Etiquette

Rehearsal Dinner - Officiant's family

Hi all, 

I apologize if this question has been asked before, but I am really not sure what to do. We are having our preacher from our church officiate our wedding (out-of-town destination wedding). He has a wife and two children - one of which is over 18 and in college and the other is 15 and in high school. From lurking, I know that the 19yo will have her own invitation with a plus one. Our preacher has mentioned his son (15) will probably still be in school at the time of our wedding so he most likely won't be coming ( he will still be on the invitation though). 

My question is-for the rehearsal dinner our preacher and his wife will obviously be invited, but are we obligated to invite the 19yo and her +1? They will all be staying together so I feel like it may be weird, but then I think that a 19yo could entertain themselves for one evening (especially with a +1)?  

If the 15yo does not come, should I only invite the parents? If he does end up coming should I invite the whole family?

What is the proper etiquette? Thanks!!! 


Re: Rehearsal Dinner - Officiant's family

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    If it were me I would just invite them all to the RD.

    Of course the only people you really have to invite is the officiant and his spouse.  But since you are also including the 15 yo on the wedding invite and if he does come then I think he should also be invited to the RD as well.  Mainly because he is a minor and he is there for the wedding because his parents brought him.  Of course he most likely could stay in the hotel room for a few hours by himself, but I think whenever you invite underage children to a DW you really need to include them in all pre-wedding events (meaning the RD or welcome dinner) since at that point they are package deal with their parents.

    As for the 19 yo and his plus one, well it really depends on who all you are inviting to the RD.  If you are keeping it at only those participating in the ceremony and immediate family then no, you don't have to invite him.  But if you are also extending invites to other guests as well then yes, you should invite him.  Since he is an adult he can be treated differently then you would treat his parents.

    But in the end I would just find it easier to invite them all to the RD.

    I hope that all made sense.

  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I would invite them all to the RD. It's easier that way and will eliminate any confusion or hurt feelings.

  • I would invite them all. IMO the minor should be included with his parents if he comes, even though technically he could be ok by himself at 15 it's over dinner time and he can't drive so that would be hard. While you gave the 19 yo. a plus 1 that doesn't mean this person will use it. Maybe whomever they would want to bring isn't available or they just don't want to have to hang around with mom/dad for the weekend so they choose it to be a family thing. Then they are left alone and that would kind of stink. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I would probably just invite the preacher and his spouse, unless it's a situation where you're inviting everyone from out of town to the RD, if there will be a lot of kids/teens there, or if you have a relationship with these two. 

    I get that the 15 y/o is a minor, but that's old enough to be left alone for the duration of a dinner, especially if his 19 y/o sister will be with him. 
    MairePoppySTARMOON44
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    As far as etiquette goes, you are only required to invite who is participating in the rehearsal, as well as their SO. In your case, your preacher and his wife.

    However, if the family is traveling as a family to your wedding, I think it would be considerate to extend the invitation to all.
  • Thanks everyone, this is helpful! 

    I think the thing that is throwing me up the most is that our ceremony and reception will only have 50 people total. So once you start inviting all the extra people to the rehearsal (we are already at 25 with wedding party, parents, and significant others) it will be almost as big as the "main event" and I was trying to prevent that without foregoing etiquette. 

    I appreciate your input! 


  • I would only invite the officiant and his wife. 15 is plenty old enough to be left alone.
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