it's too much and brings down the day. A wedding is a happy occasion and shouldn't be a memorial. I've been to two weddings with a picture of my mom displayed like that since she passed and it just made it worse for me. The people missing who have passed will already be missing and thinking of them on that day. 

Jen4948

Brigadigit said:

I do like that idea, perhaps a candle lit in front of the ones who are gone is a sweet tribute. 

Honestly?

Don't do a photo tribute-especially not with a candle for the deceased. It calls too much attention to the reason why these people are absent and evokes grief, loss, and sadness on what should be a happy occasion.

CMGragain

No.  Please don't bring pictures of dead people to your wedding. 
That sounds harsh, doesn't it?  That is what you would be doing, though.  Keep memorials private.

switSwoo00

Personally I think the pictures are a nice idea and we will be honouring my recently deceased grandma in this way with a photo of grandma and grandad on their wedding day on our cake table. I won't put a sign up or anything, I feel that may be a bit odd. But I don't think it's bringing photos of dead people to your wedding. They're not dead in the photos and they're not dead in your memory.

TNDancer

My sister had all the wedding photos of our side and her husbands side- parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. It was really cute. Just put them all out- no mention if someone has passed.

Jen4948

switSwoo00 said:

Personally I think the pictures are a nice idea and we will be honouring my recently deceased grandma in this way with a photo of grandma and grandad on their wedding day on our cake table. I won't put a sign up or anything, I feel that may be a bit odd. But I don't think it's bringing photos of dead people to your wedding. They're not dead in the photos and they're not dead in your memory.

But the photos can reopen old grief and loss-not only for the couple but for others who grieve for their passing. And if their deaths were recent, as you say your grandma's was, that can make the grief and loss even more raw and painful. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, not sequels to funerals, so it's important to keep remembrances subtle and not in-your-face.

Instead of photos, you might wear or carry something your grandma owned or that was associated with her, have food, drink, decorations, or entertainment she would have enjoyed, give her a tribute in a wedding program if you are going to have them, or say appropriate prayers if your ceremony is religious.

labro

TNDancer said:

My sister had all the wedding photos of our side and her husbands side- parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. It was really cute. Just put them all out- no mention if someone has passed.

We did this too. I think everyone really enjoyed looking at the photos - especially at the way wedding attire has changed over the past 100 years. I did a few candles cause it looked pretty, not to highlight anyone in particular. They were off in a side room that would've been empty otherwise. Normally my venue uses the room for a candy bar or a photobooth but since we didn't have anything like that that's what we chose to do. I also set out my grandma's gloves she wore at her wedding.

ShesSoCold

Jen4948 said:

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Personally I think the pictures are a nice idea and we will be honouring my recently deceased grandma in this way with a photo of grandma and grandad on their wedding day on our cake table. I won't put a sign up or anything, I feel that may be a bit odd. But I don't think it's bringing photos of dead people to your wedding. They're not dead in the photos and they're not dead in your memory.

But the photos can reopen old grief and loss-not only for the couple but for others who grieve for their passing. And if their deaths were recent, as you say your grandma's was, that can make the grief and loss even more raw and painful. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, not sequels to funerals, so it's important to keep remembrances subtle and not in-your-face. Instead of photos, you might wear or carry something your grandma owned or that was associated with her, have food, drink, decorations, or entertainment she would have enjoyed, give her a tribute in a wedding program if you are going to have them, or say appropriate prayers if your ceremony is religious.

I respectfully disagree. I don't like the signs or specific dead guy photo area, but I don't think people should pretend family members never existed. I think family wedding pictures - whether alive or dead is sweet. For me, I think of deceased loved ones at weddings anyway. I don't need pictures but I think they're nicet. But if a simple picture of a deceased family member on his or her wedding day is too much of a trigger for a guest, I don't see that as the host's responsibility. A vodka martini on the rocks with an olive and a twist makes me sad and miss my late grandpa - should people not allow people to order those at weddings I attend because it may or may not be a negative trigger?

Jen4948

ShesSoCold said:

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Jen4948 said:

switSwoo00 said:

Personally I think the pictures are a nice idea and we will be honouring my recently deceased grandma in this way with a photo of grandma and grandad on their wedding day on our cake table. I won't put a sign up or anything, I feel that may be a bit odd. But I don't think it's bringing photos of dead people to your wedding. They're not dead in the photos and they're not dead in your memory.

But the photos can reopen old grief and loss-not only for the couple but for others who grieve for their passing. And if their deaths were recent, as you say your grandma's was, that can make the grief and loss even more raw and painful. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, not sequels to funerals, so it's important to keep remembrances subtle and not in-your-face.

Instead of photos, you might wear or carry something your grandma owned or that was associated with her, have food, drink, decorations, or entertainment she would have enjoyed, give her a tribute in a wedding program if you are going to have them, or say appropriate prayers if your ceremony is religious.

I respectfully disagree. I don't like the signs or specific dead guy photo area, but I don't think people should pretend family members never existed. I think family wedding pictures - whether alive or dead is sweet. For me, I think of deceased loved ones at weddings anyway. I don't need pictures but I think they're nicet. But if a simple picture of a deceased family member on his or her wedding day is too much of a trigger for a guest, I don't see that as the host's responsibility. A vodka martini on the rocks with an olive and a twist makes me sad and miss my late grandpa - should people not allow people to order those at weddings I attend because it may or may not be a negative trigger?

No. But I think you're putting words in my post that weren't there. I wasn't talking about sets of photos that include both living and deceased persons and don't emphasize that any of them aren't living any more. I don't have a problem with those.

I think many people do have a problem with photos arranged in a way that screams "memorial," like with lit candles, without living people, with flowers on empty seats, etc. Because that's as subtle as an oncoming Mack truck. As much as you (generic) miss those people, your wedding isn't supposed to be about grief and sadness that the deceased aren't physically present, and those particular displays call too much attention to the reason why they're not there.

ShesSoCold

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

Jen4948 said:

Personally I think the pictures are a nice idea and we will be honouring my recently deceased grandma in this way with a photo of grandma and grandad on their wedding day on our cake table. I won't put a sign up or anything, I feel that may be a bit odd. But I don't think it's bringing photos of dead people to your wedding. They're not dead in the photos and they're not dead in your memory.

But the photos can reopen old grief and loss-not only for the couple but for others who grieve for their passing. And if their deaths were recent, as you say your grandma's was, that can make the grief and loss even more raw and painful. Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions, not sequels to funerals, so it's important to keep remembrances subtle and not in-your-face. Instead of photos, you might wear or carry something your grandma owned or that was associated with her, have food, drink, decorations, or entertainment she would have enjoyed, give her a tribute in a wedding program if you are going to have them, or say appropriate prayers if your ceremony is religious.

I respectfully disagree. I don't like the signs or specific dead guy photo area, but I don't think people should pretend family members never existed. I think family wedding pictures - whether alive or dead is sweet. For me, I think of deceased loved ones at weddings anyway. I don't need pictures but I think they're nicet. But if a simple picture of a deceased family member on his or her wedding day is too much of a trigger for a guest, I don't see that as the host's responsibility. A vodka martini on the rocks with an olive and a twist makes me sad and miss my late grandpa - should people not allow people to order those at weddings I attend because it may or may not be a negative trigger?

No. But I think you're putting words in my post that weren't there. I wasn't talking about sets of photos that include both living and deceased persons and don't emphasize that any of them aren't living any more. I don't have a problem with those. I think many people do have a problem with photos arranged in a way that screams "memorial," like with lit candles, without living people, with flowers on empty seats, etc. Because that's as subtle as an oncoming Mack truck. As much as you (generic) miss those people, your wedding isn't supposed to be about grief and sadness that the deceased aren't physically present, and those particular displays call too much attention to the reason why they're not there.

You're right - I misunderstood your post and thought you were saying that people shouldn't display wedding photos of deceased family members.

MairePoppy

@labro - I love the way you displayed your photos.  It's elegant and doesn't look like a memorial. 

My daughter's venue had a separate cocktail area with  a wall mounted TV in  a corner of that room. SIL scanned all the wedding pics they could get their hands on, including my graparents portraits from the early 1900s. They also scanned photos from family reunions, holidays etc... No one was forced to look at the slide show, since it was in the corner, but througout the reception, there were guests looking at pics and giggling and chatting about the pics. Some of the guests were excited to see old pics of themselves, too. When my daughter told me they were planning to do a slide show, I groaned to myself, but I was wrong. 

Brigadigit

At our venue, we have a separate area that is more of a foyer entering off to the side where we could set the photos up, before cocktail hour, not entering the reception.  I wanted to put the wedding photos up of our parents and grandparents, 3 sets of the grandparents are passed tho and I just wasn't sure how to do it. 
However, I do agree that the memorial is probably a little bit sad.  But I think still putting all the photos up together, no memorial or mention, just a table of the wedding photos of our loved ones before us on their wedding days is sweet. 

MairePoppy

@Bridadigit - that's perfect. Those who want to look at the pics can enjoy them, without upsetting those who would view them as a reminder of their loss. For me, it's comforting to look at pics of my loved ones when they were alive and happy, but I guess there are people who don't feel that way - judging from some of the responses. 

labro

@Bridadigit That's exactly what I did and I think it's 100% appropriate. As long as it doesn't turn into some huge, in your face memorial type of thing then I see nothing wrong with displaying old wedding photos to remember the members of our family who came before us. I know everyone at our wedding made a point about mentioning the photos and how beautiful they all thought they were. All of my grandparents except for one set have passed away and we had photos of great great grandparents  and great x 3 grandparents (so obviously long gone) displayed along with more modern photos of our parents' and siblings' weddings.

kimmiinthemitten

My sis did the 'sign the framed photo thing' and around it included framed photos of both sets of parents and all four grandparents wedding photos.  I think everyone appreciated it and our grandmother had passed literally 1 year and 2 days before the wedding.

It's all in how you present it.

ETA:  I love how @labro has hers!

MissKittyDanger

What we did personally, was by the guest book had really great photos of family members that had passed with a different type of flame less candle. It acknowledge they were to be there without being in your face.

Side note: if it's a recent situation of someone passing and you are having a hard time, don't do this by yourself. I had an emotional melt down the night before the wedding while setting up the guest book. I am vastly grateful my friends were there and my now husband was because they all understood.

ShesSoCold

MissKittyDanger said:

What we did personally, was by the guest book had really great photos of family members that had passed with a different type of flame less candle. It acknowledge they were to be there without being in your face.

Side note: if it's a recent situation of someone passing and you are having a hard time, don't do this by yourself. I had an emotional melt down the night before the wedding while setting up the guest book. I am vastly grateful my friends were there and my now husband was because they all understood.

If you, yourself had a breakdown, why would you do this? Did you want to encourage others to breakdown during your wedding?

Knottie51972556

I came across a nice table that was set up to acknowledge lost loved ones at this wedding. It's from this blog post -- last pic of the post. I think it looks really nice.

http://www.storymixmedia.com/weddingmix/blog/2014/11/wedding-in-pebble-beach/

Good luck  

Pupatella

You have to do what is best for you, and what you are most comfortable with.  You will know what the right thing to do is.  Just don't do anything that will bring you down, or make you feel awkward.  This is your day and you're supposed to by happy!!

My father passed away a few years ago, and there were a few ideas brought up about how to honor him.  Leave an empty chair reserved for him at our ceremony and reception, have pictures of him displayed, etc.  Honestly, I just didn't feel comfortable with any of that.  I chose to incorporate his wedding ring into my dress, and only I will know that it is there (it is hidden, sewn very securely, and can not be seen).  I get to have something that he wore all the time with me on such a special day, but he is not mentioned, and it won't make me sad.

You just have to find what is best for you!!

I was recently at a wedding where the bride chose to display a picture of her mother at her ceremony and reception.  It made her feel comforted, and I thought it was great.  

Jen4948

Knottie9076833 said:

You have to do what is best for you, and what you are most comfortable with.  You will know what the right thing to do is.  Just don't do anything that will bring you down, or make you feel awkward.  This is your day and you're supposed to by happy!!

My father passed away a few years ago, and there were a few ideas brought up about how to honor him.  Leave an empty chair reserved for him at our ceremony and reception, have pictures of him displayed, etc.  Honestly, I just didn't feel comfortable with any of that.  I chose to incorporate his wedding ring into my dress, and only I will know that it is there (it is hidden, sewn very securely, and can not be seen).  I get to have something that he wore all the time with me on such a special day, but he is not mentioned, and it won't make me sad.

You just have to find what is best for you!!

I was recently at a wedding where the bride chose to display a picture of her mother at her ceremony and reception.  It made her feel comforted, and I thought it was great.  

We don't recommend the bolded because one's wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion, not a memorial service for the dead. It may be "what is best for you" but when you involve anyone else by inviting them and/or asking them to be in the wedding party, the day stops being "your" wedding and becomes the day of everyone else there too. Their needs not to have grief and loss invoked need to be respected, because if they also mourn the deceased persons, they may also feel sadness and pain, or if they don't, they will feel uncomfortable with it. Who is present needs to take priority over who is not.

justsie

Knottie9076833 said:

You have to do what is best for you, and what you are most comfortable with.  You will know what the right thing to do is.  Just don't do anything that will bring you down, or make you feel awkward.  This is your day and you're supposed to by happy!!

My father passed away a few years ago, and there were a few ideas brought up about how to honor him.  Leave an empty chair reserved for him at our ceremony and reception, have pictures of him displayed, etc.  Honestly, I just didn't feel comfortable with any of that.  I chose to incorporate his wedding ring into my dress, and only I will know that it is there (it is hidden, sewn very securely, and can not be seen).  I get to have something that he wore all the time with me on such a special day, but he is not mentioned, and it won't make me sad.

You just have to find what is best for you!!

I was recently at a wedding where the bride chose to display a picture of her mother at her ceremony and reception.  It made her feel comforted, and I thought it was great.  

Knottie, I agree with PP. What was suggested to you was not ok. I do want to say that what you chose to do is lovely, and a perfect way to celebrate your father for you. Remembrances of loved ones should be discreet if they are to happen at a wedding, and yours was a very lovely idea. 

Pupatella

@justsie - thanks!!

Yes, it did seem really weird all of the ideas that were brought up.  My worst fear was turning it into a memorial service, or that I will just break down and cry about my Dad instead of being happy about getting married. 

With what I eventually came up with, it's a silent comfort of my Dad that no one will discuss with me, or ask me to see.  That is exactly how I want it - this is supposed to be a happy occasion!!

Pupatella

Also, to OP, I think displaying wedding pictures of parents and grandparents is a wonderful tribute!! You can put up a sign of who they are, names, date they got married, location of the marriage, bride or groom's side, etc.  But please don't mention that they are no longer alive in the description.

laurenlozzy

I think it's a lovely idea to display old wedding pictures This is how we will be displaying outs at our wedding reception next month. No mention of if they are no longer with us some are and some aren't but I know my mum and mother in law thought it was a lovely idea both have one parent who is no longer with us .

Jen4948

laurenlozzy said:

I think it's a lovely idea to display old wedding pictures This is how we will be displaying outs at our wedding reception next month. No mention of if they are no longer with us some are and some aren't but I know my mum and mother in law thought it was a lovely idea both have one parent who is no longer with us .

Don't put out any where the couple separated and/or divorced.

photokitty

Jen4948 said:

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laurenlozzy said:

I think it's a lovely idea to display old wedding pictures This is how we will be displaying outs at our wedding reception next month. No mention of if they are no longer with us some are and some aren't but I know my mum and mother in law thought it was a lovely idea both have one parent who is no longer with us .

Don't put out any where the couple separated and/or divorced.

What? She said Some are no longer with them. She didn't say anyone was divorced or separated. Your advise is better when you read the post correctly, Jen.

Jen4948

photokitty said:

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Jen4948 said:

laurenlozzy said:

I think it's a lovely idea to display old wedding pictures This is how we will be displaying outs at our wedding reception next month. No mention of if they are no longer with us some are and some aren't but I know my mum and mother in law thought it was a lovely idea both have one parent who is no longer with us .

Don't put out any where the couple separated and/or divorced.

What? She said Some are no longer with them. She didn't say anyone was divorced or separated. Your advise is better when you read the post correctly, Jen.

So is yours. The fact that she herself didn't say so doesn't mean that some of those couples may not be divorced or separated now, or that the advice might not be applicable to another poster.

photokitty

Jen4948 said:

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photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

laurenlozzy said:

I think it's a lovely idea to display old wedding pictures This is how we will be displaying outs at our wedding reception next month. No mention of if they are no longer with us some are and some aren't but I know my mum and mother in law thought it was a lovely idea both have one parent who is no longer with us .

Don't put out any where the couple separated and/or divorced.

What? She said Some are no longer with them. She didn't say anyone was divorced or separated. Your advise is better when you read the post correctly, Jen.

So is yours. The fact that she herself didn't say so doesn't mean that some of those couples may not be divorced or separated now, or that the advice might not be applicable to another poster.

LOL, you can't be serious...that's far fetched, even for you!

Why didn't you mention you must invite all SOs and don't have a cash bar while you're at it?? Ya know, bc it might be applicable to another poster as well.

Waaaaaaay to be super helpful, as usual