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Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Post-wedding advice for small details

I'm about two months out from the big day and I have all of the major details covered (vendors selected and paid, music picked, invites addressed) but I'm nervous about all the small details and getting to the wedding saying "I forgot completely about that." Is there anything you wish you had done or realized after the fact that you wanted at your wedding?

The "small" details I have left to do is pick out what kind of glass FH and I will be toasting with, do we want a traditional guest book or to make one of Shutterfly (and if so, I better get cracking on it), do we need special serverware for our cake, and are we doing wedding programs. I feel like I should have more fine details to pay attention to, but I really feel like I don't. Did anyone experience this lull in to-dos around this time? I'm fully expecting to be more busy the few weeks before my wedding than I am now with figuring out table seating and final fittings, but those aren't things I can tackle at the moment.

Re: Post-wedding advice for small details

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    My sister bought me toasting flutes for our wedding.  They were set up at our seats but H and I didn't drink out of them because we just forgot and already had drinks in other glasses.  You can toast with anything.  To me, this is one of those pointless items that will just collect dust or be shoved in their box and placed on a shelf in a closet for years afterwards.

    We had a small wooden chest that I painted that was used as our guest book.  It also doubled as a place to put any wedding keepsakes afterwards like cards, an extra favor, an extra invite, etc.  It is still sitting out in our family room 4 years later.  Any other traditional guest book will just end up with your toasting flutes in a closet.

    Unless you are having a super complex ceremony programs are not necessary.

    H and I cut our cake using a knife that the venue had on hand.  Put this with the toasting flutes and traditional guest book as kind of pointless and will just collect dust.

    The only thing that I wish I had remembered on our wedding day was our marriage license. Luckily for us we had a friend officiate the ceremony so we didn't have to have it like you would if a priest or minister or judge was marrying you.  He just signed it and sent it in after we got back from our honeymoon.

    Knottie80779227Pupatellacharlotte989875
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I wish we had done a groom's cake, but time got away from me. We did cupcakes and a small cake for cutting, and the only decor the cake had on it were those edible pearls because the cake topper we had gotten was too big for it. I wish we had taken time to find one that was smaller or asked the florist for some flowers or something to put on it because I felt it looked kind of plain.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Knottie80779227Pupatella
  • My standard wedding advice from anyone who asks is "If you take your guest's comfort into consideration, you'll have a memorable event.  This isn't about you, it's a party hosted for others."  Unfortunately, I'm afraid most people, even my own friends and family who attended our wedding and liked it enough to ask us for advice, don't really understand what that means.  

    All of those details you listed are about you and you alone, so honestly, they aren't very important.  We used the same glasses as everyone else to toast with and I never thought anything of it, nor did anyone else.  Guest books... I don't know a couple who really looks at those again and guests usually feel awkward and obligated to fill them out.  Programs aren't needed either- none of your guests really care who your attendants are.  Serverware for cakes- does another actually do that???  I have no idea what we used to cut our cake.  I suppose the venue just gave us a knife.

    If you feel like you need to add details, do things for your guests who took the time and money to come see you get married.  Try to make a good time flow for them, make sure they have plenty to eat and drink, have a good flow for dancing, etc.  If you have extra time and money for planning, focus on those things.
    Pupatella[Deleted User]
  • I used an engraved photo frame with large mat from personalizationmall.com for our guestbook. It's hanging in my living room. Though only a few people saw it on the table off to side. I probably would have mentioned it more, or had our planner say something so people knew it was there before our grand enterance. As for glasses and cake cutting flatware, we used what the venue had on hand. I would have been to worried about losing or breaking them otherwise. We skipped programs. It wasn't a difficult ceremony. Though our officiant surprised us with them (too bad he got my name wrong in the vows that were printed!) One of the big things I didn't do, but wish I had, was had a printed list of photos I wanted. I had a Pinterest page and a million ideas, but when it came to day of, I had none of it written down so many were forgotten and just didn't happen. I'm missing some shots I would have loved.


    About a month out, I decided I was over planning. The big stuff was done, and the little stuff wasn't worth the stress. I had a planner and she could handle anything else that came up, she's a pro. I didn't know what my flowers were going to look like exactly or my centerpieces. But it was a Carribean beach, how can you screw that up!? I was totally calm going into my wedding day and my wedding, while not completely flawless, was amazing.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    PupatellaKnottie80779227
  • primafaba15primafaba15 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2015
    The biggest things I really regretted not spending enough time on were 

    (1) PHOTO LIST.  I never got around to it, and somewhat regretted it (I mean, pictures came out fine, but there are shots I didn't get that I regret -- detail shots and certain locations and etc.). 

    (2) Music -- but it sounds like that's taken care of for you. I've ranted on other threads about that so I won't elaborate. 

    The other thing was that my shoes were mostly fine, but if I could go back I would have spent more time breaking in both those and my spanx petticoat.

    If you are planning to move and/or change your name at all, see if you can start filling out the paperwork etc. for that (I know you can't submit it yet, but get it ready). That ended up being the biggest mess after the wedding because I moved 5 days after and was trying to change my name ASAP for work and etc.  My biggest oops in that vein was that I didn't change the address on my registry right away, but several people sent us gifts "late." So there were boxes with expensive gifts sitting on my old porch for a week (had to race to my old place on a lunch break to pick them up) and then one thing had to be reshipped from BB&B and I had to pay extra shipping to forward another...it was a total mess, my relatives were cranky that I didn't know where their gifts were and it put a serious delay on some of my thank-yous. I seriously regret not considering that scenario in advance. 

    As far as the things you mentioned -- 
    - My parents gave us a set of engraved toasting glasses and a cake cutter for Christmas the year before the wedding, so we used those, but otherwise I think we would just have used what the venue had. They're beautiful but I have no idea what I'm going to do with them! 

    - We did a globe and some home-printed postcards for our guestbook. It was more fun than a traditional book and is something we can actually display (and our guests seemed to enjoy it, although we did have one 15 year old write really rude things on half of the postcards....). 

    - Programs....they came out nice but were a total pain, and I would have skipped them entirely if we hadn't been having a complicated religious ceremony. 



  • The biggest things I really regretted not spending enough time on were 

    (1) PHOTO LIST.  I never got around to it, and somewhat regretted it (I mean, pictures came out fine, but there are shots I didn't get that I regret -- detail shots and certain locations and etc.). 

    (2) Music -- but it sounds like that's taken care of for you. I've ranted on other threads about that so I won't elaborate. 

    The other thing was that my shoes were mostly fine, but if I could go back I would have spent more time breaking in both those and my spanx petticoat.

    If you are planning to move and/or change your name at all, see if you can start filling out the paperwork etc. for that (I know you can't submit it yet, but get it ready). That ended up being the biggest mess after the wedding because I moved 5 days after and was trying to change my name ASAP for work and etc.  My biggest oops in that vein was that I didn't change the address on my registry right away, but several people sent us gifts "late." So there were boxes with expensive gifts sitting on my old porch for a week (had to race to my old place on a lunch break to pick them up) and then one thing had to be reshipped from BB&B and I had to pay extra shipping to forward another...it was a total mess, my relatives were cranky that I didn't know where their gifts were and it put a serious delay on some of my thank-yous. I seriously regret not considering that scenario in advance. 

    As far as the things you mentioned -- 
    - My parents gave us a set of engraved toasting glasses and a cake cutter for Christmas the year before the wedding, so we used those, but otherwise I think we would just have used what the venue had. They're beautiful but I have no idea what I'm going to do with them! 

    - We did a globe and some home-printed postcards for our guestbook. It was more fun than a traditional book and is something we can actually display (and our guests seemed to enjoy it, although we did have one 15 year old write really rude things on half of the postcards....). 

    - Programs....they came out nice but were a total pain, and I would have skipped them entirely if we hadn't been having a complicated religious ceremony. 

    Update: Thanks, I think a photo list is something I can sit and give some thought to more. Our photographer said she doesn't really like them, but if I give her a list of like the 10 most important shots I want, I don't think she would mind that.

    I also think I've decided to forgo programs. We are having a full mass and I initially thought people would like to know where we are as they sit there and the half who aren't Catholic probably (wondering how long is a mass?!), but our venue requires that our ceremony including communion be under 45 minutes, so I'm not really concerned with time anymore. The priest and coordinator assured us it will be wham bam quick and that neither of them thought programs are really necessary either. The bridal party and parents will be announced at the reception upon entrance and there isn't really a need to put any other informaton in print form.

    Somebody ended up gifting us serveware so I think we will just use that. it's not engraved or anything, but again, probably not a detail I'll remember a year after the wedding to care enough about.

    I now have bigger fish to fry as I ordered my dress at the same time as my bridesmaids dresses in November 2014 and neither my gown or their dresses have come in (it's Sept 2015) and I'm losing my patience over that detail. Not so much for mine, I knew it would take a while, but 3 of my bridesmaids live out of state and if they need alterations for my October wedding, this dress delivery is cutting it very close for them.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Um, you aren't worried that your wedding dress hasn't come in and you are about a month to a month and a half out?!  I would be calling that salon up and bitching some people out.  This is the time where YOUR alterations need to get started.  When did the salon say the dresses would come in?

    If your BM dresses don't come in new one's can be purchased at any department store or clothing retailer but a wedding dress is a different story.

    So get on the phone now and find out what the hell the hold up is with your dress.

    mattycamcharlotte989875wink0erin
  • Um, you aren't worried that your wedding dress hasn't come in and you are about a month to a month and a half out?!  I would be calling that salon up and bitching some people out.  This is the time where YOUR alterations need to get started.  When did the salon say the dresses would come in?

    If your BM dresses don't come in new one's can be purchased at any department store or clothing retailer but a wedding dress is a different story.

    So get on the phone now and find out what the hell the hold up is with your dress.
    Been on the phone for like 48 hours. I'm not as worried about the bridesmaids dresses from the standpoint, they can go out and get any dress a few weeks before. They're just wearing black, I hear that's quiet common to find, you know, everywhere. I'm dealing with the back and forth from them to the boutique because the girls paid in full for their dresses already (they were $190) and now I have to listen to them tell me it's in part my fault because I picked the salon, and they are right, I did, but I also had zero indication this would happen. I have been in many weddings, and never in a million years thought they would've have their dresses by now. My bridesmaids are pissed at me, but I'm at a loss for what can I do other than call and walk in the shop. I can sue the woman for not getting me the dresses in time for the wedding if that happens, but it hasn't yet, so I'm stuck and just need to sit and take in what everyone is saying and never recommend this shop to anyone ever again.

    As far as my dress, I'm stuck, I paid 50% of it up front and it's being custom made. I'm told this is what the hold up is there and am constantly being reassured it will be in and the shop owner refuses to give me the contact info for the actual person making it. I've been checking in monthly and get the same answer "it's almost done and will be here before the wedding" and when I bring up alterations the woman says she can do them in a week. I only started to freak out because my last in person visit was the first week of August and she verbally promised me (wish I had gotten it written) that it would be in by the end of August. I have my backup contingency plan, or several that have developed in the past days or so where 1. I found a seamstress who said she can get the alterations done within 2 weeks (so this means I need to get that dress in about 5 weeks) 2. Is to wear any dress I can find whether it be off the rack, from a friend, from a department store, cry about it for a minute and get married. I will get married in a trash bag if i have to, I would love the dress of my dreams but since it's been so long sinced I've ordered it, I'm sure another dress could fit the bill as well 3. Take legal action if I never actually recieve my dress, but again, I guess this boutique still has a few weeks to get mine in and it would be okay. There's only so much bitching to the salon can do, so right now I'm trying not to be in freak out mode and that's where maybe focusing on something more fun (like the photo list that someone suggested, or a large glass of alcohol) could help.

    Note: I do plan on giving this boutique a bad review and depending on the options, I could report her to the BBB, but other than that, I don't think any extra screaming and yelling (which has been done, more by my parents, who are paying for this dress, than me) will do any good at this point. Once/if that dress reaches my hands, then my car, then I will let it all out in possibly the most R-rated way as possible.
  • Oh wow, yeah. I'd be yelling at that store like nobody's business!  That's totally unacceptable, and they should know that without even being told. Honestly, I think it's inexcusable for both your dress AND the BM dresses because I can't imagine why it would take that long. I think the BM dresses for my wedding took maayybe 6 weeks and mine took about 3 months. Your BM can get their dresses elsewhere, but I'd still be after the store for that too because it's inconvenient for them to not know what they are doing for this long.

    RE your other response, I'm surprised the photographer doesn't like photo lists. I guess mine didn't make a big deal of asking for one either but he did come prepared with a list of VIPs we'd discussed so he at least had that much in mind. And he looked to me for suggestions of locations etc. we wanted to take.  Even if you make a list for yourself I think it's a good idea -- I had my ideas and my Pinterest board but I never really put them down concretely, and on the wedding day I was such a space case that I forgot all of my ideas. 

    We also did a full mass and half of the guests were not Catholic. I was really worried about that and the chapel did recommend programs but to be honest I am not sure anybody needed them. Without detailed explanation (which would have made my program far too long), most of the usual "Order of Mass" stuff (Memorial Acclamation, for instance, or the Agnus Dei) means very little to anyone who's not already familiar with the church. Our priest also knew that we had a lot of non-Catholics present so he introduced the different parts of the ceremony which I think was more useful than the program. I think you're going about it the right way! 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Um, you aren't worried that your wedding dress hasn't come in and you are about a month to a month and a half out?!  I would be calling that salon up and bitching some people out.  This is the time where YOUR alterations need to get started.  When did the salon say the dresses would come in?

    If your BM dresses don't come in new one's can be purchased at any department store or clothing retailer but a wedding dress is a different story.

    So get on the phone now and find out what the hell the hold up is with your dress.
    Been on the phone for like 48 hours. I'm not as worried about the bridesmaids dresses from the standpoint, they can go out and get any dress a few weeks before. They're just wearing black, I hear that's quiet common to find, you know, everywhere. I'm dealing with the back and forth from them to the boutique because the girls paid in full for their dresses already (they were $190) and now I have to listen to them tell me it's in part my fault because I picked the salon, and they are right, I did, but I also had zero indication this would happen. I have been in many weddings, and never in a million years thought they would've have their dresses by now. My bridesmaids are pissed at me, but I'm at a loss for what can I do other than call and walk in the shop. I can sue the woman for not getting me the dresses in time for the wedding if that happens, but it hasn't yet, so I'm stuck and just need to sit and take in what everyone is saying and never recommend this shop to anyone ever again.

    As far as my dress, I'm stuck, I paid 50% of it up front and it's being custom made. I'm told this is what the hold up is there and am constantly being reassured it will be in and the shop owner refuses to give me the contact info for the actual person making it. I've been checking in monthly and get the same answer "it's almost done and will be here before the wedding" and when I bring up alterations the woman says she can do them in a week. I only started to freak out because my last in person visit was the first week of August and she verbally promised me (wish I had gotten it written) that it would be in by the end of August. I have my backup contingency plan, or several that have developed in the past days or so where 1. I found a seamstress who said she can get the alterations done within 2 weeks (so this means I need to get that dress in about 5 weeks) 2. Is to wear any dress I can find whether it be off the rack, from a friend, from a department store, cry about it for a minute and get married. I will get married in a trash bag if i have to, I would love the dress of my dreams but since it's been so long sinced I've ordered it, I'm sure another dress could fit the bill as well 3. Take legal action if I never actually recieve my dress, but again, I guess this boutique still has a few weeks to get mine in and it would be okay. There's only so much bitching to the salon can do, so right now I'm trying not to be in freak out mode and that's where maybe focusing on something more fun (like the photo list that someone suggested, or a large glass of alcohol) could help.

    Note: I do plan on giving this boutique a bad review and depending on the options, I could report her to the BBB, but other than that, I don't think any extra screaming and yelling (which has been done, more by my parents, who are paying for this dress, than me) will do any good at this point. Once/if that dress reaches my hands, then my car, then I will let it all out in possibly the most R-rated way as possible.
    If I were you I would start looking for an off the rack dress.  Find some salons in your area who are having sample sales and see what you can find that is very close to what you are having made.  I would rather have a back-up dress that I like now then wait until it gets so close to the day that you are rushing.  This way if your dress doesn't come in then it is one less thing that you have to worry about (well for that day anyways).

    But yeah, many, many, many bad reviews need to be posted all over the place.  And I agree with PP that the BM dresses taking this long to come in is just confusing.

    And if in my back-up gown search I found a dress that was gorgeous and I loved I would tell the salon to enjoy the 50% deposit but that they wouldn't be getting one more cent from me.

  • I would quite literally be camping myself out at the freaking store until they were so tired of seeing my face that they would be rushing to get the dress in my hands.  It doesn't take a year to get a dress made!!!  Gahhh I'd be freaking out!  I'd would certainly be looking for a back up dress and threatening to call the BBB if they refused to give me A. the dress in a week or B. a full refund.

    Definitely make a photo list.  It doesn't have to be overly specific "Picture of the bride and groom under a pear tree holding a Mr.&Mrs. sign." (knew someone who was truly this specific and the list took forever and the pictures ended up pretty boring because they didn't let the photographer be creative), but just make sure you get the groups of people you want pictures with.  I wanted to make sure there were pictures of us with my grandpa, with my grandpa and parents, with my parents, with his parents, with his parents and his sister, etc.
    mattycamwink0erin
  • I would quite literally be camping myself out at the freaking store until they were so tired of seeing my face that they would be rushing to get the dress in my hands.  It doesn't take a year to get a dress made!!!  Gahhh I'd be freaking out!  I'd would certainly be looking for a back up dress and threatening to call the BBB if they refused to give me A. the dress in a week or B. a full refund.

    Definitely make a photo list.  It doesn't have to be overly specific "Picture of the bride and groom under a pear tree holding a Mr.&Mrs. sign." (knew someone who was truly this specific and the list took forever and the pictures ended up pretty boring because they didn't let the photographer be creative), but just make sure you get the groups of people you want pictures with.  I wanted to make sure there were pictures of us with my grandpa, with my grandpa and parents, with my parents, with his parents, with his parents and his sister, etc.

    Thanks! I'm not soooo crazy about my photos that I need to give her specifics. But yes, I think having a list of people I want a photo with outside of the wedding party (my grandparents and parents that will probably be difficult to nail down once the reception gets going) that would be nice if the photographer can grab a quick shot of all of us before we're all so intermingled with guests.

    I did relentlessly call the place and A. had to pay for extra shipping (at this point I didn't care) and got my bridesmaids dresses in hand and they will be in the mail this week to my out of town bridesmaids (unfortunately another cost to me, but at least I know I can trust myself to get them there). B. still no dress for me, and I'm sure (not guessing, was told) I'm her least favorite client ever, but my dress will be in within the next two weeks. I've already contacted another dress shop and I will be having my alterations done elsewhere and now my fingers are crossed that the wedding dress comes in and looks as good as it should. the bridesmaids dresses did look to be perfect, so i have a small shred of hope that my bridal gown will be as well. I will not be saying one word to the woman when I go and get it. Just walk in, try it on, check for defects, and walk out.

  • About your dress problem, I kind of ran into the same thing. It seemed weird to me. It took eight months for my dress to come in...? And it wasn't even custom made. It came in three weeks before the wedding. I was so worried. But the seamstress did get the alterations done in a week because it didn't need much and she knew it was a rush job. So hopefully that can be your case as well.

    Oh, who cares if you're her least favorite client ever? I say screw her. There's no reason for this. The wedding dress is kind of a big deal. It's not like if you needed to serve chicken scampi instead of chicken alfredo here! That's a huge investment on your wedding day and it's not like brides have backup plans for dresses! I hope you leave them one hell of a bad review for how they've treated you when you seem like you've been more than fair and patient.

    As for the little details, don't sweat them. If you have to have them, at this point, just pick some stuff out on amazon and get them delivered. You don't have to be fancy. I cared a lot about our programs because I wrote them myself and they were funny. My guests loved them and are still talking about them (but I ENJOY writing and that was important to me - I had them finished months ago.) But if that's not your thing, don't sweat it. My husband is an artist so he drew a wonderful picture of the two of us and that's what we had guests sign so that we could display it in our house. But again, it was just a little part of us and what we're passionate about and a way to incorporate what we love into our day.Otherwise, no one notices the guestbook and you'll probably never look at it again. You can pick one up at a craft store or on amazon and it'll be fine.

    I ordered glasses with gallifreyan symbols on them for us to drink out of. (We love Doctor Who) But no one but us noticed them. My husband ended up breaking his - haha! He was so upset! I'm going to order him another one.

    For our cake cutting set, I just ordered a pretty one on amazon. The only part it played other than cutting our cake was my husband taking the knife from me as he ran away with our piece of cake as a laugh. No one ever really even saw it.
  • We had a small wooden chest that I painted that was used as our guest book.  It also doubled as a place to put any wedding keepsakes afterwards like cards, an extra favor, an extra invite, etc.  It is still sitting out in our family room 4 years later.  Any other traditional guest book will just end up with your toasting flutes in a closet.

    I know this is kind of a zombie thread, but I'm really interested to hear more about this. I love this idea. How exactly did you make the box the guestbook? Did people sign the outside of the chest? How big was it?
  • About your dress problem, I kind of ran into the same thing. It seemed weird to me. It took eight months for my dress to come in...? And it wasn't even custom made. It came in three weeks before the wedding. I was so worried. But the seamstress did get the alterations done in a week because it didn't need much and she knew it was a rush job. So hopefully that can be your case as well.

    Oh, who cares if you're her least favorite client ever? I say screw her. There's no reason for this. The wedding dress is kind of a big deal. It's not like if you needed to serve chicken scampi instead of chicken alfredo here! That's a huge investment on your wedding day and it's not like brides have backup plans for dresses! I hope you leave them one hell of a bad review for how they've treated you when you seem like you've been more than fair and patient.

    As for the little details, don't sweat them. If you have to have them, at this point, just pick some stuff out on amazon and get them delivered. You don't have to be fancy. I cared a lot about our programs because I wrote them myself and they were funny. My guests loved them and are still talking about them (but I ENJOY writing and that was important to me - I had them finished months ago.) But if that's not your thing, don't sweat it. My husband is an artist so he drew a wonderful picture of the two of us and that's what we had guests sign so that we could display it in our house. But again, it was just a little part of us and what we're passionate about and a way to incorporate what we love into our day.Otherwise, no one notices the guestbook and you'll probably never look at it again. You can pick one up at a craft store or on amazon and it'll be fine.

    I ordered glasses with gallifreyan symbols on them for us to drink out of. (We love Doctor Who) But no one but us noticed them. My husband ended up breaking his - haha! He was so upset! I'm going to order him another one.

    For our cake cutting set, I just ordered a pretty one on amazon. The only part it played other than cutting our cake was my husband taking the knife from me as he ran away with our piece of cake as a laugh. No one ever really even saw it.
    Thank you for commenting. We are less than 4 weeks out and no, I still do not have my dress. But it's nice to hear from someone who was able to get their alterations done in a week and everything be fine. I do think (hope, pray, etc.) that the dress will be in early next week as per a recent conversation with the boutique and if it truly was made to my measurements then I should really just need a hem and after talking to some seamstresses, they said it shouldn't take very long at all. Sine I've posted, I think I covered anything "small" I might want to do before the wedding at this point and have left a lot of stuff I don't really care about off the table or went with some generic piece I could pick up no problem. I'm in the home stretch and at this point, I want it to be the wedding day now.
  • I got married June 20. There is nothing about my wedding that I wish I would have spent more money on. At the last minute I cut programs, multiple decorations, flowers for the church... and I am so glad I did.


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