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Invites and Paper

Random RSVP question

About what percentage of your Declines didn't bother to RSVP "No"? My "Please RSVP by" date isn't until next week, so I'm not too worried about it, I've just had a surprising number of people mention that they are sad they won't make it, and they just "figured I'd know since they didn't RSVP". I guess they thought the card with the little check boxes and the envelope with our address and a stamp on it were just because we like extra work and postage? (sorry, feeling a little crabby this morning).

Did you check with any of your guests who didn't RSVP by the time your final #s were due (at least the ones you expected to be a yes/have at some point in the past indicated they were hoping to attend)? One of FI's Aunts said she didn't bother to send her "Yes" back because she "told FMIL back when we got engaged that she wanted to attend." I just don't want a bunch of those "yes" surprises.

Re: Random RSVP question

  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We had a number of people not RSVP. I think they were all no's though. Just start making phone calls after your due date and get some hard and fast answers. That should help to at least head off any "surprise" Yes's.

    Anyway, from what I remember, I had around 40 people (so around 20 or 25 invites) that I didn't get a card response from. I split the work between myself, H, and my MIL since some of the not-responders were his family/his friends. It took no time to get in touch with everyone and get a confirmed yes or no answer.



  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A few days AFTER the due RSVP date, we began with follow up emails/phone calls.  It is best to wait a few days after the due date, because there are actually guests who will wait until the due date to send back their response.

    We followed up with every guest whether we had an inkling or not regarding their attendance, in part because we needed entree selections.  SIL's best man did not RSVP but we still had to track him down because of the meal.  

    Our message was the same for every guest.  "Our RSVP date has now passed and we have not heard from you.  If you are attending, it is important we receive your RSVP card as it will be used to indicate your meal choice at the reception.  If we do not hear from you by XX/XX, we will assume you will not be attending.  No meal will be reserved for you."

    Of the less than 10% that did not RSVP, almost everyone was a decline.


    [Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    We had a handful who never RSVPd and I had to follow up with them. We also had a handful who RSVPd yes and were no-shows.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited August 2015
    Not sure the percentage, but we have a few non-responders.  Of those:

    One was my cousin who had the RSVP card sealed sitting on his passenger seat for over month.  It just never got in the mail.  When my mom called he was just like "yeah, it's sitting right here, waiting to be mailed.  I'm coming though."
     
    3 or 4 people just never received the invite.  Kind-of hard to RSVP to something you never received.   They were all yeses.

    2 guests had sent their RSVP when they got the invite some 8 week before.  They showed up in our mailbox the week of the wedding (the postmark was indeed 6-8 weeks before).  They were yeses.

    1 or 2 more forgot, but were no's.


    ETA - NEVER assume people are nos or are assholes for not responding.   From my own experience it's not always the guests fault there we didn't hear back from them.  Always make a reasonable effort contact the non-responders.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    [Deleted User]
  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2015
    I'm wondering the same thing.  I sent out 110 invites to 198 people.  So far I only have 60 yeses (this includes some "add on" plus ones that people decided to give themselves) and 14 nos.  Our deadline is Saturday.  Ugh.  

    ETA: we don't need menu selections (unless they are vegetarian, which I can't think of anybody that is), but I really would like a headcount because we are buying all our own liquor and I'd like to get that done.  I also want to know how many so I can figure out how to arrange my tables.
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • We had several non-responses as well, fiancee and I split up contacting people since some were my family/friends and some were hers.  I think about 90% of those non-responses ended up being no's.
    TheCheeseWench
  • I'm running into this as well. Our RSVP due date is Thursday, and half of our guests have not responded. When I start making my phone calls next week, what is a polite way to ask them if they are attending?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    pennydl said:
    I'm running into this as well. Our RSVP due date is Thursday, and half of our guests have not responded. When I start making my phone calls next week, what is a polite way to ask them if they are attending?
    @pennydl - "Hey Susie, I was just checking in to see if you and Joe will be attending our wedding on September 4th?"  Susie answers yes.  "Oh that is great, we can't wait to see you and Joe!"  Susie answers no.  "Oh sorry to hear that, we will miss you, but thanks for letting us know."

    [Deleted User]DarthV8r
  • pennydl said:
    I'm running into this as well. Our RSVP due date is Thursday, and half of our guests have not responded. When I start making my phone calls next week, what is a polite way to ask them if they are attending?
    @pennydl - "Hey Susie, I was just checking in to see if you and Joe will be attending our wedding on September 4th?"  Susie answers yes.  "Oh that is great, we can't wait to see you and Joe!"  Susie answers no.  "Oh sorry to hear that, we will miss you, but thanks for letting us know."
    Or, if you get voicemail.  "Hey Susie, I was just checking to see if you and Joe will be attending our wedding on September 4th.  I need to get my numbers to the caterer by September 1st, so if I don't hear from you by August 31st, I'll be marking you down as a No."
  • Thank you maggie0829 and adk19 for the suggestion!
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