Etiquette

Adding people to bridal party?

We have been engaged since Nov and our wedding is Sept 2016. We had our bridal party picked out shortly after our engagement because we have a small, close group of friends. At the time of picking out our bridal party, 2 of the people in our group (they are a couple) we really didn't spend much time with them (time restraints mainly), and didn't feel like we wanted/needed them in our wedding. Fast forward to today, and we have been spending A LOT more time with these friends, and they have really been around more. We would like to ask them to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen in our wedding. Is that ok? 
Couple things to note: 
-We have already asked the other people to be in our wedding. 
-They are engaged as well, but we are not in their wedding. Main reason is bc they both have a lot of siblings. Neither of us have any siblings, so our choices are small.

If it's not too late/rude, how should we go about asking them? Just like we did the original party? TIA!

Re: Adding people to bridal party?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Choices should not be considered larger or smaller based on whether or not anyone has siblings. I mention that for the people under the impression that siblings should automatically be in the wedding party. I would go ahead and ask these people if you want them, but you really shouldn't have asked anybody yet.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • It's rude to add to a bridal party to replace someone else, or in another way that would make them feel like second string. By saying "Our friendship has grown so much, I now want you to be in my wedding party," I think you're doing the exact opposite. Even though you should usually ask everyone around the same time, I think this is an okay exception - a victimless etiquette crime, if it's against etiquette at all.
    amy+charlieSP29STARMOON44
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    How long has it been since you originally asked everyone?  

    You should have waited until this fall to ask anyone at all, but that ship has sailed. If you originally asked everyone over the last month or two, you could get away with asking this couple. If it's been six months since you asked everyone else, it will be obvious that they are an after thought. 
    InLoveInQueens
  • How long has it been since you originally asked everyone?  

    You should have waited until this fall to ask anyone at all, but that ship has sailed. If you originally asked everyone over the last month or two, you could get away with asking this couple. If it's been six months since you asked everyone else, it will be obvious that they are an after thought. 
    We asked everyone else this past NYE. So it's been almost 9 month. I know people typically wait until closer, but we didn't and that's over and past :)
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I personally would not ask anyone else.  As you can see things can change over time which is why we typically suggest waiting to ask anyone until you are about 6-9 months out from your wedding day.  I would just be happy that your friendships with these two individuals are growing and getting better.  Inviting people to your wedding as guests is an honor as well.

    And even though you are more then a year out, the fact that you have already asked others 9 months ago to be in your wedding can make it seem like these two are an after thought or you are needing to add more people to the wedding party for some random reason, not because you really want them to be a part of your wedding.  I know that is not how you see it, but that is how it can come off.

    amy+charlieadk19
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    It's rude to add to a bridal party to replace someone else, or in another way that would make them feel like second string. By saying "Our friendship has grown so much, I now want you to be in my wedding party," I think you're doing the exact opposite. Even though you should usually ask everyone around the same time, I think this is an okay exception - a victimless etiquette crime, if it's against etiquette at all.
    I think this is OK.

    I agree, you asked your WP too soon (even between now and Sept 2016, a lot can change). Do all of your friends know who is in your WP? If *everyone* knows already, it come off as awkward and make your new friends feel like they were a second thought. I still think it would be ok to tell them, "We've really grown so close over the past few months, I would really love to have you as part of my WP".
  • edited August 2015
    We have been engaged since Nov and our wedding is Sept 2016. We had our bridal party picked out shortly after our engagement because we have a small, close group of friends. At the time of picking out our bridal party, 2 of the people in our group (they are a couple) we really didn't spend much time with them (time restraints mainly), and didn't feel like we wanted/needed them in our wedding. Fast forward to today, and we have been spending A LOT more time with these friends, and they have really been around more. We would like to ask them to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen in our wedding. Is that ok? 
    Couple things to note: 
    -We have already asked the other people to be in our wedding. 
    -They are engaged as well, but we are not in their wedding. Main reason is bc they both have a lot of siblings. Neither of us have any siblings, so our choices are small.

    If it's not too late/rude, how should we go about asking them? Just like we did the original party? TIA!
    -----------------------------------No boxes for me today
     
    Just want to address that the bolded doesn't matter and is perfectly irrelevant. If you want anyone to be a guest at your wedding, or a member of your wedding party, whether or not that reciprocate that should not have any bearing on your own decision, and why they haven't reciprocated that doesn't matter either. Things like this aren't tit-for-tat and shouldn't be considered that way.... that's how bitterness fosters and friendships can end. 
    JediElizabethhuskypuppy14adk19
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    It's rude to add to a bridal party to replace someone else, or in another way that would make them feel like second string. By saying "Our friendship has grown so much, I now want you to be in my wedding party," I think you're doing the exact opposite. Even though you should usually ask everyone around the same time, I think this is an okay exception - a victimless etiquette crime, if it's against etiquette at all.
    I did this exact thing with one of my friends. She was very touched and accepted immediately. I don't think it necessarily matters the order in which you ask people, but your motive behind it. As @CElizabeth419 said, if you are replacing someone, that is rude. But if you are asking because your friendship has genuinely grown over time, go for it!

  • I basically did this same thing. I have been friends with three of my bridesmaids for many years and they are all friends. I never "officially" asked any of them to be in my wedding party, as it was assumed as soon as we got engaged, and actually even before that. My last bridesmaid is a girl I have known for a couple of years, and have gotten very close to in the past year. My other bridesmaids have known they would be in the wedding party since we got engaged last November, and I just asked my last bridesmaid last week (our wedding isn't until next June). She was very excited and not at all "offended" that the other bridesmaids had known they would be in the wedding party quite a while before her.
    I don't think it is an issue as you still have plenty of time before your wedding, and have became close enough to them that you would want them to be in the wedding party!
  • I know the ship has sailed here, but for anyone else reading you shouldn't ask your bridal party until you need to, likely 6-9 months before the wedding. 

    In your case, I'd assume you haven't actually done anything yet with your current bridal party, so it's fine to add more. If you had already been dress shopping, or they had already started planning something like a shower for you, I think it would be more awkward.
    InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    SP29 said:
    It's rude to add to a bridal party to replace someone else, or in another way that would make them feel like second string. By saying "Our friendship has grown so much, I now want you to be in my wedding party," I think you're doing the exact opposite. Even though you should usually ask everyone around the same time, I think this is an okay exception - a victimless etiquette crime, if it's against etiquette at all.
    I think this is OK.

    I agree, you asked your WP too soon (even between now and Sept 2016, a lot can change). Do all of your friends know who is in your WP? If *everyone* knows already, it come off as awkward and make your new friends feel like they were a second thought. I still think it would be ok to tell them, "We've really grown so close over the past few months, I would really love to have you as part of my WP".
    I agree.  If I were asked under these circumstances, I'd feel honored and not insulted to be asked.
  • If you have already picked out BM dresses, I would say don't ask them. Unless you  are doing "where whatever dress you want as long as it's this color and/or this dress brand" Because if all the girls are wearing the same dress, you would want to make sure that this dress fits into that persons budget & not go, do you want to be a BM, great, here's the dress & the cost of it. Then it shows that you asked her way after everyone else. If you still have yet to go BM, you would still be asking them with plenty of time before the wedding, so it wouldn't look like an after thought.


  • We have been engaged since Nov and our wedding is Sept 2016. We had our bridal party picked out shortly after our engagement because we have a small, close group of friends. At the time of picking out our bridal party, 2 of the people in our group (they are a couple) we really didn't spend much time with them (time restraints mainly), and didn't feel like we wanted/needed them in our wedding. Fast forward to today, and we have been spending A LOT more time with these friends, and they have really been around more. We would like to ask them to be a bridesmaid/groomsmen in our wedding. Is that ok? 
    Couple things to note: 
    -We have already asked the other people to be in our wedding. 
    -They are engaged as well, but we are not in their wedding. Main reason is bc they both have a lot of siblings. Neither of us have any siblings, so our choices are small.

    If it's not too late/rude, how should we go about asking them? Just like we did the original party? TIA!
    I'm a little confused by the bolded - you said this couple is part of your friend group - did you leave out anyone else from the friend group? If you asked everyone else in one friend group to be in the WP and then 9 months later ask them, will they be offended?

    Also, you got close over the last 9 months, will you still be close in a few years? Meaning, will you look back at your weding photos and think "Hey, remember when we were friends with that couple?" I had a friend I was on the fence about for my BP, and I ultimately didn't ask her and am glad I didn't. She is a nice person, and due to proximity we've hung out a lot recently, but I realized that compared to my actual BMs, she didn't deserve the same honor as my longstanding friends. I'm not saying don't add these people, just think about whether it's a knee-jerk/proximity decision. How long have you considered adding them? Maybe think about it a bit more since your wedding is still a year out and see if you feel the same in a month or two.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards