Plus ones

kaitlanmw

This isn't really a pressing issue yet by any means but I'm curious.... I have been lurking for a while and TOTALLY GET that I have to invite SOs. My question is about true plus ones - as in if I extend them to one do I need to extend them to all? If I give a plus one to my bridesman, do I have to give one to my single cousin, widowed grandmother, etc?

snowywinter

It's nice to if you can afford to. If you can't afford plus ones, you can skip them, so long as you're inviting couples who are already together.

AddieCake

If you don't do it for all, you should have clear cut offs. Otherwise people will feel slighted. Why did Jane get a plus one and I didn't? I think extending them to your bridal party even if you don't extend them to anyone else is always a good idea.

kaitlanmw

Thanks ladies.  The "clear cut off" thing is probably the route I'm going to go.

[Deleted User]

scribe95 said:

Yeah, it is best to either do plus ones for all singles or not. Otherwise you create resentment and anger as people wonder why one person was treated better than another.

Exactly.  Would it really be the worst thing in the world to offer your widowed grandmother a plus one so she could bring a girlfriend or helper?  And if she decided she'd rather attend alone and be able to spend time with her children and grandchildren rather than her pal, she can RSVP for only one.

kaitlanmw

Thanks for the advice. Right now our list has plus ones for everyone, and that is the number we signed our contract for & we're expecting to pay (so, it's not like if they DO bring plus ones I'm over).

I just wanted to be sure I was handling things the right way.

TheCheeseWench

Definitely YES for the wedding party. I agree with PPs on everyone else. All or none. We invited everyone with a +1, partially because it is a DW and I would never ask anyone to travel and not allow them to bring a date, but honestly I probably would have done it even if we stayed local.

DaniBites

I agree.  The only true plus ones I offered were either 1) to my bridal party or 2) to guests to don't fall into a social circle and won't know anyone else

huskypuppy14

adk19 said:

scribe95 said:

Yeah, it is best to either do plus ones for all singles or not. Otherwise you create resentment and anger as people wonder why one person was treated better than another.

Exactly.  Would it really be the worst thing in the world to offer your widowed grandmother a plus one so she could bring a girlfriend or helper?  And if she decided she'd rather attend alone and be able to spend time with her children and grandchildren rather than her pal, she can RSVP for only one.

I think this is a "know your crowd" situation. I did not give plus ones to widows/widowers even though I did to everyone else because it would have been a slap in the face to them. And I knew it would not be appropriate in my family. Especially my great aunt who lost her husband 2 months before invites went out. 

And yes, it would have upset my grandmother very much if she was sent an invite to Mrs. Jane Jones and guest. And I knew she would never bring a guest anyway.  Other people may have different experiences, just giving another opinion.

kaitlanmw

huskypuppy14 said:

adk19 said:

scribe95 said:

Yeah, it is best to either do plus ones for all singles or not. Otherwise you create resentment and anger as people wonder why one person was treated better than another.

Exactly.  Would it really be the worst thing in the world to offer your widowed grandmother a plus one so she could bring a girlfriend or helper?  And if she decided she'd rather attend alone and be able to spend time with her children and grandchildren rather than her pal, she can RSVP for only one.

I think this is a "know your crowd" situation. I did not give plus ones to widows/widowers even though I did to everyone else because it would have been a slap in the face to them. And I knew it would not be appropriate in my family. Especially my great aunt who lost her husband 2 months before invites went out. 

And yes, it would have upset my grandmother very much if she was sent an invite to Mrs. Jane Jones and guest. And I knew she would never bring a guest anyway.  Other people may have different experiences, just giving another opinion.

---boxes?  I don't see you?---

Yeah that's sort of where I am. My grandmother is living, but she's late-stage Alzheimer's, in a home in FL.  We recently had to move my grandfather up to NJ to be closer to the rest of us - I can't imagine giving him an and guest.  Like I said, it's nothing pressing or urgent right now.  I just thought maybe I was missing some super obvious rule that everyone else knows.  

Thanks to everyone for your responses!

Jen4948

I'd do it in circles.  Your wedding party should get them.  For anyone really close to you or who needs assistance, I would give them if you can swing it.  For anyone who doesn't fall in those categories, it's up to you.