Moms and Maids

What to do about MOH

I have two friends that I am very close with. One I have known since I was in preschool, the other I have known since middle school. I do not have any siblings so one of these two will be my MOH. I am very conflicted about which one it should be.

The first girl that I have known since I have been in preschool is definitely expecting to be my MOH. I have not "officially" asked her, but ages ago before I was even engaged she did ask me if she would be my MOH, and she has definitely made the assumption that she will be (we recently went to a mutual friends wedding and she was talking about how she hoped her MOH would be as good as that one).

The second girl I have known for an extremely long time as well, and have recently been much more close to her. All three of us are close friends.

The problem that I am having is that recently I am not nearly as close with the older friend. No falling out or anything like that, she just got a boyfriend and a new job and does not come around our group of friends nearly as much anymore. I still talk to her regularly, but not nearly as much as I would have previously considered "normal" (we used to talk everyday, now probably talk once a week). Since I have been engaged (almost a year), I have only seen her three times. Again, no problem with her, we have just drifted recently. My other friend, I do talk to everyday, and see usually at least once a week. I have just been closer to her in the past year.

I do want both of them to be in my wedding party, but recently I have felt that I would rather have the second girl be my MOH. I think she will be there more for me, both to help me out with wedding things (which I understand is not a requirement of a BM, but still nice that I know she would do that), as well as emotionally. I do not want to cause any type of problem with my oldest friend, still want her to be a BM, and I know she will be hurt if she is not my MOH. If I choose the oldest friend, the other girl may be hurt as well because she knows we have recently been much closer.

I know having two MOH is an option, but I'm really not sure if this is something I would want, and the oldest friend might also be hurt by "sharing" the position.

Any comments on what you would do would be appreciated :)

Re: What to do about MOH

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2015
    You could always have no MOH. I couldn't choose between my 2 best friends, so they were both bridesmaids, no MOH.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What Addie said.

    Or you could have two MOHs.  I don't see why this wouldn't be something that you want.  Seems silly to limit it to only one person when it is obvious that you are having a very hard time deciding between two of your very good friends.  And if your oldest friend is hurt by "sharing" the position, well that is her issue to get over because that is just ridiculous.

    [Deleted User]
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    This is almost exactly me.  I have two BFFs - one I've known since we were born (our parents graduated together), and one I've known since school.  I'm definitely in contact with the second one more (1st has a posse of kids), and we generally seem to share a brain.  I, however, have a sister, so she was my MOH.

    If I didn't have a sister, it definitely would have been BFF#2.  However, BFF#1 wouldn't have had an issue with it.  For you, I'd say two MOHs or no MOHs.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • Honestly to me it sounds like you want to pick the new friend but don't want to hurt your old friends' feelings. If that really is the case then I think you should go with your gut. If you've only seen this person 3 times in the last year I don't think she'd be that surprised that she is a BM rather than MOH. If she is she should really grow up and realize that relationships change.

    Still she is probably still very important to you so if you wanted to have them share the position that is a fine option. If she's upset about that then she really needs to get over it. Or you can do like PP suggest and just have no MOH. 
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  • Honestly I would go with two, this is what my best friend did in her wedding, I was MOH and her sister was MOH. It was actually really nice, we planned pre wedding parties together and split costs so we both enjoyed it quite a bit. Then when it comes to placing them just go by height so there are no hurt feelings that one is standing next to you and the other isn't. 

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    PnkBride
  • Honestly I would go with two, this is what my best friend did in her wedding, I was MOH and her sister was MOH. It was actually really nice, we planned pre wedding parties together and split costs so we both enjoyed it quite a bit. Then when it comes to placing them just go by height so there are no hurt feelings that one is standing next to you and the other isn't. 
    by height how?  Tallest next to bride?  Shortest next to bride?  Does it matter the height of the bride?  the groom?  the best man?  I don't care what order they stand up in, but deciding that you're going to do it by height seems silly.  Why not alphabetical order by first name, last name, or nickname?
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