Question about strange registry gift

Knottie4978096

I've had the gamut of overly-generous gifts to none at all (not even a card) and every strange thing in between, and I've handled it all unfazed. Except 1. This one I don't quite know what to think. Maybe you guys could shed some light and prevent me from "stepping in it"..... I registered for a lovely carving board with our new last name on it for holidays (we didn't have one and juice went all over our kitchen - hence the registry item). It was purchased by a good friend at my shower about 6 weeks ago (the item is awesome, thank you note sent) and clearly marked purchased on my registry. Someone, whom I haven't met on my DH's side chose to order another identical item with his first name on it and had it added to my registry. I'm not sure what this person was thinking. My sister said this is an 'f the bride' gift, but I haven't met this person and I'm not quite ready to jump to this conclusion. Any ideas ladies? DH was offended by the gift, but he'll quickly forget about it.

aliwis000

I think this is strange. I don't think I would be mad so much as confused.

When you get the gift, let DH write the thank you card and move on. What would really come from confronting this person? How would that conversation even play out? Not worth another thought.

PS. Not sure why the fact that some people didn't get you even a card was included in this post. Nothing is required of anyone.

kaos16

Knottie4978096 said:

I've had the gamut of overly-generous gifts to none at all (not even a card) and every strange thing in between, and I've handled it all unfazed. Except 1. This one I don't quite know what to think. Maybe you guys could shed some light and prevent me from "stepping in it"..... I registered for a lovely carving board with our new last name on it for holidays (we didn't have one and juice went all over our kitchen - hence the registry item). It was purchased by a good friend at my shower about 6 weeks ago (the item is awesome, thank you note sent) and clearly marked purchased on my registry. Someone, whom I haven't met on my DH's side chose to order another identical item with his first name on it and had it added to my registry. I'm not sure what this person was thinking. My sister said this is an 'f the bride' gift, but I haven't met this person and I'm not quite ready to jump to this conclusion. Any ideas ladies? DH was offended by the gift, but he'll quickly forget about it.

I've seen strange things show up on registries when the guest purchases a gift for you and then other things for themselves at the same time.  Maybe the cutting board was something for himself?

Knottie4978096

No, it's not a gift for himself - it was a rogue registry gift with DHs first name on it that was sent to us.. I'm not mad as another poster suggested. I'm confused. And I certainly won't confront anyone over it. I'll just write a than you and put it in the goodwill pile. But I still think it's a bit awkward not knowing if this person was being malicious or not. For some reason this wedding has brought out some rather poor behavior from DHs side that has hurt his feelings. I'm just trying to keep us out of their family drama.

Maggie0829

So someone sent you a cutting board with just your DH's name on it?  And why do you think this was malicious?  Has this person been outspoken and rude to you both in the past?  Honestly I would just send a thank you note and then move on.  This is a ridiculous thing to get upset about or spend more then 2 minutes thinking about.

Knottie4978096

I'm in your camp. I don't care, but DH reacted weird to it. He'll forget about it. Yes, there have been a lot of malicious things going on on his side, for the most part, we've ignored it. DHs truck was destroyed when he loaned it out to his best friend. That's the worst thing that happened. My dad and DH are still rebuilding it. Since DH is a disgustingly generous guy (which is one reason why I love him so much), and since I don't know these people, I'm just struggling to know who are real friends and who needs to be dealt with at arms length. This gift just threw me cause it was so strange.

Maggie0829

Knottie4978096 said:

I'm in your camp. I don't care, but DH reacted weird to it. He'll forget about it. Yes, there have been a lot of malicious things going on on his side, for the most part, we've ignored it. DHs truck was destroyed when he loaned it out to his best friend. That's the worst thing that happened. My dad and DH are still rebuilding it. Since DH is a disgustingly generous guy (which is one reason why I love him so much), and since I don't know these people, I'm just struggling to know who are real friends and who needs to be dealt with at arms length. This gift just threw me cause it was so strange.

First are you already married?  I am just confused.

What does this have to do with your wedding/marriage?

lyndausvi

I'm guessing there is a little sexism in here.  I.E  the men do all the carving type thing.  Or maybe, since a lot of people put so much focus on the bride (bride's have showers, not guys. It's the bride's day, etc), this dude was just trying to give your DH a little attention.

Whatever the case, write a TY note and move on.  At least in my experience one can not have too many carving boards if you plan on entertaining.

Actually, I worked a private party at a home last night.  They only had one carving board. We used it for the pizzas for appertizers.  Then I had to wash it again to carve the tenderloin.  I so could have used at least or not 2 more.  They are really handy items.    Carving, serving, etc.   

Knottie4978096

Ah. Good point. I honestly hadn't thought that it was just sexist. I'm wondering though why that person wouldn't have chosen the other items on the registry that were for DH that hadn't been purchased? But I guess I'll never know the answer to that question. People do strange things.

Pupatella

This may seem like a totally off the wall question, but I'm actually serious.

Does your DH have a food allergy / special dietary requirements (i.e. kosher / halal)?

If so, maybe the separate cutting board was meant for both of you, as you would use it to prepare his meals.

But I agree with PP's - just write a thank you note, and move on.

levioosa

PPs have covered a lot, but I wanted to ask, is your DH known for cooking/BBQing?  My boss's husband is the one who does all of the cooking in the house, and he loves trying out new gourmet meals.  I know he gets personalized/specific cooking related gifts all the time.  

lembaslover

If it were me I'd assume that for whatever reason this person just wanted to give him a cutting board and when he saw the one on your registry was bought maybe he thought well they could use 2 and just made it with his name on instead of identical. A little strange sure but I try not to assume things are malicious unless someone has given me a reason to in the past.

MobKaz

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie4978096 said:

I'm in your camp. I don't care, but DH reacted weird to it. He'll forget about it. Yes, there have been a lot of malicious things going on on his side, for the most part, we've ignored it. DHs truck was destroyed when he loaned it out to his best friend. That's the worst thing that happened. My dad and DH are still rebuilding it. Since DH is a disgustingly generous guy (which is one reason why I love him so much), and since I don't know these people, I'm just struggling to know who are real friends and who needs to be dealt with at arms length. This gift just threw me cause it was so strange.

First are you already married?  I am just confused.

What does this have to do with your wedding/marriage?

I also wondered about this. OP uses "DH" in her initial post, and again in subsequent posts, so clearly it is not a typo!

JediElizabeth

MobKaz said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie4978096 said:

I'm in your camp. I don't care, but DH reacted weird to it. He'll forget about it. Yes, there have been a lot of malicious things going on on his side, for the most part, we've ignored it. DHs truck was destroyed when he loaned it out to his best friend. That's the worst thing that happened. My dad and DH are still rebuilding it. Since DH is a disgustingly generous guy (which is one reason why I love him so much), and since I don't know these people, I'm just struggling to know who are real friends and who needs to be dealt with at arms length. This gift just threw me cause it was so strange.

First are you already married?  I am just confused.

What does this have to do with your wedding/marriage?

I also wondered about this. OP uses "DH" in her initial post, and again in subsequent posts, so clearly it is not a typo!

It sounds like it's just a gift that's being given after the wedding (like, they were married in the last couple of weeks, and everything hasn't come in the mail yet)? Particularly because the shower was 6 weeks ago. 

At least that's how I read it.

TNDancer

I am just confused how someone can add something to your registry. Aren't you the only person who can control that? Anyone can buy you anything of course, but why would ti then be added to your registry as something you requested?

ILoveBeachMusic

TNDancer said:

I am just confused how someone can add something to your registry. Aren't you the only person who can control that? Anyone can buy you anything of course, but why would ti then be added to your registry as something you requested?

If they buy something that is off registry some stores add it to the registry so that you know it was bought at that store. This happened to my daughter at BB&B. It shows up as being not requested but having been purchased.

photokitty

TNDancer said:

I am just confused how someone can add something to your registry. Aren't you the only person who can control that? Anyone can buy you anything of course, but why would ti then be added to your registry as something you requested?

If you buy a gift and have the cashier scan the registry then it is automatically added as purchased. Purple cannot randomly add items they did not purchase for the couple.

I can't imagine getting offended bc we received a cutting board with with one of our first names on it. The dude could have been confused. He could have thought it would be cool to have one with your DH first and one with his last.

Honestly, I don't get the point of having and engraved cutting board...it's going to get scratched and sliced up anyway. How long will the name really be legible??

Knottie4978096

For the record, I'm not offended by a carving board. I was worried about the strange behavior regarding the purchasing of this item by a male. Men normally take the path of least resistance - they stick cash or check in a card, go to the store and hand the clerk a credit card and a budget, purchase a gift card, or forgo the gift entirely. This one created his own gift from a gift that had already been purchased by changing the personalization. In any case, I do have an update since I received the damage deposit back finally. This person had DH order him a special meal (one that was different from the selection offered - which costs more) and then failed to show up at the wedding entirely. DH said this explains why he didn't respond to the football tailgate party thingy he's planning. My guess is that this guy probably won't stay friends with DH, and yes, people who do strange things are often being mean for whatever reason. I was able to return the item because it was on my registry (may have been a nice clerk who added it because it wasn't ordered) and purchased the items for DH that didn't get purchased and I haven't really thought about it since. To me, the issue was always about keeping DH from getting hurt (there was so much of that going on). But we're fine. Incidentally, if I were to have been offended by a gift, I would've chosen the re-gifted wine basket from 2006 that was leaking red wine (or should I say vinegar) and almost got my living room rug). But hey, great aunts are eccentric and they're on fixed incomes and probably senile. The basket was pretty cool though and we had a laugh.

Knottie4978096

And to answer the other questions - no to dietary issues, no DH can't cook at all - recently burned his finger reheating lunch in the microwave. The items on the registry that were obviously for DH didn't get purchased and his friends would've known those items (his friends mostly gave money in cards). And it was a carving board - some people have confused this with a cutting board (I used to think they were the same too, until I had meat juice all over my kitchen). In any case, it's never about the gift - it's always about the intention.

Maggie0829

Knottie4978096 said:

For the record, I'm not offended by a carving board. I was worried about the strange behavior regarding the purchasing of this item by a male. Men normally take the path of least resistance - they stick cash or check in a card, go to the store and hand the clerk a credit card and a budget, purchase a gift card, or forgo the gift entirely. This one created his own gift from a gift that had already been purchased by changing the personalization. In any case, I do have an update since I received the damage deposit back finally. This person had DH order him a special meal (one that was different from the selection offered - which costs more) and then failed to show up at the wedding entirely. DH said this explains why he didn't respond to the football tailgate party thingy he's planning. My guess is that this guy probably won't stay friends with DH, and yes, people who do strange things are often being mean for whatever reason. I was able to return the item because it was on my registry (may have been a nice clerk who added it because it wasn't ordered) and purchased the items for DH that didn't get purchased and I haven't really thought about it since. To me, the issue was always about keeping DH from getting hurt (there was so much of that going on). But we're fine. Incidentally, if I were to have been offended by a gift, I would've chosen the re-gifted wine basket from 2006 that was leaking red wine (or should I say vinegar) and almost got my living room rug). But hey, great aunts are eccentric and they're on fixed incomes and probably senile. The basket was pretty cool though and we had a laugh.

Knottie4978096 said:

And to answer the other questions - no to dietary issues, no DH can't cook at all - recently burned his finger reheating lunch in the microwave. The items on the registry that were obviously for DH didn't get purchased and his friends would've known those items (his friends mostly gave money in cards). And it was a carving board - some people have confused this with a cutting board (I used to think they were the same too, until I had meat juice all over my kitchen). In any case, it's never about the gift - it's always about the intention.

You are reading way too much into a freaking carving board.

lyndausvi

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie4978096 said:

For the record, I'm not offended by a carving board. I was worried about the strange behavior regarding the purchasing of this item by a male. Men normally take the path of least resistance - they stick cash or check in a card, go to the store and hand the clerk a credit card and a budget, purchase a gift card, or forgo the gift entirely. This one created his own gift from a gift that had already been purchased by changing the personalization. In any case, I do have an update since I received the damage deposit back finally. This person had DH order him a special meal (one that was different from the selection offered - which costs more) and then failed to show up at the wedding entirely. DH said this explains why he didn't respond to the football tailgate party thingy he's planning. My guess is that this guy probably won't stay friends with DH, and yes, people who do strange things are often being mean for whatever reason. I was able to return the item because it was on my registry (may have been a nice clerk who added it because it wasn't ordered) and purchased the items for DH that didn't get purchased and I haven't really thought about it since. To me, the issue was always about keeping DH from getting hurt (there was so much of that going on). But we're fine. Incidentally, if I were to have been offended by a gift, I would've chosen the re-gifted wine basket from 2006 that was leaking red wine (or should I say vinegar) and almost got my living room rug). But hey, great aunts are eccentric and they're on fixed incomes and probably senile. The basket was pretty cool though and we had a laugh.

Knottie4978096 said:

And to answer the other questions - no to dietary issues, no DH can't cook at all - recently burned his finger reheating lunch in the microwave. The items on the registry that were obviously for DH didn't get purchased and his friends would've known those items (his friends mostly gave money in cards). And it was a carving board - some people have confused this with a cutting board (I used to think they were the same too, until I had meat juice all over my kitchen). In any case, it's never about the gift - it's always about the intention.

You are reading way too much into a freaking carving board.

seriously.  

Knottie4978096

Why? Because this "friend" called the day before our wedding to tell us he'd be there and then didn't show up after ordering special food? It's really rude behavior all the way around and we're happy not not have these special people around.