Wedding Etiquette Forum

Verbal Invites then not following through *Vent*

AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited August 2015 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A close friend of mind was recently engaged a few months ago. She sent out messages to friends and family including me that I was invited to the wedding (ask for addresses, etc). Everything was looking fine until the Bride A sent a text asking if was mad at her. Which I was confused and told her no I was not. Then she issues this text, 

"Hey Hun, we had to finalize the guest list for the wedding and I'm sorry. I had to cut some of my closest friends out to meet the limit for the venue. You're welcome to come to the engagement party and bridal shower. I feel so bad "

After I got this message, I explained to her about those invited to the wedding party events should be invited to the wedding. It is against etiquette and manners. I told her I am very mad and disappointed; I do not think it is right to invite me to the engagement and wedding shower. She sends no response and then in my other facebook message folders. I found this:

"Hello, my name is V**. I'm A's maid of honor. She sent me the texts you've been sending her. I just want you to understand that she's going through A LOT of emotional stress. This last year hasn't been easy on her. She and I went through everyone on the guest list and since she hasn't seen you in years and you haven't really been all that supportive of her as of lately, we decided that you needed to be cut. You aren't the only one. My godsons mother and long time friend of A++'s is also not invited. She and J*** both have large families which means that sacrifices have to be made. I'm sorry that it hurt your feelings, but you don't need to be rude to her. She's at least trying to make it up to you by inviting you to she shower and engagement party. Which no, they do not require a gift from you. Just your company. Thank you for your time."

I think it is insane to send your MOH when A can't even respond back to my calls or messages. Responding back that this is not her business, she should leave me alone and have a good night. No, the MOH said, "It is actually my business. I'm in the wedding party. I'm also her best friend of almost 12 years. She asked me to talk to you so you could better understand her situation. But all you're doing is being a total bitch. You're supposed to be her friend, but you're just plain rude. She doesn't need or deserve that. She asked me to talk to you because she's been sick and hasn't been able to deal with stress. And every time she has tried to talk to you, you have been rude. I've been looking at your texts for months now. I said " you are being a total bitch" not that you actually are one. Read. You don't act like a friend. She's asked you to come to Mary Kay parties, you rudely declined. She's inviting you to come to celebrate her wedding, even if it isn't on the day of. And maybe, just maybe if you had been around the past few years since she's been out of school then you would still be on the invite list. But you haven't been one bit supportive since she left school. So in pretty sure I can say and text whatever I want. Especially when I comes to A***. You don't like it, maybe you should apologize for being rude. You ruined this friendship not her. So you can live with that guilt"

I am still very confused because this MOH acts as if she is around whenever I am around with A. RSVP a decline is apparently rude by the way( I had work). I am 100% around for her sickness and emotional problems but I thought when your friend does something that could potentially cause hurt feelings that they would understand if they messed up. I feel I am always there for her emotionally physically that at time I felt I was not good enough because I have been there for so much. As for her showing up to her MK Parties...I mean really that was a big shocker because I had to work.

Short story: I was invited to a wedding, then the Bride cut all the people she messaged from addresses etc and told them they can't come. Instead she invited me(other people) only to the prewedding events and sent her MOH to "talk" to me because I was "wrong" for following etiquette.

Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

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Re: Verbal Invites then not following through *Vent*

  • Sorry that you're in the middle of this high school drama. Frankly, I wouldn't have responded that what your friend is doing is rude (even though it is), at least not via text. At this point, the "cut" is over, and there is nothing that can be done about it. I think it would have been fine to communicate your hurt and disappointment, but to give her an unsolicited etiquette lesson was a bit much.

    That said, her sending her messenger to handle you was rude and immature. My advice would be to stop the Facebook drama with the MOH and call (not text) your friend to straighten this out. She probably felt bad about what happened, and didn't expect you to react the way you did. I expect she's feeling defensive right now. Even though what she did could have been avoided and prevented, she likely doesn't realize that, and is in victim mode. She likely has a lot of people blowing sunshine up her butt and telling her that if they love her, they'll understand.
  • Blue_Bird said:
    Sorry that you're in the middle of this high school drama. Frankly, I wouldn't have responded that what your friend is doing is rude (even though it is), at least not via text. At this point, the "cut" is over, and there is nothing that can be done about it. I think it would have been fine to communicate your hurt and disappointment, but to give her an unsolicited etiquette lesson was a bit much.

    That said, her sending her messenger to handle you was rude and immature. My advice would be to stop the Facebook drama with the MOH and call (not text) your friend to straighten this out. She probably felt bad about what happened, and didn't expect you to react the way you did. I expect she's feeling defensive right now. Even though what she did could have been avoided and prevented, she likely doesn't realize that, and is in victim mode. She likely has a lot of people blowing sunshine up her butt and telling her that if they love her, they'll understand.
    I spoke to her in person about it after the text and I did call, numerous times to check on her. She not responding back but she is only texting me back.  When we got together she asked why would be considered rude and so I was like hey girl typically it is considered gift giving but her only reply is about how "people should be supporting her and that she can't afford people because of the venue so they should just come to the parties".  I have the MOH blocked as right now since she keeps sending messages repeatedly and threats to " come over to take care of me".

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • AlexisA01 said:
      I have the MOH blocked as right now since she keeps sending messages repeatedly and threats to " come over to take care of me".
    What does this mean?
  • Blue_Bird said:
    AlexisA01 said:
      I have the MOH blocked as right now since she keeps sending messages repeatedly and threats to " come over to take care of me".
    What does this mean?
    Maybe she wants to fight me. Typically that is what people say when they want to do something of that nature.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • I'd sever ties with this Bridezilla who can't handle her own drama. Sorry, but this is a deal-breaker. I could get over not being invited after receiving a verbal invite, but for her to send her MOH to talk to you and on top of that, the MOH specifically says she's been reading your texts for months??? Uh, no. If it was me, I'd address them both and cut all ties, then block both from Facebook, email, text, twitter, whatever social media you're connected to.
  • AlexisA01 said:
    Blue_Bird said:
    AlexisA01 said:
      I have the MOH blocked as right now since she keeps sending messages repeatedly and threats to " come over to take care of me".
    What does this mean?
    Maybe she wants to fight me. Typically that is what people say when they want to do something of that nature.
    Yes, I know, but it's a serious jump from the conversations you've shared. There must be more to this story, or this woman is mentally unbalanced, and I worry for the safety of those she's around.
  • edited August 2015
    Blue_Bird said:


    AlexisA01 said:



    Blue_Bird said:


    AlexisA01 said:

      I have the MOH blocked as right now since she keeps sending messages repeatedly and threats to " come over to take care of me".

    What does this mean?

    Maybe she wants to fight me. Typically that is what people say when they want to do something of that nature.


    Yes, I know, but it's a serious jump from the conversations you've shared. There must be more to this story, or this woman is mentally unbalanced, and I worry for the safety of those she's around.


    ******ETA box *******

    Or it's MUD, just saying...

    How is it possible you have so many rude friends OP? Seriously, they seem to have violated every major etiquette issue in the past year.

    If this is real, then cut your losses and get some new friends with manners.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:


  • Here is my response then after her big paragraph. She goes on about how she is doing this for A and how I need to apologize if not she will come over to take of me for A. She either means confronts or fight. 
    Why are you are in my inbox still sending messages that I am this and that? This does not concern you whatsoever. Very mature with the name calling. Please do not message me again. There is no point in going back and forth. I do not even know you. Good night."



    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • I have nothing to add to this wild story other than to comment on one thing the MOH said about supporting the bride. I will never understand the argument from etiquette breakers that everyone should be SUPPORTING THE BRIDE.... as if a wedding is a court hearing or something.
  • I will not post pictures but we got married in June after reconciliation. What more is there to say other than that.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • AlexisA01 said:
    I will not post pictures but we got married in June after reconciliation. What more is there to say other than that.
    Wasn't your wedding all planned and set for August, though? Why'd you push it up so much? 
    image
  • Well we had cancelled everything. So in May we just hired a planner who put things together quickly. We had our guest list of 40 and just paid for our guests and their accommodation since it was last minute. We was worried because his grandfather didn't have much time left and passed away in July.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited August 2015
    Why would you even respond to your "friend" and tell her how rude she is? You should have not responded to either of them period.

    Do you just like creating unnecessary drama? Kind of like a dramatic end of engagement and lavish wedding and then it was pushed up two months? Okay.

  • Heffalump said:
    I believe it was Miss Manners herself who said that calling someone out on their poor etiquette is also poor etiquette.  If someone asks, then by all means, you don't have to lie to them.  But etiquette should be a guide to treating others well, not something to bludgeon the ignorant with.
    Yep, yep, yep.

    You are no better than the bride in this situation.    You can roll-eyes, vent to other friends, vent on here.  It's rude to get into a FB agreement with the bride and her MOH over an invite.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • redoryx said:
    All I'm going to say is that we recently had someone else who refused to post pictures and got very defensive when asked about certain things related to their life offline. Read from that what you will.
    And a certain "related person" who had several very rude friends.

    image

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