Wedding 911

Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

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Re: Less than 1 year to plan a wedding -- eek!

  • My church is too small for the reception. The most the parish hall can hold is 110 people legally.

    The invite list has already been trimmed as much as it possibly can be, and that's going to have to be my mom's problem because she just told me that she and my dad will be paying for the reception venue and food, and my FI and I are responsible for the photographer and DJ.

    The date is significant because it is an auspicious day for a wedding according to the Chinese calendar which we absolutely need to go by according to FMIL. And it can't be much later than that anyway because my family will be traveling 3000 miles and my sister will have cheerleading commitments for school and the rest of my siblings will be starting the school year soon after. We can't do anything before July because my mom said absolutely not to me having my wedding before my brother, and there is only 1 day in July that the Chinese calendar says is okay for a wedding but it's less than a month after my brother's wedding which my mom also said no to.

    And since my mom is paying for almost everything...kinda gotta go with it.
    ... Are you inviting more people to the ceremony than the reception?

    Yes and no. Technically the whole church congregation is invited to the ceremony -- church rules, I can't stop it. But in terms of MY guests, no which is why we can't use the Parish Hall -- it's not big enough to hold all the invited guests so I'm absolutely not having my reception there. I'm not getting my way and we're inviting around 140, but my mom is paying for the venue and food, so all my fiance and I have to worry about is the photographer and DJ.

    Are you having a dry wedding reception? This may be included in the "food" your mother is covering, but who is paying for the booze? (Hint: the answer should NEVER be "my guests)
  • PupatellaPupatella member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited August 2015
    That's great that your Mom is helping out so much with costs!!  :)

    Just cautioning you that there are other costs that can creep up other than the venue, food, photographer and DJ: hair and makeup, flowers, rental items (table cloths, plates, glasses, silverware), liquor, invitations and stamps, cake, limo, centerpieces, thank you cards, hotel room for your wedding night, wedding rings, etc.

    I would really sit down with your Mom and iron out the guest list before signing with a venue, as if you are put in charge of paying for an item that is dependent on the guest total (invitations or centerpieces for example), it can be a bit of sticker shock.

    I'm hoping that your venue search is going well today!!

    southernbelle0915
  • edited August 2015
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No idea if I'm even going to have liquor at the wedding. But if I do, who pays for it will be up to me and my mother, not you. FI and I hardly drink so I wouldn't mind a dry wedding.

    As for linens and things, my mom is paying for all food related expenses. We're planning on having it catered simply by a caterer who has done stuff for my mom's work for ages (literally as long as I can remember, so at least the last 15 years).

    I'm doing my own hair and makeup, so there's $0 there, mom is going to pay for flowers and centerpieces, not that there's going to be much for that and I don't anticipate more than $500 total for both of those since it's gonna be DIY and very simple. FI and I will probably have to do STDs and invitations. My FI is paying for the rings...

    There is going to be no limo (I personally think that's such a ridiculous thing to have), we may or may not have a hotel room -- we could very well, and probably will just go home after the reception as I see nothing wrong with that and hotels are insanely expensive. Why pay $200+ for one night when you live in the same town as the wedding?!?? That's something else I think is pretty stupid.

    The guest list on my mom's side is set in stone. She won't budge, I've already talked to her about taking people off and she absolutely will not because she said it'll cause family drama, so whatever. And I'm only inviting about 15 people for myself, so almost no one.
    Hey OP do you want to stop being so damn defensive!  Look you have a year to plan a wedding. Many, many, many people plan a wedding in a year so I suggest you take a step back, take a deep breath and calm the heck down.

    So your guest list is at 140.  Now you need to find a reception venue that will hold that many and is within your budget.  If that means you need to have your wedding during a non-meal time to cut down on the cost of food then so be it.  If you plan to have an outdoor reception (which depending on where you live I will not suggest in August) then you need to have a backup plan in case of rain or ridiculous heat/humidity.

    As for your date, why does your FMIL get to dictate the date?  You need to pick a date not based off a calendar but what works best logistically for you and your VIPs.  What happens if you cannot find any venue with August 6th open?

    I also noticed that you said your dress needs 0 alterations.  How can you say that your dress will need 0 alterations a year from now?  You have no idea how your body may change so I think it is pretty dumb to assume that is not something you will need to pay for.

    But I think since you seem so damn wound up, I suggest you take a breather and a break from planning until September 1st.  You are stressing yourself out when there is absolutely no need.



    PamBeesly524[Deleted User]InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMom
  • I'm sorry about you only getting to invite 15 people.  :(  

    And honestly it sounds like you have most of your wedding day figured out, so I think planning this in under a year will be no problem!!

  • edited August 2015
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    edited August 2015
    I wouldn't have to be defensive if it didn't feel like people were attacking me.

    I realize many people plan weddings in a year, but I'm not most people. I need to have plans made as far in advance as possible. Heck, I generally even plan going on a date a week in advance!! It's just my personality and I've always been that way.

    I absolutely do not want an outdoor reception, so I'm working on an indoor reception. Have been calling around all day to work on that, and I won't even look at reception venues that can't hold less than 200 people. And since my mom is paying for the venue, it's on her if she goes over budget, not me.

    As for the day, FMIL isn't dictating it, she is just insisting that we use the Chinese calendar and get married on an auspicious day. I'm the one who picked August 6 because I wanted a July wedding and that's as close to July as we can get.

    And like I said, worst comes to worst, there are 3 state parks in my town, I can have the reception there. I'm not changing my date even though I just found out that it means I probably can't have my DJ and have to find another one.

    BOXESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS


    No one is attacking you. People are trying to help. If you take anything away from this thread, remember that no guest at your wedding should have to pay for anything (drinks, parking, bartender tips) and to slow down and breath. It will be okay. 

    Edited for boxes.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    Pupatella[Deleted User]levioosa
  • I don't think anyone is intentionally trying to attack you.  People are just offering up their advice.

    I'd try to take a step back.  I hear you about being stressed about getting everything done right now, but you have 11 months to plan everything.  I'm willing to bet that since you like to have everything planned far in advance, that you will have all of the major vendors booked within the next month - this is a compliment and meant to calm you down.

    Please try to focus on the most important part of your wedding day - you are marrying your best friend.

    snowywinter
  • I wouldn't have to be defensive if it didn't feel like people were attacking me.

    I realize many people plan weddings in a year, but I'm not most people. I need to have plans made as far in advance as possible. Heck, I generally even plan going on a date a week in advance!! It's just my personality and I've always been that way.

    I absolutely do not want an outdoor reception, so I'm working on an indoor reception. Have been calling around all day to work on that, and I won't even look at reception venues that can't hold less than 200 people. And since my mom is paying for the venue, it's on her if she goes over budget, not me.

    As for the day, FMIL isn't dictating it, she is just insisting that we use the Chinese calendar and get married on an auspicious day. I'm the one who picked August 6 because I wanted a July wedding and that's as close to July as we can get.

    And like I said, worst comes to worst, there are 3 state parks in my town, I can have the reception there. I'm not changing my date even though I just found out that it means I probably can't have my DJ and have to find another one.

    I completely understand the bolded. It's August and I can tell you exactly where in the country I will be for every week from now through May of next year, and have to book my PTO a year + in advance. I get it. That being said, just because you are Type A doesn't mean you can't plan a wedding for 200 people in a year. I did, or well I will have in 44 days when it actually happens. I even took 4 months off from planning for my busy season and STILL did it, being insanely Type A and all. 

    Trust these women and their advice and they are NOT attacking you. You're working yourself up over what some strangers on the internet say. They're just trying to help since you reached out and asked for their advice... 

    [Deleted User]
  • I'm confused. You are wanting to invite no more than 140 then why are you narrowing your search to venues that only hold over 200? Do the state parks have an indoor area for your reception as well? If so, I would just go ahead with that. If not then you need to make sure and ask what type of facility they offer during a ran plan, or if they would allow you to tent the area. 

    I think you need to allow yourself to accept the fact that you are not going to have this whole thing planned in a day or a week. Sure, date night can be discussed and planned a week in advance, it only takes a few minutes out of your day to do that. But that does not hold the same for a wedding. You're going to be really stressing yourself out if you keep putting this idea that everything has to be planned NOW in your head. 
    image
    Maggie0829InLoveInQueens
  • I wouldn't have to be defensive if it didn't feel like people were attacking me.

    I realize many people plan weddings in a year, but I'm not most people. I need to have plans made as far in advance as possible. Heck, I generally even plan going on a date a week in advance!! It's just my personality and I've always been that way.

    I absolutely do not want an outdoor reception, so I'm working on an indoor reception. Have been calling around all day to work on that, and I won't even look at reception venues that can't hold less than 200 people. And since my mom is paying for the venue, it's on her if she goes over budget, not me.

    As for the day, FMIL isn't dictating it, she is just insisting that we use the Chinese calendar and get married on an auspicious day. I'm the one who picked August 6 because I wanted a July wedding and that's as close to July as we can get.

    And like I said, worst comes to worst, there are 3 state parks in my town, I can have the reception there. I'm not changing my date even though I just found out that it means I probably can't have my DJ and have to find another one.

    I completely understand the bolded. It's August and I can tell you exactly where in the country I will be for every week from now through May of next year, and have to book my PTO a year + in advance. I get it. That being said, just because you are Type A doesn't mean you can't plan a wedding for 200 people in a year. I did, or well I will have in 44 days when it actually happens. I even took 4 months off from planning for my busy season and STILL did it, being insanely Type A and all. 

    Trust these women and their advice and they are NOT attacking you. You're working yourself up over what some strangers on the internet say. They're just trying to help since you reached out and asked for their advice... 


    Hey...Just curious if you are also in the accounting field?  I'm just ramping up for my busy season which goes through October 15th.  Boo.  I'm already tired.

    OP - I am also extremely type A, and have had everything planned out far in advance.  I'm even 2 months ahead of where I need to be with my wedding planning because of my upcoming busy season.  I am working a ton of hours and will have no time for anything else...well except for the minor distraction of posting on these message boards.  :)  But honestly, it will all come together.  We are here to help you.



  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I wouldn't have to be defensive if it didn't feel like people were attacking me.

    I realize many people plan weddings in a year, but I'm not most people. I need to have plans made as far in advance as possible. Heck, I generally even plan going on a date a week in advance!! It's just my personality and I've always been that way.

    I absolutely do not want an outdoor reception, so I'm working on an indoor reception. Have been calling around all day to work on that, and I won't even look at reception venues that can't hold less than 200 people. And since my mom is paying for the venue, it's on her if she goes over budget, not me.

    As for the day, FMIL isn't dictating it, she is just insisting that we use the Chinese calendar and get married on an auspicious day. I'm the one who picked August 6 because I wanted a July wedding and that's as close to July as we can get.

    And like I said, worst comes to worst, there are 3 state parks in my town, I can have the reception there. I'm not changing my date even though I just found out that it means I probably can't have my DJ and have to find another one.
    First, no one is attacking you.  People are giving you advice and you are getting defensive for some unknown reason.

    I understand wanting to plan things in advance but getting things planned within a year is doable. So you need to freaking relax!  If not you are going to be one big ball of stress for the next 12 months and that will not be fun for anyone.

  • Knottie9076833 yep... public accounting unite! I'm audit though so October is our interim, not YE work. I'm typically busy January-April 30 and then again for Q work and again slightly busier at interim, depending on the client. Summertime is when the livin' is easy and public accounting is great. 

  • @futurecptkirk - haha awesome!!  I'm in tax...10/15 is our worst deadline, and I am not looking forward to it this year.  Yesterday I was working until 3am, so I am dead today and am going out to get some more much needed coffee.  I know you understand how that goes!!  Congrats on your upcoming wedding!!

  • Knottie9076833! We have an EBP deadline of 10/15 when I will be on my honeymoon definitely not thinking about work haha. I'll have a drink for you! And 3am already? You must be Big 4!

  • That is awesome you are going to be on your honeymoon during a deadline!!  I'm proud that you stood up for yourself!!  I delayed my honeymoon until after 1/15 so I would be around for year end planning...yes life at the Big 4...

  • I told my managers that I had planned this wedding/honeymoon before they scheduled me on EBPs and let them know I would train someone to take my place before I leave if they haven't issued yet. We're pretty flexible here in not-Big-4, but Global 8. It's also not a real busy season deadline so they were fine with it. Getting approval for my trip in April 2016 was scary though. I was super nervous, but it seemed to work out ok since I managed to not be on any 4/30 deadlines this upcoming busy season (2/1, 3/15, and 3/31... gross)

  • That is great and I am jealous!!  We are scheduled a year in advance on clients, and I knew my partner would not be happy about me taking more time off around y/e since we always have a bunch of client meetings, so I just didn't even ask, and planned around it.  Oh well.  I'm just glad that my FH is super understanding!!  :)  Plus, we get to spend the holidays with family, and then travel for our honeymoon, so it definitely worked out for the best!!

  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2015
    No idea if I'm even going to have liquor at the wedding. But if I do, who pays for it will be up to me and my mother, not you. FI and I hardly drink so I wouldn't mind a dry wedding.

    As for linens and things, my mom is paying for all food related expenses. We're planning on having it catered simply by a caterer who has done stuff for my mom's work for ages (literally as long as I can remember, so at least the last 15 years).

    I'm doing my own hair and makeup, so there's $0 there, mom is going to pay for flowers and centerpieces, not that there's going to be much for that and I don't anticipate more than $500 total for both of those since it's gonna be DIY and very simple. FI and I will probably have to do STDs and invitations. My FI is paying for the rings...

    There is going to be no limo (I personally think that's such a ridiculous thing to have), we may or may not have a hotel room -- we could very well, and probably will just go home after the reception as I see nothing wrong with that and hotels are insanely expensive. Why pay $200+ for one night when you live in the same town as the wedding?!?? That's something else I think is pretty stupid.

    The guest list on my mom's side is set in stone. She won't budge, I've already talked to her about taking people off and she absolutely will not because she said it'll cause family drama, so whatever. And I'm only inviting about 15 people for myself, so almost no one.
    To the bolded: lots of ladies here have decided to do these things for their weddings. My FI and I are having a hotel for our in-town wedding because we want to. You can have your opinions, but shouldn't call other peoples' wedding ideas 'stupid.'

    And people here have given you great advice. Lots of Type A folks have planned a large wedding in less than a year. You need to figure out your budget and guest list first before searching for your venue. Take it one step at a time.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    PupatellaInLoveInQueens
  • edited August 2015
  • edited August 2015
  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2015
    So let me try to get this straight….are you worried about your guest list being too large based on your mom's desired guests and the ability of The Parish being able to accommodate all of the guests *you* want to be there?
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • I could be wrong, but I think she's worried because she moved her wedding up one year, and feels behind in the planning?  I could totally be missing something here though.

    I believe that she would prefer a smaller guest list, but has accepted the larger list because her Mom is paying for her venue.  I think the church can accommodate her guests just fine, but she is worried about finding a venue that fits all of her guests, and is within budget.

  • So let me try to get this straight….are you worried about your guest list being too large based on your mom's desired guests and the ability of The Parish being able to accommodate all of the guests *you* want to be there?
    she's not worried about the church being able to hold everyone.  She's said that the Parish Hall aka Large Gathering Room inside Church is not big enough to hold a reception, neither full meal nor cake and punch.
    PamBeesly524
  • edited August 2015
    The PP who said that I'm freaking out because I moved my wedding up is right. If I had had a year from the start, things would be very different.
     
    I've always said I wanted to keep the guest list 100 or under, but because my mom is paying, it's not going to be that way. We're inviting about 140 and no, I don't care that I can't have the reception at my church because I never wanted to have it there anyway. The church sanctuary where the ceremony itself if more than large enough for everyone.

    I have to find a reception venue that will hold 140 (easy -- places that hold over 100 usually hold up to 250 in my area). I'm sure I can find one, but it's not going to be as easy as it would be with so many people purely because of the cost which I want to keep down even though my parents are paying.
  • But you do almost have a year!!  I can almost guarantee that you will have everything figured out very quickly.  Heck - you know a TON more about what you want than I did 11 months before my wedding.

    Instead of 365 days, you have 352.  It's not that much different at all.  Hopefully this makes you feel a little better!!

  • But you do almost have a year!!  I can almost guarantee that you will have everything figured out very quickly.  Heck - you know a TON more about what you want than I did 11 months before my wedding.

    Instead of 365 days, you have 352.  It's not that much different at all.  Hopefully this makes you feel a little better!!


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    That's my OCD. I started planning the second I got engaged...almost literally! I wish I weren't like this because it means I stress myself out more easily, but I can't help it.
  • You definitely are already keeping costs down!!!  No hair and makeup for you or your BM's - that's a huge savings.  No limo, and no hotel room - another cost that is kept down.  (I am doing all of the above, and trust me, you saved a good 1.5k right there)

    Yes, the more people you have, the more money the reception will be, but you are cutting costs in other areas to make up for it.

    It will work out.  I'm waiting for the updated post from you saying that you found your venue!! :)

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