Calling All Knottie Mamas

loveislouder

Hi guys,

I have questions for ya'll.  H and I are in no way ready for babies, but we enjoy talking about our lives when we do have them, and we talk about names we like and how we may or may not raise them.  My girlfriend was telling me this is super weird. She said it's like planning a wedding before you're engaged (which I know isn't a thing because if you're planning a wedding, you're engaged). 

What did you guys do? Did you talk names before the baby came around?  

I justify it to myself by thinking we're planning for our hypothetical future. If we have babies, this is what we might name them, how we might raise them. 

ShesSoCold

Hell, I am 99.9% sure I don't want kids at all, ever and I've thought about names. Just yesterday I told H that he'd be a good dad. Not that I'm going to make that happen for him, but he would be. 

AprilH81

This may not be quite the same as we are actively TTC, but I think of baby names all the time.  DH doesn't at much but we've talked about it a bit.

I also have a secret Pintrest board with nursery ideas.

sparklepants41

H & I aren't ready for kids yet, but we talk about names for our as-of-yet-nonexistent children all the time.

luckya23

I would say I think more about potential names than actually having children. At least in a positive way.

teddygirl9

I think thats actually a really important thing to talk about (more the raising vs names) before you're actually pregnant. Being on the same page as far as kids go seems important IMO

kvruns

Nothing wrong with thinking about names or how you might raise kids.  Actually that might be important to discuss before actually having them -whether it is being adamant about only one child or wanting 10, or how you would raise the kid (religion, schooling, spanking or no, etc) some of that is important to think about before the emotions of a kid on the way factor in.

H for a long time has been saying if we had a boy he wants his first name to be the kid's middle name since that how it is with him and his dad.  I don't necessarily agree with it but there's nothing wrong with discussing it.  

redheadbride15

I think that talking about babies before you have them is TOTALLY different from planning a wedding before you're engaged. A wedding is just a one day event. Choosing to have children and how to raise them if you do is an entire lifestyle. It's critical to have conversations to work through you & your partner's thoughts/preferences and make sure you're on the same page. It's sort of like talking about where you want to live, what career path you envisage, what things you've always dreamed about doing, what your financial goals are, etc. These are the things that solid relationships are built on.

OliveOilsMom

Before we had really had any conversations about kids and we were only dating, H declared in front of his family that if we have a boy it will be a Third, since H is a Jr.  I was like, thanks for discussing it with me first! 

I'm not a fan of having a Third, which I have said to him, but I don't know if he believes me.  H & my dad have the same first name.  So I'm hoping that I can convince H to do his first name and my dad's middle name, which combines to be T.J., which we would call our hypothetical son.

teddygirl9

redheadbride15 said:

I think that talking about babies before you have them is TOTALLY different from planning a wedding before you're engaged. A wedding is just a one day event. Choosing to have children and how to raise them if you do is an entire lifestyle. It's critical to have conversations to work through you & your partner's thoughts/preferences and make sure you're on the same page. It's sort of like talking about where you want to live, what career path you envisage, what things you've always dreamed about doing, what your financial goals are, etc. These are the things that solid relationships are built on.

This is a good point. A better comparison would be talking about marriage before you're engaged - a bad way would be planning the baby shower before you're pregnant (1 day event).

NowIamMrsKlein

FI and I have a list of baby names for hypothetical future children. We aren't ready yet for kids, we havent even checked off 1 item of our 'must accomplish before kids' list yet, yet we know that we want them so, heck why not?

If we are watching TV and a name is mentioned FI will often turn to me and be like 'oh... what do you think of that??' and I'll either say 'put it on the list' or 'nah' hahah

FI is alot more ready mentally than I am (I think this being because he doesn't actually have to go through the whole pregnancy bit), and he often makes comments about how cute I'll be when I am pregnant or how fun an activity would be with a child.

We havent got into deep discussion yet about specific 'child rearing tactics' but we both grew up in very very similar households so I don't see any confliction there, and not any reason to dicuss it until we are actively ttc

loveislouder

I'm not comfortable venturing over to The Bump so thanks for dealing with my weird questions

 That's where I'm coming from - raising is a child is RAISING a child. Like, they are depending on us to keep them alive. We've already discussed that we won't contradict the other in front of them discipline-wise, and how H wants them to go to Church and learn Catechism (sp?) and I'm fine with that.

We know we'd prefer either having no children or 2 (or more) children because that way if both of us are in a horrible accident or something, that one child would always have someone. 

Not going to lie, I really am enjoying seeing names I think are cute. 

TrixieJess

loveislouder said:

I'm not comfortable venturing over to The Bump so thanks for dealing with my weird questions

 That's where I'm coming from - raising is a child is RAISING a child. Like, they are depending on us to keep them alive. We've already discussed that we won't contradict the other in front of them discipline-wise, and how H wants them to go to Church and learn Catechism (sp?) and I'm fine with that.

We know we'd prefer either having no children or 2 (or more) children because that way if both of us are in a horrible accident or something, that one child would always have someone. 

Not going to lie, I really am enjoying seeing names I think are cute. 

Just remember that names that YOU think are cute are names that your future children will have to put on a resume someday. 

My step-mother told me when we were having difficulty picking our son's name, to stand at the back door and call the names we liked 20x each. Whichever one didn't drive us insane, pick that one!

pinupbride6189

I don't think it's strange at all. FI and I have been talking about that a lot lately, actually. I think it's important to know where you want to go with certain things. What would your friend expect you to do? Wait until you get pregnant and then find out that your H never wanted kids and now what?

ShesSoCold

TrixieJess said:

loveislouder said:

I'm not comfortable venturing over to The Bump so thanks for dealing with my weird questions

 That's where I'm coming from - raising is a child is RAISING a child. Like, they are depending on us to keep them alive. We've already discussed that we won't contradict the other in front of them discipline-wise, and how H wants them to go to Church and learn Catechism (sp?) and I'm fine with that.

We know we'd prefer either having no children or 2 (or more) children because that way if both of us are in a horrible accident or something, that one child would always have someone. 

Not going to lie, I really am enjoying seeing names I think are cute. 

Just remember that names that YOU think are cute are names that your future children will have to put on a resume someday. 

My step-mother told me when we were having difficulty picking our son's name, to stand at the back door and call the names we liked 20x each. Whichever one didn't drive us insane, pick that one!

SO. MUCH. THIS. I see way too many cutesy names that could never be taken seriously as an adult. Mia-Bella Stellalynn Johnson is not an adult name. Think about your kids further out than pink tutus, people (general people).

DarthV8r

Not strange at all in fact I think its normal to talk about kids before you have them. Some couples even talked about  having kids before getting married. It should be a topic of conversation BEFORE it happens.  I mean you want to make sure you're on the same page.

ETA: When F.I. and I were casually  dating he mentioned he always wanted his first kid to be named after his mom or dad. We also talked about how many kids we wanted and where we wanted to be in life 5 years from now.

lovesclimbing

H and I aren't trying yet, but we talk about names on a somewhat regular basis. We also talk about when we want kids pretty often as well.

loveislouder

TrixieJess said:

loveislouder said:

I'm not comfortable venturing over to The Bump so thanks for dealing with my weird questions

 That's where I'm coming from - raising is a child is RAISING a child. Like, they are depending on us to keep them alive. We've already discussed that we won't contradict the other in front of them discipline-wise, and how H wants them to go to Church and learn Catechism (sp?) and I'm fine with that.

We know we'd prefer either having no children or 2 (or more) children because that way if both of us are in a horrible accident or something, that one child would always have someone. 

Not going to lie, I really am enjoying seeing names I think are cute. 

Just remember that names that YOU think are cute are names that your future children will have to put on a resume someday. 

My step-mother told me when we were having difficulty picking our son's name, to stand at the back door and call the names we liked 20x each. Whichever one didn't drive us insane, pick that one!

Oh yeah, absolutely. I have a unique name that's spelled oddly and I always promised myself I'd never do that to my kids. I have a girlfriend named Kaethe pronounced Katie, everyone says Kathy. 

WinstonsGirl

Not strange.  DH and I occasionally talk about this and we don't want kids period.  

[Deleted User]

I don't think it's weird to discuss baby names with your significant other.  I think it's weird to discuss baby names with your girlfriends and never mention it to your significant other.  Just like it isn't necessarily weird to start planning a wedding with your significant other before you're "officially" engaged.  It IS weird to start planning a wedding that your significant other knows nothing about.

Personally, I think about cute baby names all the time.  Then I remind myself that I have no intention of ever having a baby, so why am I doing this to myself.

beachyone15

Not weird at all. DH and I already have a few names picked out and we don't plan on TTC for awhile.

NowIamMrsKlein

FI is positive that we will be the first to 'give his mother' grandchildren, because his two brothers are not in relationships. I keep telling him that he really shouldn't bank on that because anything could happen. (Heck my little sister started dating her husband right around the same time as FI and I got together, they are married and have a kid now. FI and I arent even married yet)

Anyways, he likes to come up with ideas on how he would tell his parents that we are expecting. Its cute but I had to tell him to slow his roll abit because I was starting to feel the pressure.

We have agreed on what we will call our 'bump' though, like how some people go the peanut route. Ours will be Stormageddon, dark lord of all. Stormie for short;)

WinstonsGirl

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

FI is positive that we will be the first to 'give his mother' grandchildren, because his two brothers are not in relationships. I keep telling him that he really shouldn't bank on that because anything could happen. (Heck my little sister started dating her husband right around the same time as FI and I got together, they are married and have a kid now. FI and I arent even married yet)

Anyways, he likes to come up with ideas on how he would tell his parents that we are expecting. Its cute but I had to tell him to slow his roll abit because I was starting to feel the pressure.

We have agreed on what we will call our 'bump' though, like how some people go the peanut route. Ours will be Stormageddon, dark lord of all. Stormie for short;)

Ha ha!!  My never going to exist bump would be called the Kraken.  Courtesy of here, actually.  A Knottie painted a very cool picture with a kraken in it.  When she showed it here, the thread title was "Release the Kraken".  I thought she had had a baby and that decided it there for me.  

TrixieJess

WinstonsGirl said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

FI is positive that we will be the first to 'give his mother' grandchildren, because his two brothers are not in relationships. I keep telling him that he really shouldn't bank on that because anything could happen. (Heck my little sister started dating her husband right around the same time as FI and I got together, they are married and have a kid now. FI and I arent even married yet)

Anyways, he likes to come up with ideas on how he would tell his parents that we are expecting. Its cute but I had to tell him to slow his roll abit because I was starting to feel the pressure.

We have agreed on what we will call our 'bump' though, like how some people go the peanut route. Ours will be Stormageddon, dark lord of all. Stormie for short;)

Ha ha!!  My never going to exist bump would be called the Kraken.  Courtesy of here, actually.  A Knottie painted a very cool picture with a kraken in it.  When she showed it here, the thread title was "Release the Kraken".  I thought she had had a baby and that decided it there for me.  

That's what FI called my bump. For the same reason.

ShesSoCold

One of my friends (from here   ) is carrying twins and on the of the US pictures, they looked like the snout of a manatee. They will be known as "the manatees" until they are born and have names. Possibly after that also.

WinstonsGirl

One of my best friends let her 2 year old name the bump.  She decided on "Cake".  After she was born, they decided to make her middle name "Keiko" as a tribute to her older sister and "Cake"

wandajune6

We're actively TTC. DH already used the one family name that was important to him on The Kid so that's easy. We talk about names but it's mostly just joking.There's just no fucking way we'll name a kid "Jesus Moses" (his idea of the most hilarious name for a half Mexican Catholic/half European Jewish boy).

We won't have "real" conversations until the kid's in utero.

KatWAG

I don't have a bump yet, just bloat. But we call my son squeakers. So we will call this next one squawkers.

southernbelle0915

KatWAG said:

I don't have a bump yet, just bloat. But we call my son squeakers. So we will call this next one squawkers.

I didn't know you were expecting! Congrats!

OP - I don't think you need to be knocked up to talk names. And I don't think it's comparable to planning a wedding when you're not engaged.

Totally agree with @TrixieJess about picking non-cutesy names. They're only little for a super short portion of their lives.

loveislouder

Well I just googled the name I like and it turns out to be a character in Fifty Shades so it's probably going to sky rocket in the next year or two. Boo!

KatWAG

southernbelle0915 said:

I don't have a bump yet, just bloat. But we call my son squeakers. So we will call this next one squawkers.

I didn't know you were expecting! Congrats! OP - I don't think you need to be knocked up to talk names. And I don't think it's comparable to planning a wedding when you're not engaged. Totally agree with @TrixieJess about picking non-cutesy names. They're only little for a super short portion of their lives.

Are you due soon? Or did you already have your baby?