Another shower question..

[Deleted User]

Just found out the shower I am planning not all are invited to the ceremony some are just invited to the reception. I know for a fact a person that was on the shower list only got invited to the reception. Thoughts?? I don't really think there is much I can do since I was given the shower list but I didn't think you were supposed to invite people who were invited to the wedding...But does the reception count?

speakeasy14

This is one of the many reasons why tiered weddings suck. 

I guess technically they're invited to the wedding, so it shouldn't be an issue to invite them to the shower.

Maggie0829

Oh gosh, it sounds like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.  It is rude to point out to people when they are being rude (which the bride is being) but I can also see how you don't want to be the one to invite people when they aren't being invited to the wedding or only a portion of it.

If I were you I would just suck it up and invite the people on the list provided to you all the while giving the bride major judgy eyes...

SP29

Yeah, that's awkward.

I think because they are technically invited to the wedding, and the bride has given you this list, I would invite them all. Leave it up to the bride to deal with her rudeness.

You may not entirely know who is invited to one part of the wedding or the other (except if the bride has told you, you would assume they are all invited to the entire event- so that isn't on you). The bride gave you a list of wedding guests for the shower. If at the shower, something comes up about it, that can be direct back to the  bride.

AddieCake

Not your fault or problem. Invite the people on the list you were given. 

Jen4948

Yeah, that's awkward.  But all you can really do about it is invite the guests on the bride's list and let the ones who are not invited to the ceremony side-eye her.

photokitty

How are you related to the bride and guests? If it was my sister, I would tell her I will not host guests who aren't invited to the full wedding day. Cousin, if my family members aren't invited too the full wedding day, I would refuse to invite them. I would not be party to snubbing my family.

If I'm her friend, no relation, I would invite as told and silently judge. If any mutual friends complained to me about bring invited to the shower, but not the full wedding day, I'd tell them the truth...sorry, that was rude if the couple.

aliwis000

From what the OP said it just sounds like some people are only invited to the reception and some to both the ceremony and reception.

Very odd. However, is this a Mormon wedding? I have been invited to a reception only in this case because I was not Mormon and therefore was not allowed to the ceremony.

Could it be a religous type situation?

But I do agree with PP. You go with the list you were given.

southernbelle0915

That sucks. Not much you can do about it though..especially since invites already went out.

If you're super close to this person, you could try and find a way to encourage her to invite the shower guests to everything. But very likely, if she already made the choice to have a tiered wedding in the first place AND further invite those people to give her gifts...she isn't going to get it or care.

[Deleted User]

No not a religious thing for the tiered wedding. She's my sister in-law.. I remember in the beginning they had mentioned that "some people" do them.. I thought it was a statement and I response was "and they are really rude" I never thought they were doing one.. Thanks ladies I'll just invite the list I was given.. IF people ask at the shower I'll direct them to her. I think I may know the reason why... but I'm not going to begin to assume...

SP29

Just to add... with a Mormon ceremony, where the bride and groom are getting married in the temple, only the bride and groom are present.

Thus you wouldn't have a situation where some guests are invited to both the ceremony and reception and some only the reception.

When my friend (who is Mormon) got married, her family waited outside the temple for her and then they had a dinner. Then the weekend later she and her husband had a reception with all of their extended family and friends present.

Jen4948

SP29 said:

Just to add... with a Mormon ceremony, where the bride and groom are getting married in the temple, only the bride and groom are present.

Thus you wouldn't have a situation where some guests are invited to both the ceremony and reception and some only the reception.

When my friend (who is Mormon) got married, her family waited outside the temple for her and then they had a dinner. Then the weekend later she and her husband had a reception with all of their extended family and friends present.

Actually, any Mormon with a temple recommend can attend a sealing or other temple wedding. The issue of who can attend a Mormon wedding comes up when non-Mormons or Mormons without temple recommends are involved, because they aren't allowed inside Mormon temples.

aurianna

Ew ew ew.

Just curious... Did you tell her the number of people you could afford and accommodate, and she gave you a list based off of that?
Or did she just hand you a list?

If you told her 15 and she gave you 20... You're within your rights to cut off 5 people. You could tell her "Sis, sorry, but I can only invite a max of 15 people. How about we just stick with the people invited to the ceremony?"

But that's about the only out I see.
Otherwise just go with it, and realize you're not the one being rude here. GL.