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RSVP Etiquette

inconceivable14inconceivable14 member
Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello all!

I have a question about RSVP etiquette. All of my family is out of town for our wedding, and most have made clear to my Dad that they will not be attending. Our invites have gone out, and the deadline to RSVP by is 2 weeks away (invites went out 3 weeks ago since majority of guests would need to arrange travel). My Dad mentioned last night that they would not be attending, and that they were not planning on sending back their RSVPs, and to mark them all as not coming (and to order 5-6 meals "just in case", which was a whole other conversation with him). 

With the RSVP by date still being 2 weeks away, is it within etiquette to reach out to them now to confirm? 
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Re: RSVP Etiquette

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    No, wait until the deadline has passed.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    inconceivable14 said:
    Hello all!

    I have a question about RSVP etiquette. All of my family is out of town for our wedding, and most have made clear to my Dad that they will not be attending. Our invites have gone out, and the deadline to RSVP by is 2 weeks away (invites went out 3 weeks ago since majority of guests would need to arrange travel). My Dad mentioned last night that they would not be attending, and that they were not planning on sending back their RSVPs, and to mark them all as not coming (and to order 5-6 meals "just in case", which was a whole other conversation with him). 

    With the RSVP by date still being 2 weeks away, is it within etiquette to reach out to them now to confirm? 
    No.  You have a RSVP date for a reason.  You don't reach out to anyone before that deadline has passed.  You will just come off looking pushy and impatient.  When the deadline has passed (give it about 3 or so days past the deadline for any last minute stragglers) then call up everyone who did not send their RSVP card back to confirm whether or not they will be attending.

    You should never assume that these individuals will not come because they told your Dad so however long ago.  Plans can change and people may change their minds and decide to come.  Just relax and wait until your deadline has passed.

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  • inconceivable14inconceivable14 member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Thank you for the super fast responses! I'll wait until a few days after the deadline to start reaching out. That's what I thought, but I got a bit caught up and needed a confirmation that I need to wait. 

    Thanks also for the "just relax" bit! I need that reminder when I get caught up in these things. :) 

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  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Agreed, wait til your rsvp date (and even a few days after).

    Our deadline was this past Saturday, and our number is due to the caterer a week from today.  There's still 60 people who haven't responded (ugh).  I'm giving it til tomorrow before I/FI start contacting most of them, in case they put their RSVP card in the mail ON Saturday (which people think is OK I'm sure).  

    And yeah, there were a few people that FIs mom said absolutely weren't coming, and then they RSVP'd yes.  The opposite also happened.... she told us someone was coming, then RSVP'd no.  
    Married 9.12.15
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