Guest List - Single Friends/Family Members

JslynR

Here's the problem, my fiancé and I are paying for most of the wedding, sadly, we must be a little strict with our guest list, not to mention our family size. I understand that there are some single friends/family members who are in committed relationships and I plan on inviting them; however, it is kind of difficult for us to offer a plus one to those who are truly single, have them bring someone we do not know, then feel compelled to go back to the list and eliminate others. It's been a bit stressful to say the least.

 

With that being said......

 

How do you properly invite a single person? AND, how do you properly include adults only?

 

 

lyndausvi

Only the names on the envelopes are the ones invited to the wedding.    Most people get that, although from being on here it's not always the case.     Just put whomever's name on the envelope and then deal with questions and/or people RSVP more if they happen.

[Deleted User]

Yup as above PP said. Truly single people (You must find out before sending invites though if they are really single) get listed on the invite with just their name. You can also put 1 chair has been reserved for you please RSVP bla bla bla.

justsie

JslynR said:

Here's the problem, my fiancé and I are paying for most of the wedding, sadly, we must be a little strict with our guest list, not to mention our family size. I understand that there are some single friends/family members who are in committed relationships and I plan on inviting them; however, there are those who are not involved in committed relationships and it is kind of difficult for us to invite someone we do not know when someone we do know can come. It's been a bit stressful to say the least.

 

With that being said......

 

How do you properly invite a single person? AND, how do you properly include adults only?

 

HELP!!!!!!!!

I think PPs have covered it well. One thing to note though (and I know you said you're inviting them so this is more for lurkers) is that single people are people who are NOT in a relationship. If they are in a relationship then they are now a social unit. 

loveislouder

JslynR said:

Here's the problem, my fiancé and I are paying for most of the wedding, sadly, we must be a little strict with our guest list, not to mention our family size. I understand that there are some single friends/family members who are in committed relationships and I plan on inviting them; however, there are those who are not involved in committed relationships and it is kind of difficult for us to invite someone we do not know when someone we do know can come. It's been a bit stressful to say the least.

 

With that being said......

 

How do you properly invite a single person? AND, how do you properly include adults only?

 

HELP!!!!!!!!

I'm a little concerned about the "committed relationship" wording. Who judges who is in a "committed" relationship? If Uncle Joe has a new girlfriend of a month, are they not committed enough?

ShesSoCold

loveislouder said:

JslynR said:

Here's the problem, my fiancé and I are paying for most of the wedding, sadly, we must be a little strict with our guest list, not to mention our family size. I understand that there are some single friends/family members who are in committed relationships and I plan on inviting them; however, there are those who are not involved in committed relationships and it is kind of difficult for us to invite someone we do not know when someone we do know can come. It's been a bit stressful to say the least.

 

With that being said......

 

How do you properly invite a single person? AND, how do you properly include adults only?

 

HELP!!!!!!!!

I'm a little concerned about the "committed relationship" wording. Who judges who is in a "committed" relationship? If Uncle Joe has a new girlfriend of a month, are they not committed enough?

This. I don't like "committed". A couple doesn't have to have had "the talk" to be a social unit.

mrscomposer

JslynR said:

Here's the problem, my fiancé and I are paying for most of the wedding, sadly, we must be a little strict with our guest list, not to mention our family size. I understand that there are some single friends/family members who are in committed relationships and I plan on inviting them; however, there are those who are not involved in committed relationships and it is kind of difficult for us to invite someone we do not know when someone we do know can come. It's been a bit stressful to say the least.

 

With that being said......

 

How do you properly invite a single person? AND, how do you properly include adults only?

 

HELP!!!!!!!!

I might need a bit of clarification on this.  You said that people who are NOT involved in a committed relationship will not have plus ones given (which is completely fine)... but the way you worded your second part maybe makes me think that some people are in relationships - but not committed relationships.  Is this the case?

You absolutely do not have to offer truly single people a plus one.  However, if someone is in a relationship - regardless of your perception of their commitment - their significant other needs to be invited as they are a social unit.

JslynR

I do apologize. I should have worded that differently. For those who are in relationships will definitely be able to bring their significant other. For those who are truly single will not be offered a plus one.

Thing is, I know some who are just dating, no relationship, from a financial perspective, I did not think it was fair to offer a plus one to those, and feel compelled to eliminate others from the guest list.

 

JslynR

Yes, I agree. I should have worded that differently.

thespeshulestsnowflake

JslynR said:

I do apologize. I should have worded that differently. For those who are in relationships will definitely be able to bring their significant other. For those who are truly single will not be offered a plus one.

Thing is, I know some who are just dating, no relationship, from a financial perspective, I did not think it was fair to offer a plus one to those, and feel compelled to eliminate others from the guest list.

 

What does the bolded mean? People are dating for money?

[Deleted User]

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

JslynR said:

I do apologize. I should have worded that differently. For those who are in relationships will definitely be able to bring their significant other. For those who are truly single will not be offered a plus one.

Thing is, I know some who are just dating, no relationship, from a financial perspective, I did not think it was fair to offer a plus one to those, and feel compelled to eliminate others from the guest list.

 

What does the bolded mean? People are dating for money?

"From a financial perspective" to me, means people who are not listed on each other's tax returns. OP, I HOPE that is not what you mean!

aurianna

The people who you know are "dating," before invites go out ask those people, "do you have a significant other you'd like me to invite?"
If they say no, you're in the clear. If they say yes, they are in a social unit.
Just ask if you aren't sure and it should work out.

ginnybinny17

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

JslynR said:

I do apologize. I should have worded that differently. For those who are in relationships will definitely be able to bring their significant other. For those who are truly single will not be offered a plus one.

Thing is, I know some who are just dating, no relationship, from a financial perspective, I did not think it was fair to offer a plus one to those, and feel compelled to eliminate others from the guest list.

 

What does the bolded mean? People are dating for money?

I have a feeling there was supposed to be a semicolon in there.  "I know some who are just dating, no relationship; from a financial perspective, I did not feel it was fair" etc etc.  (Not saying I agree, but that's how I understood the sentence.)

ginnybinny17

Adding to that, how are you defining who is "just dating" and who is in a relationship?

[Deleted User]

ginnybinny17 said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

JslynR said:

I do apologize. I should have worded that differently. For those who are in relationships will definitely be able to bring their significant other. For those who are truly single will not be offered a plus one.

Thing is, I know some who are just dating, no relationship, from a financial perspective, I did not think it was fair to offer a plus one to those, and feel compelled to eliminate others from the guest list.

 

What does the bolded mean? People are dating for money?

I have a feeling there was supposed to be a semicolon in there.  "I know some who are just dating, no relationship; from a financial perspective, I did not feel it was fair" etc etc.  (Not saying I agree, but that's how I understood the sentence.)

Grammar miracle!

thespeshulestsnowflake

ginnybinny17 said:

Adding to that, how are you defining who is "just dating" and who is in a relationship?

How can you be "just dating" and not have a relationship? You would have a relationship of "dating."

Or OP are you referring to having a relationship status of "dating" on FB? If so, I'd rethink that. I've been dating my BF for 3 years and am still single on FB. The FB relationship status is not an end all on people's relationships.

SP29

If someone would introduce you to the person they are dating as their boyfriend or girlfriend, they are in a relationship and thus a social unit.

A truly single guest does not require a plus one (if truly single at the time invitations go out).

As for addressing invites- only those invited have their name on the invitation. If guests bring up questions or RSVP for more, then you can verbally tell them, "I am sorry for the confusion, but we are unable to accommodate additional guests".

You can also do something like, "___ seats have been reserved in your honour" on the RSVP card and write in how many seats. Or, you can do something where you write the guests' names and then have them check off "accept" or "decline", such as:

John Smith ___ accepts ___ declines
Jane Smith ___ accepts ___ declines

ginnybinny17

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

ginnybinny17 said:

Adding to that, how are you defining who is "just dating" and who is in a relationship?

How can you be "just dating" and not have a relationship? You would have a relationship of "dating."

Or OP are you referring to having a relationship status of "dating" on FB? If so, I'd rethink that. I've been dating my BF for 3 years and am still single on FB. The FB relationship status is not an end all on people's relationships.

Right.  It'd be dicey as heck (and a bit judgey) for OP to use whatever criteria to decide who's in a serious relationships and who's not really in a "relationship" because they're "just dating."

(And same for me about the FB relationship -- I never bothered changing my status and neither did he.  I think we figure the 48193482938 pictures we have together announces our relationship to anyone who's interested well enough.)

kkitkat79

Maybe the OP means dating as in going on dates. It's like an expression "online dating" meaning one goes on dates with a number of people. OP, when you're ready to send invitations just ask if you're not sure. That's the safest way to go.

AddieCake

You need to clarify "just dating." Am I "just dating" if I am single but have gone on a couple dates with a couple guys lately? OK not to give me a plus one. Am I "just dating" Tom, the guy I met at the art festival and have been seeing exclusively for awhile? I should get to bring him.

SP29

AddieCake said:

You need to clarify "just dating." Am I "just dating" if I am single but have gone on a couple dates with a couple guys lately? OK not to give me a plus one. Am I "just dating" Tom, the guy I met at the art festival and have been seeing exclusively for awhile? I should get to bring him.

Right, The difference comes with how the two people present themselves. Any two people who present themselves socially as a couple, whatever that arrangement is, are a social unit and should be invited together to social events.

 If you ran into Sally and Tom out shopping would she introduce you to him as her boyfriend? If you invited Sally to your house for dinner, would you tell her to bring Tom too? Those are all, "yes, Tom gets invited". If you're not sure, you need to ask.

[Deleted User]

I understood "just dating" to be going out to dinner with Mark on Thursday, hanging out with the girls on Saturday and chatting up a hottie at the bar, going hiking with Vlad on Sunday, seeing a movie with Mark on Wednesday, having dinner with Juan on Friday, etc.  Just Dating.  Seeing who you really like and hit it off with.

MandyMost

Also, since you seem to be restricting the guest list from a financial perspective, keep in mind that a lot can change between the time you make your guest list and the time you send the invites. In budgeting for space and money, it's best to assume that every one of your single guests will be in a relationship by the time the invites go out, so you don't get stuck in a pickle. You don't want to have to find a new venue at the last minute because your guest list is now too big!

fyrchk

I kind of used the criteria of, "the person I'm inviting knows who their +1 will be." If they are out just randomly looking for a date for the wedding, I considered them more single. Granted, I am able to give single guests a +1, but I'm using it as more of an invite guideline.

Susan Jones and guest vs. Susan Jones and Tom Smith.