Asking Parents' Blessing or Permission

anidorikiladra

Some of you may remember my post a couple months back about buying engagement rings. I'm going on Thursday to look at some! I'll be keeping the advice in mind you all gave me in that post.
I'm also curious how many of your fiancés talked to your parents before proposing. I'm asking because last night my boyfriend told me he talked to my parents and asked for their blessing to propose. I'm really excited

minskat30

H asked for my father and mother's blessing...my Dad was dying at the time and he knew how much it meant to my Dad to be a part of the process.  We also went looking for rings before he proposed and designed one together.  Be excited, yes, but realize that there may be a looooong time between some of these initial actions and the proposal, if any.  I think I was waiting for 3-4 months but many girls have waited far, far longer even after their BF had the rings in the house.  

In the interim, love your relationship for what it is now...it is an exciting time to just be in the moment knowing that your BF loves you very much.  Have fun ring shopping!  

Jen4948

To be honest, I'm not a fan, because if I'm old enough to get married, I don't need my parents' permission, and while their blessing would be nice, I'd only want to ask for it if I could be assured of getting it.

If there's any friction between the parents and the FSIL or FDIL, I definitely wouldn't do this if the wedding is going to happen anyway.

Swazzle

My H didn't talk to my parents about proposing at all. 

audrewuh

My H talked to my parents, and mostly for the same reasons as @minksat30:  my dad was very ill and it was important to us that he be as involved as possible. 

It took another 6 weeks to propose, holding on to the ring for two months. 

I also second what @Jen4948 said. 

labro

My H did not. He did show a photo to my mom one evening of the setting he was thinking of buying. I guess in his way that was his way of letting them know his intentions? I don't know. It wasn't important to me for him to get their blessing or consent.

I'd say it was....4 months between the time he showed my mom the setting and when we got engaged so don't plan for it to happen right away either. Keep working on what we told you before - enjoying the relationship you have, and try not to anticipate that any romantic seeming moment is going to be THE moment otherwise you're going to drive yourself crazy.

lavenderfields13

My dad kept asking my H when he was going to propose so it was understood that he was expecting us to get married and was just waiting for it to happen. I think my parents would have thought it was a nice gesture if my H asked but honestly now I'm glad that he didn't. My parents knew our intentions and liked my H and we were 2 adults who had been living together- I didn't need anyone's permission or blessing. 

anidorikiladra

Thanks for the responses! I think my dad appreciated being told what we're planning as he's a pretty old fashioned guy. My parents already love my BF but I think it made my dad respect him more or something.

I really appreciate the advice about being patient after there is a ring in the picture! I just realized I was not detailed enough in my post, but my BF and I are really on the same page about this. We've already decided to get married but wanted to only declare ourselves as engaged once we have a ring and he's done a proposal. We're planning on buying the ring next Wednesday, and he said he will propose once we have it in the right size. He's too excited to wait!

I know though that if that somehow doesn't end up happening soon that there's lots of good advice on this board about being patient once there's a ring. So again, thanks for the support!

KeptInStitches

I told now-H not to ask my parents for blessing or permission.

eilis1228

My FI called and told my mom he was going to propose about an hour before he did it. He used a ring she gave him though, so I guess that was her way of giving him her blessing... but he definitely never asked, just informed. He had that ring for about two months before he proposed.

jenjen047

FI and I ring shopped in March, he asked my parents for their blessing in June, and proposed in July.

It was something we discussed and I told him it would mean a lot to me if he asked for my parents blessing. He felt the same so he did it. If it hadn't been important to both of us he wouldn't have done it.

[Deleted User]

DH asked for both of my parent's blessing the week of us getting engaged. He had bought the ring about 3 months prior to asking me and the only reason he waited a little while to talk to my parents was because he knew my mother wouldn't be able to contain herself for that long.

My situation probably isn't always the norm though, everyone is different so I would just try to relax and enjoy the moment.

teddygirl9

I told BF that I'd prefer he doesn't lol. However I think he will get pressure from his family to do so, as they are more traditional. My mom at one point was like "He BETTER ask my permission" and I shut that down pretty quick.

justsie

My FI talked to my parents first, but only because he knew it was important to me. I would have decided on my own regardless, but I am close to family and I had discussed with FI about talking to my parents first. I think he had the ring 6 months before he proposed? FI's moms had to keep it in their safe in order to make sure he didn't blow his idea.

drunkenwitch

This is something just can't wrap my head around. I am an adult. I have been supporting myself for 2 decades. No one needs my parents permission for anything to do with my life, they need mine.

[Deleted User]

Both my BF and I agreed that he should get my parents blessing before he proposes. My parents are pretty traditional and I'm sure they would appreciate that. However i made it very clear to him that God forbid my parents dont give their blessing (I'm 99.999% sure they will though), that he should ask me because it is strictly a blessing and not permission! Seeing that our future wedding, whenever that may be lol, will be paid for majorly by us, they can't tell me who to or not to marry.

JediElizabeth

Long before I ever met my FI, I was actually of the opinion that if a person asked for my mother's blessing before they asked me, it would be a deal breaker. Obviously they wouldn't know me very well in that case - or respect me enough to make a decision like an adult, without my parents' permission.

Though I would have made an exception for my FI, because I now understand that things like that are kind of petty/small picture in the grand scheme of things, I was very happy to know that my FI did not ask permission. I still probably would have been pissed if he did, but I would have gotten over it.

CaseyBoBasey

I told my fiancé that he shouldn't ask my parents for permission to marry me because I'm an adult who makes my own decisions about my life. Also, my sister once asked my dad if he would want my fiancé to ask before hand, and my dad's response was, "only if he expects me to provide a dowry". So yeah, my parents would have thought it was weird if my fiancé had asked permission.

AlPacina

TwoDimes said:

I'm so confused by the sudden influx of newbies.

beachyone15

Regarding the newbs, I just want to say that I was here first....

AlPacina

beachyone15 said:

Regarding the newbs, I just want to say that I was here first....

OMFG, I loved that scene in The Office. Great gif!

TheCheeseWench

FI did talk to my Mother but we had already decided to get married. He pretty much had the ring picked out, but his family is quite traditional and very close and he wanted to talk to everyone about it first so they all felt included and "in the know". He sat down with his parents and brother ask for above about buying the ring. Then on a weekend that my Mother and her husband were going to be in his town, he took them to breakfast and asked for her (no one really cares what her H thinks about it, he wasn't around when I was growing up) blessing. He knew she would be thrilled, so it wasn't a "permission" thing.

He also hung on to the ring for several weeks before proposing, but I considered us engaged since we were actively making wedding plans, it just hadn't been very publicly known yet. He was waiting for what he considered to be "the perfect time" which I thought was unnecessary but kind of sweet. We had a trip planned and he decided to do it while we were away.  The night before we were to leave I was driving back from my hometown to his, and had my wreck, so the trip was cancelled. He drove to my town as soon as he heard and we spent a couple of weeks chilling in the hospital. The day he had originally planned to propose he waited until I went into hip surgery and drove 2 hours to his parents house to get the ring out of their safe. He came back and gave it to me that night. I was drugged up as Hell, but he didn't want to wait. Now I jokingly tell him that with that much Dilaudid on board I probably would have said yes to anyone, but I'm glad it was him

anidorikiladra

I went ring shopping yesterday! Attaching photos of my favourite 3. Figured out what style I like best, now it's just narrowing it down when my BF and I go together. Thanks for your responses, I find it interesting how different people's responses can be. If anyone wants to give opinions on the rings I would welcome it!

anidorikiladra

Didn't load second 2 pictures so here they are.

anidorikiladra

TheCheeseWench said:

FI did talk to my Mother but we had already decided to get married. He pretty much had the ring picked out, but his family is quite traditional and very close and he wanted to talk to everyone about it first so they all felt included and "in the know". He sat down with his parents and brother ask for above about buying the ring. Then on a weekend that my Mother and her husband were going to be in his town, he took them to breakfast and asked for her (no one really cares what her H thinks about it, he wasn't around when I was growing up) blessing. He knew she would be thrilled, so it wasn't a "permission" thing.

He also hung on to the ring for several weeks before proposing, but I considered us engaged since we were actively making wedding plans, it just hadn't been very publicly known yet. He was waiting for what he considered to be "the perfect time" which I thought was unnecessary but kind of sweet. We had a trip planned and he decided to do it while we were away.  The night before we were to leave I was driving back from my hometown to his, and had my wreck, so the trip was cancelled. He drove to my town as soon as he heard and we spent a couple of weeks chilling in the hospital. The day he had originally planned to propose he waited until I went into hip surgery and drove 2 hours to his parents house to get the ring out of their safe. He came back and gave it to me that night. I was drugged up as Hell, but he didn't want to wait. Now I jokingly tell him that with that much Dilaudid on board I probably would have said yes to anyone, but I'm glad it was him

Wow what a story! As far as the asking for blessing thing goes, we're similar in that we've already decided but he wanted my family to be involved this way since we don't live in the same city as them. We're in the same town as his parents so he's let them in on everything.

[Deleted User]

My parents are pretty conservative, and we're very close, so my FI did ask my parents for their blessing. Not so much asking for permission as much as it was letting them know his intentions, and such. He had already bought the ring at this point too

[Deleted User]

If family tradition holds, everybody in my family will know before me...6 years ago, when my BIL called my Dad to ask for his blessing, he put him on speaker in the middle of the kitchen table while all of us were eating dinner!  (Except my sister, obviously--she was away at school.)

That's just sort of how my family works.  BF is pretty old fashioned, and I fully expect him to call or write to my parents before he does it.  I don't think he'll ask for permission, but I think he'll ask for their blessing.

We also have a running joke about how many camels he's going to have to give my father as a dowry, so he may just bring him a camel figurine and call it good...