Drunk bridesmaids

peachy13

To be honest I wasn't sure where to post this, but it's feeling like a vent so I am posting it here.

No shying around the subject: my bridal party and me like our cocktails. We're all in the same circle of friends and I know how each one handles her booze. Most of them are fine and dandy after a couple of drinks and just want to have a good time. Some (two specifically) are downright sloppy. I didn't even care or think of this as an issue whatsoever until this past weekend which was my bachelorette party. The two bridesmaids were a total mess at the party and to be honest, it killed the mood and put a damper on the night. We had to end the night early because one was refused at the bars for being too drunk and then proceeded to freak out at the bouncers, causing a scene everywhere we went, and then cried for the remainder of the night. I was the only one who could later console her by repeatedly letting her know I wasn't mad at her -- although TBH this behavior drives me crazy -- I just know getting angry would make things worse with her specifically.

The other sloppy friend vanished from our group to get late night food and was later found passed out on our bus. Some other bridesmaids and me all felt responsible to watch her for the remainder of the night to make sure she was okay. Overall it was a long night of babysitting two grown-ups who haven't figured out how to drink appropriately and can't seem to be responsible for themselves. I wish I could say this was a unique situation being that it was my bachelorette party, but the truth is that this is typical behavior from them. My wedding day is going to be a long day of getting ready with bubbly and wine and cocktails and probably some really light eating. I know me and most of my bridesmaids know how to pace ourselves and control our drinking but these other two... I'm not confident. I'm not about to lay down rules and treat them like children, but it's hard not to worry that I'm going to be spending a portion of my wedding consoling a crying bridesmaid or making sure one doesn't puke on herself. Help.

Maggie0829

Well the only way to prevent drunk bridesmaids before your ceremony is to not have any booze before hand.  I know that you love your cocktails but maybe don't bring out the bubbly until an hour or so before the ceremony.  And make sure that there is copious amounts of hearty snacks on hand.

And if these two do get drunk before hand it is not your responsibility (or anyone's for that matter) to console or take care of them.  Like you said, they are adults so treat them as such.  If they puke on themselves then they need to clean themselves up, not you.  If they are too drunk to walk down the aisle (meaning a straight line) then I guess they will need to sit it out.

cupcait927

I agree with @maggie0829's suggestion of limiting the alcohol available while you are getting ready. When I was MOH for my best friend, we had mimosas at the salon late morning/early afternoon but then nothing again until after the ceremony (which started at 5). It was a nice compromise of being able to celebrate but not get sloppy. I also brought lots of food for lunch and snacks for everyone so no one was hungry. So - lots of food, little alcohol and you won't have to worry.

ETA - this isn't to say that they won't get drunk at the reception, but at least at that point they'll have made it down the aisle, stood for pictures and their part of the day is over. If they get sloppy drunk after that, so be it. You'll be way too busy visiting with guests, eating, dancing, etc., that you won't have time to worry about what they're doing or how drunk they're getting. I only 50 people at my wedding and I can't tell you who got drunk, aside from my H and I, because I was too busy to notice.

climbingsingle

If they get drunk at your wedding, it's not your responsibility to take care of them. They're adults. You don't need to treat them as anything else. And it's not the responsibility of the rest of the BP to keep an eye on them or try to rein them in. I've been to weddings with drunk bridesmaids. Pretty much, everyone ignored them. 

If you're so concerned about this, why did you ask them to be in your wedding? 

TrixieJess

peachy13 said:

To be honest I wasn't sure where to post this, but it's feeling like a vent so I am posting it here.

No shying around the subject: my bridal party and me like our cocktails. We're all in the same circle of friends and I know how each one handles her booze. Most of them are fine and dandy after a couple of drinks and just want to have a good time. Some (two specifically) are downright sloppy. I didn't even care or think of this as an issue whatsoever until this past weekend which was my bachelorette party. The two bridesmaids were a total mess at the party and to be honest, it killed the mood and put a damper on the night. We had to end the night early because one was refused at the bars for being too drunk and then proceeded to freak out at the bouncers, causing a scene everywhere we went, and then cried for the remainder of the night. I was the only one who could later console her by repeatedly letting her know I wasn't mad at her -- although TBH this behavior drives me crazy -- I just know getting angry would make things worse with her specifically.

The other sloppy friend vanished from our group to get late night food and was later found passed out on our bus. Some other bridesmaids and me all felt responsible to watch her for the remainder of the night to make sure she was okay. Overall it was a long night of babysitting two grown-ups who haven't figured out how to drink appropriately and can't seem to be responsible for themselves. I wish I could say this was a unique situation being that it was my bachelorette party, but the truth is that this is typical behavior from them. My wedding day is going to be a long day of getting ready with bubbly and wine and cocktails and probably some really light eating. I know me and most of my bridesmaids know how to pace ourselves and control our drinking but these other two... I'm not confident. I'm not about to lay down rules and treat them like children, but it's hard not to worry that I'm going to be spending a portion of my wedding consoling a crying bridesmaid or making sure one doesn't puke on herself. Help.

Don't do this. Ever. I know you are saying not to, but I'm just emphasizing for Lurkers.

I was in a Wedding Party when I was still in my party girl phase and the Bride told me that I was not ALLOWED to get drunk at her wedding. One problem, the bar manager at her venue was a very good friend of mine and when I told him of this edict, he promised that my glass would not be empty all night, and it wasn't. 

Your friends are adults. If you are concerned about their antics, have security on hand or let the bartenders know that they are expected to cut off people. 

PPs are right, if you are so concerned why would you have them in your wedding?

IrishPirate60

Some officiants will refuse to do the wedding if people are drunk. That whole thing about consent is important.

loveislouder

I can't say I was worried about my girls. We had drinks in the morning, drinks in the back of the church, drinks at pictures... It was my officiant that told my MOH and the BM not to drink beforehand because she needed them competent to sign a legal document. 

thisismynickname2

Do these bridesmaids have dates? I can understand taking care of your friends at a b-party, but at a wedding, I'd expect someone else can hold their hair back while they puke in the bathroom....

Definitely not the bride's job. 

DarthV8r

It happens to the best of us (me a couple of times), especially at a b-party. Let it go, it probably won't be like that at your wedding. Even if it does, it's not your problem and might be a funny story later on in life. I learned my lesson when I partied too hard, maybe  they did too.

charcoalandblush

IrishPirate60 said:

Some officiants will refuse to do the wedding if people are drunk. That whole thing about consent is important.

I mean I agree that the bridesmaids should be drunk, but how does this affect whether the bride and groom are capable of consenting to the marriage?

peachy13

Thanks everyone for the tips. I was feeling pretty snarky and annoyed yesterday (Monday morning coming off my b-party and birthday, and back at work, ugh) and realized throughout the day that it will all be good at my wedding. B-parties are definitely an excuse for some to get wild and let loose; I think/hope a wedding will be different. I have a late ceremony so was initially worried about these friends not being able to pace themselves all day, but I think I will plan to bring out the mimosa fixings later in the day as opposed to first thing in the morning. I will also plan to have plenty of water and food! 

[Deleted User]

peachy13 said:

Thanks everyone for the tips. I was feeling pretty snarky and annoyed yesterday (Monday morning coming off my b-party and birthday, and back at work, ugh) and realized throughout the day that it will all be good at my wedding. B-parties are definitely an excuse for some to get wild and let loose; I think/hope a wedding will be different. I have a late ceremony so was initially worried about these friends not being able to pace themselves all day, but I think I will plan to bring out the mimosa fixings later in the day as opposed to first thing in the morning. I will also plan to have plenty of water and food! 

Or go ahead and bring out the mimosas early, but take them away for a good portion of the afternoon and bring out the food.  So, mimosas and muffins earlier in the morning-ish.  Then water and lemonade and coffee and protein and carb laden sandwiches or whatever.  Then the wedding with more booze.

[Deleted User]

Man, there is at least one at every wedding. I think at my first it might have been a cousin, but at least she waited until her responsibilities were done to get plastered.

I think people don't realize that when they are that drunk at the wedding, they are distracting, and taking attention away from who the day is about in a disrespectful way. I know I always have one eye out on the one bridesmaid that is leaning on her friend to make it through the ceremony, and who is distracting at the head table, and who the wedding party has to keep tracking down for the important moments. You know the "one", the shoes off an hour into the wedding, hair is a hot mess, drink is glued to the hand, glassy eyed gal that is all over the men. She is a class act...

I see this more at younger weddings (twenties) and post-sorority weddings. Less so at the thirty something weddings, because when you look that wasted you are treading into alcoholic territory.

If it was me, I either 1) wouldn't invite someone to stand with me who can't be mature enough to hold off on getting that tipsy during MY day or 2) Frankly tell them the "drunk bridesmaid" role is distracting from your day and give them the option to bow out, if they don't want to "feel" constrained 3) If they end up sloppy you will be sure to have the photographer take every unflattering picture they can and liberally share them all over social media as punishment.

JediElizabeth

2xbridekeepingitreal said: Man, there is at least one at every wedding. I think at my first it might have been a cousin, but at least she waited until her responsibilities were done to get plastered.

I think people don't realize that when they are that drunk at the wedding, they are distracting, and taking attention away from who the day is about in a disrespectful way. I know I always have one eye out on the one bridesmaid that is leaning on her friend to make it through the ceremony, and who is distracting at the head table, and who the wedding party has to keep tracking down for the important moments. You know the "one", the shoes off an hour into the wedding, hair is a hot mess, drink is glued to the hand, glassy eyed gal that is all over the men. She is a class act...

I see this more at younger weddings (twenties) and post-sorority weddings. Less so at the thirty something weddings, because when you look that wasted you are treading into alcoholic territory.

If it was me, I either 1) wouldn't invite someone to stand with me who can't be mature enough to hold off on getting that tipsy during MY day or 2) Frankly tell them the "drunk bridesmaid" role is distracting from your day and give them the option to bow out, if they don't want to "feel" constrained 3) If they end up sloppy you will be sure to have the photographer take every unflattering picture they can and liberally share them all over social media as punishment.
>>>BOXES<<<


Wow. There's so much to say about this (like, I don't care how sober I am, my shoes are coming off an hour into a wedding if I don't have backup flats) but particularly that bolded part. If you respect someone so little that you would do that to them, you probably shouldn't be asking them into your bridal party in the first place. And if you're the type of person who thinks it's ok to "punish" your nearest and dearest friends, I don't know why they would want to be friends with you. That's not how adults should  treat each other.

There was a lot of MUD talk about bullying on the BM robe thread, but this is actual bullying: embarrassing someone all over social media because you think it's your place to punish them.

(Edited for disappearing boxes.)

PamBeesly524

CElizabeth419 said:

2xbridekeepingitreal said:

Man, there is at least one at every wedding. I think at my first it might have been a cousin, but at least she waited until her responsibilities were done to get plastered.

I think people don't realize that when they are that drunk at the wedding, they are distracting, and taking attention away from who the day is about in a disrespectful way. I know I always have one eye out on the one bridesmaid that is leaning on her friend to make it through the ceremony, and who is distracting at the head table, and who the wedding party has to keep tracking down for the important moments. You know the "one", the shoes off an hour into the wedding, hair is a hot mess, drink is glued to the hand, glassy eyed gal that is all over the men. She is a class act...

I see this more at younger weddings (twenties) and post-sorority weddings. Less so at the thirty something weddings, because when you look that wasted you are treading into alcoholic territory.

If it was me, I either 1) wouldn't invite someone to stand with me who can't be mature enough to hold off on getting that tipsy during MY day or 2) Frankly tell them the "drunk bridesmaid" role is distracting from your day and give them the option to bow out, if they don't want to "feel" constrained 3) If they end up sloppy you will be sure to have the photographer take every unflattering picture they can and liberally share them all over social media as punishment.

>>>BOXES<<<

Wow. There's so much to say about this (like, I don't care how sober I am, my shoes are coming off an hour into a wedding if I don't have backup flats) but particularly that bolded part. If you respect someone so little that you would do that to them, you probably shouldn't be asking them into your bridal party in the first place. And if you're the type of person who thinks it's ok to "punish" your nearest and dearest friends, I don't know why they would want to be friends with you. That's not how adults should  treat each other.

There was a lot of MUD talk about bullying on the BM robe thread, but this is actual bullying: embarrassing someone all over social media because you think it's your place to punish them.

(Edited for disappearing boxes.)

Totally agree. Quite frankly what insulted me the most was your assumption that this happens "more at younger weddings (twenties) and post-sorority weddings. Less so at the thirty something weddings, because when you look that wasted you are treading into alcoholic territory" ..... I'm in my twenties. We had an open bar at our wedding and zero of my twenty something friends got too drunk... However H and I have aunts and uncles who each may have had a bit too much to drink.... They are well out of their twenties and into their forties and fifties but are in no way alcoholics. Your post is probably one of the most ridiculous things I've seen on this website... I'm hoping you were being sarcastic.

[Deleted User]

Oh please people, stop being so serious. You are posting in the snarky thread.

Like you all haven't seen this everywhere:

justsie

2xbridekeepingitreal said:

Oh please people, stop being so serious. You are posting in the snarky thread.

Like you all haven't seen this everywhere:

We have. And consensus is it isn't funny. What you are suggesting is awful, I would never treat a friend of mine, much less one that was invited to my wedding or important enough to stand beside me as a BM that way. We can be snarky without being assholes and treating people like shit. 

PamBeesly524

2xbridekeepingitreal said:

Oh please people, stop being so serious. You are posting in the snarky thread.

Like you all haven't seen this everywhere:

"Snarky" isn't the opposite of "serious". I can be snarky and serious at the same time. What you said is rude and ridiculous. That sign is also rude and ridiculous. Just because I've seen it doesn't mean I agree with it.