XP South Jersey Board - Officiant for Civil Ceremony

[Deleted User]

I'm trying to find an officiant for a completely non-religious ceremony. I posted on the SNJ board looking for any recommendations, but I'd love to know what other people did who did not use religious officials. 

FI and I, unfortunately, can't think of any close friends or family who could officiate, but FI also feels very weird about getting a "complete stranger" to marry us. For those who used an officiant that they didn't already know, what is weird? Would you recommend it? Any experiences or advice would be super helpful.

Jen4948

This is me...

If I'm having a non-religious ceremony, I'd probably be okay with a complete stranger officiating if they're authorized to do so and there's reason to believe they've done it before and things went okay.

When the ceremony is religious, then I'd want to meet with the recipient to find out what they plan to say and not say, because there are certain issues I wouldn't want raised.

lyndausvi

Do you have a venue?  They should have some recommendations.

We got married by a former Catholic priest in Cape May.   He makes it as religious or non-religious as you want.  Since both our families are Catholic and a little disappointed we didn't get married in the church we added 2 prayers, but that was about as religious as we got.  He lives in central Jersey and travels.  Let me know if you want his contact information.

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

Do you have a venue?  They should have some recommendations.

We got married by a former Catholic priest in Cape May.   He makes it as religious or non-religious as you want.  Since both our families are Catholic and a little disappointed we didn't get married in the church we added 2 prayers, but that was about as religious as we got.  He lives in central Jersey and travels.  Let me know if you want his contact information.

Thanks!! We do have a venue. I will reach out and see if they have any recommendations. FI has never set foot in a church or any other religious building, ever. I was technically raised Presbyterian, but I only went to Sunday school for a few weeks and never went back. We just don't have any affiliation with any specific church or religion, so we'd rather keep it entirely secular. Are priests generally okay with that sort of thing? I would feel bad asking someone who is a religious official to just leave all of that out of a ceremony. I wouldn't want to be disrespectful.

lyndausvi

abcdevonn said:

lyndausvi said:

Do you have a venue?  They should have some recommendations.

We got married by a former Catholic priest in Cape May.   He makes it as religious or non-religious as you want.  Since both our families are Catholic and a little disappointed we didn't get married in the church we added 2 prayers, but that was about as religious as we got.  He lives in central Jersey and travels.  Let me know if you want his contact information.

Thanks!! We do have a venue. I will reach out and see if they have any recommendations. FI has never set foot in a church or any other religious building, ever. I was technically raised Presbyterian, but I only went to Sunday school for a few weeks and never went back. We just don't have any affiliation with any specific church or religion, so we'd rather keep it entirely secular. Are priests generally okay with that sort of thing? I would feel bad asking someone who is a religious official to just leave all of that out of a ceremony. I wouldn't want to be disrespectful.

key word was FORMER priest.  He left the order.  Got married (maybe has kids?).   He is still Catholic though.   He was recommend to us by our venue in Cape May.

[Deleted User]

Waaaah. I asked my venue AND my caterer/coordinator and neither had any recommendations. HOW is this so difficult?!

lyndausvi

did you post on the South Jersey Board?  I got some good recommendations from there.  Not for the officant, but for other stuff.   

[Deleted User]

Yeah, I did. Nothing so far. I think it's fairly dead in those parts.

ETF: words. ugh.

OliveOilsMom

South Jersey is dead.  I'm the most active member there and usually will answer all questions.  But we married in a church and used our pastor, so I had no one to suggest!

[Deleted User]

abcdevonn said:

I'm trying to find an officiant for a completely non-religious ceremony. I posted on the SNJ board looking for any recommendations, but I'd love to know what other people did who did not use religious officials. 

FI and I, unfortunately, can't think of any close friends or family who could officiate, but FI also feels very weird about getting a "complete stranger" to marry us. For those who used an officiant that they didn't already know, what is weird? Would you recommend it? Any experiences or advice would be super helpful.

Ok.  So you say that you can't think of any close friends or family who Could officiate, but can you think of any close friends or family who Would officiate?  It cost me a whopping $14 to become a minister through the Universal Life Church, and $7.50 of that $14 was to get a paper certificate mailed to me.  So, do you have any Attention Whores in your friend/family group?  Any actors, public speakers, people who just generally enjoy standing up in front of a group?  I am that person in my family.  I helped my sister write her secular ceremony, and I officiated.  So, if you have someone who is willing to jump through some hoops, making sure Universal Life Church is legal in the county and state of your wedding, going to the courthouse if additional information/paperwork is needed, etc.  You might just have an officiant.

[Deleted User]

adk19 said:

abcdevonn said:

I'm trying to find an officiant for a completely non-religious ceremony. I posted on the SNJ board looking for any recommendations, but I'd love to know what other people did who did not use religious officials. 

FI and I, unfortunately, can't think of any close friends or family who could officiate, but FI also feels very weird about getting a "complete stranger" to marry us. For those who used an officiant that they didn't already know, what is weird? Would you recommend it? Any experiences or advice would be super helpful.

Ok.  So you say that you can't think of any close friends or family who Could officiate, but can you think of any close friends or family who Would officiate?  It cost me a whopping $14 to become a minister through the Universal Life Church, and $7.50 of that $14 was to get a paper certificate mailed to me.  So, do you have any Attention Whores in your friend/family group?  Any actors, public speakers, people who just generally enjoy standing up in front of a group?  I am that person in my family.  I helped my sister write her secular ceremony, and I officiated.  So, if you have someone who is willing to jump through some hoops, making sure Universal Life Church is legal in the county and state of your wedding, going to the courthouse if additional information/paperwork is needed, etc.  You might just have an officiant.

Nope. We went through our entire guest list, trying to think of someone. We even went through our FB friend lists. We really don't know anyone who would be willing OR potentially good at doing this. I think, at this point, we are definitely going to have to go with a "stranger."

princessleia22

I had a destination wedding and our officiant was provided by the venue. Complete stranger. We met him the day of our wedding and he was really nice. He was a minister.  He asked if we had any religious preferences and we said were weren't religious.  He was fine with that and kept all religious references out of the ceremony.  But, it wasn't weird at all to have a stranger marrying us.  Plus, my parents were happy that we got married by a minister, even though religion was kept out of the ceremony.

My brother had a Justice of the Peace come to their venue and marry them because they wanted completely non-religious.

Obviously, if you want someone who can add personal touches to the ceremony (like "I've known abcdevonn since she was 5..."), you won't get that from a stranger.   But, I don't think that is necessary anyway.  The connection between bride & groom is all that really matters.