Ceremony at one location, Reception at another location

justsie

nhultberg461 said:

CMGragain said:

1. Set your budget.
2.  Write up your guest list.
(Since this is not a church wedding, you don't need to check with them.)
3.  Find a venue that fits both numbers 1 and 2.  If it is too small for all of your guests, then you cannot use it.   No argument! 

Your guests are more important than your wedding vision.

Budget is set

We agreed to less than 100.

I waiting for a call back from the location of the reception, they have an outside area, that would fit everyone.

Do they have an inside area that fits everyone, in case it rains?

nhultberg461

justsie said:

nhultberg461 said:

CMGragain said:

1. Set your budget.
2.  Write up your guest list.
(Since this is not a church wedding, you don't need to check with them.)
3.  Find a venue that fits both numbers 1 and 2.  If it is too small for all of your guests, then you cannot use it.   No argument! 

Your guests are more important than your wedding vision.

Budget is set

We agreed to less than 100.

I waiting for a call back from the location of the reception, they have an outside area, that would fit everyone.

Do they have an inside area that fits everyone, in case it rains?

They have both.

PrettyGirlLost

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so my FI and have found a spot for our ceremony but it is limited on the amount of people that it can hold for an outside service.

The location for our reception is a different story.

Ceremony site is within walking distance to the reception site too.

FI and I want a small outdoor ceremony but would like a big "party" afterwards.

We know that we are going to hurt people's feelings about not being at the ceremony but costs is an issue for us as well.

How can we word our invites to those that are not at the ceremony? I'm going to try to see if we can broadcast/view the ceremony at the reception site too.

I'm going to mention this for lurkers. . . the bolded statements are contradictory and make no sense.  If cost is an issue, then you would want to limit the numbers at the reception.

The reception is the expensive part of a wedding, not the ceremony; If you have a properly established budget, 50%-60% of your total budget should be for the reception.  The majority of the reception costs will be your catering bill, with the remaining portion of that 50%-60% going towards site rental fees and taxes, tips and/or service charges, table/chair/linen rentals, DJ and/or other entertainment, favors, etc.

Ceremony costs are trivial when compared to those of the reception.

nhultberg461

PrettyGirlLost said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so my FI and have found a spot for our ceremony but it is limited on the amount of people that it can hold for an outside service.

The location for our reception is a different story.

Ceremony site is within walking distance to the reception site too.

FI and I want a small outdoor ceremony but would like a big "party" afterwards.

We know that we are going to hurt people's feelings about not being at the ceremony but costs is an issue for us as well.

How can we word our invites to those that are not at the ceremony? I'm going to try to see if we can broadcast/view the ceremony at the reception site too.

I'm going to mention this for lurkers. . . the bolded statements are contradictory and make no sense.  If cost is an issue, then you would want to limit the numbers at the reception.

The reception is the expensive part of a wedding, not the ceremony; If you have a properly established budget, 50%-60% of your total budget should be for the reception.  The majority of the reception costs will be your catering bill, with the remaining portion of that 50%-60% going towards site rental fees and taxes, tips and/or service charges, table/chair/linen rentals, DJ and/or other entertainment, favors, etc.

Ceremony costs are trivial when compared to those of the reception.

I just got a dose of sticker shock when I received some quotes for the catering for our reception.

The food costs alone is 1/2 our entire budget, so we have to figure something else out. Or increase our budget.

emmaaa

nhultberg461 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so my FI and have found a spot for our ceremony but it is limited on the amount of people that it can hold for an outside service.

The location for our reception is a different story.

Ceremony site is within walking distance to the reception site too.

FI and I want a small outdoor ceremony but would like a big "party" afterwards.

We know that we are going to hurt people's feelings about not being at the ceremony but costs is an issue for us as well.

How can we word our invites to those that are not at the ceremony? I'm going to try to see if we can broadcast/view the ceremony at the reception site too.

I'm going to mention this for lurkers. . . the bolded statements are contradictory and make no sense.  If cost is an issue, then you would want to limit the numbers at the reception.

The reception is the expensive part of a wedding, not the ceremony; If you have a properly established budget, 50%-60% of your total budget should be for the reception.  The majority of the reception costs will be your catering bill, with the remaining portion of that 50%-60% going towards site rental fees and taxes, tips and/or service charges, table/chair/linen rentals, DJ and/or other entertainment, favors, etc.

Ceremony costs are trivial when compared to those of the reception.

I just got a dose of sticker shock when I received some quotes for the catering for our reception.

The food costs alone is 1/2 our entire budget, so we have to figure something else out. Or increase our budget.

What if you changed the time and did appetizers and cake or something?

nhultberg461

emmaaa said:

nhultberg461 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so my FI and have found a spot for our ceremony but it is limited on the amount of people that it can hold for an outside service.

The location for our reception is a different story.

Ceremony site is within walking distance to the reception site too.

FI and I want a small outdoor ceremony but would like a big "party" afterwards.

We know that we are going to hurt people's feelings about not being at the ceremony but costs is an issue for us as well.

How can we word our invites to those that are not at the ceremony? I'm going to try to see if we can broadcast/view the ceremony at the reception site too.

I'm going to mention this for lurkers. . . the bolded statements are contradictory and make no sense.  If cost is an issue, then you would want to limit the numbers at the reception.

The reception is the expensive part of a wedding, not the ceremony; If you have a properly established budget, 50%-60% of your total budget should be for the reception.  The majority of the reception costs will be your catering bill, with the remaining portion of that 50%-60% going towards site rental fees and taxes, tips and/or service charges, table/chair/linen rentals, DJ and/or other entertainment, favors, etc.

Ceremony costs are trivial when compared to those of the reception.

I just got a dose of sticker shock when I received some quotes for the catering for our reception.

The food costs alone is 1/2 our entire budget, so we have to figure something else out. Or increase our budget.

What if you changed the time and did appetizers and cake or something?

We might have to do that, but we've also had some friends of ours offer as well to cook for us. So we have to sit back down and look at everything again. We are trying to keep everything when a certain budget, and both of us didn't realize that it was this costly.

I know too that we are going to hurt some family/friends feelings by not including them. But with our budget we had to cut people out.

AddieCake

I wouldn't recommend letting friends cook for you. Do they have experience cooking for a large crowd? Who will serve the food? How will you keep it hot/cold?

PrettyGirlLost

nhultberg461 said:

emmaaa said:

nhultberg461 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so my FI and have found a spot for our ceremony but it is limited on the amount of people that it can hold for an outside service.

The location for our reception is a different story.

Ceremony site is within walking distance to the reception site too.

FI and I want a small outdoor ceremony but would like a big "party" afterwards.

We know that we are going to hurt people's feelings about not being at the ceremony but costs is an issue for us as well.

How can we word our invites to those that are not at the ceremony? I'm going to try to see if we can broadcast/view the ceremony at the reception site too.

I'm going to mention this for lurkers. . . the bolded statements are contradictory and make no sense.  If cost is an issue, then you would want to limit the numbers at the reception.

The reception is the expensive part of a wedding, not the ceremony; If you have a properly established budget, 50%-60% of your total budget should be for the reception.  The majority of the reception costs will be your catering bill, with the remaining portion of that 50%-60% going towards site rental fees and taxes, tips and/or service charges, table/chair/linen rentals, DJ and/or other entertainment, favors, etc.

Ceremony costs are trivial when compared to those of the reception.

I just got a dose of sticker shock when I received some quotes for the catering for our reception.

The food costs alone is 1/2 our entire budget, That sounds pretty typical, actually so we have to figure something else out. Or increase our budget.

What if you changed the time and did appetizers and cake or something?

We might have to do that, but we've also had some friends of ours offer as well to cook for us.   No, do not do this!  Lots of logistical issues, people can get sick from undercooked meals, etc. So we have to sit back down and look at everything again. We are trying to keep everything when a certain budget, and both of us didn't realize that it was this costly.

I know too that we are going to hurt some family/friends feelings by not including them. But with our budget we had to cut people out.

This is the main reason we had a 2.5year engagement.  We knew it would be expensive to have the type of wedding we wanted and to have the number of people we wanted in attendance.

Once we were engaged we both started looking at venue catering costs throughout our area to get an idea of what our budget was going to have to be for the type of event that we wanted to host.

nhultberg461

I haven't agreed to anything when it comes to our food costs yet. We are just going after quotes. The offer to BBQ for us was just offered today.

I'm still going through trying to figure it all out. We are going to our venue Monday afternoon, and the spot doesn't include a kitchen so that's something that we will have to contend with.

As it is we have moved our date 3 times, and we have agreed not to move it again.

SP29

If cost is the big issue then I would consider either a lunch reception, afternoon reception with drinks and apps, or an evening cocktail reception (this would mean your ceremony is after dinner time). All of those would cut your costs down while allowing you to maintain your 100 person guest list, and if you did the evening cocktail reception you could still have that party atmosphere.

ETA: As a friendly reminder, if you are dealing with budget constraints, remember that no one cares if you have centerpieces, flowers or how big the bouquets are, decor, favours or a limo. So forget all that stuff and focus on a ceremony and reception venue that can seat all of your guests and provide appropriate-time food and drink.

[Deleted User]

nhultberg461 said:

I haven't agreed to anything when it comes to our food costs yet. We are just going after quotes. The offer to BBQ for us was just offered today.

I'm still going through trying to figure it all out. We are going to our venue Monday afternoon, and the spot doesn't include a kitchen so that's something that we will have to contend with.

As it is we have moved our date 3 times, and we have agreed not to move it again.

I don't think you have a venue if the location you've chosen does not have a kitchen.  How are you having food at all if you can't keep the cold food cold and the hot food hot until they get placed out for eating?

STARMOON44

How do you have a venue (with no kitchen?!?) and a date you won't change, and no understanding of how much catering costs or whether it works with your budget? That's the primary cost in any wedding and should be your first concern, not an afterthought while insisting everything else is set in stone.

Or just spend half your budget on food. I actually that that's pretty reasonable, especially if your budget isn't huge. Feeding people is expensive, and most other budget lines are unnecessary.

PrettyGirlLost

STARMOON44 said:

How do you have a venue (with no kitchen?!?) and a date you won't change, and no understanding of how much catering costs or whether it works with your budget? That's the primary cost in any wedding and should be your first concern, not an afterthought while insisting everything else is set in stone.

Or just spend half your budget on food. I actually that that's pretty reasonable, especially if your budget isn't huge. Feeding people is expensive, and most other budget lines are unnecessary.

I'm baffled by all of this as well. . .

nhultberg461

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question.
I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue.
I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this.
Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

redoryx

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question. I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue. I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this. Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

AKA, "I'm just going to do whatever I want anyway."

Cookie Pusher

redoryx said:

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question. I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue. I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this. Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

AKA, "I'm just going to do whatever I want anyway."

snowywinter

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question. I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue. I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this. Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

As someone who was in your shoes when she first started planning, let me give you my two cents. First of all, catering should be close to 50% of the budget, especially if your budget is small. There is nothing wrong with that. No need to re-think it unless you think you'll go overboard on everything else. If you do some research, you'll see that the most costly part of the wedding is the catering.

You'll have to make some other decisions to keep costs down. Do you want alcohol at your wedding? A dry wedding is an option and a great money saver. Or if you serve alcohol, consider just serving beer and wine to reduce costs. Can you budget your dress appropriately or do you have your heart set on a particular costly designer? Can you do your own hair and makeup? Can you opt for decorations instead of having an outrageous flower budget?

There are plenty of ways to keep your costs low and still have the wedding of your dreams. No need to sacrifice your overall vision just because the catering bill will be half your budget.

nhultberg461

I as given options as far as doing appetizers chaffing dishes those kinds of things maybe moving it to earlier in the morning.

snowywinter

Do a brunch reception. It's half the cost of a dinner reception. You can serve mimosas and bloody marys with brunch dishes.

Viczaesar

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question. I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue. I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this. Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

Well, quite frankly, you're presenting yourself as someone who doesn't have a clue.  Don't be surprised when people take you at your word.  

CMGragain

nhultberg461 said:

Ok, so my FI and have found a spot for our ceremony but it is limited on the amount of people that it can hold for an outside service.

The location for our reception is a different story.

Ceremony site is within walking distance to the reception site too.

FI and I want a small outdoor ceremony but would like a big "party" afterwards.

We know that we are going to hurt people's feelings about not being at the ceremony but costs is an issue for us as well.

How can we word our invites to those that are not at the ceremony? I'm going to try to see if we can broadcast/view the ceremony at the reception site too.

Let me try again.

If you are having a private ceremony followed by a big reception, this is acceptable, but not popular etiquette.

If you are having a smaller ceremony of, say 50 guests, followed by a larger reception, then you are being unforgivably rude to your reception only guests.  Broadcasting the ceremony only makes this worse.

Here is the wording for a PROPER wedding reception:

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the wedding reception of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

Day, Date

time o'clock  (Time of the reception, not the ceremony)

Venue

Address

City, Stae

You should include insert cards to the immediate family members ONLY who are invited to the ceremony.

A better idea is to have your ceremony and reception in the same place so that all your guests can attend

laceykeo

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question.
I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue.
I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this.
Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

When I first came to TK, I was an idiot who didn't have a clue. That's WHY I came to TK.

Maybe instead of getting all crabby at the people who are trying to help, read all the suggestions again, log off for the day and think about what was said, and come back with a "okay, I don't really know what I'm doing, help me please?" attitude.

The ladies here are wise. They have planned/are planning beautiful, successful, keep-the-guests-happy-without-ditching-vision weddings.

redoryx

laceykeo said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question. I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue. I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this. Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

When I first came to TK, I was an idiot who didn't have a clue. That's WHY I came to TK. Maybe instead of getting all crabby at the people who are trying to help, read all the suggestions again, log off for the day and think about what was said, and come back with a "okay, I don't really know what I'm doing, help me please?" attitude. The ladies here are wise. They have planned/are planning beautiful, successful, keep-the-guests-happy-without-ditching-vision weddings.

OP, and lurkers, this is REALLY good advice. I wish more brides would accept that unless this is their second marriage, they have no freaking clue what they are doing when it comes to planning a wedding. And that's perfectly okay! It's even expected to have no clue. 

nhultberg461

redoryx said:

laceykeo said:

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question.
I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue.
I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this.
Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

When I first came to TK, I was an idiot who didn't have a clue. That's WHY I came to TK.

Maybe instead of getting all crabby at the people who are trying to help, read all the suggestions again, log off for the day and think about what was said, and come back with a "okay, I don't really know what I'm doing, help me please?" attitude.

The ladies here are wise. They have planned/are planning beautiful, successful, keep-the-guests-happy-without-ditching-vision weddings.

OP, and lurkers, this is REALLY good advice. I wish more brides would accept that unless this is their second marriage, they have no freaking clue what they are doing when it comes to planning a wedding. And that's perfectly okay! It's even expected to have no clue. 

This is my second marriage I eloped my first time. I have read through everything and that's why I'm trying to figure out what's going to work and what's not going to work.
Having an early ceremony and possible brunch reception sounds like something we might want to look into more.
One of the problems I have on here is that you get great advice from some in here and then there are those that it feels like just want to artack everything and tell you that isn't right. I'm no miss manners or miss equititte by no means and have never claimed to be.
I want to make our celebration simple romantic and for all of us to have a great time.
Believe me when I need to be brought back to real life I come back in here and read what others have posted.
We have a small budget and we are trying to figure out how all this works. We both realize it's not easy

laceykeo

nhultberg461 said:

redoryx said:

laceykeo said:

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question.
I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue.
I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this.
Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

When I first came to TK, I was an idiot who didn't have a clue. That's WHY I came to TK.

Maybe instead of getting all crabby at the people who are trying to help, read all the suggestions again, log off for the day and think about what was said, and come back with a "okay, I don't really know what I'm doing, help me please?" attitude.

The ladies here are wise. They have planned/are planning beautiful, successful, keep-the-guests-happy-without-ditching-vision weddings.

OP, and lurkers, this is REALLY good advice. I wish more brides would accept that unless this is their second marriage, they have no freaking clue what they are doing when it comes to planning a wedding. And that's perfectly okay! It's even expected to have no clue. 

This is my second marriage I eloped my first time. I have read through everything and that's why I'm trying to figure out what's going to work and what's not going to work.
Having an early ceremony and possible brunch reception sounds like something we might want to look into more.
One of the problems I have on here is that you get great advice from some in here and then there are those that it feels like just want to artack everything and tell you that isn't right. I'm no miss manners or miss equititte by no means and have never claimed to be.
I want to make our celebration simple romantic and for all of us to have a great time.
Believe me when I need to be brought back to real life I come back in here and read what others have posted.
We have a small budget and we are trying to figure out how all this works. We both realize it's not easy

This is much better, but still...
Having a great time means following etiquette.

Think about any time you've been to any sort of function. Did you really care that the tables had three layers of cloth, the finest glassware, the walls were draped and had beautiful lighting, the person of honor had the finest dress?

Or were you more interested in the food you were eating, and having a place to sit?

Let these ladies help you. Tell them what you're looking for, and they'll help you find ways to incorporate it.

nhultberg461

laceykeo said:

nhultberg461 said:

redoryx said:

laceykeo said:

nhultberg461 said:

Again please pay attention. I'm just starting all of this and have moved our date three times already. Sheesh sorry I even asked a question.
I've been reading everyone's answer and trying to decide what to do and you all seem to think that we are all idiots and don't have any sort of clue.
I came here asking a simple or at least what I thought was simple turned into this.
Look I appreciate everyone trying to help out and appreciate the advice but I've gotten great feedback and will go from there.

When I first came to TK, I was an idiot who didn't have a clue. That's WHY I came to TK.

Maybe instead of getting all crabby at the people who are trying to help, read all the suggestions again, log off for the day and think about what was said, and come back with a "okay, I don't really know what I'm doing, help me please?" attitude.

The ladies here are wise. They have planned/are planning beautiful, successful, keep-the-guests-happy-without-ditching-vision weddings.

OP, and lurkers, this is REALLY good advice. I wish more brides would accept that unless this is their second marriage, they have no freaking clue what they are doing when it comes to planning a wedding. And that's perfectly okay! It's even expected to have no clue. 

This is my second marriage I eloped my first time. I have read through everything and that's why I'm trying to figure out what's going to work and what's not going to work.
Having an early ceremony and possible brunch reception sounds like something we might want to look into more.
One of the problems I have on here is that you get great advice from some in here and then there are those that it feels like just want to artack everything and tell you that isn't right. I'm no miss manners or miss equititte by no means and have never claimed to be.
I want to make our celebration simple romantic and for all of us to have a great time.
Believe me when I need to be brought back to real life I come back in here and read what others have posted.
We have a small budget and we are trying to figure out how all this works. We both realize it's not easy

This is much better, but still...
Having a great time means following etiquette.

Think about any time you've been to any sort of function. Did you really care that the tables had three layers of cloth, the finest glassware, the walls were draped and had beautiful lighting, the person of honor had the finest dress?

Or were you more interested in the food you were eating, and having a place to sit?

Let these ladies help you. Tell them what you're looking for, and they'll help you find ways to incorporate it.

I more cared about the food and where to sit. I haven't been to any sort of wedding or special event in almost 10 years.

again I'm trying to figure out what fits our budget.

I know that being this is the equititte board not everything thinking will be within those guidelines I was asking for advice and trying to find what works and what doesn't work.

The venue told us we can bring in our own alcohol so we are going to price that as well too. Although right now eloping again sounds like a real good idea.

CMGragain

Just keep it simple.  Food, space to sit, comfort. 

Least expensive wedding reception - cake, punch and maybe little tea sandwiches in the afternoon.  No dancing.  People probably won't want to attend this if they aren't also invited to your ceremony.

Next level - brunch reception with mimosas and bloody marys.  Dancing OK, but you won't get as much participation.

Most expensive - dinner reception.

PrettyGirlLost

nhultberg461 said:

I as given options as far as doing appetizers chaffing dishes those kinds of things maybe moving it to earlier in the morning.

You need to be careful if you have an app only reception at a meal time.  @lyndausvi can probably better comment, but it's my understanding that it is often more expensive to do an apps only reception because you need far more apps per person (15-10) than you would need for just a cocktail hour.