How to throw the best wedding ever

[Deleted User]

So, I'm getting married in May 2016 and I certainly have ideas for my wedding, but my main objective (besides getting married!) is to try to make the wedding the best possible experience for my guests. Most of them are coming from out of town (Michigan to Virginia). I want it to be a huge party. We'll have a buffet style dinner and a full bar just to set the background.

I want to know all of your tips from your combined years of experience attending weddings. What makes a wedding the best wedding ever in your opinion? Describe your dream wedding to attend as a guest.

Thanks!!

lyndausvi

Good food, open bar, good entertainment, a seat for my ass and a comfortable temperature.

No mandatory slide shows.   No 45 minutes "toasts" and speeches. No games.  No ice breaking events.  

hellohkb

lyndausvi said:

Good food, open bar, good entertainment, a seat for my ass and a comfortable temperature.

No mandatory slide shows.   No 45 minutes "toasts" and speeches. No games.  No ice breaking events.  

This.

JellyBean52513

Good food, good music at least beer and wine that I don't have to pay for, and being invited with my SO. Oh, and running as close to on-time as life will allow. I shouldn't have to wait 30 extra minutes when I got there on time for any reason other than a true emergency.

OP, I may be totally wrong in saying this, but I get the feeling that you're looking for responses that tell you all about the mini-wine bottle favors that people loved, the beautiful uplighting that made this one wedding unforgettable, or the awesome choreographed dance that the bridal party did. I have a feeling you're not going to get a lot of those because at the end of the day, those details and extras aren't what guests care about. Cover the basics: food, music, drink, seats and you'll be golden.

Although I WILL admit that my dream wedding to attend is one where a waiter finds me with a fresh glass of wine as soon as I take the last sip of my current glass...

ShesSoCold

Read the "advice from old timers" thread. And every other thread on E. Ever.

[Deleted User]

On the contrary. I'm actually looking for the important details that I've been getting here. The things that make guests comfortable. I was guessing that it would be food, drink, etc. I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered and I don't forget the important things.

For instance, getting transportation to and from the event, or other things that I haven't thought of yet.

JellyBean52513

carmella2016 said:

On the contrary. I'm actually looking for the important details that I've been getting here. The things that make guests comfortable. I was guessing that it would be food, drink, etc. I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered and I don't forget the important things.

For instance, getting transportation to and from the event, or other things that I haven't thought of yet.

That would be very nice, if all of your guests are staying nearby enough to all be able to take advantage of it!

lyndausvi

carmella2016 said:

On the contrary. I'm actually looking for the important details that I've been getting here. The things that make guests comfortable. I was guessing that it would be food, drink, etc. I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered and I don't forget the important things.

For instance, getting transportation to and from the event, or other things that I haven't thought of yet.

We had transportation.   Can't say it's what put it into the best party ever scale though.  

Our guests like to party.  The 20-30-40-50-60-70 and even the 80 year olds were rocking it out on the dance floor.  The 83 year old was grinding on a 30 year old.  It was hilarious.    It was because we had a good DJ AND our guests like to dance.   Transportation, candy bars and photo booths didn't make them dancers.  They already are.

STARMOON44

Band. Booze. Church. Hot single men. Nearby hotel. And oysters. Best. Wedding. Ever.

classyduck

I was SHOCKED at how many people complemented me on my wedding, and I attribute it to one primary reason:

I put my guests FIRST. It wasn't my day. It was their day.

And I credit these boards with helping me to both realize (MOST important), and accomplish, that priority.

AddieCake

Cake.

AddieCake

ShesSoCold said:

Read the "advice from old timers" thread. And every other thread on E. Ever.

I fucking love you.

Heffalump

hellohkb said:

No mandatory slide shows.   No 45 minutes "toasts" and speeches. No games.  No ice breaking events.  

This.

Now that you mention it, I thought about the last four weddings I attended, and all of them had a trainwreck of a toast at some point.  The bride's mother, who talked all about herself and then broke down crying.  (Awkward.)  The bride's sister (different wedding, different bride) who talked all about herself and broke down crying.  Also uncomfortable.  (DD:  "Why is that girl crying so much?")

The one where the bride's bestie's mom gave a toast in place of the MOB (who had recently passed away, sadly) and turned it into all the things the bride had "screwed up" (not my sentiment, but the gist of the toast) in her life:  unplanned pregnancy at a young age, dropping out of college, marrying young and divorcing shortly afterward.  And how she was "finally making a good decision" by marrying the groom.  That was a downer.

And the one where my FIL repeatedly called the groom by the wrong name (SIL's ex-FI's name) and didn't even realize it.  SIL was mortified, the groom's family was confused, and FIL's family was laughing, but at him, not with him.  Also awkward.

For the life of me, I can't remember a good wedding toast.  I don't know if that says more about me, or about toasts.  I vaguely think DH's best man's toast was nice, but I don't remember any details.  So keeping toasts to a minimum and trying to avoid awkwardness would be a good step.

ETA:  on the "bad choices" toast, I forgot to mention that the bride's 10 year old daughter, who was the result of the unplanned pregnancy and whose father was the "loser" referenced in the bride's "failed" first marriage, was there.  I'm sure she felt fucking wonderful listening to that.  Some people should really just smile, wish the couple well, and STFU.

[Deleted User]

Don't ask for money.  In any way, shape, or form.  No honeyfund.  No honeymoon tip jar.  No "cash poems".  No dollar dance.  If you really feel you have almost everything you need for your home, register for a few fun items and leave it at that.  People will either be creative and choose their own gifts, or they will give you gift cards, money, or nothing at all.  Remember gifts are not expected or required, but when you do receive gifts, make sure you send thank you notes!

ShesSoCold

AddieCake said:

ShesSoCold said:

Read the "advice from old timers" thread. And every other thread on E. Ever.

I fucking love you.

beachyone15

This is just one aspect, but I was amazed at how many guests complemented us on getting their thank you notes so quickly. People really do appreciate them so make sure you write them, and write them promptly!

Liatris2010

Good food, top shelf open bar, a diversity of dancable music contribute the most to my good time. Transportation is nice because then me and H can both drink, but I am not upset if it isnt provided.

Edit: I can enjoy myself without top shelf open bar.

SP29

Fully hosted event (this doesn't mean top shelf/ high end everything- but good food and drink), with no gaps!

Seating. Keep the toasts to a minimum (2 mins or less or each, only a couple). No games. Keep any spotlight dances to a minimum.

Late night buffet. This also doesn't need to be fancy, but something to snack on at 10pm or so at night is great when you've been drinking and dancing all evening.

Good DJ with a variety of music. When it keeps to one style you may get one group of guests tearing it up all night, but then the rest leaving early because all they are doing is sitting around.

I think transportation is tricky, unless all your guests are staying at one or two hotels. Otherwise, where are you picking them up and taking them to?? But, in the same vein, ample free parking for your guests (particularly a place where they could leave their car overnight if need be), or if there is a fee for parking, covered by the B&G.

NOW, if you have the money to spend.... FOOD! If you make my mouth water with every bite, damn! Nice hors d'oeuvres, something fresh and different. I enjoy multi-course meals (again, if you have the money), either a really good salad or soup, or both. Meal choices are nice. Dessert with dinner (which is of course in addition to the cake ). Something interesting for the late night buffet.

Oh yes, cake. Or other desserts, or cake plus other desserts

One wedding I went to, dinner had a lobster bisque (yum yum!), with a choice of chicken or beef for dinner. The show stealer was the late night buffet. 3 different types of artisan pizza, smore station, cake pops, cake slices, ice cream sandwiches, fruit and probably some other stuff I forgot because there was SO much.

The last wedding I went to (last weekend!), there was a small bar service available prior to the ceremony (beer and wine) allowing guests to mingle and enjoy the ceremony with a glass, if you wanted one. Cocktail hour started right after. Same bar, with passed hors d'oeuvres (vegetarian spring rolls, chicken satay, some kind of beef on a croustini- all yummy). Dinner had 2 choices for salad and dessert and the main course was a choice of three (beef, chicken and salmon). Of course open bar all night.

What the above wedding didn't have: no ceremony programs, no favours, no bridal party, no spotlight dances (besides the bride and grooms first dance), no limo or grand entrance/exit, no additional flowers or decor besides what the venue already had. And it was a great wedding because there was no gap, it was fully hosted, every butt had a seat, food was great, DJ was great, only 3 toasts kept short and sweet.

Again, you don't *need* to spend extravagent amounts of money on everything. We kept our wedding more simple regarding food than those above (but the bar was hosted, hors d'eouvre at cocktail hour, 3 course dinner with meat choice, cupcakes and late night snack), but if you want to spend more money, food and drink is where I'd put it.

Jen4948

Good food and drinks, protection from the elements, a seat for everyone, no gaps, and not having to pay for anything.

If you've got those, you're covered.

lyndausvi

classyduck said:

I was SHOCKED at how many people complemented me on my wedding, and I attribute it to one primary reason:

I put my guests FIRST. It wasn't my day. It was their day.

And I credit these boards with helping me to both realize (MOST important), and accomplish, that priority.

Good for you.

There is some weird perception with some special snowflakes that it's either the guest or them.    Yeah, no.  It can still be 'your day' and have your guests taken care of properly.

julieanne912

Having good transportation and lodging options is a HUGE plus for me, especially for out of town weddings.

My cousin had a beautiful wedding last year in Temecula, but ran out of hotel block super early, so we ended up having to stay about 45 minutes away from the venue (and pay $200/night for a Comfort Inn).  Again, it was gorgeous, and the wedding itself was very nice and well hosted.  But I was a bit annoyed that there were no shuttles or anything to get us back to town (thankfully my mom and stepdad ended up staying at our same hotel, and they aren't big drinkers), and that there were no hotels available nearby, despite booking a few months out.  

thisismynickname2

My "unforgettable" weddings are the ones with awesome food. Not everyone would say this, but it is my opinion. There have been times where the food tasted good, but was barely warm by the time it arrived. That sucked. A for effort on the menu but the catering execution left a lot to be desired. 

I'm still getting told, 11 months later, that the steak at my wedding was the best wedding food ever. 

I still think my sister had the best cake ever. One wedding I attended had excellent seafood at cocktail hour and an excellent steak for dinner. 

Conversely, as much fun as I had at one friend's wedding, I'd ordered "vegetarian" and received a small portion of lukewarm spaghetti with red sauce. FAIL. Unforgettable for the wrong reason!!

ShesSoCold

thisismynickname said:

My "unforgettable" weddings are the ones with awesome food. Not everyone would say this, but it is my opinion. There have been times where the food tasted good, but was barely warm by the time it arrived. That sucked. A for effort on the menu but the catering execution left a lot to be desired. 

I'm still getting told, 11 months later, that the steak at my wedding was the best wedding food ever. 

I still think my sister had the best cake ever. One wedding I attended had excellent seafood at cocktail hour and an excellent steak for dinner. 

Conversely, as much fun as I had at one friend's wedding, I'd ordered "vegetarian" and received a small portion of lukewarm spaghetti with red sauce. FAIL. Unforgettable for the wrong reason!!

Did you get the prime rib? H's stepdad LOVES prime rib and has spent like 40 years perfecting his recipe. He said ours was the best he'd ever had. 

thisismynickname2

ShesSoCold said:

thisismynickname said:

My "unforgettable" weddings are the ones with awesome food. Not everyone would say this, but it is my opinion. There have been times where the food tasted good, but was barely warm by the time it arrived. That sucked. A for effort on the menu but the catering execution left a lot to be desired. 

I'm still getting told, 11 months later, that the steak at my wedding was the best wedding food ever. 

I still think my sister had the best cake ever. One wedding I attended had excellent seafood at cocktail hour and an excellent steak for dinner. 

Conversely, as much fun as I had at one friend's wedding, I'd ordered "vegetarian" and received a small portion of lukewarm spaghetti with red sauce. FAIL. Unforgettable for the wrong reason!!

Did you get the prime rib? H's stepdad LOVES prime rib and has spent like 40 years perfecting his recipe. He said ours was the best he'd ever had. 

BOX

We went with the grilled filet of beef with madiera reduction. Mmmm... I'm getting hungry. LOL. 

ShesSoCold

thisismynickname said:

ShesSoCold said:

thisismynickname said:

My "unforgettable" weddings are the ones with awesome food. Not everyone would say this, but it is my opinion. There have been times where the food tasted good, but was barely warm by the time it arrived. That sucked. A for effort on the menu but the catering execution left a lot to be desired. 

I'm still getting told, 11 months later, that the steak at my wedding was the best wedding food ever. 

I still think my sister had the best cake ever. One wedding I attended had excellent seafood at cocktail hour and an excellent steak for dinner. 

Conversely, as much fun as I had at one friend's wedding, I'd ordered "vegetarian" and received a small portion of lukewarm spaghetti with red sauce. FAIL. Unforgettable for the wrong reason!!

Did you get the prime rib? H's stepdad LOVES prime rib and has spent like 40 years perfecting his recipe. He said ours was the best he'd ever had. 

BOX

We went with the grilled filet of beef with madiera reduction. Mmmm... I'm getting hungry. LOL. 

That sounds amazing. We went there last week with the gift card they sent for our anniversary and I already want to go back. Too bad I don't have money falling from my ass.

[Deleted User]

Heffalump said:

hellohkb said:

No mandatory slide shows.   No 45 minutes "toasts" and speeches. No games.  No ice breaking events.  

This.

Now that you mention it, I thought about the last four weddings I attended, and all of them had a trainwreck of a toast at some point.  The bride's mother, who talked all about herself and then broke down crying.  (Awkward.)  The bride's sister (different wedding, different bride) who talked all about herself and broke down crying.  Also uncomfortable.  (DD:  "Why is that girl crying so much?")

The one where the bride's bestie's mom gave a toast in place of the MOB (who had recently passed away, sadly) and turned it into all the things the bride had "screwed up" (not my sentiment, but the gist of the toast) in her life:  unplanned pregnancy at a young age, dropping out of college, marrying young and divorcing shortly afterward.  And how she was "finally making a good decision" by marrying the groom.  That was a downer.

And the one where my FIL repeatedly called the groom by the wrong name (SIL's ex-FI's name) and didn't even realize it.  SIL was mortified, the groom's family was confused, and FIL's family was laughing, but at him, not with him.  Also awkward.

For the life of me, I can't remember a good wedding toast.  I don't know if that says more about me, or about toasts.  I vaguely think DH's best man's toast was nice, but I don't remember any details.  So keeping toasts to a minimum and trying to avoid awkwardness would be a good step.

ETA:  on the "bad choices" toast, I forgot to mention that the bride's 10 year old daughter, who was the result of the unplanned pregnancy and whose father was the "loser" referenced in the bride's "failed" first marriage, was there.  I'm sure she felt fucking wonderful listening to that.  Some people should really just smile, wish the couple well, and STFU.

Wow!  These ARE bad!  VERY bad!

MandyMost

Forget for a minute that it's a wedding, and think about how to throw a great party. Then add a ceremony immediately before it.

In my opinion, the biggest problem is that people forget that a wedding reception is just a party. And like any other party, people want food, drink, seats, space and time to mingle, good music at a reasonable volume, a nice environment (including the temperature), never having to wait in line (including the bathrooms, or a receiving line, or a buffet), etc. 

When your planning your wedding day timeline, stop for a minute and think about it from the perspective of your guests. Like, think about all the small details. Where will they park, or are you providing transportation? Will they have to carry their coats, present, drink, etc., all at the same time? How long will they have to sit before the ceremony happens? Where do they go immediately after the ceremony--is it obvious? Will they get lost? Is it too far? How soon can you get a drink in their hand, and will they have a free hand to take it? Where is the bathroom? Will they be hungry? Will they be seated at their tables and then have to wait 30 min for spotlight dances and toasts, and then another 30 min while they watch other tables go get their food and eat it, before they finally get up to the buffet?

[Deleted User]

What I enjoy as a guest and the bad things I remember from different weddings

• Good food that is served warm, you have a great meal but if I get it cold, it takes away from it
• Don't go exotic on the food, keep it to things that will appeal to the masses (this is also a knowing your guests type of thing)
• Be on time to your reception - don't say that the reception is going to start at 5:00 PM and then you don't even show up until 6:30 PM
• If you have open bar when people arrive & dinner won't be served right away, have appetizers so your guests don't end up drunk before dinner
• Have a great DJ who knows how to read the crowd. He needs to be energetic, be a master of ceremony doing the introductions & keeping everything on track. I'll give you two examples of bad DJ's I saw. One, he would play a song that would get everyone out on the dance floor, then go into a slow song, then a medium song, etc. Bad example two, was setting up & not dressed while guests were arriving. Then when it came time to do intros, instead of it going at a nice pace, there was like a full minute between couples. And they had 10 couples to introduce, so intros took a long time. Then he didn't announce any of the people doing toasts, so the toasts dragged on for over 20 minutes. The music he played later on, was good, but he really dragged on the beginning portion.
• Do all your special dances early - one of the weddings that I mentioned above. they didn't do any of their special dances until 9:00 PM. Groom was drunk & already took off his jacket, tie & vest & shirt was untucked so the bride was pissed at him, that made for such great photos I'm sure. And over half of their guests had already left because they invited a lot of families with small kids & the parents needed to get the kids home.
• If you do a guest book, do something simply, not something that will take guests a while to do. One of the couples did a finger print book where they asked you to do a drawing around your finger print, cute idea but it caused such a back up at the table, that many people ended up skipping it, especially the older guests
• Keep your wedding party small, I really don't want to watch 10 BM and 3 flower girls and 2 ring bearers and then you walking down the isle and 10 guys either and then all the introductions at the reception. Because if you introduce them with their SO & they all have one, that's 20 couples that need to be introduced
• Even if you do a receiving line at the church, do a quick round of table visits just to say hi

 

wmam35

I would say for me the most important things are the food, drink, and the DJ.  When I say food, there just has to be enough of it, it doesn't need to be fancy!  When I say drink, there just has to be enough of it!  Enough water, soda, lemonade, and/or alcohol.  At our wedding, we ended up cleaning the venue out of Jack Daniels, but they were wonderful and had another type of similar alcohol available right away.  I don't know how your crowd is, but maybe ask your venue what would happen if that situation occurred.  I definitely didn't think it would happen with our crowd, so you can never be too careful!  Another wedding I went to had a limited bar, and they ran out of one of the 3 types of beer they were serving and family members had to leave to go buy more (and this was fairly early in the evening too).

I echo PPs about the DJ.  I LOVE dancing at weddings.  Even if I go to a wedding where I don't know anyone, I'm still going to go out and dance.  All of the weddings that I've complained about were because of the DJ not transitioning well or especially not reading the crowd.  There was a DJ at one wedding that I went to that started playing fast-paced dance music IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER!  They must be able to read the crowd!

Lastly, I saw that you're having a buffet dinner.  Please, don't do anything "cute" or "fun" to decide who gets to go get their food.  No lie, I went to a wedding where the DJ was instructed to have you do some kind of task, and the winning table would get to go up to the buffet!  Kind of like a scavenger hunt - "Whichever table has a coin with the oldest date on it" or "The table that has someone with a gift card in their purse".  Um, NO.  I get that when it's a buffet I have to wait for my food and some people are going to get to eat before me and all that.  But don't "punish" me because I can't fulfill these stupid little tasks. 

You sound like you care about your guests.  As long as you do that, you'll be fine!