My wedding is this month and I feel helpless!

Knottie1432955973

I'm a bit frazzled at the moment. My wedding is in 27 days, and while we have most things squared away I'm having an issue. There's still a bit to do with putting together favors and decorations and programs (I've done nearly everything up to this point by myself.) and I have no help! Don't bridesmaids usually help with those types of things? I'm an artist and a bit of a perfectionist so I was fine with doing everything myself at first, so I could make things exactly the way I wanted them. Not to mention I enjoy crafty things and it gave me something to do in my down time. But now that the date is bearing down and I've made like 80 programs from scratch by myself (a little over half of what I need) I'm kind of over it. I just don't like doing things alone, I thoroughly enjoy the company of my friends and was excited to work on these things with them but they're always either busy or don't want to help. My MOH came over one day to help me but he only stayed for a little while and every small thing I suggested he could do to help was something he didn't want to do. He cut a few things out for me and then just sat and talked to me while I worked. I enjoyed the company and I don't want to be pushy if they don't want to help, I'm just tired of trying to do it all alone. It's a lot for one person to do! I don't want to tarnish my excitement over something so seemingly trivial, but I just feel so...ugh, about it. Help please! Any advice?

AddieCake

Knottie1432955973 said:

I'm a bit frazzled at the moment. My wedding is in 27 days, and while we have most things squared away I'm having an issue. There's still a bit to do with putting together favors and decorations and programs (I've done nearly everything up to this point by myself.) and I have no help! Don't bridesmaids usually help with those types of things? I'm an artist and a bit of a perfectionist so I was fine with doing everything myself at first, so I could make things exactly the way I wanted them. Not to mention I enjoy crafty things and it gave me something to do in my down time. But now that the date is bearing down and I've made like 80 programs from scratch by myself (a little over half of what I need) I'm kind of over it. I just don't like doing things alone, I thoroughly enjoy the company of my friends and was excited to work on these things with them but they're always either busy or don't want to help. My MOH came over one day to help me but he only stayed for a little while and every small thing I suggested he could do to help was something he didn't want to do. He cut a few things out for me and then just sat and talked to me while I worked. I enjoyed the company and I don't want to be pushy if they don't want to help, I'm just tired of trying to do it all alone. It's a lot for one person to do! I don't want to tarnish my excitement over something so seemingly trivial, but I just feel so...ugh, about it. Help please! Any advice?

Some bridesmaids do help, and if they offer, that's great. But it is not required of them, nor should you expect it. Your fiancé should be helping you. Why isn't he?

climbingsingle

Why isn't your FI helping? My husband did all of my DIY projects with me, including making the centerpieces.

Knottie1432955973

Well, my FI is very much um.. a guys guy. Anything crafty or artsy goes way over his head. Not to mention he works 12 hour shifts and is at work most of the time. I put him in charge of a few things so I don't have to worry about them on top of everything else and he's been very helpful in that department. He's just.. quite the opposite of a crafts guy. I couldn't see him trying to use a hot glue gun or tie a bow in a million years lol. Which is okay with me since he's helping with other things. My bridesmaids are wonderful and I guess I just didn't know if that was expected or not, I've never been a big wedding girl. I didn't grow up thinking of what my dream wedding would be like, I didn't even know a bridal shower was a thing until my MOH asked me for a guest list for it. I guess the timeline is just starting to rustle me. And last night amazingly, my dad's wonderful aunt messaged me on FB and asked if I needed help with anything! She loves all sorts of crafty things and said she was bored inbetween trips out of town. So thankfully she's coming over to help me out a bit today.
Thank you for your input though! I wasn't aware and I think I let my nervousness get the best of me, thanks for setting me straight!

ShesSoCold

My husband is also pretty "manly" and the opposite of crafty. He spent hours and hours making tiny flowers out of coffee filters and water colors because I was stressed. If it is important to you, it should be important to him and he should be willing to help. I promise his penis won't fall off.

jacques27

I'm sorry you're feeling frazzled.  It's a difficult state to be in, but know that it's temporary.

That said, the only two people responsible for throwing your wedding ceremony and reception (whether that be paying, crafting, organizing, what have you) are you and your FI.  If other people offer to assist in any capacity, that's fantastic, but no one is obligated to do so.  It's up to you to plan responsibly as if only you and your FI will be undertaking these projects and that means knowing exactly what your limits are and what you can reasonably produce, especially since you know you don't like doing these things alone.  They aren't responsible for your lack of planning or foresight on this one.  Sorry.

Find some things to cut or things that you can delegate (and by delegate I mean either to your FI since he's the only other person responsible for pulling this party off, a paid professional, or using a store-bought version of something you originally intended to create yourself).

climbingsingle

My husband is a rock climber. He also has his captains license and runs his own business that involves construction and installation of security systems. Please stop with the gender sterotypes. My H painted wine bottles and did a better job than me. He stuffed envelopes. He crafted. And he wrote thank you notes.

You decided to take on these projects. Your bridal party members (and other friends and relatives) are not your little worker bees.

onefootinthebayou

My husband is also a sports-addicted, wing-munching, beer-drinking engineer who has renovated houses in his spare time but the week of our wedding, he came with me to Michael's to buy supplies and stamped 100 cute tags with our wedding stamp for the welcome bags. (Granted he got bored at Michael's and I caught him lip-synching, dancing, & running in place to the theme song of Flashdance in the chalkboard aisle - and he found the toy section...) but he helped b/c he knew I needed it and I was starting to panic that I wouldn't finish.

PPs have it right, sometimes your BP will offer to help you but it shouldn't be expected. Some may offer as it gets closer as well but if they don't, you & your fi will manage. Believe me, when it gets down to the wire, just let go of the nonessentials and spend a little time slowing down and focusing on getting married. That is, after all, what is most important. Good luck, you can do this.

snowywinter

Previous posters are right that your maids aren't obligated to help. That said, I can't remember being a bridesmaid and not offering to help out with things. My friends and I have all helped one another at wedding time (part of a big sorority). But you can't expect it and you shouldn't get angry if they don't have the time or interest to help.

I would take your aunt up on her offer and enlist your fiance's help. He might surprise you.

Viczaesar

Knottie1432955973 said:

I'm a bit frazzled at the moment. My wedding is in 27 days, and while we have most things squared away I'm having an issue. There's still a bit to do with putting together favors and decorations and programs (I've done nearly everything up to this point by myself.) and I have no help! Don't bridesmaids usually help with those types of things? I'm an artist and a bit of a perfectionist so I was fine with doing everything myself at first, so I could make things exactly the way I wanted them. Not to mention I enjoy crafty things and it gave me something to do in my down time. But now that the date is bearing down and I've made like 80 programs from scratch by myself (a little over half of what I need) I'm kind of over it. I just don't like doing things alone, I thoroughly enjoy the company of my friends and was excited to work on these things with them but they're always either busy or don't want to help. My MOH came over one day to help me but he only stayed for a little while and every small thing I suggested he could do to help was something he didn't want to do. He cut a few things out for me and then just sat and talked to me while I worked. I enjoyed the company and I don't want to be pushy if they don't want to help, I'm just tired of trying to do it all alone. It's a lot for one person to do! I don't want to tarnish my excitement over something so seemingly trivial, but I just feel so...ugh, about it. Help please! Any advice?

Nope.  Not their circus, not their monkeys.  If you can't get everything you want done without help - and just where is your FI in all this?  This actually is his responsibility, unlike your bridesmaids - then scale back.

julieanne912

Also, you mention you're a bit of a perfectionist... maybe your bridesmaids don't want to help you because they're afraid they'll do it wrong and you'll yell at them?

But yeah, you're the one who decided to do all those projects (I personally think programs are silly), not them, so they are in no way obligated to help you.  

MnHGirl

You might have to lessen things some to get them done... your guests will not notice if done correctly.

Our programs where colored card stock (to match our colors) that we printed from home. It may not have looked as nice as home made ones or ordering but they were cheap and quick. most people either left them at the church or threw them. Our table numbers were just tent cards with numbers that I cut by using die cutter. When everything was on the table it blended right in and people found their seats! 

You might just need to ask for help "Hey Jenny do you have a free evening to help me? I will provide dinner"... more then likely they just wont come to you just because they are in the wedding party. 

My now husband also helped out a ton and he is not artsy/crafty either. 

sassercake12

Agree with PPs. Your soon-to-be-husband should be helping you when he isn't working. Even if he's not crafty or whatever, he can help with logistical things. My FI sure isn't crafty (and neither am I...), but he still stuffed and addressed invitations, will do thank-you notes, is acting as liaison for the church and some vendors, and is also building shelves and furniture for our new apartment. 

And remember that decorations are just decorations. Keep them simple, and if they don't serve a necessary purpose, forget them. 

lembaslover

Knottie1432955973 said:

Well, my FI is very much um.. a guys guy. Anything crafty or artsy goes way over his head. Not to mention he works 12 hour shifts and is at work most of the time. I put him in charge of a few things so I don't have to worry about them on top of everything else and he's been very helpful in that department. He's just.. quite the opposite of a crafts guy. I couldn't see him trying to use a hot glue gun or tie a bow in a million years lol. Which is okay with me since he's helping with other things. My bridesmaids are wonderful and I guess I just didn't know if that was expected or not, I've never been a big wedding girl. I didn't grow up thinking of what my dream wedding would be like, I didn't even know a bridal shower was a thing until my MOH asked me for a guest list for it. I guess the timeline is just starting to rustle me. And last night amazingly, my dad's wonderful aunt messaged me on FB and asked if I needed help with anything! She loves all sorts of crafty things and said she was bored inbetween trips out of town. So thankfully she's coming over to help me out a bit today.
Thank you for your input though! I wasn't aware and I think I let my nervousness get the best of me, thanks for setting me straight!

I feel like true manly men will be the first ones to jump in and help their fiances with craft projects for the wedding. If not then they're just overly concerned with a dumb stereotype. My fiance jumped right in painting pumpkins with me without me even asking and his interests are motorcycles and trucks and other "manly" things. 

[Deleted User]

engagedhamstermom said:

Knottie1432955973 said:

Well, my FI is very much um.. a guys guy. Anything crafty or artsy goes way over his head. Not to mention he works 12 hour shifts and is at work most of the time. I put him in charge of a few things so I don't have to worry about them on top of everything else and he's been very helpful in that department. He's just.. quite the opposite of a crafts guy. I couldn't see him trying to use a hot glue gun or tie a bow in a million years lol. Which is okay with me since he's helping with other things. My bridesmaids are wonderful and I guess I just didn't know if that was expected or not, I've never been a big wedding girl. I didn't grow up thinking of what my dream wedding would be like, I didn't even know a bridal shower was a thing until my MOH asked me for a guest list for it. I guess the timeline is just starting to rustle me. And last night amazingly, my dad's wonderful aunt messaged me on FB and asked if I needed help with anything! She loves all sorts of crafty things and said she was bored inbetween trips out of town. So thankfully she's coming over to help me out a bit today.
Thank you for your input though! I wasn't aware and I think I let my nervousness get the best of me, thanks for setting me straight!

I feel like true manly men will be the first ones to jump in and help their fiances with craft projects for the wedding. If not then they're just overly concerned with a dumb stereotype. My fiance jumped right in painting pumpkins with me without me even asking and his interests are motorcycles and trucks and other "manly" things. 

Exactly!  Aren't you a "damsel in distress" he needs to rescue from your scary DIY projects?  He's not a real Man's Man if he doesn't help fold paper into flowers.

NowIamMrsKlein

My FI wasn't huge into the DIY things. One day I was super stressed out and had a bit of a panic attack about getting things done. The next day I came home from work and all the favour boxes were done. He had spent his entire day off hotgluing tiny flowers and tags to boxes. Because he recognized my need for him to help me. Would he rather have been playing video games? yes. He probably would have rathered doing absolutely anything else. But he also would rather me be happy and not stressed and he said the look on my face made it all worth it to him. And you know what, he is super proud of himself for what he did and is already talking about bragging about his new found craft skills at the wedding.

Just talk to your FI, mention you are feeling a little overwhelmed and would like some help. Throw on a movie, grab some glasses of wine or beer and have a date night together and work on your wedding together.

Lizzieyounce

My husband is a Harley riding, cigar smoking, scotch drinking, retired Army Major, and current police Sergeant...he's a stereotypical manly man.  He worked and still works 8 hour shifts (at night) and extra jobs on his days off. 

He managed to help with all of the nit-picky wedding crafts without his dick falling off.  In fact he'd have been pretty disappointed with me had I not expected, and asked for, his help because I thought that he was too manly to help with his own wedding.

Get your FI to help you.