Four days until the wedding and I'm losing it.

Knottie1432955973

Okay so I'm seriously in need of some advice.

[I'm sorry this is such a book. TL;DR- ruined venue, controlling stepmom, no bachelorette party, evil cousin, what last minute things should I be sure to remember? I'm terrified.]

I was never that little girl who grew up planning her wedding. I never wanted to get married. (Obviously things have seriously changed lol) So I don't really know much about weddings or how they're supposed to go and what's supposed to happen. I've been packing my brain with info these past few months but I know I must be forgetting something. However, I'm beyond excited to marry my best friend and father of our son in four... FOUR days.
I am a nervous, stressed out wreck.
My mom said I'm having a "pre wedding meltdown". It seems accurate. I (thankfully) haven't lost it on anyone or cried (yet. I came pretty close to crying yesterday though.) And my FI has been wonderful helping me to calm down and keep my head on straight. But oh man. Okay, here's a breakdown of the nonsense lately.
1). Our town was hit with a MASSIVE storm (MicroBursts are apparently terrifying.) and our venue was destroyed. We wanted to have it on a family members land by the river and 4 or 5 trees were completely snapped in half... Right into our reception area. We have no time to tear it apart with chainsaws so we had to move the venue. We're having it at the fair grounds now and although I'm heartbroken that I can't have my outdoor woodsy wedding, it's almost better because there's a building in case of rain, a nice yard for the ceremony and we can actually set up the day before now instead of trying to do it all the day of.
But my stepmom, who has actually been wonderful helping me SO MUCH with everything, was running around while we were looking at the new venue going on about "her vision" of this here and that there etc. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and it's difficult for me to pull out the "No, I want it this way." Because she tends to overreact and get super frustrated as if by saying I want it differently I don't appreciate her help.
So needless to say after that I was rather stressed and pretty down about everything.
2). Shortly after that I messaged my MOH to see if there was going to be a bachelorette party so I could make sure not to book any appointments the next day (I'm a tattoo artist) and he said no. Which of course isn't the worst thing ever. I'm just kinda sad, I was excited to just have a night with my friends, I didn't want anything fancy. Just maybe a lil fire and the company of my friends. I didn't tell him I was disappointed because I didn't want him to feel bad.
But of course my FI's bachelor party was that very night. Eh.
3). Now my moms side of the family is bugging me about inviting my cousin Eric. He's going to be in town the weekend of the wedding and he's literally the only person from that side not invited. We've never gotten along (straight up beat each other senseless every time we saw each other when we were younger) and a year or two ago I tried to bridge the gap and tell him happy birthday, to which he told me to jump off a bridge. We're adults now but I just, ugh. UGH. One recent semi-nice exchange does not make up for years of douchebaggery.

And last but not least, all you lovely ladies out there who know way more about this than me, what last minute things should I keep in mind? Are there any things that I may be forgetting that I NEED to make sure are done/get done over these last few days?
I'm loosing my cool. I don't want to snap and yell at someone or just break down and and start crying, I don't want to be a Bridezilla Any advice is SO incredibly appreciated, thank you!

AddieCake

I'd be sad about the bachelorette party, too. You just have to move on from that, though. Yikes about your venue! Glad you were able to find another place. Is stepmom paying? If not, she gets no say in your wedding plans. Tell her X is handled and the subject is closed. Repeat as necessary. The good news is that the wedding is almost here, so you're almost done with her butting in. Again, who is paying? If it's you, Eric should not be invited because you don't even like him. It's too late to invite people 4 days out anyway.

Make a list of everything you still have left to do and prioritize it. Some things can be skipped if you don't have time. Do you have everything you need as far as your attire, hair, and makeup? License in hand? Try to make some time for yourself to just relax. I had my meltdown 3 days before the wedding, so I understand. Good luck!

[Deleted User]

Knottie1432955973 said:

Okay so I'm seriously in need of some advice. [I'm sorry this is such a book. TL;DR- ruined venue, controlling stepmom, no bachelorette party, evil cousin, what last minute things should I be sure to remember? I'm terrified.] I was never that little girl who grew up planning her wedding. I never wanted to get married. (Obviously things have seriously changed lol) So I don't really know much about weddings or how they're supposed to go and what's supposed to happen. I've been packing my brain with info these past few months but I know I must be forgetting something. However, I'm beyond excited to marry my best friend and father of our son in four... FOUR days. I am a nervous, stressed out wreck. My mom said I'm having a "pre wedding meltdown". It seems accurate. I (thankfully) haven't lost it on anyone or cried (yet. I came pretty close to crying yesterday though.) And my FI has been wonderful helping me to calm down and keep my head on straight. But oh man. Okay, here's a breakdown of the nonsense lately. 1). Our town was hit with a MASSIVE storm (MicroBursts are apparently terrifying.) and our venue was destroyed. We wanted to have it on a family members land by the river and 4 or 5 trees were completely snapped in half... Right into our reception area. We have no time to tear it apart with chainsaws so we had to move the venue. We're having it at the fair grounds now and although I'm heartbroken that I can't have my outdoor woodsy wedding, it's almost better because there's a building in case of rain, a nice yard for the ceremony and we can actually set up the day before now instead of trying to do it all the day of. But my stepmom, who has actually been wonderful helping me SO MUCH with everything, was running around while we were looking at the new venue going on about "her vision" of this here and that there etc. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and it's difficult for me to pull out the "No, I want it this way." Because she tends to overreact and get super frustrated as if by saying I want it differently I don't appreciate her help. So needless to say after that I was rather stressed and pretty down about everything. 2). Shortly after that I messaged my MOH to see if there was going to be a bachelorette party so I could make sure not to book any appointments the next day (I'm a tattoo artist) and he said no. Which of course isn't the worst thing ever. I'm just kinda sad, I was excited to just have a night with my friends, I didn't want anything fancy. Just maybe a lil fire and the company of my friends. I didn't tell him I was disappointed because I didn't want him to feel bad. But of course my FI's bachelor party was that very night. Eh. 3). Now my moms side of the family is bugging me about inviting my cousin Eric. He's going to be in town the weekend of the wedding and he's literally the only person from that side not invited. We've never gotten along (straight up beat each other senseless every time we saw each other when we were younger) and a year or two ago I tried to bridge the gap and tell him happy birthday, to which he told me to jump off a bridge. We're adults now but I just, ugh. UGH. One recent semi-nice exchange does not make up for years of douchebaggery. And last but not least, all you lovely ladies out there who know way more about this than me, what last minute things should I keep in mind? Are there any things that I may be forgetting that I NEED to make sure are done/get done over these last few days? I'm loosing my cool. I don't want to snap and yell at someone or just break down and and start crying, I don't want to be a Bridezilla Any advice is SO incredibly appreciated, thank you!

License, groom, officiant.  Do you have those three things?  You're good for getting married.

Seats for butts, food and drink, temperature/weather controlled location.  Do you have those three things?  You're good for hosting guests.  

Everything else is gravy.  Attire, flowers, makeup, centerpieces, favors, none of these matter.  If any of them get forgotten, you'll still be fine.  Have some wine and just stop caring about the details.  You'll be married in 3 days!!!

lembaslover

I'm sure I'd be having a meltdown in your shoes too. It's great you were able to find another venue in time! I'm sorry it's not to your vision but at least you're still getting married  

I'd be bummed about no bachelorette too. Honestly though my MOH says there will be one I'm not really sure there will be. She's far away and really busy so I understand. You said you just want something chill the night before so maybe just ask a few of your friends if they want to hang with you the night before. Not a bachelorette but just hanging out to keep you company. That's my plan if there isn't a bachelorette, buying a few bottles of wine and watching movies in my PJs with whoever cares to join me. 

I totally hear ya with family pressure. I too have a relative I'm not inviting and I've gotten lots of pressure to invite this person. He's a bad person, everyone else just tries to ignore this fact, and I have no intentions on caving and having him be around me on my wedding day. If you feel like this about your cousin then stick to your guns. You'll be glad you did. If he's the one with the problem I doubt he'd even want to show up anyways unless he wants to cause issues.

anjemon

I understand what you're dealing with. I don't think I had any one meltdown, but I was certainly stressed about stuff! And you're dealing with a lot.

It's good you found a new venue that works for you. That was probably so stressful until you found something available. I considered planning a wedding in 4 months and it was hard to find a nice venue then.

I have some ass-vice for dealing with your stepmom. I'm also the kind of person who doesn't like drama or being super demanding. Feel free to ignore, but this is what I'd do:

I'd make a layout for how you want the venue to look. Draw up the floor plan (or see if your venue has one) and put tables where you want them. Mark them all obviously like "guest book table" and "cake table" on your floor plan. If you're really OCD make a list of what goes on what table.

Then when you're setting your venue up the day before you can just hand out your floor plan. You have made your decisions and people can question them, but it will be more awkward. And if they try to change things you can say "I've thought about the options and this (floor plan) is what I like best". And also then people know what to do when you're setting up and it might not take very long.