WTF FI

julieanne912

So we got an invite returned to us yesterday because the address was wrong.  Not a big deal, FI just messaged his friend for the correct one and I wrote out a new envelope.  However, as I was doing it, FI said "You might as well include his wife on there too"  WTF FI??  Apparently he didn't think adding spouses etc was necessary and that people would just "know" that their significant other was invited too.  

So now I'm going to make him go through his list (many of which are guys I've not met before, they're mostly people he has played hockey with growing up), and call anybody whose wife/gf wasn't included on the invitation to let them know that they too are invited. Thankfully we've had some declines for other people so we can accommodate the extra SOs if needed, since we were at the max for the venue (and yeah LURKERS... THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T INVITE THE ABSOLUTE MAX EITHER)

Needless to say I feel like an asshole.  And FI should too.

novella1186

Ouch. Yeah this is why I sat down with H and went through the entire guest list for his side and said "does this person have an SO? What is his/her name? Do these people have kids? Do you want them to be invited too?" 

However, our big mishap was that he couldn't track down the address for one couple, and he didn't really know them so he decided not to invite them at all. There was a huge miscommunication about this with his mom and sister-- who were hosting my shower-- because they still invited the couple to the shower. They immediately declined (I don't blame them) and I felt like a total asshole. 

It happens. 

julieanne912

novella1186 said:

Ouch. Yeah this is why I sat down with H and went through the entire guest list for his side and said "does this person have an SO? What is his/her name? Do these people have kids? Do you want them to be invited too?" 

However, our big mishap was that he couldn't track down the address for one couple, and he didn't really know them so he decided not to invite them at all. There was a huge miscommunication about this with his mom and sister-- who were hosting my shower-- because they still invited the couple to the shower. They immediately declined (I don't blame them) and I felt like a total asshole. 

It happens. 

That's what's funny is he included SO's and wives for some of the guys, but not for others... so I assumed that the ones that were single on the list were truly single.  I didn't think I'd have to sit down and go through one by one but apparently so....   

Thankfully it's just a handful of people and not his entire list that's like that, but still...

lovemesomemonster

I feel your pain! FI gave me a list and of course it was just names of his friends, no wives, girlfriends, kids, and no addresses. Thank goodness for FB and me not being shy, I tracked them all down and got the info I needed, just didn't cross his mind that we needed more than his buddy's name.

AddieCake

I'm glad you found out so you can say something. I don't understand why he gave you SO names for some and not others.

julieanne912

AddieCake said:

I'm glad you found out so you can say something. I don't understand why he gave you SO names for some and not others.

I have no idea.  I just sent him a list of all the single guys on our list that I wasn't sure about, and 4 of them are married!!!!  Ugh.  I asked him to contact them to let them know that their wives are actually invited.  

He goes "Isn't it generally understood if you invite one half, then the other is invited too, and that people can bring a date if they want?" I said "No, it's not.  If someone is not listed on the invite, it implies they aren't invited.  If we were going along with your reasoning, we could be a good 30-40 people over capacity because we purposely didn't invite most people's children or give truly singles plus ones"

Now he thinks because his mom has told us certain people "probably" aren't coming, that means for sure they aren't.  He just doesn't get that until we actually hear from said person that they aren't coming, we have to assume they are.

UGH UGH UGH

MissKittyDanger

@novella1186 we did the same!

There was one we didn't know had a spouse {since they never came to the family dinners .... } and M's aunt was like "oh is X's gf invited? it's okay if she's not" {which we were cool with since she said it nicely}

TNDancer

yup, my FI did this but with kids. He forgot to tell me that he wanted all his friends kids to come. It's fine. We have the space, and I'm not anti kid ant the wedding, but I NEED a proper headcount to bidget everything.

julieanne912

TNDancer said:

yup, my FI did this but with kids. He forgot to tell me that he wanted all his friends kids to come. It's fine. We have the space, and I'm not anti kid ant the wedding, but I NEED a proper headcount to bidget everything.

Yeah it's like mine thinks we're planning a fucking backyard BBQ.  

loveislouder

We had a couple last minute additions because H would come up to me and be like, oh so and so asked if they could bring their kid and I said yes. So frustrating.