Wedding Party

Looking for the right words

I have a very good friend from college who I want to invite to be a bridesmaid but she and her husband are having some financial difficulties at this time.  I realize the best option is to extend the invitation to her and if she feels she cannot participate in that way, for her to tell me that.  But I am struggling with the words on how to approach the subject without insulting her.  Looking for suggestions on what to say to approach this subject delicately.  Thanks!!
Wedding Countdown Ticker

 

 

Re: Looking for the right words

  • I guess my concern is could it be considered hurtful to say something like "I understand finances are very tight for you right now and if being a bridesmaid would be too much of a financial commitment for you I would rather you be there as a guest than not at all." 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

     

     

  • Don't mention anything about her finances. That will just sound like you are talking down to her. Pretend you know nothing about her financial situation and ask her as you would any other friend.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers



    Blue_BirdSTARMOON44lc07
  • I agree 100% with PP's. 

    Also, just to be clear - the only expense/responsibility that a BM should have is to purchase her dress and stand with you on your wedding day.

    Side note:  this is why I always advocate for no bridal party expenses above and beyond what a normal guest would incur (i.e. travel and hotel most likely).  I know etiquette/tradition says the bridemaids are responsible for their attire but I think it's silly to essentially make someone pay for the honor of standing with you at your wedding.  I personally think that it should be the responsibility of the bride and groom to budget for wedding party attire if they are dictating it at all.  Just my personal opinion and I know most people don't do that.  But if you did, it would eliminate these types of situations.

    Blue_Birdlc07
  • I would be very annoyed if you brought up my finances while asking me to be a bridesmaid.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Don't bring up your friends financial situation, even if she's mentioned it to you before. She's an adult and it's up to her to decide what's in in budget. 


                       
  • Just ask her. If I was feeling down, my day would really be brightened if a close friend asked me to be in her wedding. Don't bring up finances until after she accepts to be your bridesmaid. When it's a good time, talk to her about how much she'd be able to spend on a dress and pick a dress within her budget. Other than the dress, she should not have to be financially responsible for anything else in your wedding.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


    MairePoppy
  • In this case it would be dress and travel expenses since she lives out of town.  She does have family in the area so there is the option of staying with them.  Like you all have said, I will just ask her like I am everyone else and take things from there.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

     

     

    auriannaMairePoppy
  • Just ask her without bringing up her finances.  That could make her feel patronized.  Get a budget from her and fit her dress and travel expenses into that budget.  If she herself says that anything you want from her is too expensive for her, tell her that she doesn't need to foot the bill.  Just let her off the hook for those things.
  • AW3380 said:
    In this case it would be dress and travel expenses since she lives out of town.  She does have family in the area so there is the option of staying with them.  Like you all have said, I will just ask her like I am everyone else and take things from there.
    But she would pay for her travel expenses to your wedding whether she was a bridesmaid or if she was a guest, right?  So I think you need to take travel expenses out of the equation.
    CasadenaPrettyGirlLost
  • Do NOT bring up finances. That's awkward. Just ask her and she will say yes or no. But please don't ask her in front of a group or some elaborate "proposal" thing. It will be make it more pressure for her to say yes. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
    lc07
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards