Moms and Maids

Bridesmaids Gifts

I'm hoping for advice/guidance on how to approach my bridesmaid gifts.

FI and I are doing a DW in Disney World.  Our big "gift" to each member of the WP is their WP outfit (BM dresses and purchased GM suits).  We wanted to eliminate an expense for them since most of the WP has to travel.

We will be doing something else for them upon arrival.  He has decided to get the GM a flask with a bottle of their favorite liquor. I am torn on what to do. 

All but 1 BM is a family member (sisters and cousins), and most of the BM are underage or don't drink (8 BM all but 2 under the age of 24). The non-family member is my best friend, and we met and became friends in Disney on a middle school trip, so it has a special meaning for us. Disney Vacations were always a family reunion for both of our families, so doing something to commemorate this special trip or Disney themed would be okay with all of my BM.

My ideas are as follows:
1) Take them out for a special experience while there (afternoon tea or fireworks cruise) but they do not get a physical gift (est. $30 per person)

2) Have a box delivered to their room upon check-in with some combination of a gift card for the resort, a Christmas ornament, frame, and an Alex and Ani bracelet (each selected with specific BM in mind; not expecting them to wear the bracelet for the wedding; more of a souvenir) (est. $75 per person)

3) Do the Memory Maker photo package for each family, which would allow them to get all of their family photos from attractions, character dining or general photos taken by photographers throughout the parks during their stay. (est. $160 per family 2 sets of bridesmaids are sisters)

4) Just do one item from option 2

5) Treat everyone to pedicures- not asking them to do a specific color- just wanting them to feel pampered

I guess I am just not sure what is appropriate.   I have already purchased their dresses, but I don't want that to be the only thing I do for them.  Do I do something smaller, or do I have to make it a little more extravagant since all of the BM had to travel?  I know that you're supposed to treat it as a birthday gift, but I was thinking about approaching it as how can I make this trip a little more special.

Most of the time I have been a BM, I have received jewelry to wear at the wedding. I have always been gracious and said thank you.  I have never worn any of it again.  I saw it as the bride eliminating an expense and helping BM feel more pulled together.

What are everyone's thoughts? How much more should I do? Is it appropriate to treat them to a special experience? Or do I have to give something physical? I am open to suggestions as well. 

*Disclaimer: I have worked part-time for several years to help fund our wedding at a major retailer who has become popular with BM dresses and men's suiting. The paychecks went directly to a wedding account. I was able to purchase everything at a much better rate than the WP could have, which was part of the reason we decided to purchase everything for them.

Re: Bridesmaids Gifts

  • The dresses should not be considered a gift.  It's not like it's a dress they'd buy for themselves for every day wear.  It's nice of you to pay for them, but again, not a gift.

    I think your #2 gift sounds the best as it would include a personalized item for each bridesmaid, versus a generic "everyone gets the same" gift that is something required for the wedding (like the wedding jewelry you mention receiving).
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • I'm hoping for advice/guidance on how to approach my bridesmaid gifts.

    FI and I are doing a DW in Disney World.  Our big "gift" to each member of the WP is their WP outfit (BM dresses and purchased GM suits).  We wanted to eliminate an expense for them since most of the WP has to travel.

    We will be doing something else for them upon arrival.  He has decided to get the GM a flask with a bottle of their favorite liquor. I am torn on what to do. 

    All but 1 BM is a family member (sisters and cousins), and most of the BM are underage or don't drink (8 BM all but 2 under the age of 24). The non-family member is my best friend, and we met and became friends in Disney on a middle school trip, so it has a special meaning for us. Disney Vacations were always a family reunion for both of our families, so doing something to commemorate this special trip or Disney themed would be okay with all of my BM.

    My ideas are as follows:
    1) Take them out for a special experience while there (afternoon tea or fireworks cruise) but they do not get a physical gift (est. $30 per person)

    2) Have a box delivered to their room upon check-in with some combination of a gift card for the resort, a Christmas ornament, frame, and an Alex and Ani bracelet (each selected with specific BM in mind; not expecting them to wear the bracelet for the wedding; more of a souvenir) (est. $75 per person)

    3) Do the Memory Maker photo package for each family, which would allow them to get all of their family photos from attractions, character dining or general photos taken by photographers throughout the parks during their stay. (est. $160 per family 2 sets of bridesmaids are sisters)

    4) Just do one item from option 2

    5) Treat everyone to pedicures- not asking them to do a specific color- just wanting them to feel pampered

    I guess I am just not sure what is appropriate.   I have already purchased their dresses, but I don't want that to be the only thing I do for them.  Do I do something smaller, or do I have to make it a little more extravagant since all of the BM had to travel?  I know that you're supposed to treat it as a birthday gift, but I was thinking about approaching it as how can I make this trip a little more special.

    Most of the time I have been a BM, I have received jewelry to wear at the wedding. I have always been gracious and said thank you.  I have never worn any of it again.  I saw it as the bride eliminating an expense and helping BM feel more pulled together.

    What are everyone's thoughts? How much more should I do? Is it appropriate to treat them to a special experience? Or do I have to give something physical? I am open to suggestions as well. 

    *Disclaimer: I have worked part-time for several years to help fund our wedding at a major retailer who has become popular with BM dresses and men's suiting. The paychecks went directly to a wedding account. I was able to purchase everything at a much better rate than the WP could have, which was part of the reason we decided to purchase everything for them.
    i'd go with option 2 for the girls. . . . I don't think you have to get them all of those items though.  That gift can be done in a range of budgets.  

    As for the groomsmen gifts. . . . are any of these people traveling home by plane without checking luggage?  I know that we often go away for a few days with just a carryon. . . . if that's the case they may have issues getting their booze home.
  • Do not get your bridesmaids all the same gift. Purchasing a required outfit for your wedding does not count as a gift at all. Take that out of the equation and figure your budget per person. Shop for each of them as if it were their birthday or any other occasion on which you would get them a gift individually.

    Don't get things like the bracelets if you do not know for absolute certain that each person would enjoy and wear it. I just don't wear things like that, period. It would not be a good gift for me. Now, we did buy things from the same category as WP gifts, but that's because we selected a book for each person according to their tastes. Much easier to ensure it will be used than something 'personalized' that may not actually be something the person would even want.
    image
  • Thank you for your advice girls. 

    I do have to disagree with the concept  about their dress being part of their gift.  I was raised that ANY time someone spends money on you or gives you something, it is a gift. Period.  Is it necessarily a desired gift? No. Is it an alleviated expense? Yes.  But nevertheless, it is a gift.

    kaos- We hadn't even considered them having to transport the liquor home.  About half of the GM need to travel by plane, so it is a risk.  They would get it about 3 days before they would leave, so they would have to check their luggage.  He's got some rethinking to do.

    Artby- If you were my bridesmaid, I would take into consideration that you do not wear bracelets.  I know my bridesmaids.  All but one have an Alex and Ani, and the one who doesn't has already asked for one for her birthday.  It would be adding to the remaining BM collections.  They would be selected based upon the individual BM, and therefore still the same thing, but for her specifically.

    I am limited with what physical gifts I can transport to the wedding.  That's why I was wondering if it would be better to give them a special experience.  Normally for my bridesmaid's birthdays, I do something small and then take them out for bonding time (special brunch, tea, mani-pedis, etc.).
  • edited August 2015
    The outfits though are for your wedding. A gift is for the person receiving it. Because it's not something that they ordinarily would purchase and wear on their own otherwise, it is not a gift. It is a nice gesture for you to purchase the things you are asking them to wear, but when it comes right down to it, that is the uniform you are dictating and not something chosen with them in mind. Not. A. Gift.

    ETA: Gifting is also about intent, and your intent is to have them wear what you want them to wear in your wedding (and presumably for your wedding pictures). Saving them money is secondary and giving them something they actually want is tertiary if it is considered at all.
    image
    redoryxOliveOilsMom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The outfits are not a gift because they are something that is specifically benefitting YOU and your wedding. I'm assuming for your pictures? Otherwise you would just tell them to wear a dress they already own. You just said that you have never worn any jewelry bought specifically for the wedding and as your "gift." Their attire is the same concept. They might not ever wear it again and that's kind of a crappy gift to get someone.

    Shop for them like it's their birthday. Simple, personalized, easy, and they will love it.


    image
  • Thank you for your advice girls. 

    I do have to disagree with the concept  about their dress being part of their gift.  I was raised that ANY time someone spends money on you or gives you something, it is a gift. Period.  Is it necessarily a desired gift? No. Is it an alleviated expense? Yes.  But nevertheless, it is a gift.

    kaos- We hadn't even considered them having to transport the liquor home.  About half of the GM need to travel by plane, so it is a risk.  They would get it about 3 days before they would leave, so they would have to check their luggage.  He's got some rethinking to do.

    Artby- If you were my bridesmaid, I would take into consideration that you do not wear bracelets.  I know my bridesmaids.  All but one have an Alex and Ani, and the one who doesn't has already asked for one for her birthday.  It would be adding to the remaining BM collections.  They would be selected based upon the individual BM, and therefore still the same thing, but for her specifically.

    I am limited with what physical gifts I can transport to the wedding.  That's why I was wondering if it would be better to give them a special experience.  Normally for my bridesmaid's birthdays, I do something small and then take them out for bonding time (special brunch, tea, mani-pedis, etc.).
    You were taught incorrectly.   A gift is given of free will with no strings attached.   That doesn't mean that buying your bridesmaids' dresses is doing a bad thing.   It's extremely generous.   But they aren't gifts.   They're items to wear to your wedding and they MUST wear them.

    Similarly, if your FI proposed to you with an engagement ring, it's considered a conditional gift.   If you don't get married, you don't get to keep it.   Just because he gave it to you does not mean it's a gift free and clear.   Some parents opt to pay for their children's weddings.   There's a reason that the parents are often named as hosts when this is done.   That's because THEY are controlling the aspects of what is going on.   
  • All in all, you bought them their dresses which in return helps you and in return helps them. You get the perfect pictures and the choice as to what they wear and they get to wear the dress without having to put out money to purchase it.

    As for the gift, the Alex and Ani bracelets seem like a nice touch, I would even go so far to get something personally engraved for each one, I love this option! and it pairs so well with Alex and Ani bracelets or can be worn alone or stacked with other bracelets, thanks!
  • I agree with others that the attire for the wedding (while super nice of y'all to purchase it) is really more for YOU, not them. I'd feel differently if it was a situation where you were like "OK ladies, your dresses are my gift to you and you can pick whatever you want under $100. Let me know what you decide."

    So that leaves you with needing to buy a real BM gift. I like a combo of option 2 and option 5. In the box, I would do something super individual for each girl. A williams sonoma gift card for the chef, a Starbucks gift card for the coffee girl, a couple yoga classes for the yogi, a nice clutch for the bar hopper, a scarf and earrings for the accessories girl, a game stop gift card for the gamer....you get the idea. Then I would take them all to get pedicures.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards