STD Addressing

laurad75

Should the STD's have formal addresses (Mr. and Mrs John and Susan Smith) or is it preference?  Our wedding will be more on the casual side and the save the dates are definitely informal so I feel like it would be weird to be so formal for the save the dates.  Thanks gang!

Maggie0829

To me I just see addressing the "formal" way as normal so I wouldn't think anything of it.  I certainly wouldn't be comparing how you addressed something to the level of formality of your STDs.

But it is perfectly acceptable to nix the titles all together if you want to.

julieanne912

I did more informal for STDs (used nicknames, no Mr and Mrs, etc), but kept w/ the formal for the actual invites.

CMGragain

All personal mail should be addressed the same way with traditional titles.  Remember, the outer address is for the mail carrier.  The inner correspondence can be less formal if you wish.

Jen4948

laurad75 said:

Should the STD's have formal addresses (Mr. and Mrs John and Susan Smith) or is it preference?  Our wedding will be more on the casual side and the save the dates are definitely informal so I feel like it would be weird to be so formal for the save the dates.  Thanks gang!

The bolded is a very awkward way to address a couple.  Titles and names aren't supposed to be separated; nor are first and last names supposed to be separated.

If you want to be formal, which is not required with save-the-dates, you can use either
Ms. Susan Smith and Mr. John Smith or
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.

Otherwise, I'd just leave off titles and use Susan and John Smith.  Save-the-dates are supposed to be informal anyway.

lembaslover

Personally I used titles for both STDs and Invites. I kind of used the STDs as my trial run for invites. I did use Mr. and Mrs. John and Susan Smith format. I know it looks a bit more awkward but to me I'm changing my last name (and am happy to) but I don't want my first name taken from me, I'm not willing to give that up. I'm not sure if other people feel that way or not. I feel like if you use the awkward wording it's a victim-less etiquette breech. 

[Deleted User]

engagedhamstermom said:

Personally I used titles for both STDs and Invites. I kind of used the STDs as my trial run for invites. I did use Mr. and Mrs. John and Susan Smith format. I know it looks a bit more awkward but to me I'm changing my last name (and am happy to) but I don't want my first name taken from me, I'm not willing to give that up. I'm not sure if other people feel that way or not. I feel like if you use the awkward wording it's a victim-less etiquette breech. 

The bolded is why I always thought the awkward wording was especially awkward.  I don't mind Mr. John and Mrs. Susan Smith, but the Mrs. John weirds me out.

Maggie0829

adk19 said:

engagedhamstermom said:

Personally I used titles for both STDs and Invites. I kind of used the STDs as my trial run for invites. I did use Mr. and Mrs. John and Susan Smith format. I know it looks a bit more awkward but to me I'm changing my last name (and am happy to) but I don't want my first name taken from me, I'm not willing to give that up. I'm not sure if other people feel that way or not. I feel like if you use the awkward wording it's a victim-less etiquette breech. 

The bolded is why I always thought the awkward wording was especially awkward.  I don't mind Mr. John and Mrs. Susan Smith, but the Mrs. John weirds me out.

I agree.  If you don't want to "lose the use of your first name" (which is just weird to me because it isn't like these people are like 'oh she is married now so she is no longer a person' when they address the envelope the traditional way) then you should address it Ms. Susan Smith and Mr. John Smith.

CMGragain

This thread is getting side tracked.  We have discussed proper addresses so many times before.  The OP asked about addressing STDs with or without titles.  Here is a proper address with titles:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
or
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

There is no proper address without titles for personal mail.  In the body of the letter you would say "Dear Susan and John,..etc."

Maggie0829

I am not sure how this thread is getting side tracked.  We are still discussing the proper way to address people.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

This thread is getting side tracked.  We have discussed proper addresses so many times before.  The OP asked about addressing STDs with or without titles.  Here is a proper address with titles:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
or
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

There is no proper address without titles for personal mail.  In the body of the letter you would say "Dear Susan and John,..etc."

I disagree with the italicized. Personal mail can be and usually is very casual, where no titles are necessary at all. Save-the-dates definitely qualify as casual.

Maggie0829

Jen4948 said:

This thread is getting side tracked.  We have discussed proper addresses so many times before.  The OP asked about addressing STDs with or without titles.  Here is a proper address with titles:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
or
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

There is no proper address without titles for personal mail.  In the body of the letter you would say "Dear Susan and John,..etc."

I disagree with the italicized. Personal mail can be and usually is very casual, where no titles are necessary at all. Save-the-dates definitely qualify as casual.

I agree completely.

julieanne912

CMGragain said:

This thread is getting side tracked.  We have discussed proper addresses so many times before.  The OP asked about addressing STDs with or without titles.  Here is a proper address with titles:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
or
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

There is no proper address without titles for personal mail.  In the body of the letter you would say "Dear Susan and John,..etc."

So you're saying if I mail my BFF a birthday card, I wouldn't be properly addressing it unless I put Ms. BFF Lastname?  Right....

[Deleted User]

julieanne912 said:

CMGragain said:

This thread is getting side tracked.  We have discussed proper addresses so many times before.  The OP asked about addressing STDs with or without titles.  Here is a proper address with titles:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
or
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith

There is no proper address without titles for personal mail.  In the body of the letter you would say "Dear Susan and John,..etc."

So you're saying if I mail my BFF a birthday card, I wouldn't be properly addressing it unless I put Ms. BFF Lastname?  Right....

Well, in the olden days of cmgr, everyone was referred to only by their TITLES, not by their names.  Please, in the future, only address my mail to my proper Title, Mistress Ursula of the Heart of Stone.  Thank you.

CMGragain

Sorry if you folk don't like proper etiquette.  Remember, the address on the outside envelope is for the mail carrier.  This is why it is with proper titles.  The important stuff is inside the envelope.  That is what can be either formal or informal, not the outside address.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Sorry if you folk don't like proper etiquette.  Remember, the address on the outside envelope is for the mail carrier.  This is why it is with proper titles.  The important stuff is inside the envelope.  That is what can be either formal or informal, not the outside address.

The USPS does not give a shit whether or not there are titles with the names.  Nor is it "not proper etiquette" to leave off titles on informal correspondence-which generally is not sent with inside envelopes.  So quit clutching your pearls about this and stop accusing people of not liking proper etiquette.

CMGragain

Whoa!  Calm down!  I only stated the proper, traditional etiquette.  Sorry you don't like it.
When I addressed a letter to my Grandma, it was to Mrs. John Jones.  Inside it said, "Dear Gramma Bene."
The outside does not determine whether or not the correspondence is formal or informal.  The inside does.  Do you honestly look at how your personal mail is addressed?
What I do take issue with is the charity organizations who try to make their fund raising letters look personal.  They use some kind of computer program to address the mail to me, personally, in a too familiar tone.  If they haven't met me in person, I am not their dearest friend.
Modern computer addressing also makes it difficult.  Ebay sellers must send items to me as Jane Doe.  Perhaps this is one good reason why computer labels are frowned on for personal correspondence.  (I shop on Ebay a lot!)
Simple.  You can do it the proper, traditional way, or you can do it your way.  You choose.  The mail carrier doesn't care.  Some of the recipients might, but I doubt it.  The OP cares because she asked, and I gave her the standard, correct response.  Sorry you don't like it.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Whoa!  Calm down!  I only stated the proper, traditional etiquette.  Sorry you don't like it.
When I addressed a letter to my Grandma, it was to Mrs. John Jones.  Inside it said, "Dear Gramma Bene."
The outside does not determine whether or not the correspondence is formal or informal.  The inside does.  Do you honestly look at how your personal mail is addressed?
What I do take issue with is the charity organizations who try to make their fund raising letters look personal.  They use some kind of computer program to address the mail to me, personally, in a too familiar tone.  If they haven't met me in person, I am not their dearest friend.
Modern computer addressing also makes it difficult.  Ebay sellers must send items to me as Jane Doe.  Perhaps this is one good reason why computer labels are frowned on for personal correspondence.  (I shop on Ebay a lot!)
Simple.  You can do it the proper, traditional way, or you can do it your way.  You choose.  The mail carrier doesn't care.  Some of the recipients might, but I doubt it.  The OP cares because she asked, and I gave her the standard, correct response.  Sorry you don't like it.

No, she was asking how to address a save-the-date, NOT how to address anything else.

The bolded is exactly what I said.

You said personal mail has to always be addressed formally with titles:

CMGragain said:

There is no proper address without titles for personal mail. 

Once again, since you missed it the first time:
1) Personal mail does not require titles because it is generally informal.
2) Save-the-dates are by definition informal.  They are not sent with "inner" envelopes.  The only envelopes they are sent with are the mailing envelopes-if they are sent with envelopes at all.  They can be postcards.
3) Stop trying to make this about whether or not I or anyone else "likes etiquette."  That's a bullshit ad hominem line.

CMGragain

...and your source is?  I don't generally like Emily Post because they are too liberal, but even they support me.

http://www.emilypost.com/forms-of-address/titles/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

...and your source is?

SIB

Save-the-dates do not require an etiquette source.  They are just an informal request that someone reserve a date.

CMGragain

Um....OK.  This is your personal opinion.  You obviously cannot back it up with any authority.  I don't understand why you are so upset about this.  I didn't write the rules.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Um....OK.  This is your personal opinion.  You obviously cannot back it up with any authority.  I don't understand why you are so upset about this.  I didn't write the rules.

Because you are the only one claiming it is a "rule" that save-the-dates or any other informal correspondence has to be sent with titles, and you can't "back it up with any authority."  And you know something?  No one in this forum gives a shit about "authority" for save-the-dates or informal correspondence besides you, but you are attacking everyone else with your ad hominem bullshit about "we don't like etiquette."

CMGragain

Honestly, I have used the past hour to look on the internet to see if I could find a site that agrees with your position.  I cannot find one.  They all say that you need titles.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Honestly, I have used the past hour to look on the internet to see if I could find a site that agrees with your position.  I cannot find one.  They all say that you need titles.

Sorry, but no site dealing with save-the-dates says that they require titles.

And I think you're wasting everyone's time trying to argue a "right/wrong" position about this.  You're the only one who gives a damn about it-as well as the only one affected by whether or not a save-the-date envelope has titles on it, because the only effect it would have is that the clasp on your pearl clutch would break.

Honestly, it makes no difference whatsoever except to you.

CMGragain

Well, you certainly seem to "give a damn" about it.  Unbelievable!

AddieCake

I didn't even use titles on my invitations. Stone me.

Jen4948

CMGragain said:

Well, you certainly seem to "give a damn" about it.  Unbelievable!

What I give a damn about is your stupid demands for "authority" to "back up my position" or your incorrect assertion that I "don't like etiquette" because I don't use titles on informal personal correspondence.

MairePoppy

CMGragain said:

...and your source is?  I don't generally like Emily Post because they are too liberal, but even they support me.

http://www.emilypost.com/forms-of-address/titles/96-guide-to-addressing-correspondence

With all due respect CMGr, this article offers the following as an option for addressing a married couple:

"Married, informal address Jane and John Kelly John and Jane Kelly" And for the sake of inclusiveness,I'll offer   John and Joseph Kelly                                                              Jane and Mary Kelly Could it be that the etiquette mavens are adjusting their rules to accomodate what is acceptable and consderate in today's society? If so, YEY!   I think Emily Post is suggesting that there is such a thing as proper informal addresses.                                                                                                                    edit - spelling

CMGragain

Thank you, MairePoppy!  Where did you find this article?

DarthV8r

CMGragain said:

Thank you, MairePoppy!  Where did you find this article?
</block quote
-----------------------------------
Why do you need an article for THAT?
It's not rocket science to use first and last names on an envelope.

CMGragain

ibarfburlapandlace said:

Thank you, MairePoppy!  Where did you find this article?

Well, until (evidently) recently, it was improper not to use titles on mail.  We were taught that in school, and it is still on many websites.  I wouldn't recommend trying it in Europe.