Still a wedding - Just not attending

Knottie07398380

Hi! My fiancé and I are doing a destination wedding and have a small number of family members attending. However, we invited all family and friends who we would have invited if we did a wedding in the states. With that being said, how do you still ask for money or wedding gift, like you would for a traditional wedding? Is there something you can send in the mail saying for example "we wish you could have attended. . " Also, we want to do gift bags for those guests going with us. We are wondering if you have any advice for getting stuff through customs. We are hoping to take things like sunscreen, aloe, Tylenol, etc. and we have asked our wedding coordinator if we can send it to the resort but she said she isn't sure how long it will take to get through customs and that once it arrives they aren't responsible. Can you provide any feedback or guidance? Thank you!

STARMOON44

Are you kidding? You don't ask people to still send money or gifts! That's hideously rude. You are not entitled to gifts.

How long to takes things to get through customs depends entirely on which country you are sending it to.

msuprincess04

I'm skipping the first question because that is insanely rude. You NEVER ask for money or gifts. A wedding isn't a charity or fundraiser.

As for welcome bags, a lot of people just bring them in their checked luggage. A cheap bag you wouldn't mind leaving there is an option, or you can use the empty bag to carry your dress back (assuming you won't be hand carrying it back).

Maggie0829

Knottie07398380 said:

Hi! My fiancé and I are doing a destination wedding and have a small number of family members attending. However, we invited all family and friends who we would have invited if we did a wedding in the states. With that being said, how do you still ask for money or wedding gift, like you would for a traditional wedding? Is there something you can send in the mail saying for example "we wish you could have attended. . " Also, we want to do gift bags for those guests going with us. We are wondering if you have any advice for getting stuff through customs. We are hoping to take things like sunscreen, aloe, Tylenol, etc. and we have asked our wedding coordinator if we can send it to the resort but she said she isn't sure how long it will take to get through customs and that once it arrives they aren't responsible. Can you provide any feedback or guidance? Thank you!

You never ask for money/gifts, ever.  Destination wedding or traditional wedding or any wedding in between you never ask for gifts, period.  If you do you will look like a greedy ass, entitled person.

I would nix the welcome bags and just have a plate of chocolate covered strawberries or snacks or what not and some drinks awaiting your guests when they check into their rooms.

Pupatella

I would also just take the welcome bags in your checked luggage to your destination. Since you have a small number of people attending, I think this is a lot easier than trying to ship something to the resort and worrying about when it will arrive, who will hold it for you until you get there, will it be opened in customs, etc. I think taking items in your luggage like Tylenol, Aloe and Sunscreen are pretty normal items to take through customs when traveling.

As for asking for gifts...no no no. Sending the wedding invitations to your family and friends was enough for them to know that they can send you a gift if they would like to do so.

WinstonsGirl

Not touching the asking for gifts.  If people want to give you something, they will.  

We bought most of our welcome bag stuff there.  We also brought stuff in a small suitcase.  If you are taking liquid/gels (sunscreen), make sure they're under 100mL and in a Ziploc type bag or security will trash it.  Also, check before hand if you're taking food as some is allowed and other is not.  

climbingsingle

Holy crap. Uh, you never ask for gifts. EVER. 

lyndausvi

climbingwife said:

Holy crap. Uh, you never ask for gifts. EVER. 

THIS.

Geez, you actually think people ASK for gifts?

As far as the welcome gifts.  Some people put them in their suitcases, others ship them in.  How much time will it take?  Who the hell knows?  I've sent stuff to St Thomas that got there in a few days, other times a month+.   If you are mailing stuff I suggest using something like Priority mail, Fed Ex, USPS, etc.  Those are pricier, but more reliable ways to ship boxes.

[Deleted User]

Knottie07398380 said:

Hi! My fiancé and I are doing a destination wedding and have a small number of family members attending. However, we invited all family and friends who we would have invited if we did a wedding in the states. With that being said, how do you still ask for money or wedding gift, like you would for a traditional wedding? Is there something you can send in the mail saying for example "we wish you could have attended. . " Also, we want to do gift bags for those guests going with us. We are wondering if you have any advice for getting stuff through customs. We are hoping to take things like sunscreen, aloe, Tylenol, etc. and we have asked our wedding coordinator if we can send it to the resort but she said she isn't sure how long it will take to get through customs and that once it arrives they aren't responsible. Can you provide any feedback or guidance? Thank you!

When I'm going on vacation I bring my own sunscreen, aloe, and Tylenol.  I don't need a gift bag with it.  I'm an adult who knows how to pack my own shit.  But if you want to get me local food/drink once you arrive, I'd love to have a giftbag of popcorn, cookies, and travel size Rum, I'll take it.

lyndausvi

adk19 said:

Knottie07398380 said:

Hi! My fiancé and I are doing a destination wedding and have a small number of family members attending. However, we invited all family and friends who we would have invited if we did a wedding in the states. With that being said, how do you still ask for money or wedding gift, like you would for a traditional wedding? Is there something you can send in the mail saying for example "we wish you could have attended. . " Also, we want to do gift bags for those guests going with us. We are wondering if you have any advice for getting stuff through customs. We are hoping to take things like sunscreen, aloe, Tylenol, etc. and we have asked our wedding coordinator if we can send it to the resort but she said she isn't sure how long it will take to get through customs and that once it arrives they aren't responsible. Can you provide any feedback or guidance? Thank you!

When I'm going on vacation I bring my own sunscreen, aloe, and Tylenol.  I don't need a gift bag with it.  I'm an adult who knows how to pack my own shit.  But if you want to get me local food/drink once you arrive, I'd love to have a giftbag of popcorn, cookies, and travel size Rum, I'll take it.

See I tend to travel with only a carry-on.  Especially for a long weekend, which is what I would do for a wedding.   Generally pick up the sunscreen at my location.  It's still cheaper to buy it there, then pay the luggage fee.

I guess it would not be a waste for me.   

Via the club we are taking 12 people with us to Anguilla.  We are giving them sunscreen, beach bag, insect repellant and a local book. I've seen many meeting planners do the same for corporate events.  I see 90% of them using that stuff on the beach and on the boat.

princessleia22

First, you don't ever directly ask for gifts, for any type of wedding.  Like others said, it's considered rude to do so.  You can still do a gift registry and people generally know where to search for one or they will ask where you are registered, if they choose to send a gift.  Everyone knows that money is always an acceptable gift, so there is no need to state that to people. I usually will send a gift or money, even if I am unable to attend the wedding.

As far as gift bags, I'd suggest just taking them in a checked bag. It may be easiest to pack them in an old/used suitcase (check Goodwill for cheap ones) or even a cardboard box that you can throw out at the destination, instead of bringing it back with you.  And don't go overboard with these items... keep it simple.  Don't forget that your guests will have to carry this stuff home with them and they may be accounting for that space in their luggage. You really shouldn't have trouble with customs, though.

freebread03

For the first question, it would be easiest if you sent them a pre-addressed return envelop with a card insert indicating how much they are giving (you want to make sure you get the right denominations and people don't cheap out)--kind of like the donation envelopes you see in churches.  You could also consider sending them pre-addressed boxes and packing supplies for gifts--that way they have the option of sending you cash, check, or boxed gifts (make sure to use a prepaid box from USPS--you wouldn't want your cheap or lazy friends to not send a gift because they don't want to go to the post office!

Others have the second question pretty well covered, but I do think that you should provide your guests with the basics--its a lot to expect them to remember sunscreen and stuff like that.

redoryx

At this point I feel it's necessary to ask -- OP, are you asking the guests who ARE attending to give you money or gifts? If so you need to quit doing that, like, yesterday. 

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi said:

adk19 said:

Knottie07398380 said:

Hi! My fiancé and I are doing a destination wedding and have a small number of family members attending. However, we invited all family and friends who we would have invited if we did a wedding in the states. With that being said, how do you still ask for money or wedding gift, like you would for a traditional wedding? Is there something you can send in the mail saying for example "we wish you could have attended. . " Also, we want to do gift bags for those guests going with us. We are wondering if you have any advice for getting stuff through customs. We are hoping to take things like sunscreen, aloe, Tylenol, etc. and we have asked our wedding coordinator if we can send it to the resort but she said she isn't sure how long it will take to get through customs and that once it arrives they aren't responsible. Can you provide any feedback or guidance? Thank you!

When I'm going on vacation I bring my own sunscreen, aloe, and Tylenol.  I don't need a gift bag with it.  I'm an adult who knows how to pack my own shit.  But if you want to get me local food/drink once you arrive, I'd love to have a giftbag of popcorn, cookies, and travel size Rum, I'll take it.

See I tend to travel with only a carry-on.  Especially for a long weekend, which is what I would do for a wedding.   Generally pick up the sunscreen at my location.  It's still cheaper to buy it there, then pay the luggage fee.

I guess it would not be a waste for me.   

Via the club we are taking 12 people with us to Anguilla.  We are giving them sunscreen, beach bag, insect repellant and a local book. I've seen many meeting planners do the same for corporate events.  I see 90% of them using that stuff on the beach and on the boat.

FH is a delicate flower and would not be able to use any sunblock but the Free and Clear for Sensitive Skin stuff that he buys in bulk.  And are you going to have different SPF levels depending on skin tone?  This is why I think some of this stuff would be a waste.  But food?  Food is never a waste.

Pupatella

Totally agree with PP's on the sunscreen / aloe thing.

When we travel, we bring our own preferred sunscreen. One thing I would appreciate after traveling is a cocktail, as well as some snacks. Hope this helps!!