Gap between ceremony/reception?

groomguy87

My wife and I recently found out that friends of ours who are getting married in October are having a 1:30 ceremony and 5:30 reception.  They said this on their wedding website and also stated that there are no set activities during that time but guests are encouraged to relax at their hotels, etc.

I'm just curious if any of you have been to weddings that have done this and does it work well at all?  I hadn't ever really heard of a gap between the two until now.

novella1186

groomguy87 said:

My wife and I recently found out that friends of ours who are getting married in October are having a 1:30 ceremony and 5:30 reception.  They said this on their wedding website and also stated that there are no set activities during that time but guests are encouraged to relax at their hotels, etc.

I'm just curious if any of you have been to weddings that have done this and does it work well at all?  I hadn't ever really heard of a gap between the two until now.

Gaps are super rude and usually really inconvenient for guests. Your friends did some poor planning. 

I went to a wedding with a gap a few years ago. It was a 45 minute drive from the ceremony site to the reception venue, and 3 hours till the cocktail hour started (with a cash bar, none the less). 

We checked into the hotel and then just sat around, trying not to wrinkle our nice wedding clothes. And then we got so bored that we went down to the hotel bar, where several other wedding guests had gathered. No one seemed too happy about the long wait. 

The reception itself wasn't very well hosted either, and the entire place pretty much cleared out right after the couple cut the cake. No one stuck around for dancing, including us. 

jacques27

Nope.

It's rude.  There should never be an unhosted gap.  They are asking people to basically just hang out where ever they can find a place to do so on their own dime and amuse themselves for over three hours, which has the potential to be extremely inconvenient for some guests.

AddieCake

I've never been invited to a wedding with a gap, and I probably would skip the reception if I were invited to one. I don't want to twiddle my thumbs between events (or go sightseeing or grab a drink or mingle with others or do anything the couple might have arranged).

aliwis000

I have been to a gap wedding. It was not fun, nor was it the only etiquette issue.

The other things aside the gap was just no fun. At least it was in my home town so my FI and I could go home but it was like....now what?

We got all dressed up, went to the church wedding and then went home. Chanced out of the fancy clothes, me careful to not mess up hair or make up, and waited 2 hours so we could put back on fancy clothes and get to the reception.

It kinda kills your whole day, I have no idea what people from out of town did. Its just a really hard thing to put your guests through. We did it and no it was not the end of the world but we took the time to buy a gift, get all dressed up and join you. You responded by making it a game of scheduling musical chairs which was not fun for us. ("You" being the couple that I am talking about not anyone on this post.)

groomguy87

Thanks to all of you for input!  I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who thinks it seems in poor etiquette and poor planning.  We just got married in May and I couldnt imagine having a block of time between the two (I was barely okay with a cocktail hour so that we could do pictures!).  It is OOT for us and most of the guests I believe (including the groom's family) so I really wonder how they will all make the day work.  

lyndausvi

I've been to a few gap weddings. 

The first I happen to have another wedding that day.  So it worked in our favor.  We went to the first wedding and reception.  We missed the gap's ceremony since it was during the second ceremony and only attended the receptions.

The second the reception was over an hour away from the ceremony.  Luckily the reception was closer to my home, although I still got a hotel room.  We just drank during the gap.

The last one was DH's sister and he was in the WP.  After family shots and the 45 minute ride to the venue on a party bus with snacks and booze it wasn't too bad.

I'm not a fan or gaps at all.  I think they are tacky, but I always seems to make the best of it anyway.   

[Deleted User]

Gaps are considered rude and I'd never have one.  That said, sometimes, as a guest, I don't personally mind a gap if it's not too long or too short.  Went to a gapped wedding last summer where I went back to my hotel and napped for an hour or so before the reception (which was hosted at the hotel we were staying at).

I never do much fancy with my hair and make-up so I just took off my "fancy" clothes and napped.  Put the dress back on and touched up my make-up and brushed my hair and I was ready again- took 10 minutes. 

I'm NOT saying have a gap; it's rude, but the one time I had a gap as a guest, it came in handy for sleepy me- and only because I was also staying at the same location as the reception.

peachy13

Suuuuuper rude and probably my biggest UGH when it comes to wedding etiquette blunders. I've been to two weddings with gaps. They weren't big gaps like OP's friend, but they were still gaps. So for the hour or two in between the ceremony and reception, we parked ourselves at a bar. Couldn't eat, because we were waiting for the reception to come around. Couldn't drink too much because we still had to drive to the reception (and obviously didn't want to show up drunk either). Already checked into the hotel because the wedding was OOT and we got ready for the ceremony in our room.

So we sat in our wedding guest clothes in a dark bar at 3 in the afternoon because our hosts are bad planners. And there was some major snarking from many of the guests.

Belle2188

I'll be honest - almost every single wedding I have been to has had at least a small gap, including my own.  We usually go to the ceremony a little more casual, and then use the gap to check into our hotel (if we've just gotten there) and finish getting ready.  With that long a gap I'm sure many other people will have the same idea.  Otherwise, just relax or have a few drinks with friends.  It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.  Out of curiosity, what state is the wedding in?

You have a little more time in between than I'd prefer, but it probably won't be as much as you think.  I'm assuming it must be in a church (or similar) since that's the only reason I can really think of for a gap, so between a mass, a receiving line, chit chatting, and then traveling to the reception, you'll probably have 2 hours or less.

MyNameIsNot

I've been to one wedding with a gap, in my home town. Most of the guests progressed together to a local bar to have some drinks and wait. No one was very happy or all that interested in staying sober for the reception, so a lot of people showed up to the reception cranky and tipsy. 

If I were invited to another gap wedding, I'd either skip the ceremony or the reception, depending on what worked best for my schedule. 

AddieCake

Belle2188 said:

I'll be honest - almost every single wedding I have been to has had at least a small gap, including my own.  We usually go to the ceremony a little more casual, and then use the gap to check into our hotel (if we've just gotten there) and finish getting ready.  With that long a gap I'm sure many other people will have the same idea.  Otherwise, just relax or have a few drinks with friends.  It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.  Out of curiosity, what state is the wedding in?

You have a little more time in between than I'd prefer, but it probably won't be as much as you think.  I'm assuming it must be in a church (or similar) since that's the only reason I can really think of for a gap, so between a mass, a receiving line, chit chatting, and then traveling to the reception, you'll probably have 2 hours or less.

Why do you dress up more for the reception than the ceremony?

MrsMack10612

I don't agree with the Catholic wedding excuse.  I've been to many Catholic weddings and none of them had a gap.  I don't know if the churches my friends/family use are more flexible in their ceremony times or what, but it's never been an issue (including my own).

I'm ok with a "gap" that consists of travel between venues and/or the cocktail hour (not really a gap, hence the quotes), but if I have to wait around for hours then I'm either going home or not attending.

ShesSoCold

I've been invited to two weddings with a gap. The first had a 1:00 ceremony on a Friday and a 7:00 reception. The RSVP card had separate lines for the ceremony and reception so the couple knew that people wouldn't want to do both. I didn't go to the ceremony but the reception was nice enough. The second gap was my cousin and it was on a football Sunday. After the ceremony, most people found a bar to watch the bears game. And then most of us were late to the reception because we watched the end of the game.

Jen4948

I haven't attended any weddings with gaps, but I have been to bar and bat mitzvahs that had them. The gaps weren't fun. Don't plan to have a gap.

Belle2188

AddieCake said:

Belle2188 said:

I'll be honest - almost every single wedding I have been to has had at least a small gap, including my own.  We usually go to the ceremony a little more casual, and then use the gap to check into our hotel (if we've just gotten there) and finish getting ready.  With that long a gap I'm sure many other people will have the same idea.  Otherwise, just relax or have a few drinks with friends.  It's not ideal, but it's not the end of the world.  Out of curiosity, what state is the wedding in?

You have a little more time in between than I'd prefer, but it probably won't be as much as you think.  I'm assuming it must be in a church (or similar) since that's the only reason I can really think of for a gap, so between a mass, a receiving line, chit chatting, and then traveling to the reception, you'll probably have 2 hours or less.

Why do you dress up more for the reception than the ceremony?

I never really thought about that, but it's a really good question.  I guess because the reception is made to be a "bigger deal" around here.  People wear what I guess you'd call your "Sunday best" to the church, while reception attire tends to fall more along the lines of "black tie optional" (not that it's dictated, it's just what people wear).  I grew up in an area where basically everyone is some combination of Italian/Irish/Catholic, plus it's New York, so someone probably made up their own rules somewhere along the line.  Skipping the church and just going to the reception is big too, although I think that's awful, and on the other hand, people might go to the church that weren't invited to the wedding.

Edited to clarify a crappy sentence

aurianna

Ugh. Gaps.

Once I went to a wedding with 11:30 ceremony, 6:30pm reception.
The ceremony was way off in the middle of nowhere, with the reception right next door.
So we drove 45 minutes to ceremony, drove back to civilization, ate lunch, went to another guest's house who lived a hair closer, and just lounged around a while. We would rather have gone home and enjoyed our Saturday, but we didn't want to spend a total of 3 hours driving that day.

Once I went to another wedding that wanted to act like they had no gap... but man did they. Three hour cocktail hour. First hour and a half was coffee & pastries. Outside. It was 85 degrees. The pastries melted. There were 40 chairs under a tent and 180 guests. Next 90 minutes was cocktail hour (still outside) but they charged for cocktails. We would have left until the reception but were with husband's family and they wanted to stay.
ew ew ew.


They were Catholic weddings which somehow "justifies" it, but I had a Catholic wedding with no gap and the last three weddings I've gone to have also been Catholic weddings with no gap, so it can be done!

MrsMack10612

aurianna said:

Ugh. Gaps.

Once I went to a wedding with 11:30 ceremony, 6:30pm reception.
The ceremony was way off in the middle of nowhere, with the reception right next door.
So we drove 45 minutes to ceremony, drove back to civilization, ate lunch, went to another guest's house who lived a hair closer, and just lounged around a while. We would rather have gone home and enjoyed our Saturday, but we didn't want to spend a total of 3 hours driving that day.

Once I went to another wedding that wanted to act like they had no gap... but man did they. Three hour cocktail hour. First hour and a half was coffee & pastries. Outside. It was 85 degrees. The pastries melted. There were 40 chairs under a tent and 180 guests. Next 90 minutes was cocktail hour (still outside) but they charged for cocktails. We would have left until the reception but were with husband's family and they wanted to stay.
ew ew ew.


They were Catholic weddings which somehow "justifies" it, but I had a Catholic wedding with no gap and the last three weddings I've gone to have also been Catholic weddings with no gap, so it can be done!

This is my point.  It can be done, people just choose not to and let their guests suffer for their vision.

thisismynickname2

Any wedding I've attended that involves a church has involved a gap. The people I know that did not have church weddings had ceremonies in the same location as the reception, allowing for a gap-free experience. 

It's super annoying to have a gap, but I go to both ceremony and reception. I know a lot of people that will skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. You get maybe 100 people at a ceremony, tops, and 200+ at the reception. 

While a small gap is acceptable only to allow for driving time between locations, I usually end up with 2-3 hours to kill, going to a bar or even hanging out with friends at the chosen hotel before the reception (and pre-gaming). Once I even just ran local errands in my fancy clothes. 

The worst was when ceremony and reception were in the same place, and there was still a gap! I used the time to freshen up (Florida in summer... gross.)

MGP

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

thisismynickname2

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

To the bolded- the one time I legitimately freshened up is because the wedding was in Florida in summer at a resort. Between walking from the (thankfully indoors) ceremony spot to the hotel building where my room and the reception were, my hair frizzed and I was sweating. Definitely was not fresh enough! 

To the manners comment- I have no idea why, but gaps are accepted in my area. I don't know what's ruder- the gap itself, or guests just saying "Eh, I don't have time/energy to drive to both so I'll skip the ceremony and just go to the party." It's like everybody hates gaps, everyone says that they hate gaps, and many people have them anyway.

MobKaz

MrsMack10612 said:

aurianna said:

Ugh. Gaps.

Once I went to a wedding with 11:30 ceremony, 6:30pm reception.
The ceremony was way off in the middle of nowhere, with the reception right next door.
So we drove 45 minutes to ceremony, drove back to civilization, ate lunch, went to another guest's house who lived a hair closer, and just lounged around a while. We would rather have gone home and enjoyed our Saturday, but we didn't want to spend a total of 3 hours driving that day.

Once I went to another wedding that wanted to act like they had no gap... but man did they. Three hour cocktail hour. First hour and a half was coffee & pastries. Outside. It was 85 degrees. The pastries melted. There were 40 chairs under a tent and 180 guests. Next 90 minutes was cocktail hour (still outside) but they charged for cocktails. We would have left until the reception but were with husband's family and they wanted to stay.
ew ew ew.


They were Catholic weddings which somehow "justifies" it, but I had a Catholic wedding with no gap and the last three weddings I've gone to have also been Catholic weddings with no gap, so it can be done!

This is my point.  It can be done, people just choose not to and let their guests suffer for their vision.

There is no such thing as a "Catholic gap" or a "church" gap. There is, however, the very real "I'm a poor host and don't care about my guests" gap. That gap is a deliberate choice. DD had a full Catholic Nuptial Mass and no gap.

aurianna

MobKaz said:

MrsMack10612 said:

aurianna said:

Ugh. Gaps.

Once I went to a wedding with 11:30 ceremony, 6:30pm reception.
The ceremony was way off in the middle of nowhere, with the reception right next door.
So we drove 45 minutes to ceremony, drove back to civilization, ate lunch, went to another guest's house who lived a hair closer, and just lounged around a while. We would rather have gone home and enjoyed our Saturday, but we didn't want to spend a total of 3 hours driving that day.

Once I went to another wedding that wanted to act like they had no gap... but man did they. Three hour cocktail hour. First hour and a half was coffee & pastries. Outside. It was 85 degrees. The pastries melted. There were 40 chairs under a tent and 180 guests. Next 90 minutes was cocktail hour (still outside) but they charged for cocktails. We would have left until the reception but were with husband's family and they wanted to stay.
ew ew ew.


They were Catholic weddings which somehow "justifies" it, but I had a Catholic wedding with no gap and the last three weddings I've gone to have also been Catholic weddings with no gap, so it can be done!

This is my point.  It can be done, people just choose not to and let their guests suffer for their vision.

There is no such thing as a "Catholic gap" or a "church" gap. There is, however, the very real "I'm a poor host and don't care about my guests" gap. That gap is a deliberate choice. DD had a full Catholic Nuptial Mass and no gap.

Right. I should have used sarcasm font on "justifies." I realize it does not actually justify it. But that's just what rude people tell themselves so they can have their Catholic wedding and dream evening reception.

MairePoppy

I've only been invited to one wedding that had a gap. We went to the ceremony, only. My family is Catholic, yet  Brides and Grooms have managed to avoid the 'Catholic gap' by having their dinner receptions immediatetly following their ceremonies, in the afternoon,  beginning with cocktail hour to cover the wedding party photo session. 

lyndausvi

thisismynickname said:

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

To the bolded- the one time I legitimately freshened up is because the wedding was in Florida in summer at a resort. Between walking from the (thankfully indoors) ceremony spot to the hotel building where my room and the reception were, my hair frizzed and I was sweating. Definitely was not fresh enough! 

To the manners comment- I have no idea why, but gaps are accepted in my area. I don't know what's ruder- the gap itself, or guests just saying "Eh, I don't have time/energy to drive to both so I'll skip the ceremony and just go to the party." It's like everybody hates gaps, everyone says that they hate gaps, and many people have them anyway.

I do not think skipping the ceremony when there is a gap is rude.  If you have a gap longer then 30 from the time it takes to get from the ceremony to the reception you have invited me to 2 different events.  I may or may not be able to attend both.

I think it's pretty fucking rude to think of a 11:30am ceremony then a 7pm reception as one event.  Fuck that.    They are 2 separate events.   

 I work from about 9/10 until 6/7 on Saturdays.  I would be happy to take a Saturday off for a ceremony with a reception immediately following.  I'm not going to lose an entire day's pay to sit around from 12:30/1 until 7pm because of a gap.  Nope, I will skip the ceremony and worked until 5 and then go to the reception.

mollybarker11

The last gapped wedding I went to was my cousin's. After the (not Catholic) ceremony, there was a cocktail hour at the same venue, and then a gap during which the wedding party went off to take photos. My brother's house was near the reception venue, so my immediate family went there to kill time together. The gap was more fun than the actual wedding.

Side-note: I managed to drink for free all night because one of the groomsmen smuggled a cooler off the WP's party bus for me at the otherwise dry cocktail hour*, my brother & SIL offered us drinks while we waited out the gap at their home, and my dad paid for my drinks at the cash bar at the reception. The rest of the guests were not so lucky.

*There is nothing whatsoever wrong with a dry cocktail hour or reception, but having booze available for the wedding party and no one else was shitty.

MairePoppy

thisismynickname said:

MGP said:

Never been subject to a gap wedding because the people I hang around with have manners - but I just love the people that try and justify it like they are doing their guests a favor.  The "freshen up" excuse is my favorite on these boards.  Why would I have to freshen up before the reception?  I just got ready for your ceremony a couple hours prior, I am fresh enough.

To the bolded- the one time I legitimately freshened up is because the wedding was in Florida in summer at a resort. Between walking from the (thankfully indoors) ceremony spot to the hotel building where my room and the reception were, my hair frizzed and I was sweating. Definitely was not fresh enough! 

To the manners comment- I have no idea why, but gaps are accepted in my area. I don't know what's ruder- the gap itself, or guests just saying "Eh, I don't have time/energy to drive to both so I'll skip the ceremony and just go to the party." It's like everybody hates gaps, everyone says that they hate gaps, and many people have them anyway.

IMO, it's not rude to skip the ceremony and attend the party. If  there's a gap, I'm going to one or the other. If I choose to attend the party over the ceremony, I'm still taking time  out of my weekend to celebrate with the bride and groom.  I don't understand why the couple would take offense if I skip the ceremony because of their poor planning.

CMGragain

My advice to every couple who is planning a religious wedding is to schedule the ceremony FIRST!  When that is set, you can then plan the proper reception to follow the ceremony.  An early afternoon ceremony should not be followed by a dinner reception.  Even just cake and punch would be more appropriate.  A light luncheon would be nice, though.

WinstonsGirl

You're right in feeling that gaps suck.  Gaps are the norm in my area, so pretty much every wedding I've been to have had a gap (ceremony at 1-2pm, cocktail hour at 5, dinner at 6).  During the gaps we have in the past:

- Gone for lunch at a pub/restaurant

- Hit the casino to make some money at Black Jack and eat.  It was a good idea too, cos it paid for all of my drinks that night

- Gone home for a nap and food

- Gone to a WP party hosted by the parents of the bride for food and alcohol

- Hit up a local art market and lunch

As you can see, I go for food, every time.  

MobKaz

We attended an OOT wedding with a 1:30 ceremony and a 6:00 PM reception.  It forced us to spend two nights in a hotel.  The ceremony started just early enough that we would have needed to leave at the crack of dawn the morning of the wedding, so we had to arrive the night before.  The reception started late enough that it prevented us from driving home the same night.  This wedding without a gap would have allowed us to skip the cost of one night in a hotel.

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Although the fault lay with the host, I personally cannot in good conscience skip a ceremony and attend the reception later.  I had lost all desire to make what could easily be a two hour trip into the city to attend a 30 minute ceremony, only to turn around and make the 2 hour return trip.  When I declined, the bride was shocked and actually asked why I was not attending.  I was truthful and explained how difficult her gap made it for me to attend.  Her response?  "Well, my sister did that for her wedding......"  I found out later that the bride was disappointed to see how many declines she received with her RSVP's, and how many other guests skipped the ceremony.

Gaps are not just rude; they can be expensive to guests as well.  Guests may be required to spend time and money at a restaurant or bar while "killing time".  They may find themselves driving back and forth, wasting time and gas.  Gaps are the result of selfish and thoughtless hosts.

Knottie67868874

MobKaz said:

We attended an OOT wedding with a 1:30 ceremony and a 6:00 PM reception.  It forced us to spend two nights in a hotel.  The ceremony started just early enough that we would have needed to leave at the crack of dawn the morning of the wedding, so we had to arrive the night before.  The reception started late enough that it prevented us from driving home the same night.  This wedding without a gap would have allowed us to skip the cost of one night in a hotel.

We were invited to a black tie wedding this past June.  The ceremony was at 2:00.  The reception began at 6:00.  We were considered local, but it required us to drive into the city.  It was too time consuming to drive back home.  We had no hotel in which to retreat.  I was not about to schlepp around the city of Chicago on a Saturday afternoon in black tie attire.  Were we supposed to hang out in Starbucks dressed like that?  Walking around Grant Park  or window shopping in heels for several hours was not going to happen.  There was no point in hitting up a restaurant because the point of our wait was to attend a dinner.

Although the fault lay with the host, I personally cannot in good conscience skip a ceremony and attend the reception later.  I had lost all desire to make what could easily be a two hour trip into the city to attend a 30 minute ceremony, only to turn around and make the 2 hour return trip.  When I declined, the bride was shocked and actually asked why I was not attending.  I was truthful and explained how difficult her gap made it for me to attend.  Her response?  "Well, my sister did that for her wedding......"  I found out later that the bride was disappointed to see how many declines she received with her RSVP's, and how many other guests skipped the ceremony.

Gaps are not just rude; they can be expensive to guests as well.  Guests may be required to spend time and money at a restaurant or bar while "killing time".  They may find themselves driving back and forth, wasting time and gas.  Gaps are the result of selfish and thoughtless hosts.

On a scale from doable to rude, how bad is a 45 minute gap? Catholic ceremony will likely end at 3:15, reception is about 15 minutes from ceremony, then cocktail hour at 4 followed by dinner at 5 or 5:30? I could potentially move cocktail hour up as well, if the proposed schedule would inconvenience my guests.