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Wedding Woes

I'm scared to ask, but bridesmaid rant...

Okay, so take it easy on me because it seems like bridesmaids are sort of a touchy issue here but I am not sure what the proper protocol is here. 

I just found out 2 weeks before my wedding that I have a bridesmaid who told a guy that she has a crush on that she would give him a ride to the wedding. She figured he would either come to my house while we're getting ready, or she would leave and pick him up and take him to the venue. We're all supposed to be getting to the venue 2 hours early, and getting dressed there! 

She made these plans with him (and potentially invited him to my house while we're getting ready) without running it by me first. 

I feel like I have been really chill, but I do feel a little irritated (Or a lot irritated) that she's offered to give someone a ride who is just going to be standing around while we're all getting ready without telling me. Are the bridesmaids not supposed to come to the venue early with the bride? That was the plan that we had all agreed on. I am just not sure if I am just overly sensitive because of wedding stress or if she's being a little unreasonable. 

Re: I'm scared to ask, but bridesmaid rant...

  • I don't think she should be inviting people to your house without asking you. You can refuse that but be prepared for her to get ready somewhere else and just meet you at the appointed time for pictures or the ceremony. Even if she agreed to something else earlier.

    And if that happens, who cares? The day will not be ruined just because a (or any) bridesmaid isn't around for the "getting ready" party.
  • I mean, her not being there while we get ready isn't a huge issue, except for that she's been pretty clear that she wants to both be there, and bring this guy. 

    And I guess it just seems awkward to have someone standing around awkwardly at the venue for a couple hours while we're all getting ready and taking care of stuff. 

    I'm sure it will all work out, it just sort of rubbed me the wrong way I guess. 
  • So I am assuming him coming to the wedding/reception is no big deal which is totally fine, giving the wedding party a plus one is very nice.

    However, I would just tell her that he is not invited to come to my home. Sorry the last thing I want is someone I do not know around me at that point. At the wedding? Sure, public-ish place. My home the day of my wedding? Nope. Nope. Nope.

    As far as him being where yall are getting ready I would just tell her that he is not welcome in the room with me. Which means she will kinda have to pick, hang out with him or be in the room with you. If she is floating in and out I do not see a big deal but I would not allow some rando guy to hang out with us.

    I would just tell her these ground rules in a very adult but firm way. She can then make up her mind about where she wants to be. If she picks being with him that is fine your day will go off just fine with her showing up dressed and ready at whatever time pictures start.

    Tell one trusted person, coordinator/mom/maid of honor, about this guy and if he shows up where is not wanted the day of (aka your house or your dressing room) they will tell him directly to please leave.
  • I think I got to the church 2 or so hours before our ceremony and there were a ton of people milling about already.  Also, at that point the venue will be set up for the ceremony, so he can park it there while you and your BM's get ready. 

    You are more than OK telling your BM that her new 'crush' cannot come to your house since you do not know him and there will be too much going on. She needs to decide how to make their transportation work. 

    There's nothing bridesmaids are 'supposed' to do besides show up in the dress they purchased.  This is a minor thing and it's nothing to let get to you.  

  • I hope the feeling is mutual with this new crush, otherwise I cannot see being a guy hanging around somewhere for two hours while a bride and bridal party get ready, just to get a ride to a wedding.

    I agree that it's a minor thing, and also that I would be irritated and probably tell her I'd rather she not bring some guy to my house while I'm getting dressed.
  •  Unfortunately it's not really mutual. He's actually a friend of my fiance who lives 8 hours away. He has family and friends coming to the wedding that could give him a ride. He's done a decent job of stringing her along for awhile now, and she told me she was afraid she wouldn't get to spend a lot of time with him while he was here, so that's why she offered to give him a ride. 

    After sleeping on it, I sort of realized that if she wants to go do her thing, that's fine, as long as he is not in my way. If they're okay with him standing around for a couple hours with nothing to do, I guess that's on them. 

    But I did tell her not to bring him to the house, because that's weird to me.
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