Snarky Brides

Bad wedding snark!

I attended a wedding a couple weeks ago that was so cringe worthy I need to vent.

Ceremony:
- Outdoors. In late summer. During a tornado watch.  There was a plan B location available, but the couple refused to use it as they were "having a short ceremony and it isn't raining." So we got to enjoy 45-60 minutes outdoors in 25+ mph winds, persistent thunder, at least one bolt of lightning, and did I mention the neighboring town's tornado siren? Not that we could hear over the wind if we wanted to, but most guests were busy watching for funnel clouds rather than watching the ceremony
- Lack of chairs. They had enough chairs for 20% of the guests during the ceremony.  20%! I was forewarned so elected to wear flats but there were many grumpy women from standing in stilettos for 45-60 minutes.  There was no possible way to fit the number of chairs they needed into the ceremony space, but "it's so pretty" they didn't want a different venue

Reception:
- Oh the gap.  The ceremony and reception were on the same property about a 5 minute walk apart.  Yet there was an hour between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the cocktails and food.  Again with no chairs! People were resorting to use of the vending machine because they were thirsty.  I guess  they had planned for people to tour the gardens between the ceremony and reception.  I wouldn't want to do that in good weather in summer all dressed up let alone with the tornado watch!
- Cash bar.  Or at least partial cash bar.  There was an hour of completely hosted open bar.  Then 2 hours of beer and wine.  Then entirely cash.  At least there was a sign on the bar so everyone loaded up with 2-3 drinks on the way in to dinner (aka not a way to save money for the couple)
- No assigned seating.  I guess it's technically not bad etiquette but with almost 200 guests and 4 extra chairs there was a lot of shuffling to get people seated before dinner.  At least it was table side ordering instead of a buffet.  Shuffling and carrying food would have been a disaster.

No wonder 80% of the guests were gone by 9 pm. 

And as always, the couple thought everything was great while several people whispered on the poor organization and hosting that were happening. Had husband not been in the bridal party I might have suddenly become ill that weekend and had to decline.  Thank you ladies for pointing out all of these moves as bad etiquette repeatedly so we avoided all of them in our own wedding last year.

Re: Bad wedding snark!

  • Thank you for the afternoon entertainment!!

    So before I started lurking on the knot, I will admit that I didn't realize that cash bars were rude. Some of my friends had them, and I just thought that's how some people did things. Thank you to everyone on TK - we will not be doing a cash bar.

    But, having your ceremony outside during a tornado warning with thunder and lightening!!? I don't need to read a bunch of message boards, magazines, etc. to know that this is a beyond horrible idea. It's not just a horrible idea, but is actually dangerous. 

    Add in no assigned tables, no chairs at the dangerous ceremony? No wonder all of the guests were talking amongst themselves and gone by 9pm.

  • Pupatella said:

    Thank you for the afternoon entertainment!!


    So before I started lurking on the knot, I will admit that I didn't realize that cash bars were rude. Some of my friends had them, and I just thought that's how some people did things. Thank you to everyone on TK - we will not be doing a cash bar.

    But, having your ceremony outside during a tornado warning with thunder and lightening!!? I don't need to read a bunch of message boards, magazines, etc. to know that this is a beyond horrible idea. It's not just a horrible idea, but is actually dangerous. 

    Add in no assigned tables, no chairs at the dangerous ceremony? No wonder all of the guests were talking amongst themselves and gone by 9pm.
    No kidding. With that kind of weather the winds must have been gusting all over the place blowing everything away! Or if it wasn't, the air must have had this heavy feeling of pressure just waiting for the skies to open up.
  • My jaw dropped when reading the vending machine part...

    Regarding no assigned seating, a friend of mine also went to a wedding over the summer where there was no assigned seating at the reception. She said that it was the bride's vision to let her guests roam free without any seating requirements, but... as you can guess.... it was chaotic and stressful according to my friend. She said everyone at the table she ended up at (a random mix of guests who hardly knew each other) was complaining! 
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  • The ceremony was 15 minutes during which the rain held off.   I think they forgot that people tend to show up early, hence the 45-60 minutes in the elements which did include some drizzle leading up to the ceremony.  And since people didn't expect to still be outside, many were waiting umbrella-less.  Of course, they also forgot to tell people the ceremony was a 10 minute walk from the parking lot so some guests missed the beginning of the wedding.  I was amazed the venue staff let us outside.  I wouldn't want that liability!

    The plan B also lacked chairs but at least was protected from wind and rain. 
  • The storm warning just scares me.

    We had table assignments but people could sit where ever at the table. I was worried about that, I have no idea how the bride and groom could handle no one having an idea :\
  • Talk about a shit storm.
  • edited September 2015
    futurecptkirk said: I really hate that everyone on these boards complains about having no seating charts. I really didn't want to make one. My mom even said don't make one. Y'all have made me see the error of my ways and I now get how uncomfortable it is. 
    Now I have to make one.  ----------BOXES----------Pro-tip-- assigning
    seats is pretty overkill but assigning tables is most helpful to guests. Don't worry too much if your guests don't fit into pretty packages of 8 or 10; it's ok (assuming you have enough tables and space) if the tables don't all have an equal number of people. If you want more advice I'm sure there are plenty of threads on it. It took me less than an hour and an excel sheet with about 69 total people. :) 
    ________________________________


  • Talk about a shit storm.

    Literally.
  • futurecptkirkfuturecptkirk member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    I really hate that everyone on these boards complains about having no seating charts. I really didn't want to make one. My mom even said don't make one. Y'all have made me see the error of my ways and I now get how uncomfortable it is. 

    Now I have to make one. 
    ----------BOXES----------Pro-tip-- assigning seats is pretty overkill but assigning tables is most helpful to guests. Don't worry too much if your guests don't fit into pretty packages of 8 or 10; it's ok (assuming you have enough tables and space) if the tables don't all have an equal number of people. If you want more advice I'm sure there are plenty of threads on it. It took me less than an hour and an excel sheet with about 69 total people. :) 

    ---------------WHY U NO GIVE ME BOXES KNOT?!--------------------------------

    I meant to put assigning tables. Whoops! The RSVP deadline is 9/15 so I don't have them all back yet, but I have about 75 coming so far (mainly family and wedding party) so I can start assigning them. Figured it would be easiest to do it as they come in rather than waiting until 15 days before the wedding when stress is higher than it is now. 

    ETA boxes 
  • I really hate that everyone on these boards complains about having no seating charts. I really didn't want to make one. My mom even said don't make one. Y'all have made me see the error of my ways and I now get how uncomfortable it is. 

    Now I have to make one. 
    ----------BOXES----------Pro-tip-- assigning seats is pretty overkill but assigning tables is most helpful to guests. Don't worry too much if your guests don't fit into pretty packages of 8 or 10; it's ok (assuming you have enough tables and space) if the tables don't all have an equal number of people. If you want more advice I'm sure there are plenty of threads on it. It took me less than an hour and an excel sheet with about 69 total people. :) 

    ---------------WHY U NO GIVE ME BOXES KNOT?!--------------------------------

    I meant to put assigning tables. Whoops! The RSVP deadline is 9/15 so I don't have them all back yet, but I have about 75 coming so far (mainly family and wedding party) so I can start assigning them. Figured it would be easiest to do it as they come in rather than waiting until 15 days before the wedding when stress is higher than it is now. 

    ETA boxes 
    I'm 10 days out and still haven't done mine.  We just had a friend ask yesterday if he could bring a date... and there's still a few people saying they're not sure if they're bringing their kids or not.  I should really probably start working on it though :)
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • I really hate that everyone on these boards complains about having no seating charts. I really didn't want to make one. My mom even said don't make one. Y'all have made me see the error of my ways and I now get how uncomfortable it is. 

    Now I have to make one. 
    ----------BOXES----------Pro-tip-- assigning seats is pretty overkill but assigning tables is most helpful to guests. Don't worry too much if your guests don't fit into pretty packages of 8 or 10; it's ok (assuming you have enough tables and space) if the tables don't all have an equal number of people. If you want more advice I'm sure there are plenty of threads on it. It took me less than an hour and an excel sheet with about 69 total people. :) 

    ---------------WHY U NO GIVE ME BOXES KNOT?!--------------------------------

    I meant to put assigning tables. Whoops! The RSVP deadline is 9/15 so I don't have them all back yet, but I have about 75 coming so far (mainly family and wedding party) so I can start assigning them. Figured it would be easiest to do it as they come in rather than waiting until 15 days before the wedding when stress is higher than it is now. 

    ETA boxes 
    I'm 10 days out and still haven't done mine.  We just had a friend ask yesterday if he could bring a date... and there's still a few people saying they're not sure if they're bringing their kids or not.  I should really probably start working on it though :) We assigned tables on the seating chart, and then at the table assigned seats because on each place card and favour was a glittery stamp that indicated which meal you asked for. It wasn't too much extra work, but it's definitely easier just to do the table assignments. 
  • In what world is a 45-60 minute long ceremony "short"? Bless their hearts. And bless yours for enduring this craziness.

  • The ceremony was 15 minutes but factor in arriving early and you can easily get 45 minutes standing.
  • The ceremony was 15 minutes but factor in arriving early and you can easily get 45 minutes standing.
    Ah ok yeah. That makes sense. The no seating thing is completely unacceptable.

  • I really hate that everyone on these boards complains about having no seating charts. I really didn't want to make one. My mom even said don't make one. Y'all have made me see the error of my ways and I now get how uncomfortable it is. 

    Now I have to make one. 
    I know Wedding Wire is not the Knot Community's best friend, but they do have a really nice and easy seating chart feature. I definitely recommend it!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • anrforanr said:
    I really hate that everyone on these boards complains about having no seating charts. I really didn't want to make one. My mom even said don't make one. Y'all have made me see the error of my ways and I now get how uncomfortable it is. 

    Now I have to make one. 
    I know Wedding Wire is not the Knot Community's best friend, but they do have a really nice and easy seating chart feature. I definitely recommend it!
    Oh, we don't mind their tools, we just don't like their "community".  I'm all for a tool that isn't glitchy.
  • BTW I did my chart last night!  What I did was copied and pasted my RSVP list (which I keep in Google docs as a spreadsheet) and removed all the nos, and then created 8 more columns for each table (we've got 16 at each table, could technically fit 18).  I highlighted 16 spots on each table.  Then I just went through and started filling in names at the top of each table.  So like one was my parents, one was FI's parents, etc.  Then I just filled in the rest of whoever made sense to sit at the tables.  Once someone was at a table, I greyed out their name. 

    Took me about an hour from start to finish. We did end up with one table of 15 and another of 17, but that's OK since the 17 has a bunch of kids at it so they don't need as much elbow room.
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • We grouped our guest list into groupings that made sense. I think we had 10 total groupings for about 150 guests---things like Bride's family (dad's side), Bride's family (mom's side), Brides not-related-but-like-family, Groom's family (dad's side), Groom's family (mom's side), Bride's college friends, Bride's post-college friends, Groom's high school friends, Groom's college friends, and "other". Some groups were 20+ people, and others only 5 or so.

    Our table held 7-9 people each, so it was pretty easy to just take the groups and break them off into tables. If the remainder of a group was less than 7, we'd find another relevant group to put them with. Like we had one table that was half the groom's high school friends, and half the groom's college friends. That made a lot more sense then putting the groom's high school friends with the Bride's relatives, for example!
  • Sigh, my FI just told me today that he doesn't want a seating chart... I am a fairly stressed bride to be, I just started a new job, I'm about to start nursing school, and of course don't forget about the wedding to plan! He says he's afraid a seating chart will cause stress and be annoying, but I don't want anybody to get stuck sitting  with people they don't know. I also don't want dinner to be a crazy mess. Ughhhhh.
  • sarahjhd said: Sigh, my FI just told me today that he doesn't want a seating chart... I am a fairly stressed bride to be, I just started a new job, I'm about to start nursing school, and of course don't forget about the wedding to plan! He says he's afraid a seating chart will cause stress and be annoying, but I don't want anybody to get stuck sitting  with people they don't know. I also don't want dinner to be a crazy mess. Ughhhhh.
    But it's not stressful or annoying. And, you taking the time to group people in acceptable bunches will avoid the stress and annoyance
    on guests when they find saved seats, nowhere to sit with who they want to sit with, odd numbers of seats, carrying around plates awkwardly, etc. 
    You don't have to assign actual seats, just tables. It's not hard. 
    ________________________________


  • sarahjhd said:
    Sigh, my FI just told me today that he doesn't want a seating chart... I am a fairly stressed bride to be, I just started a new job, I'm about to start nursing school, and of course don't forget about the wedding to plan! He says he's afraid a seating chart will cause stress and be annoying, but I don't want anybody to get stuck sitting  with people they don't know. I also don't want dinner to be a crazy mess. Ughhhhh.
    Assigned tables are popular on TK, that's for sure. Not sure if you mean that, or actual assigned place settings. We're not doing either one; both feel too formal for our backyard shindig. If you are going to skip it, the key is to have 10-20% more seating than you need so that people can group off as they wish without having to do the "movie theatre shuffle" with the remaining seats. For us, a smallish guest list that's 80% family doesn't hurt either, lol. We are inviting 90 including 7 +1's, expecting 75-80, plan to have seating for 100.
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  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2015
    I had a casual wedding, but still assigned tables.  Each table sat 16 so that made it easier.  My entire seating chart took about an hour and wasn't stressful at all.  

    The only time it got stressful was about 20 minutes before the ceremony, FI's mom saw who was seated at her table (her brother and his wife and they apparently don't get along) and asked if I could switch people around because there was some people at a different table she wanted to sit with.  So, my mom and I scurried around to find the extra escort cards and pens so I could rewrite them... but then I think FI's mom realized her asking at the last minute was kind of a big deal (and/or decided to grow the fuck up) so she told me "never mind".... right when my mom found the cards.  We had long rectangle tables, she sat at one end and her brother and his wife sat at the other, and all was well.
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • sarahjhd said:
    Sigh, my FI just told me today that he doesn't want a seating chart... I am a fairly stressed bride to be, I just started a new job, I'm about to start nursing school, and of course don't forget about the wedding to plan! He says he's afraid a seating chart will cause stress and be annoying, but I don't want anybody to get stuck sitting  with people they don't know. I also don't want dinner to be a crazy mess. Ughhhhh.
    Honestly, the seating chart didn't really cause me any stress or annoyance. And I'm introverted enough that not having a seating chart does cause me stress.

    I think a seating chart is really only stressful if you have a lot of people with seating requirements. Family who won't sit with each other or will fight. Or friends who hate each others guts. Otherwise it really was just putting people in "buckets" (like Mom's family, Dad's family, FMIL's family) so they could sit by people they knew. And then I grouped tables so my college friends and high school friends were sitting near each other (similar ages) and all the IL's family was sitting near each other. It really only took me a couple of days of thinking about it once I really started.
    image
  • sarahjhd said:

    Sigh, my FI just told me today that he doesn't want a seating chart... I am a fairly stressed bride to be, I just started a new job, I'm about to start nursing school, and of course don't forget about the wedding to plan! He says he's afraid a seating chart will cause stress and be annoying, but I don't want anybody to get stuck sitting  with people they don't know. I also don't want dinner to be a crazy mess. Ughhhhh.

    As long as you have plenty of extra seating, you don't need a seating chart. I didn't have a seating chart but had about 20% extra seating so guests could disperse where they might.

    Now a cousin of DH's didn't have a seating chart either but had maybe 1 or 2 extra chairs for about 100 guests. That was awkward. We had to squeeze onto an end so we could sit by people we knew. One of the tables was out about 20 feet away from the tent and the bride's extended family ended up out there and pissed off because the tables weren't all together and they felt slighted in the "cheap seats".
  • spockforprezspockforprez member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2015

    I had a casual wedding, but still assigned tables.  Each table sat 16 so that made it easier.  My entire seating chart took about an hour and wasn't stressful at all.  


    The only time it got stressful was about 20 minutes before the ceremony, FI's mom saw who was seated at her table (her brother and his wife and they apparently don't get along) and asked if I could switch people around because there was some people at a different table she wanted to sit with.  So, my mom and I scurried around to find the extra escort cards and pens so I could rewrite them... but then I think FI's mom realized her asking at the last minute was kind of a big deal (and/or decided to grow the fuck up) so she told me "never mind".... right when my mom found the cards.  We had long rectangle tables, she sat at one end and her brother and his wife sat at the other, and all was well.
    Errrr.... I might pull a bridezilla at that point. 20 mins before my wedding ceremony you want to complain to me about 2 out of the other 14 people at your table? Yeahno.
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  • julieanne912julieanne912 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2015
    I had a casual wedding, but still assigned tables.  Each table sat 16 so that made it easier.  My entire seating chart took about an hour and wasn't stressful at all.  

    The only time it got stressful was about 20 minutes before the ceremony, FI's mom saw who was seated at her table (her brother and his wife and they apparently don't get along) and asked if I could switch people around because there was some people at a different table she wanted to sit with.  So, my mom and I scurried around to find the extra escort cards and pens so I could rewrite them... but then I think FI's mom realized her asking at the last minute was kind of a big deal (and/or decided to grow the fuck up) so she told me "never mind".... right when my mom found the cards.  We had long rectangle tables, she sat at one end and her brother and his wife sat at the other, and all was well.
    Errrr.... I might pull a bridezilla at that point. 20 mins before my wedding ceremony you want to complain to me about 2 out of the other 14 people at your table? Yeahno.
    Well, I think she could tell I was pretty annoyed (which I don't show very often), so I think that's why she backed off on her request.  I knew ahead of time that they supposedly didn't get along, but I figured, like you said, out of 16 people at a table, they could figure out a way to not sit next to each other, and I didn't want them to end up at a table of strangers as they were 2 of only 4 members of FI's immediate extended family who made the 5 hour drive to come (which is a whole other topic), which is what would have happened had I put them elsewhere.  
    Married 9.12.15
    image
  • My SIL had farm tables that held a ton of people and looked really pretty. The problem was she just did tables instead of assigned seating. There were 30 at each table and you could really only talk to the person directly next to you or acorss from you... so for her (the bride) that meant she sat across from two groomsmen's +1s that she had never met before,her husband on one side and and her sisters horrible boyfriend (I've posted about how he punched my husband and brother in law at the end of my reception) on the other side.


  • I had a casual wedding, but still assigned tables.  Each table sat 16 so that made it easier.  My entire seating chart took about an hour and wasn't stressful at all.  

    The only time it got stressful was about 20 minutes before the ceremony, FI's mom saw who was seated at her table (her brother and his wife and they apparently don't get along) and asked if I could switch people around because there was some people at a different table she wanted to sit with.  So, my mom and I scurried around to find the extra escort cards and pens so I could rewrite them... but then I think FI's mom realized her asking at the last minute was kind of a big deal (and/or decided to grow the fuck up) so she told me "never mind".... right when my mom found the cards.  We had long rectangle tables, she sat at one end and her brother and his wife sat at the other, and all was well.
    Errrr.... I might pull a bridezilla at that point. 20 mins before my wedding ceremony you want to complain to me about 2 out of the other 14 people at your table? Yeahno.
    Well, I think she could tell I was pretty annoyed (which I don't show very often), so I think that's why she backed off on her request.  I knew ahead of time that they supposedly didn't get along, but I figured, like you said, out of 16 people at a table, they could figure out a way to not sit next to each other, and I didn't want them to end up at a table of strangers as they were 2 of only 4 members of FI's immediate extended family who made the 5 hour drive to come (which is a whole other topic), which is what would have happened had I put them elsewhere.  
    Totally get your assumption that they would figure it out... I only had one big conflict for the seating chart and that was not putting my aunt and uncle at the same table. I put them at two different tables that were close to each other and they ended up picking seats that put them back to back! They were literally closer to each other than if they had been at the same table... I could only laugh. And they just dealt with it and everything was fine.
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