wedding party break up

Knottie45332212

My brother and his girlfriend were together for 4 years and recently broke up in January but before they broke up I had asked them both to be apart of my wedding. Now they are not really speaking and have been talking to other people. I know my brother must be in my wedding since he's my brother but I don't want his ex to feel uncomfortable being apart of it. I have kept in contact with her and talk to her about up coming dates to look at bridesmaid dresses and she speaks as if she is ok still being about of it.

My question is should I speak to her about her feelings of being in the wedding or should I wait for her to ask me to take her out. I have heard from others that she does not feel comfortable being apart of it anymore but has not said anything to me and acts as if she is ok.

She is still my friend and would like her to be apart of it but only if she is ok with it. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or to make anyone uncomfortable.

Blue_Bird

Knottie45332212 said:

My brother and his girlfriend were together for 4 years and recently broke up in January but before they broke up I had asked them both to be apart of my wedding. Now they are not really speaking and have been talking to other people. I know my brother must be in my wedding since he's my brother but I don't want his ex to feel uncomfortable being apart of it. I have kept in contact with her and talk to her about up coming dates to look at bridesmaid dresses and she speaks as if she is ok still being about of it.

My question is should I speak to her about her feelings of being in the wedding or should I wait for her to ask me to take her out. I have heard from others that she does not feel comfortable being apart of it anymore but has not said anything to me and acts as if she is ok.

She is still my friend and would like her to be apart of it but only if she is ok with it. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or to make anyone uncomfortable.

I would wait for her to bring it up. If she acts as if she's fine, take her at her word. I wouldn't bug her (or any of your bridesmaids) about too many unnecessary appointments however.

*Edited for clarity and spelling.

downtondiva

If you approach her about this, she may think you no longer want her in the wedding, no matter how much you tell her that's not the case. Let her be the one to bring it up if she's uncomfortable.

Jen4948

I'd leave this ball in her court. If she doesn't feel like she can be part of the wedding party anymore, she'll let you know.

AddieCake

There is no reason to say anything to her. If she is uncomfortable being in the wedding, she will say so.

MyNameIsNot

If she was apart from the wedding party, it would mean she'd already dropped out.  You asked her to be part of the wedding party.

If she wants to drop out, she will. No good can come from you asking her if she wants to drop out. Leave it alone. 

Heffalump

MyNameIsNot said:

If she was apart from the wedding party, it would mean she'd already dropped out.  You asked her to be part of the wedding party.

If she wants to drop out, she will. No good can come from you asking her if she wants to drop out. Leave it alone. 

Thank you.  The first time, I wrote it off as a typo, but then it kept reappearing.

[Deleted User]

Heffalump said:

MyNameIsNot said:

If she was apart from the wedding party, it would mean she'd already dropped out.  You asked her to be part of the wedding party.

If she wants to drop out, she will. No good can come from you asking her if she wants to drop out. Leave it alone. 

Thank you.  The first time, I wrote it off as a typo, but then it kept reappearing.

OP, this was an attempt to fix your grammar.  "A Part" is two words.  Unless you mean To Tear Apart.  You asked her to be A Part of your wedding party.  

[Deleted User]

First, I would talk to your brother to see how he feels about her being there. I think you need to take his feelings into account too, especially since he's family. Once you talk to your brother, then let that decide on what you should do in regards to her. Hopefully they are both adult enough to be able to be there together on your wedding day & not cause a scene. But depending on the reason for the break up, and their personalities, you may not want them in the same room together.

Knottie45332212

I asked her to be apart of the wedding before they broke up and my brother is supportive of my decision, he said that it is my day and he will support what ever I want.

Thank you all, I was thinking the same thing, if she wanted to be out she would tell me, but I wanted to be reassured.

[Deleted User]

It's a (space) part.  Apart means separated. 

Apart is one word, it's a qualifier.

I will set this one apart from the others.

A part are two words.

A is an indefinite article (a certain; a particular; one at a time; two of a kind)
Part is a noun meaning a portion or division of a whole that is separate or distinct; piece, fragment, fraction, or section.

I bought a new part for my car.

[Deleted User]

This actually happened to me. I was married to my first husband and was to be in my soon to be Sister in-laws and Brother in-laws wedding.  We started the divorce preceding's and she asked if I still wanted to be in it. At that time I said yes I had made a commitment plus it would have been my last chance to see that family again.

A few weeks later she contacted me and said she thought it'd be to awkward for all. So I was uninvited.  I'm glad I was. It would have been awful. I did have friends that were there, they said he was running around showing everyone pictures of his new fiancé (yes the reason for our divorce) on his phone.. we'd be divorced about 2 weeks by then.

It avoided un needed drama for the bride and groom. Yes people are expected to act like adults but sometimes emotions get the better of them.

lc07

RachelLee83 said:

This actually happened to me. I was married to my first husband and was to be in my soon to be Sister in-laws and Brother in-laws wedding.  We started the divorce preceding's and she asked if I still wanted to be in it. At that time I said yes I had made a commitment plus it would have been my last chance to see that family again.

A few weeks later she contacted me and said she thought it'd be to awkward for all. So I was uninvited.  I'm glad I was. It would have been awful. I did have friends that were there, they said he was running around showing everyone pictures of his new fiancé (yes the reason for our divorce) on his phone.. we'd be divorced about 2 weeks by then.

It avoided un needed drama for the bride and groom. Yes people are expected to act like adults but sometimes emotions get the better of them.

What is your advice to the OP? I am really sorry that this happened to you. It sounds absolutely horrible. But it sounds like you are telling the OP that she should kick the bridesmaid out. Even though being kicked out ended up being a good thing in your situation, I don't think it's an etiquette approved course of action to suggest someone kicks out a BM over a breakup. It's perfectly okay if the BM decides she cannot participate anymore. But I think it would be rude for OP to kick her out.

AddieCake

RachelLee83 said:

This actually happened to me. I was married to my first husband and was to be in my soon to be Sister in-laws and Brother in-laws wedding.  We started the divorce preceding's and she asked if I still wanted to be in it. At that time I said yes I had made a commitment plus it would have been my last chance to see that family again.

A few weeks later she contacted me and said she thought it'd be to awkward for all. So I was uninvited.  I'm glad I was. It would have been awful. I did have friends that were there, they said he was running around showing everyone pictures of his new fiancé (yes the reason for our divorce) on his phone.. we'd be divorced about 2 weeks by then.

It avoided un needed drama for the bride and groom. Yes people are expected to act like adults but sometimes emotions get the better of them.

Surely you are not advocating for the OP to kick her bridesmaid out?