Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

Co-Workers as Guests

I'm having a real issue with my co-workers. The fact of the matter is that most of us don't get along. I work in an office of about 30 people and I don't want to invite everybody. In fact, I have about 3 co-workers total that I am inviting.

The problem is that many of the less cooth people are asking where the wedding is, is it an open bar and telling me they can't wait to come.  I don't know how to say...I'm not inviting you. 

I cannot believe how rude they are!

When I invite the co-workers that I want there do I just tell them to keep it hush hush and tell everyone I'm not inviting co-workers?

Re: Co-Workers as Guests

  • Wow that is rude.. I'm not sure what to say to them other than to regret that you are having a small intimate affair with only family and a few close friends.
  • I had the same issue here... I told them that I was having a small wedding with family and close friends... I totally felt awkward when people were asking me questions like that!!
    BabyFetus Ticker
  • I'm a teacher and I invited a few of the teachers who I have worked closly with in the past (ones that I consider friends and we've actually spent time together outside of work). When my school secretary asked, "What about me?" I replied, "What about you?" It might be rude, but I've never hung out with her and never even considered inviting her...and nobody else has mentioned a thing!
  • UGH! I hate that. More people than I can count have asked if they are invited to our wedding, which is funny because nobody who IS has ever asked. It's hard to say we are having a small wedding when we aren't. I mean we want to stick around 200 guests but people kind of get the wrong impression when they aren't one of 200.

    It is so awkward but I say that we have finalized our guest list and unfortunately couldn't invite everyone that we wanted and hope they understand, if they continue to make it awkward I kind of joke and say something about having so much family between the two of us or something.

    It is SO RUDE to ask and puts the bride (or whoever they are asking) in such an awkward position, just try to be as polite in answering as possible and stay classy, they are the ones who should feel bad for having bad manners, not you for not inviting them. That's your choice and right as a bride.
  • Don't talk about the wedding at your job. If someone else brings it up and asks about your plans, give a vague answer and then quickly change the subject or find a polite way to walk away ("I just remembered that I have to make a phone call! I'll catch up with you later"). If people ask if they're invited just reply, "We're planning something fairly small [or, "We have huge families so they're pretty much the whole list"] and we can't possibly invite all the friends that we'd like to."

    Don't talk to the three friends about your wedding at work. When the time comes for invitations, send them directly to their homes, don't hand them out at work. And ask them not to talk about it at work.

  • edited January 2010
    Oh, I've had a similar problem. Our wedding is next Saturday and I have talked about the wedding at work, and in my carpool. I never once mentioned inviting everyone, but it's kind of hard not to mention the wedding when I have to tell my carpool ... "I won't be riding tomorrow ... I have to meet with the caterer," or "my fiance is picking me up so we can go to our dance lesson."

    I had a coworker ask about when and where the wedding was, and while I worried she'd take that as an invitation, I hoped she was just being polite and making conversation. Sure enough, I got asked if she was invited ... with only a couple weeks to go. She said she had thought she was invited.

    I told her the truth ... with just under two weeks to go, our guest count was finalized for the reception. (I am using my father as the bad guy ... and he's OK with that ... "sorry, dad is on a budget ..."). I said we were keeping it small and immediate family and close friends only. With only 76 guests, this is not only the whole truth, but also unarguable.

    I've had the whole shebang of wedding guest woes, from distant friends to new aquaintences. I never exepected so many people to assume they were coming when they never got an invitation.

    I feel your pain. It's hard being the bride and being forced to be "mean".

    Hang in there. Everyone has given good advice. You will mess up from time to time, you're human, but overall, if you are trying to be polite and yet firm, it will all work out. (Or at least I keep reminding myself of this!)
  • p.s. I did invite the coworker to the ceremony ONLY, since she is a good work friend, but I reiterated that my dad had put his foot down on the guest count for the reception.
  • I didn't invite anyone from my work, and DH didn't invite anyone from his work.

    And we didn't have to MAKE anyone the "bad guy."  We told the truth to anyone who asked:

    "Oh, no sorry.  Kristin's mom is hosting the wedding and she's kept the guest list very small to family and like-family."
  • I know the feeling. Some of these people don't even know my phone number or the name of my fiance. Why would they assume as such a superficial acquaintance that I would want to share this intimate- and EXPENSIVE- occasion with them? Wacko.
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