Etiquette

Wedding Registry/Invites

Hello - 

I know that typically you send out the wedding registry information with save the dates. However, we're having a fairly small wedding and therefore, we won't be sending out save the dates. We've already made the appropriate phone calls. :) However, now I'm not entirely sure how to send out our wedding registry, any ideas? To follow up, because we're having such a small wedding there are people who are not coming but are old family friends. Should we send them the wedding registry as well? I've read differing opinion. 

Second, what are y'all's opinions about sending out invitations to people that you know aren't going to come to the wedding. My mom has a bunch of friends overseas who I've known since I was born and I was thinking of sending them an invite as well. Do you think that it's rude? 

Re: Wedding Registry/Invites

  • You never include registry information with save the dates! If people ask, you tell them. You can put it on your website. That's it.

    It's perfectly fine to invite anyone you would like to come.
    Heffalumpadk19bluebell42InLoveInQueens
  • We don't have a wedding website, and even if we did, how do I disseminate that information?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    If you really want to invite someone, you send them an invitation and let them decide if they are going to accept or decline.  You don't make that decision for them by not sending them an invitation, because they might want and be able to come anyway.  And things may change between the times the invitations go out and the RSVP deadline.

    But never put registry information in a wedding invitation or a save-the-date.  I wouldn't even put it on your website, especially if you are including your URL in the invitation or the save-the-dates.

    bluebell42
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    People will ask you where you are registered. When they ask you can tell them. They will also ask your family and close friends so just make sure those people know where you are registered. If you have a wedding website, you can list it on the save the date. There has been disagreement about whether or not the website should have registries listed on the website. The website should never be listed on the invitation. It can;however, be on an information insert card included with the invitation. The card could say something like "for more information about accommodations, directions to the ceremony and reception see our website at....."
  • Hello - 

    I know that typically you send out the wedding registry information with save the dates. However, we're having a fairly small wedding and therefore, we won't be sending out save the dates. We've already made the appropriate phone calls. :) However, now I'm not entirely sure how to send out our wedding registry, any ideas? To follow up, because we're having such a small wedding there are people who are not coming but are old family friends. Should we send them the wedding registry as well? I've read differing opinion. 

    Second, what are y'all's opinions about sending out invitations to people that you know aren't going to come to the wedding. My mom has a bunch of friends overseas who I've known since I was born and I was thinking of sending them an invite as well. Do you think that it's rude? 

    No, it's not rude but only send invites if you are prepared to host them. There are plenty of stories here about brides who invited guests they were 100% sure were not going to come and then hey, guess what? Only the couple didn't have the budget to accommodate them and were scrambling. 
    image
  • madamerwinmadamerwin
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 2015
    People will ask you where you are registered. When they ask you can tell them. They will also ask your family and close friends so just make sure those people know where you are registered. If you have a wedding website, you can list it on the save the date. There has been disagreement about whether or not the website should have registries listed on the website. The website should never be listed on the invitation. It can;however, be on an information insert card included with the invitation. The card could say something like "for more information about accommodations, directions to the ceremony and reception see our website at....."


    ---boxboxbox---

    The bolded is a really odd distinction to make... Why would it not be okay to include a link to the website on the invitation, but okay to include it on another piece of paper in the same envelope? Etiquette-wise, PPs are completely correct that you should never put registry info on the invitation (or even on a separate insert within the invitation), but there's nothing wrong with putting a line on the invitation with a link to the wedding website - it's the equivalent of including inserts with directions, accommodations, etc, but just in electronic form.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • auriannaaurianna
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited August 2015
    Ditto everyone else.

    Do not worry about getting your registry info to people.

    If someone wants to get you a gift they will do one (or more) of the following:

    1. Ask you where you are registered or ask what you'd like
    2. Ask someone in your family or bridal party where you are registered
    3. Google your names to see if you're registered
    4. Go to popular places people register (Bed, Bath & Beyond, Target, Macy's, etc etc) and see if you have a registry
    5. Buy you something lovely off-registry [that you can probably still return somewhere or re-gift or donate if you hate]
    6. Just give you cash


    It'll work out fine. We didn't have STD's and we didn't put our registry info in our invites. We got very few items that weren't on our registry (and they were from older relatives that don't use the computer anyway), we got many items from our registry, and we got several cash gifts. Worked out great.
    adk19SP29

  • The bolded is a really odd distinction to make... Why would it not be okay to include a link to the website on the invitation, but okay to include it on another piece of paper in the same envelope?
    I'm guessing the idea is that invitations should only include the required information. Same reason why it's not proper to list off every parent of the bride(s) & groom(s) if they're not hosting. The website / directions / accommodations would be considered extra.

  • mollybarker11mollybarker11
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited September 2015
    I'm not entirely sure how to send out our wedding registry, any ideas?
    Spread it by word of mouth if/when people ask.

    there are people who are not coming but are old family friends. Should we send them the wedding registry as well?
    Definitely don't send it to people who aren't even invited to the wedding. If they ask if you're registered anywhere, tell them then.

    Second, what are y'all's opinions about sending out invitations to people that you know aren't going to come to the wedding. Do you think that it's rude?
    You never really know who isn't going to come until they RSVP. Of course it's not rude to invite them! Just don't say anything like "we understand if you can't come" because that would make them feel as though they aren't actually wanted.

    [I promise these show up as quote boxes when I edit!?]

    SP29
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Hello - 

    I know that typically you send out the wedding registry information with save the dates. However, we're having a fairly small wedding and therefore, we won't be sending out save the dates. We've already made the appropriate phone calls. :) However, now I'm not entirely sure how to send out our wedding registry, any ideas? To follow up, because we're having such a small wedding there are people who are not coming but are old family friends. Should we send them the wedding registry as well? I've read differing opinion. 

    Second, what are y'all's opinions about sending out invitations to people that you know aren't going to come to the wedding. My mom has a bunch of friends overseas who I've known since I was born and I was thinking of sending them an invite as well. Do you think that it's rude? 
    No, like other's said, you never put registry information with the STD or wedding invitation. You should never directly ask for gifts ever. The only acceptable invitation to include the registry is on the shower invite (which wouldn't be hosted by you). 

    People will ask you where you are registered or find it themselves, buy you something they think you would like, or they will give you money. 
    image
    image

    image


  • IrishPirate60IrishPirate60 Clare Island
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    You can send wedding announcements (rather than invitations) to people you want to notify of the event. Send them after the wedding.
    Heffalump
  • Never include registry information on the invitation or STD.

    You can include it on your wedding website (there is some disagreement about this), but keep it simple. On our wedding website, we had a separate tab and said, "We are registered at BB&B", didn't include a link.

    Though I realize you said you don't have a website. Which is fine too. Because registries are pretty common, many of your guests will either ask you, a friend or family if you are registered anywhere, in which case you can say, "We are registered at X".

    It is never appropriate to ask for gifts or to outright tell someone where your registry is (hence it does not appear on invitations). The only appropriate way to let someone know is to tell them verbally if they ask. Thus, it would not be appropriate to send your registry information to people whom you are not inviting to your wedding (myself, I would find that quite rude and gift grabby). Yes, someone people you know may choose to get you a gift because they would genuinely like to get you something, but either they will buy you something they think you'd like, or ask if you are registered.

    If there are guests you'd like to invite to your wedding, then send them an invitation. However, make sure you are prepared to actually host these guests, because you never know and they may come. Or, as another poster said, if it's more that you'd like to notify others that you were married, a wedding announcement sent after your wedding is most appropriate.
    adk19
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