No Gift/Card from MOH?

mbeunit4

I need to vent and realize I may seem selfsh/greedy throughout this post... I apologize! We got married this past weekend and everything went well. We paid for most of the wedding ourselves and it was held at Smith and Wollensky's, a steak house. My MOH and best friend since I was 7 did not get me a card and I am deeply hurt. I totally get that she was busy helping, she went in on a bridal shower present (my mom paid for the shower), paid for the bachelorette party etc. I honestly found that the guests that were the least financially stable were much more generous. Part of the reason I feel slightly upset over this is that she is constantly bragging about how much better she does financially than her friends. She has no large bills and paid off her rent for the summer. I don't even care about the fact that she did not get us a gift- it is more so the fact that she did not even bother to purchase or write a card.. and I know she isn't following the 1 year rule because she said the day after the wedding, "do you mind if I didn't get you a card?".. Of course I played it off like I wasn't hurt. WWYD.. thoughts?

Queen Jane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-giftcard-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:e98aaf6c-8ad1-4282-93ff-c7bae85bbeacPost:3725410e-e75c-452a-bae8-178a3bdb2dce">No Gift/Card from MOH?</a>:
[QUOTE]I need to vent and realize <strong>I may seem selfsh/greedy throughout this post</strong>... I apologize! We got married this past weekend and everything went well. We paid for most of the wedding ourselves and it was held at Smith and Wollensky's, a steak house. My MOH and best friend since I was 7 did not get me a card and I am deeply hurt. I totally get that she was busy helping, she went in on a bridal shower present (my mom paid for the shower), paid for the bachelorette party etc. I honestly found that the guests that were the least financially stable were much more generous. Part of the reason I feel slightly upset over this is that she is constantly bragging about how much better she does financially than her friends. She has no large bills and paid off her rent for the summer. I don't even care about the fact that she did not get us a gift- it is more so the fact that she did not even bother to purchase or write a card.. and I know she isn't following the 1 year rule because she said the day after the wedding, "do you mind if I didn't get you a card?".. Of course I played it off like I wasn't hurt. WWYD.. thoughts?
Posted by mbeunit4[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You're right, you do.</div><div>
</div><div>She was not required to get you anything. She already spent money on a dress (I assume), shower gift, bachelorette party, and who knows what else (hair, makeup, shoes...). A gift is never required and should not be expected. Half of our guests didn't get us anything, we were thankful they even came in the first place.</div><div>
</div><div>Just because you think she brags about her financial situation doesn't make you an expert on her financial status. </div><div>
</div><div>I would suggest getting over this and letting it go.</div><div>
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laurenoliveira23

I dunno why she couldn't spend 3 bucks on a card im a bridesmaid in a wedding ive already spent more money than i can afford but my fiance and i are buying her like tea towels or something really small with a card because .. i want to i guess lol

at the same time though I suggest you move on cause its something so small. i understand your hurt feelings - when people dont give me cards for things like my birthday or something i get kinda thrown off too but oh well .. feel hurt by it for a day and then move on and enjoy being married with your new husband

she probably just forgot to get one or didnt get around to it and then wasnt sure if she should give you one after and thats why she asked

TJD12

Anyone can write a card or buy a gift, but I'd just focus on all the special things she did for you through your engagement and wedding.

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-giftcard-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:e98aaf6c-8ad1-4282-93ff-c7bae85bbeacPost:1853e1c3-db42-4dde-b617-a2672084f4d3">Re: No Gift/Card from MOH?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to No Gift/Card from MOH? : You're right, you do. She was not required to get you anything. She already spent money on a dress (I assume), shower gift, bachelorette party, and who knows what else (hair, makeup, shoes...). A gift is never required and should not be expected. Half of our guests didn't get us anything, we were thankful they even came in the first place. Just because you think she brags about her financial situation doesn't make you an expert on her financial status.  I would suggest getting over this and letting it go.
Posted by Queen Jane[/QUOTE]

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</div><div>Thread hijack...I noticed that you got married in NOLA and clicked your Bio...are you from NOLA?  I was bron and raised in Metairie. Your wedding was gorgeous!</div>

Queen Jane

In Response to Re:No Gift/Card from MOH?:In Response to Re: No Gift/Card from MOH?:In Response to No Gift/Card from MOH? : You're right, you do. She was not required to get you anything. She already spent money on a dress I assume, shower gift, bachelorette party, and who knows what else hair, makeup, shoes.... A gift is never required and should not be expected. Half of our guests didn't get us anything, we were thankful they even came in the first place. Just because you think she brags about her financial situation doesn't make you an expert on her financial status.nbsp; I would suggest getting over this and letting it go.Posted by Queen JaneThread hijack...I noticed that you got married in NOLA and clicked your Bio...are you from NOLA? nbsp;I was bron and raised in Metairie. Your wedding was gorgeous! Posted by Lizzieyounce Thanks! I'm not from Nola, but our wedding was there, we go as often as we can, since we live in houston so we're close, and hope to live there at some point in our life. We actually have a 3 day trip planned the end of June.

Lizzieyounce

We are in Houston, as well. I love that y'all second lined!

[Deleted User]

OP, have you ever been in a wedding? You have to take into consideration how much time and money goes into being part of a wedding: attire, travel, accomodations, time off work, showers, parties, etc.

You should remember the reason why you wanted her to be in the wedding, that her presence was the most important thing. At the end of the day, a card is not that big of a deal. Just let it go and enjoy your married life!

athlete010688

Of my 4 bridesmaids, 2 of them got me something and 2 of them didn't.  Of the 4 groomsmen, 3 of them got us something, 1  of them didn't.  My two bridesmaids that did not get me anything attended my shower and and pitched in for my bachelorette party.  My friend that did get me something did not come to my shower.  My other BM that got me something was my sister...so she "had to" otherwise she would have heard it from my mom who is very 'old-fashioned' on the gift giving.  She always says an invitation requires a gift.  Even though it doesn't, but that's how she rolls.  I wasn't upset that my two friends didn't get us anything because again, they paid for dresses, shower gift, and bachelorette party.

The only one we were a little upset with was DH's best man didn't get us anything.  It's not that we expected anything, but I think it hurt DH that they didn't get us anything.  They had recently got married before us, and I attended her bridal shower and got her a gift, and then we got them a gift for their wedding.  DH was in their wedding so he had to pay for a tux.  Do we hold that against them?  No.  We move on and still give just like we would any other person.  They recently had a baby, and we bought a couple of outfits for them. 

bandjwedding2012

You are right you do come off as selfish and a little gift grabby. Gifts are just that gifts, they are like bonus to all the other great stuff. Your friend put her time and effort into your wedding. She bought a dress and helped get you ready. Move on, this is pretty petty in my opinion.

Prncessgurl22

I would say at this point to just let it go. I didn't expect anything from my bridal party members as they had already spent a lot of money on all the wedding expenses. I was just thankful that they were all able to be there for me on my special day. That was the most important part. I could never repay them for everything they did for me.  

shanliann

i would be hurt too. you didnt expect a gift after all her finacial contributations she had made, but shes been your best friend for years she should have gotten a nice card and written something really nice with some great memories, cuz thats the kinda thing you would keep, probably forever.I guess thats just me though...

keastman14

I think you should look at the things she did do for you and see that as her gift, like others have said.  I myself, never buy cards.. i dont see the point, i do on occasion buy a card here and there but I just picture them getting thrown out and a card or small gift doesnt compare to what she did for you the whole time you were planning, she probably figured since you two are best friends, she woudlnt need to get you a card to show you how happy she is for you but that you'd already know.  You're married and the wedding was a success and you had fun... i'd take the happy memories as a gift

RNMOMTO3

Tell her "You know, since we have so close since we were kids, I was really hoping you would put your thoughts about our friendship and my being my MOH on paper so I can keep it with my most cherished wedding memories." Maybe she didn't realize how  important things like that are to some people. My husband's family is like that but I love to keep old cards. Hope my idea helps any and best wishes!

mattycam

There are people who attend weddings as guests and do not give a gift let alone someone in a bridal party who has already spent probably hundreds being in your wedding. My MOH didn't give us a gift/card either; probably because she spent most of the costs hosting our bridal shower as well as buying a dress and her shoes and accessories. Not trying to make you feel bad just trying to show you a different perspective.

bridetobemo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-giftcard-from-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:e98aaf6c-8ad1-4282-93ff-c7bae85bbeacPost:3f306199-a20f-4be4-bbcd-39e23f09098c">Re: No Gift/Card from MOH?</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, have you ever been in a wedding? You have to take into consideration how much time and money goes into being part of a wedding: attire, travel, accomodations, time off work, showers, parties, etc. You should remember the reason why you wanted her to be in the wedding, that her presence was the most important thing. At the end of the day, a card is not that big of a deal. Just let it go and enjoy your married life!
Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY this, no one in our bridal party got us a card, get over it

diddsr

I didnt get anything from my MOH either..Got married two weeks ago...All she did was buy her dress..I bought the shoes and paid for her hair and make-up..Every wedding that i have been in, i always gave a card or gift..That is just the proper thing to do..

Ps.. We got engaged in Nola!!

jnjmommy0609

Being a maid of Honor myself I am realizing the planning and money situation is hetic. 

This is the same advice I gave to someone else. Focus 100 percent on all the positives and it will cancel that one negative thing out.

crazykatiemae

like almost everyone has said, focus on all of the other things she did for you and your wedding

as for the card, i've been in that position where i have totally spaced and she may have been super frazzled with the last minute details of your wedding, ect and totally forgotten. when she realized, maybe she tried to play it off as a joke to you and since you said it wasn't a big deal, i can see why she wouldn't send one now. in a year from now, do you think this will really matter? if the answer is no, then don't waste time dwelling on it now

mtopoleski

We just had our wedding last weekend.  I was forced to have my 2 sisters in my bridal party; one was MOH and the other was a regular bridesmaid, and my wife had our 2 close friends on her side. None of the members of our bridal party did anything for us; we didn't have an engagement party or bridal shower (mostly of our choosing) and when it came to planning the rehearsal dinner it was like pulling teeth to get everyone together and they all acted like they were doing us such a huge favor and wasting their time.  As far as the bachelorette party, our friends were busy that weekend and my sisters wouldn't take off from work. Needless to say, we didn't expect much from my sisters as far as gifts, both of them are flakey and not financially stable, so we weren't too disappointed.  The only thing I was mad about was that my youngest sister held up our entrance to the reception (by 30 mins) because she went down to eat and we couldn't find her.  After the wedding all I could remember were all of the bad things, but everyone assured us that the wedding was beautiful and they all enjoyed themselves.  I don't like holding grudges because it rarely gets you anywhere. OP, its fine to vent, but it’s better to forgive (and maybe forget).

Caitlin192

I was the MOH for my BFF's wedding last month, and I didn't get her a gift or a card. I paid for my dress, hair, makeup, our room at the hotel for the bach. party, a portion of activities/booze/favors for the bach party, and the entire $600 shower. I'm the only one of my friends who has a child and all of the expenses that go along with that. My daughter turned 1 two weeks after the wedding and we had that party to pay for as well. She also did a honeymoon registry, which I didn't particularly agree with and didn't donate to. I had every intention of getting her a card and with all of the craziness leading up to wedding weekend it simply slipped m mind. She just got back from her honeymoon and called me right away to tell me all about it, so I'm assuming she's not too hurt. I felt bad about the card, but I don't feel bad about not getting a  gift. 

kipnus

I didn't get a gift or card from my sister/MOH, and I didn't expect one. She wasn't able to be at either or my showers or my bacheloretter party because she lives in the States, but in the days leading up to my wedding, she was so helpful. She also gave a really nice toast at our reception. I couldn't have asked for anything more!

triciaholden1987

I have been in 5 weddings.  As a rule of thumb, if I am in a wedding, I do not give a gift.  My "gift" is being by your side, attending all the showers including bachelorette parties, purchasing the dress, the gas/transportation to the wedding, the hotel room, the makeup, the hairdo, the works.  At my wedding, I would never ever expect my bridesmaids to give me anything.  All that's important is that she was there, by your side, on your day.  Money or a cookie sheet can't "buy" you that.