To approach or not to approach

lessj

I recently got married and had the most amazing day I could've imagined. However there was one thing that really made me upset. At my bridal shower, a family friend approached me and asked if she could bring her mother and her two children (both under 4) to my wedding. I said no, we weren't having any children at the wedding, they could come to the ceremony but they would need to leave afterwards. She said no problem. Cut to my wedding day, her, her husband, her mother, and their two kids show up to the ceremony (late). I expect them to leave, as we discussed, but her mother and the two kids stayed. Her mother drank and ate and the kids ran around, one of which kept trying to take away my bouquet during pictures. Her mother also took a seat at a table, which means one of the invited guests was out of a seat. I was visibly upset and spoke to my father about it who suggested I just let it go for the moment. Now the question is do I just let it go or do I speak up so she doesn't do it again for another person's wedding? I personally felt like it was a slap in the face, especially since it was already discussed. Am I just being too sensitive? What should I do?

PamBeesly524

I wouldn't bring it up... You shouldn't have told her she could bring her mother and children to the ceremony and not the reception. It's rude to invite people to one thing and not the other. Clearly you didn't intend to invite them, but when she asked the answer should have been a firm "no" if you didn't want them at both the ceremony and the reception.

With all that being said, what she did was still rude, but bringing it up now will just sour the pot and create bad feelings. You can't rewind to your day and have a do-over, so it's best to just forget it and move on rather than create tension.

lyndausvi

Well your first problem was saying they could come to the ceremony.  Which sounds like was in the same location as the reception.   A firm 'no' and you might not have had their issue.   

As far as approaching them what is it you want to accomplish?   Do you really think you saying something to them will change their behavior in the future?

julieanne912

I agree that the ship has sailed.  And, in my experienced, calling someone out on their parenting/etiquette skills will just make things worse... and won't change their behavior in the future.  

Also agree that you made the mistake of inviting them to the ceremony.  If you didn't want kids there, they should not have been allowed to come to any part of the wedding day.

AddieCake

Ship has sailed. You should have said no from the beginning.

ShesSoCold

Agree with PPs. What could be solved by bringing it up?

Jen4948

I wouldn't have invited them to the ceremony if they weren't invited to the reception also.

But as for speaking to them now, I agree with PPs that it's too late. You should have been very firm when you were asked if the kids could come that the answer was no, they weren't invited to any part of your wedding.

SP29

Ship has sailed.

Any guest invited to the ceremony should also be invited to the reception- so you should have told her "no" from the beginning.

If you wanted to do anything about it, you could have had someone (such as a venue staff member) as them to leave at the beginning of the reception. Now there is nothing to be done- you can't change anything and I doubt it will change their behaviour.

justsie

lessj said:

I recently got married and had the most amazing day I could've imagined. However there was one thing that really made me upset. At my bridal shower, a family friend approached me and asked if she could bring her mother and her two children (both under 4) to my wedding. I said no, we weren't having any children at the wedding, they could come to the ceremony but they would need to leave afterwards. She said no problem. Cut to my wedding day, her, her husband, her mother, and their two kids show up to the ceremony (late). I expect them to leave, as we discussed, but her mother and the two kids stayed. Her mother drank and ate and the kids ran around, one of which kept trying to take away my bouquet during pictures. Her mother also took a seat at a table, which means one of the invited guests was out of a seat. I was visibly upset and spoke to my father about it who suggested I just let it go for the moment. Now the question is do I just let it go or do I speak up so she doesn't do it again for another person's wedding? I personally felt like it was a slap in the face, especially since it was already discussed. Am I just being too sensitive? What should I do?

I agree with PPs. Ship has sailed, you can't backtrack now.