The endless dress code question...

julieanne912

So now that invites are out and people have checked out our website, I'm getting all kinds of questions about our dress code... even FI is telling me I need to put something on our website about what it is.  All that's on the website right now about attire is letting people know that the ceremony is on a lawn, so spike heels might not be best, and that the reception is in a barn with wood floors (versus dirt/sawdust like some barn venues are).  

I seriously honestly don't care what people wear, but people seem so confused.  FI is wearing nice dark jeans, boots, a shirt, tie, and vest.  I'll of course be dressed up with a lace dress and pearl jewelry.  Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot.  Barn has AC, ceremony area is fully shaded.  

Is there ANY polite way to make suggestions about what to wear on the website, without saying "wear whatever you want", since that'll just confuse people?  Should I say casual?  FI linked me to this page from The Knot and I'd say we're on the casual section for ours: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet

[Deleted User]

julieanne912 said:

So now that invites are out and people have checked out our website, I'm getting all kinds of questions about our dress code... even FI is telling me I need to put something on our website about what it is.  All that's on the website right now about attire is letting people know that the ceremony is on a lawn, so spike heels might not be best, and that the reception is in a barn with wood floors (versus dirt/sawdust like some barn venues are).  

I seriously honestly don't care what people wear, but people seem so confused.  FI is wearing nice dark jeans, boots, a shirt, tie, and vest.  I'll of course be dressed up with a lace dress and pearl jewelry.  Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot.  Barn has AC, ceremony area is fully shaded.  

Is there ANY polite way to make suggestions about what to wear on the website, without saying "wear whatever you want", since that'll just confuse people?  Should I say casual?  FI linked me to this page from The Knot and I'd say we're on the casual section for ours: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet

I know you've mentioned this before, but do you have a ton of guests? The general opinion here (correct me if I'm wrong) is that word of mouth is the best way to spread info on attire. For example, explain the style of clothes you and your FI will be wearing. 

It is against etiquette to dictate dress code, but if you have a large number of guests, I might consider putting something on your website...I don't really know what you would say though. Casual 'date' night attire is welcome? Describe what your FI is wearing? 

But seriously, WHY are these people so confused?

julieanne912

abcdevonn said:

julieanne912 said:

So now that invites are out and people have checked out our website, I'm getting all kinds of questions about our dress code... even FI is telling me I need to put something on our website about what it is.  All that's on the website right now about attire is letting people know that the ceremony is on a lawn, so spike heels might not be best, and that the reception is in a barn with wood floors (versus dirt/sawdust like some barn venues are).  

I seriously honestly don't care what people wear, but people seem so confused.  FI is wearing nice dark jeans, boots, a shirt, tie, and vest.  I'll of course be dressed up with a lace dress and pearl jewelry.  Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot.  Barn has AC, ceremony area is fully shaded.  

Is there ANY polite way to make suggestions about what to wear on the website, without saying "wear whatever you want", since that'll just confuse people?  Should I say casual?  FI linked me to this page from The Knot and I'd say we're on the casual section for ours: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet

I know you've mentioned this before, but do you have a ton of guests? The general opinion here (correct me if I'm wrong) is that word of mouth is the best way to spread info on attire. For example, explain the style of clothes you and your FI will be wearing. 

It is against etiquette to dictate dress code, but if you have a large number of guests, I might consider putting something on your website...I don't really know what you would say though. Casual 'date' night attire is welcome? Describe what your FI is wearing? 

But seriously, WHY are these people so confused?

There's 198 on the guest list, from lots of different circles, so a decent amount of people.  I was thinking of maybe putting right on the website what FI is wearing.  FI suggested "wedding casual" whatever that is.  Many of our guests are from Wyoming though, so a lot of them would probably appreciate knowing that jeans and boots are totally fine.  

I have no idea why it's so confusing.  My mom's cousin (who is in her 70s) thought she had to dress in full on western wear like she was going to a square dance! LOL! 

[Deleted User]

julieanne912 said:

abcdevonn said:

julieanne912 said:

So now that invites are out and people have checked out our website, I'm getting all kinds of questions about our dress code... even FI is telling me I need to put something on our website about what it is.  All that's on the website right now about attire is letting people know that the ceremony is on a lawn, so spike heels might not be best, and that the reception is in a barn with wood floors (versus dirt/sawdust like some barn venues are).  

I seriously honestly don't care what people wear, but people seem so confused.  FI is wearing nice dark jeans, boots, a shirt, tie, and vest.  I'll of course be dressed up with a lace dress and pearl jewelry.  Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot.  Barn has AC, ceremony area is fully shaded.  

Is there ANY polite way to make suggestions about what to wear on the website, without saying "wear whatever you want", since that'll just confuse people?  Should I say casual?  FI linked me to this page from The Knot and I'd say we're on the casual section for ours: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet

I know you've mentioned this before, but do you have a ton of guests? The general opinion here (correct me if I'm wrong) is that word of mouth is the best way to spread info on attire. For example, explain the style of clothes you and your FI will be wearing. 

It is against etiquette to dictate dress code, but if you have a large number of guests, I might consider putting something on your website...I don't really know what you would say though. Casual 'date' night attire is welcome? Describe what your FI is wearing? 

But seriously, WHY are these people so confused?

There's 198 on the guest list, from lots of different circles, so a decent amount of people.  I was thinking of maybe putting right on the website what FI is wearing.  FI suggested "wedding casual" whatever that is.  Many of our guests are from Wyoming though, so a lot of them would probably appreciate knowing that jeans and boots are totally fine.  

I have no idea why it's so confusing.  My mom's cousin (who is in her 70s) thought she had to dress in full on western wear like she was going to a square dance! LOL! 

I think that is the best choice if you're going to put anything, IMO. It doesn't tell others what to wear, but it lets people know what they can expect. I think "wedding casual" is a bit too vague if these people are already having trouble figuring out attire. If I heard that, I'd wear a sundress (but I'd probably still wear one, even if you said jeans were fine.)

MairePoppy

julieanne912 said:

abcdevonn said:

julieanne912 said:

So....... 

I have no idea why it's so confusing.  My mom's cousin (who is in her 70s) thought she had to dress in full on western wear like she was going to a square dance! LOL! 

Awww, that's so cute! 

Since jeans are okay with your venue and your guests are confused, put casual on your website, not on the invitations.

[Deleted User]

julieanne912 said:

So now that invites are out and people have checked out our website, I'm getting all kinds of questions about our dress code... even FI is telling me I need to put something on our website about what it is.  All that's on the website right now about attire is letting people know that the ceremony is on a lawn, so spike heels might not be best, and that the reception is in a barn with wood floors (versus dirt/sawdust like some barn venues are).  

I seriously honestly don't care what people wear, but people seem so confused.  FI is wearing nice dark jeans, boots, a shirt, tie, and vest.  I'll of course be dressed up with a lace dress and pearl jewelry.  Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot.  Barn has AC, ceremony area is fully shaded.  

Is there ANY polite way to make suggestions about what to wear on the website, without saying "wear whatever you want", since that'll just confuse people?  Should I say casual?  FI linked me to this page from The Knot and I'd say we're on the casual section for ours: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-guest-attire-cheat-sheet

This is your Dress Code.  "FI is wearing nice dark jeans, boots, a shirt, tie, and vest.  I'll of course be dressed up with a lace dress and pearl jewelry.  Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot.  Barn has AC, ceremony area is fully shaded."   Have this information under Attire on your website.  Maybe instead of "Wedding's in September, where it could be pleasant or it could be hot," put a link to the zip code's weather website, or a list of the temperatures in that area in September over the past several years.  Basically a "Groom is wearing jeans, button-down with vest and tie, MOB is wearing a long chiffon dress, MOG is wearing a short lace dress, FOG is wearing khakis and a polo shirt." should suffice.  

SP29

I agree with letting your guests what you and FI (and/or your parents and/or your bridal party) will be wearing is helpful, without telling your guests what to wear or giving them vague dress codes.

[Deleted User]

SP29 said:

I agree with letting your guests what you and FI (and/or your parents and/or your bridal party) will be wearing is helpful, without telling your guests what to wear or giving them vague dress codes.

Exactly.  It's not like they want you to tell them, "Uh, you know that yellow and orange flowered dress in your closet?  Wear that."  They want to know if the location is air conditioned, if they'll be expected to walk on grass in stillettos, if there's a rock path, and if it's okay if their boyfriend wears gray pants or if they have to go out and buy him a suit.  A description of what others are wearing that you find appropriate would be helpful for them to make their own decision.

julieanne912

Thanks everyone, this was helpful!  I'll update the attire section on my website.  I should probably add that the parking lot is gravel on there in addition to the bit about the lawn and the wood floors.

luckya23

When in September is it?  Is the barn heated?

I wish I had been able to convey that my tent would not be heated, and perhaps more people would have brought warmer clothes.

julieanne912

luckya23 said:

When in September is it?  Is the barn heated?

I wish I had been able to convey that my tent would not be heated, and perhaps more people would have brought warmer clothes.

Yes, it is heated and cooled.  It's a building used specifically for receptions so it's set up nicer than most barn venues (has attached bathrooms, a small kitchen, is handicap accessible etc).  

MandyMost

When people ask, I'd say "The groom is wearing nice dark jeans, so jeans are totally fine! If you'd prefer to dress up more, that's fine, too, as I'll be much dressier than groom, so even between us we couldn't decide on a dress code, we don't expect our guests to follow a single dress code either!"

I'd put on the website, "Lots of people have asked what to wear! It's totally up to you--anything from jeans (that the groom is planning to wear) to a formal gown (that the bride is planning to wear) is completely welcome. Just keep in mind the gravel drive way and ceremony on grass when choosing your footwear. And don't worry, the reception has both a/c and heat!"

julieanne912

MandyMost said:

When people ask, I'd say "The groom is wearing nice dark jeans, so jeans are totally fine! If you'd prefer to dress up more, that's fine, too, as I'll be much dressier than groom, so even between us we couldn't decide on a dress code, we don't expect our guests to follow a single dress code either!"

I'd put on the website, "Lots of people have asked what to wear! It's totally up to you--anything from jeans (that the groom is planning to wear) to a formal gown (that the bride is planning to wear) is completely welcome. Just keep in mind the gravel drive way and ceremony on grass when choosing your footwear. And don't worry, the reception has both a/c and heat!"

This is perfect, thanks!

EatDrinkBeWoods

MandyMost said:

When people ask, I'd say "The groom is wearing nice dark jeans, so jeans are totally fine! If you'd prefer to dress up more, that's fine, too, as I'll be much dressier than groom, so even between us we couldn't decide on a dress code, we don't expect our guests to follow a single dress code either!"

I'd put on the website, "Lots of people have asked what to wear! It's totally up to you--anything from jeans (that the groom is planning to wear) to a formal gown (that the bride is planning to wear) is completely welcome. Just keep in mind the gravel drive way and ceremony on grass when choosing your footwear. And don't worry, the reception has both a/c and heat!"

Thank you so much! I've been searching for a way to say something just like that, and you said it perfectly. I used a lot of what you just said.