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non church wedding ceremony songs?

Hello!
We're getting married at our venue and having a "non traditional" ceremony (ie not a church wedding). We are both Catholic, so there will be some religious pieces worked into the ceremony. 
Any suggestions for processional and recessional?
This aspect of planning is really stumping me! Our band will be playing music from their laptop for our ceremony, so I plan on asking them for suggestions, but wanted to check with you ladies first.  TIA

Re: non church wedding ceremony songs?

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello!
    We're getting married at our venue and having a "non traditional" ceremony (ie not a church wedding). We are both Catholic, so there will be some religious pieces worked into the ceremony. 
    Any suggestions for processional and recessional?
    This aspect of planning is really stumping me! Our band will be playing music from their laptop for our ceremony, so I plan on asking them for suggestions, but wanted to check with you ladies first.  TIA
    You are having a secular wedding.  There is an endless variety of song choices.  For a secular ceremony, you have literally no constraints.  What speaks to your personal music preferences?

    Do you like rock music?  Google "Rock songs appropriate for a wedding processional" and you get this.....
    http://bridalmusings.com/2012/01/13-alternative-processional-songs-for-your-walk-down-the-aisle-aria-melody-dj/

    Maybe you love a particular musician or band.  Google to see what they might have that would work....https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search;_ylt=A0LEVvymheNVZ2EA7_0nnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTByMjB0aG5zBGNvbG8DYmYxBHBvcwMxBHZ0aWQDBHNlYwNzYw--?p=Belle+and+Sebastian+Wedding+Appropriate+Songs&fr=yhs-mozilla-002&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-002
  • Any piece of church music can be used at your wedding, too.  Music is not exclusive to churches.

    You do both realize that once you are married outside of the Catholic church, you will no longer be able to practice your faith?  You may attend mass, but not participate or receive the host.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited August 2015
    Any piece of church music can be used at your wedding, too.  Music is not exclusive to churches.

    You do both realize that once you are married outside of the Catholic church, you will no longer be able to practice your faith?  You may attend mass, but not participate or receive the host.
    I'm sure she and her FI have realized that ever since they decided to have this kind of wedding and don't need you to lecture her about it. CMGragain, you have a habit of taking it upon yourself to lecture everyone who announces that they're Catholic but not marrying in the Church with a traditional wedding about not being eligible for communion any more, and they're probably fully aware of that, or at least don't need to hear it from you. The College of Cardinals didn't elect you the Pope.
    Iamnowmrsjmslaurad75
  • IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited August 2015

    @CMGragain-yes, obviously we know that.  Do we care? Not one bit! I'm sorry if that makes us terrible people.  The beauty of having the ceremony and reception in the same place is there's NO DREADED GAP! We're doing first look pictures before.


    Thank You to everyone else who gave me a legitimate answer to my question.

    @Jen4948-LOVE your reply! :)

    ETA for spelling


  • Hello!
    We're getting married at our venue and having a "non traditional" ceremony (ie not a church wedding). We are both Catholic, so there will be some religious pieces worked into the ceremony. 
    Any suggestions for processional and recessional?
    This aspect of planning is really stumping me! Our band will be playing music from their laptop for our ceremony, so I plan on asking them for suggestions, but wanted to check with you ladies first.  TIA
    Did you want the music to be worked in to have religious connotation? I am having the traditional Catholic ceremony; however our priest let us choose whatever songs we wanted performed and didn't give us any help in finding them (they did have to be liturgical pieces). Luckily, I have a friend of a friend who is a musician who met with me and sat and went through books of music for us to choose what we'd like and the priest Ok'd everything. The perk of having a non-traditional ceremony is that you can do anything you guys would like. I'm not sure if you wanted some church music infiltrating at all, but one song I am using (and not at the traditional time) is the Ava Maria. I didn't even know there were two versions (one by Schubert and one by Bach), but I think it can be a pretty song regardless of it being associated with church.
  • Knottie80779227

    FI and I discussed music in more detail last night, and to my surprise, he actually wants to do more "traditional" music.  We are going to do Canon in D for processional, but undecided on recessional.  I'd like to do something more current, I really like whoever said One Republic's "Good Life."

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    Like others said, you can use pretty much any song.  Another things to consider, if you like a particular song, is that you can find most songs in an instrumental version. I actually walked down the aisle to a piano version of "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica.  The few people that recognized the song thought it was awesome and everyone else just thought it was a beautiful instrumental piece.

    For the recessional, you are open to even more options. Really, anything works here.  I wanted something soft & instrumental for the processional, but something more upbeat and celebratory for the recessional, so we went with "Beautiful Day" by U2.

    image 

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Any piece of church music can be used at your wedding, too.  Music is not exclusive to churches.

    You do both realize that once you are married outside of the Catholic church, you will no longer be able to practice your faith?  You may attend mass, but not participate or receive the host.
    I'm sure she and her FI have realized that ever since they decided to have this kind of wedding and don't need you to lecture her about it. CMGragain, you have a habit of taking it upon yourself to lecture everyone who announces that they're Catholic but not marrying in the Church with a traditional wedding about not being eligible for communion any more, and they're probably fully aware of that, or at least don't need to hear it from you. The College of Cardinals didn't elect you the Pope.

    I disagree.  There have been several threads from posters that say they are Catholic but have absolutely NO clue as to what receiving the Sacrament of Marriage entails.  We have had posters actually thank Knotties for pointing specific Catholic issues out to them.  We have also seen threads where posters actually reveal that they have had no religious discussions prior to wedding planning.  I know I have remarked to posters about the ramifications of having a secular wedding, as have other Knotties.

    The "Catholic Lecture" is certainly not the only "lecture" given on these boards, and CMGragain is far from the only Knottie who offers them. 

    And MANY threads have ended with the statement that it is better to hear (our response) from these threads than to offend family and friends, or act on something they cannot undo.
    CMGragain[Deleted User]snowywinter
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2015
    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    CMGragain said:

    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)

    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason.

    But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.
    climbingwife
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2015
    Jen4948 said:
    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)
    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason. But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.
    I'm not quite sure why I am commenting, other than you seem to be argumentative simply for the sake of arguing with CMGragain.  And CMG certainly needs no help in explaining herself.

    Statements constantly made on the boards.......
    *Anything a poster includes in their post is fair game for comment.  The OP brought up her religious affiliation, making it fair game for comments.

    *There is no rule that states that unless you have direct connections, you can not post an opinion or comment.  I comment on PPD's often and yet have never had one myself nor have I attended one.

    *You cannot tell posters how to post.  It gets very, very old answering the same questions regarding Honey Funds, dollar dances, BM gifts, and SO invitations.  But they occur on a daily basis.  If you don't like it.......what's the typical response from a "reg"?  Hit the ignore button and carry on.

    ETA.....I'm Catholic and have no problem with CMG or anyone else commenting about the Catholic doctrine as long as their comment is accurate.
    CMGragain[Deleted User]thespeshulestsnowflake
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:

    CMGragain said:

    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)

    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason.

    But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.

    I'm not quite sure why I am commenting, other than you seem to be argumentative simply for the sake of arguing with CMGragain.  And CMG certainly needs no help in explaining herself.

    Statements constantly made on the boards.......
    *Anything a poster includes in their post is fair game for comment.  The OP brought up her religious affiliation, making it fair game for comments.

    *There is no rule that states that unless you have direct connections, you can not post an opinion or comment.  I comment on PPD's often and yet have never had one myself nor have I attended one.

    *You cannot tell posters how to post.  It gets very, very old answering the same questions regarding Honey Funds, dollar dances, BM gifts, and SO invitations.  But they occur on a daily basis.  If you don't like it.......what's the typical response from a "reg"?  Hit the ignore button and carry on.

    ETA.....I'm Catholic and have no problem with CMG or anyone else commenting about the Catholic doctrine as long as their comment is accurate.


    Rules notwithstanding, I think it creates a very unpleasant, hostile effect on posters, Catholics or otherwise, when one poster takes it upon herself to ask people why they do or claim whatever in their posts and lectures them on the practices of a church she admits she doesn't even belong to.

    If someone claims to be Catholic but wants a non-Catholic wedding, that's the business of themselves and their local priest, Bishop, diocese, and whatever other church authorities are involved. But it is not yours, mine, CMGragain's, or anyone else's but theirs, and for her to keep bringing it up to persons who have decided for whatever reason that they are not going to have a Catholic wedding and are fine with the consequences really comes off badly and I think pisses off posters who might otherwise have valuable things to contribute to the forum.

    So even if it isn't against the rules for CMGragain to make such posts, I think it would be universally appreciated if she knocks it off.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited September 2015
    You are the only poster who has ever objected.  I have received many thank yous from Catholic ladies who were not aware of the rules.  There used to be a poster on The Knot, HisGirlFriday, who was an expert in Catholic wedding procedures, and I do miss her.
    If someone wants to leave any faith, this is a personal decision.  It would be very sad if someone did not know that their choice of ceremony would affect their choice of faith, though.  I am often surprised by how many people do not understand he rules of the Catholic church.
    I have experiences, personally, in both Protestant and Catholic churches, as I was responsible for taking my former step-brother and step-sister to mass.  I learned many of the rules during those years,
    Knock it off yourself.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    CMGragain said:

    You are the only poster who has ever objected.  I have received many thank yous from Catholic ladies who were not aware of the rules.  There used to be a poster on The Knot, HisGirlFriday, who was an expert in Catholic wedding procedures, and I do miss her.
    If someone wants to leave any faith, this is a personal decision.  It would be very sad if someone did not know that their choice of ceremony would affect their choice of faith, though.  I am often surprised by how many people do not understand he rules of the Catholic church.
    I have experiences, personally, in both Protestant and Catholic churches, as I was responsible for taking my former step-brother and step-sister to mass.  I learned many of the rules during those years,
    Knock it off yourself.

    Regardless of your personal experiences, no one asked you to go around making sure that people who are Catholic are familiar with the rules, and given that you're not even Catholic, I'm sure the Church didn't hire you to butt in and ask every Knottie who claims to be Catholic if they are. Even if you were Catholic, I'm sure the Church wouldn't ask you to do it. It's not your business who is and isn't familiar with the rules.

    Also, silence doesn't equal agreement. And I have seen other posters object to your know it all attitude, not just on this subject but various others, where you claim your personal experiences trump everyone else's and makes you a self-designated authority.

    So no, I won't knock off telling you that your posts have a negative effect on other people. They sure did on the OP of this thread.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)
    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason. But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.
    I'm not quite sure why I am commenting, other than you seem to be argumentative simply for the sake of arguing with CMGragain.  And CMG certainly needs no help in explaining herself.

    Statements constantly made on the boards.......
    *Anything a poster includes in their post is fair game for comment.  The OP brought up her religious affiliation, making it fair game for comments.

    *There is no rule that states that unless you have direct connections, you can not post an opinion or comment.  I comment on PPD's often and yet have never had one myself nor have I attended one.

    *You cannot tell posters how to post.  It gets very, very old answering the same questions regarding Honey Funds, dollar dances, BM gifts, and SO invitations.  But they occur on a daily basis.  If you don't like it.......what's the typical response from a "reg"?  Hit the ignore button and carry on.

    ETA.....I'm Catholic and have no problem with CMG or anyone else commenting about the Catholic doctrine as long as their comment is accurate.
    Rules notwithstanding, I think it creates a very unpleasant, hostile effect on posters, Catholics or otherwise, when one poster takes it upon herself to ask people why they do or claim whatever in their posts and lectures them on the practices of a church she admits she doesn't even belong to. If someone claims to be Catholic but wants a non-Catholic wedding, that's the business of themselves and their local priest, Bishop, diocese, and whatever other church authorities are involved. But it is not yours, mine, CMGragain's, or anyone else's but theirs, and for her to keep bringing it up to persons who have decided for whatever reason that they are not going to have a Catholic wedding and are fine with the consequences really comes off badly and I think pisses off posters who might otherwise have valuable things to contribute to the forum. So even if it isn't against the rules for CMGragain to make such posts, I think it would be universally appreciated if she knocks it off.

    Universally?  That would include me.  I disagree.

    Let's rein in the melodramatics, shall we?  I have seen more unpleasantries on threads regarding robes for bridesmaids.

    There was no lecture.  The OP was not questioned about her choice.  A statement of fact was brought to the attention of the OP.  As far as pissing off posters, and fearing a mass exodus because their sensibilities have been offended.....?  That is your weakest argument yet.  How often are posters told they can abandon ship any time if they cannot handle the internet? 

    I would say I would appreciate  if YOU would knock it off, but I know better than to tell posters how to post.
    TrixieJess
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:

    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:

    CMGragain said:

    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)

    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason.

    But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.

    I'm not quite sure why I am commenting, other than you seem to be argumentative simply for the sake of arguing with CMGragain.  And CMG certainly needs no help in explaining herself.

    Statements constantly made on the boards.......
    *Anything a poster includes in their post is fair game for comment.  The OP brought up her religious affiliation, making it fair game for comments.

    *There is no rule that states that unless you have direct connections, you can not post an opinion or comment.  I comment on PPD's often and yet have never had one myself nor have I attended one.

    *You cannot tell posters how to post.  It gets very, very old answering the same questions regarding Honey Funds, dollar dances, BM gifts, and SO invitations.  But they occur on a daily basis.  If you don't like it.......what's the typical response from a "reg"?  Hit the ignore button and carry on.

    ETA.....I'm Catholic and have no problem with CMG or anyone else commenting about the Catholic doctrine as long as their comment is accurate.
    Rules notwithstanding, I think it creates a very unpleasant, hostile effect on posters, Catholics or otherwise, when one poster takes it upon herself to ask people why they do or claim whatever in their posts and lectures them on the practices of a church she admits she doesn't even belong to.

    If someone claims to be Catholic but wants a non-Catholic wedding, that's the business of themselves and their local priest, Bishop, diocese, and whatever other church authorities are involved. But it is not yours, mine, CMGragain's, or anyone else's but theirs, and for her to keep bringing it up to persons who have decided for whatever reason that they are not going to have a Catholic wedding and are fine with the consequences really comes off badly and I think pisses off posters who might otherwise have valuable things to contribute to the forum.

    So even if it isn't against the rules for CMGragain to make such posts, I think it would be universally appreciated if she knocks it off.


    Universally?  That would include me.  I disagree.

    Let's rein in the melodramatics, shall we?  I have seen more unpleasantries on threads regarding robes for bridesmaids.

    There was no lecture.  The OP was not questioned about her choice.  A statement of fact was brought to the attention of the OP.  As far as pissing off posters, and fearing a mass exodus because their sensibilities have been offended.....?  That is your weakest argument yet.  How often are posters told they can abandon ship any time if they cannot handle the internet? 

    I would say I would appreciate  if YOU would knock it off, but I know better than to tell posters how to post.


    Sorry, but I don't agree with your positions here. Whether or not posters can leave this forum or the Internet at any time for any reason isn't the point.

    The point is, they can originally be Catholic and make decisions to plan their weddings or other aspects of their lives that deviate from the Church's rules at any time for any reason as well. If the Church wants to deny them eligibility for the sacraments because of those decisions, that's the Church's prerogative. But it's nobody else's business. Asking them why they posted that they're Catholic or if they're aware of the rules and the consequences for breaking them, while not against the rules of this forum, isn't your job, my job, CMGragain's job, or anyone else's outside the Church itself (and this forum isn't sponsored by the Catholic Church), because it was their own decision to make in accordance with what their consciences told them was right. It's a decision that needs to be respected, the same way, for example, decisions about who gets invited, who's in the wedding party, and so on need to be respected. Questioning people about whether or not they're aware of the consequences or asking why they posted something in a way that's clearly meant to put them on the defensive is not respectful of their right to make their own decisions on the matter.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)
    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason. But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.
    I'm not quite sure why I am commenting, other than you seem to be argumentative simply for the sake of arguing with CMGragain.  And CMG certainly needs no help in explaining herself.

    Statements constantly made on the boards.......
    *Anything a poster includes in their post is fair game for comment.  The OP brought up her religious affiliation, making it fair game for comments.

    *There is no rule that states that unless you have direct connections, you can not post an opinion or comment.  I comment on PPD's often and yet have never had one myself nor have I attended one.

    *You cannot tell posters how to post.  It gets very, very old answering the same questions regarding Honey Funds, dollar dances, BM gifts, and SO invitations.  But they occur on a daily basis.  If you don't like it.......what's the typical response from a "reg"?  Hit the ignore button and carry on.

    ETA.....I'm Catholic and have no problem with CMG or anyone else commenting about the Catholic doctrine as long as their comment is accurate.
    Rules notwithstanding, I think it creates a very unpleasant, hostile effect on posters, Catholics or otherwise, when one poster takes it upon herself to ask people why they do or claim whatever in their posts and lectures them on the practices of a church she admits she doesn't even belong to. If someone claims to be Catholic but wants a non-Catholic wedding, that's the business of themselves and their local priest, Bishop, diocese, and whatever other church authorities are involved. But it is not yours, mine, CMGragain's, or anyone else's but theirs, and for her to keep bringing it up to persons who have decided for whatever reason that they are not going to have a Catholic wedding and are fine with the consequences really comes off badly and I think pisses off posters who might otherwise have valuable things to contribute to the forum. So even if it isn't against the rules for CMGragain to make such posts, I think it would be universally appreciated if she knocks it off.

    Universally?  That would include me.  I disagree.

    Let's rein in the melodramatics, shall we?  I have seen more unpleasantries on threads regarding robes for bridesmaids.

    There was no lecture.  The OP was not questioned about her choice.  A statement of fact was brought to the attention of the OP.  As far as pissing off posters, and fearing a mass exodus because their sensibilities have been offended.....?  That is your weakest argument yet.  How often are posters told they can abandon ship any time if they cannot handle the internet? 

    I would say I would appreciate  if YOU would knock it off, but I know better than to tell posters how to post.
    Sorry, but I don't agree with your positions here. Whether or not posters can leave this forum or the Internet at any time for any reason isn't the point. The point is, they can originally be Catholic and make decisions to plan their weddings or other aspects of their lives that deviate from the Church's rules at any time for any reason as well. If the Church wants to deny them eligibility for the sacraments because of those decisions, that's the Church's prerogative. But it's nobody else's business. Asking them why they posted that they're Catholic or if they're aware of the rules and the consequences for breaking them, while not against the rules of this forum, isn't your job, my job, CMGragain's job, or anyone else's outside the Church itself (and this forum isn't sponsored by the Catholic Church), because it was their own decision to make in accordance with what their consciences told them was right. It's a decision that needs to be respected, the same way, for example, decisions about who gets invited, who's in the wedding party, and so on need to be respected. Questioning people about whether or not they're aware of the consequences or asking why they posted something in a way that's clearly meant to put them on the defensive is not respectful of their right to make their own decisions on the matter.

    I have seen far too many threads where you go back and forth arguing for the sake of argument.  I have neither the time nor energy to continue. 

    One of the biggest mantras on The Knot threads is that ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES.  To point out that a poster's action or opinion may have consequences not originally considered is SOP on the boards.  CMG was NOT trying to persuade the OP to change her venue, ceremony, or faith.  She was merely pointing out a fact OP may or may not have considered.  There are scores of threads wherein THIS SAME FACT, or variations of it, are pointed out to brides.  CMG is not the only Knottie to point out facts pertaining to Catholic ceremonies.  I have done so on numerous occasions.  Why aren't you calling me out?

    We have no way of knowing what will cause a poster to feel defensive.  You have no way of knowing whether that was CMG's intent.

    As far as this quote is concerned, " It's a decision that needs to be respected, the same way, for example, decisions about who gets invited, who's in the wedding party, and so on need to be respected."  Those are hot topics that more often than not result in heated debates and hurt sensitivities.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Whether it was her intent or not, like you say, actions have consequences. If you (generic throughout this paragraph) always feel the need to point them out to other people when whether they're aware of them or not, or are even okay with them when whether they are or not is, really none of your business, regardless of your intent, you are going to come off as a self-righteous, judgmental piece of work.

    I didn't call you out because you didn't ask the OP if she was aware that the Catholic Church won't consider her validly married or declare her ineligible for the sacraments if she has the wedding she says she is planning. Either way, she doesn't owe you, me, CMGragain, or anyone else outside official Church authorities, and certainly no one here in this forum or on the Internet), the answer to that question.
  • IamnowmrsjmsIamnowmrsjms member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2015
    Whoa.  I'm just catching up on this thread.  I guess my stating that we are Catholic but not being married in a church wasn't essential information.  I find it interesting that someone would assume I wouldn't know the ramifications of not getting married in the Catholic church.  There's a lot of thorough research that goes into wedding planning, and I can assure you all that I haven't made any decisions in haste.  I did find @CMGragain's comment a little condescending, but whatever, I didn't lose any sleep over it.
    In regards to the reason of my OP, we have decided on our ceremony music.  YAY!
    ETA for missing words.
    Jen4948kimmiinthemitten
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Whoa.  I'm just catching up on this thread.  I guess my stating that we are Catholic but not being married in a church wasn't essential information.  I find it interesting that someone would assume I wouldn't know the ramifications of not getting married in the Catholic church.  There's a lot of thorough research that goes into wedding planning, and I can assure you all that I haven't made any decisions in haste.  I did find @CMGragain's comment a little condescending, but whatever, I didn't lose any sleep over it.
    In regards to the reason of my OP, we have decided on our ceremony music.  YAY!
    ETA for missing words.

    Congratulations on being able to mark another "done" on your wedding checklist!  Musical selections can be daunting.

    I do apologize for being partly responsible for rerouting your original post.  However, I do want to clarify one issue.  It is NOT uncommon at all for some brides to be completely clueless as to the protocol for having a faith based ceremony.  There are countless brides who come to the boards for help after committing to a venue, only to find their church cannot accommodate the date or necessary time frame.  There are countless brides who assume they can marry in a secular ceremony and then when the mood strikes, have a small faith based ceremony on another date, or even in another year.  There are countless brides who have no clue that they need to vow to raise their future children in the faith of the church.  There are countless brides who do not know that if they marry in a secular ceremony, that they waive the privileges of that faith.  There are countless brides who make major decisions in haste, only to come to the boards with regret and the need for help.

    Some Knotties are more diligent than others in addressing this issue.  I personally believe that the intent is more of a "better to be safe than sorry" warning.  I have often addressed it myself with posters.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  Thanks for your patience.
    CMGragainadwks
  • Best wishes for a beautiful wedding, OP.  I was a church organist for 28 years, and I would be happy to help with any music selection, but I think you have it under control.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    donethat
  • edited September 2015
    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:

    MobKaz said:


    Jen4948 said:

    CMGragain said:

    I'm not even Catholic, for heaven's sake!  There have been so many Catholic brides who didn't know this.  Some revise their plans, and some do not.  It's a personal choice.
    If the OP didn't want advice, why did she post that both she and her FI are Catholic?  It wasn't essential information.
    If I ever really lecture someone, there will be no doubt in their minds that they have been thoroughly reprimanded.  (...and you ladies KNOW I can do it, too!)

    She posted it because she felt like it. She didn't need another reason.

    But it's really not your business whether any Catholic makes a decision that would render them ineligible for communion, or even if they realize it. So it's gotten very, very old when you bring it up, not to mention that it comes off as very condescending and sanctimonious, even more so if you're not even Catholic.

    I'm not quite sure why I am commenting, other than you seem to be argumentative simply for the sake of arguing with CMGragain.  And CMG certainly needs no help in explaining herself.

    Statements constantly made on the boards.......
    *Anything a poster includes in their post is fair game for comment.  The OP brought up her religious affiliation, making it fair game for comments.

    *There is no rule that states that unless you have direct connections, you can not post an opinion or comment.  I comment on PPD's often and yet have never had one myself nor have I attended one.

    *You cannot tell posters how to post.  It gets very, very old answering the same questions regarding Honey Funds, dollar dances, BM gifts, and SO invitations.  But they occur on a daily basis.  If you don't like it.......what's the typical response from a "reg"?  Hit the ignore button and carry on.

    ETA.....I'm Catholic and have no problem with CMG or anyone else commenting about the Catholic doctrine as long as their comment is accurate.
    Rules notwithstanding, I think it creates a very unpleasant, hostile effect on posters, Catholics or otherwise, when one poster takes it upon herself to ask people why they do or claim whatever in their posts and lectures them on the practices of a church she admits she doesn't even belong to.

    If someone claims to be Catholic but wants a non-Catholic wedding, that's the business of themselves and their local priest, Bishop, diocese, and whatever other church authorities are involved. But it is not yours, mine, CMGragain's, or anyone else's but theirs, and for her to keep bringing it up to persons who have decided for whatever reason that they are not going to have a Catholic wedding and are fine with the consequences really comes off badly and I think pisses off posters who might otherwise have valuable things to contribute to the forum.

    So even if it isn't against the rules for CMGragain to make such posts, I think it would be universally appreciated if she knocks it off.


    Universally?  That would include me.  I disagree.

    Let's rein in the melodramatics, shall we?  I have seen more unpleasantries on threads regarding robes for bridesmaids.

    There was no lecture.  The OP was not questioned about her choice.  A statement of fact was brought to the attention of the OP.  As far as pissing off posters, and fearing a mass exodus because their sensibilities have been offended.....?  That is your weakest argument yet.  How often are posters told they can abandon ship any time if they cannot handle the internet? 

    I would say I would appreciate  if YOU would knock it off, but I know better than to tell posters how to post.



    *pretend there's a box here*

    Late to this party but stopped by to say that "universally" would include me too and I don't mind. I'm also Catholic. I converted in college only bout 10 years or so ago. I wouldn't have known that getting married outside the church precludes me from the host. I'm not practicing any more so this is not a concern for my up-coming wedding, but if I had been concerned with staying in good standing with the church, it would have been good to know.

    So, you don't speak for me, Jen.

    MobKazCMGragain
  • Thank you all! 24 days until the big day!
    donethatCMGragainMobKaz
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hi,
    Congratulations.  Here is an article that has wedding ceremony song lists and wedding music guides and tips.  I hope that you find it helpful.  These should be more than enough to find something wonderful that speaks to the two of you.  If not, browse around the blog, there are other wedding music song lists and guides for selecting wedding ensembles. http://www.musicremembrance.com/blog/wedding-song-lists-music-guides/.
    Have a wonderful wedding and a wonderful marriage.
    @KnotRiley



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