Wedding 911

I think I'm excited

So my FI proposed Christmas Day 2014. Super exciting and romantic! We agreed upon a Summer 2016 wedding, July 2016 specifically. Well, that month doesn't work out too well for his teen daughters schedule- so I suggested we change it to September 2016 ( I truly have my heart set on a summer wedding). He agreed. When we agreed to the July wedding I suggested color schemes that I believe look good during that time of year, now that we have changed the date, I want to change the colors- he refuses. So I started looking at All inclusive venues and he complains about money. When I suggest a court house wedding, he says no to that. When I try to tell him that booking a venue and vendors early is extremely important, he nodded and agrees but his refusal to do anything financial is driving me crazy. He has recently told me that he would like to wait until January/February 2016 to start planning!!!!!!!! For a September 2016 wedding. And if he doesn't have his ducks in a row, then we can go to the court house. This was said AFTER we discussed a September 2016 date and me asking BM to be a part of the day. At this point I no longer care about the wedding but I don't wanna seem like a butt hole for getting these ladies excited about a wedding that may never be. I want to talk to him about it but it doesn't seem like he understands what I am saying or where I am coming from. Any suggestions on how to talk to him about my concerns?

Re: I think I'm excited

  • So my FI proposed Christmas Day 2014. Super exciting and romantic! We agreed upon a Summer 2016 wedding, July 2016 specifically. Well, that month doesn't work out too well for his teen daughters schedule- so I suggested we change it to September 2016 ( I truly have my heart set on a summer wedding). He agreed. When we agreed to the July wedding I suggested color schemes that I believe look good during that time of year, now that we have changed the date, I want to change the colors- he refuses. So I started looking at All inclusive venues and he complains about money. When I suggest a court house wedding, he says no to that. When I try to tell him that booking a venue and vendors early is extremely important, he nodded and agrees but his refusal to do anything financial is driving me crazy. He has recently told me that he would like to wait until January/February 2016 to start planning!!!!!!!! For a September 2016 wedding. And if he doesn't have his ducks in a row, then we can go to the court house. This was said AFTER we discussed a September 2016 date and me asking BM to be a part of the day. At this point I no longer care about the wedding but I don't wanna seem like a butt hole for getting these ladies excited about a wedding that may never be. I want to talk to him about it but it doesn't seem like he understands what I am saying or where I am coming from. Any suggestions on how to talk to him about my concerns?
    Okay, calm down. You need to sit down and talk. Your FI might not realize that a wedding isn't like a backyard bbq that you can plan in a week. There are things that need to be done way in advance.

    You two need to talk about budget and what your respective visions for your wedding are. 

    Finally, you keep talking about getting married in July or September, why doesn't August work if the other two don't?
  • So my FI proposed Christmas Day 2014. Super exciting and romantic! We agreed upon a Summer 2016 wedding, July 2016 specifically. Well, that month doesn't work out too well for his teen daughters schedule- so I suggested we change it to September 2016 ( I truly have my heart set on a summer wedding). He agreed. When we agreed to the July wedding I suggested color schemes that I believe look good during that time of year, now that we have changed the date, I want to change the colors- he refuses. So I started looking at All inclusive venues and he complains about money. When I suggest a court house wedding, he says no to that. When I try to tell him that booking a venue and vendors early is extremely important, he nodded and agrees but his refusal to do anything financial is driving me crazy. He has recently told me that he would like to wait until January/February 2016 to start planning!!!!!!!! For a September 2016 wedding. And if he doesn't have his ducks in a row, then we can go to the court house. This was said AFTER we discussed a September 2016 date and me asking BM to be a part of the day. At this point I no longer care about the wedding but I don't wanna seem like a butt hole for getting these ladies excited about a wedding that may never be. I want to talk to him about it but it doesn't seem like he understands what I am saying or where I am coming from. Any suggestions on how to talk to him about my concerns?
    Okay, calm down. You need to sit down and talk. Your FI might not realize that a wedding isn't like a backyard bbq that you can plan in a week. There are things that need to be done way in advance.

    You two need to talk about budget and what your respective visions for your wedding are. 

    Finally, you keep talking about getting married in July or September, why doesn't August work if the other two don't?
    I agree.

    There seems to be potentially a lot at play here. Maybe he just does not know that it takes longer to plan a wedding, though depending on many factors you could plan it in 9 months if you have to wait till Jan. Maybe he is just nervous about how much it will all cost and does not want to think about it aka avoid it. Maybe he is just not sure if he wants a big wedding or a small one and he does not want to lock himself into anything. Or maybe it is one of a thousand other reasons.

    My advice

    1.You both might need to have a talk about marriage and make sure you are both on the same page. Maybe the idea of a wedding is overwhelming to him or maybe it is deeper.

    2. If that conversation ends with both of you wanting to get married within the next year you then might want to talk about exactly what type of wedding you each want to have. Big blow out? Small private affair? Backyard? Ballroom? Church? The list goes on. See what he actually wants. If he starts wavering on giving you any details I would go back to conversation #1. Do you really want to get married because at the end of the day the wedding is just one day. Maybe he is just really worried about budget. If that is the case assure him if you both work together a nice wedding can be held on a small budget. Do other things have to "give"? Yes. But you will be no less married.

    3. Figure out that budget. What can you spend? What are you actually comfortable spending?

    4. Figure out guest list.

    5. Set a firm date. Everything will center around this and the guest list. (You might have to be flexible on dates but have one in mind, or at least a month, which you might already have.)

    6. Start looking at venues.

    Good luck!
    [Deleted User]OliveOilsMom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You guys need to get on the same page before you starting asking people to be a part of your day. 

    Discuss what you both envision for the day. You both might have to compromise. Figure out what makes sense. Set a budget. 

    If you can't get on the same page for the type of wedding you want, you have bigger problems to address IMO. 

  • You can plan a wedding in 9 months. My fiance and I have been engaged for over a year and we enjoyed just being engaged for the first 6 or 7 months. We didnt actually start to do anything until March this year and we get married this weekend.
  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2015
    We got engaged in Feb of this year, and our wedding is Sept 12th.  So, it can be done.  We were a bit limited on venues, as the one I really wanted was already booked for the entire year by February, but I got my 2nd choice.  Same w/ photographers, there was one I really liked but she wasn't taking anymore large weddings for the rest of the year, but the one I ended up with is great too, and cheaper than the first.

    So, I agree you need to sit down with your FI, come up with a budget, and decide what kind of wedding you really want.  If you wanted, you could call around and visit a few venues on your own so you get an idea of what it all costs, so you can show him some actual numbers.  I would also recommend start working on your guest list now, so you know exactly what you need in terms of venue size and what you can afford for catering etc.  Doing those things doesn't cost any money at all, but is a great place to start planning.
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The other PPs have it covered but I do want to assure you that you can plan a wedding for September if you don't start until Jan/Feb. I got married in September of last year and we didn't book our venue until the end of January. You and your FI just need to get on the same page first and then go from there.
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