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Etiquette

Guest Question

Is it okay to ask my aunt and uncle who live in out of town, if they plan on attending the wedding before my invites have been sent. I still have plenty of time before the wedding, but I'm working on the seating chart and want to know how many rooms to block.  I have other guests coming in from out of town as well, but already know they are coming.
Daisypath Wedding tickers

Re: Guest Question

  • Just send them the invitation.
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    PupatellaSTARMOON44lc07
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Is it okay to ask my aunt and uncle who live in out of town, if they plan on attending the wedding before my invites have been sent. I still have plenty of time before the wedding, but I'm working on the seating chart and want to know how many rooms to block.  I have other guests coming in from out of town as well, but already know they are coming.
    You are jumping the gun by asking them. That is what the invite is for.  And why are you working on your seating chart now?  You haven't even sent out invites.  It is find to think "oh if they come I will sit them here" but to actually work on a seating chart before you have any idea of who is coming is putting the cart before the horse.

    As for how many rooms to put in your room block, just make an educated guess.  Figure out how many people are coming in from out of town and then add 10 rooms to that for any possible locals who may want to spend the night.  Check with your hotel because you may be able to add more rooms to your block if you start getting really low.

    huskypuppy14STARMOON44SP29
  • Just send the invite. You can't work on a seating chart until your attendee list is complete so I don't understand doing it now?
    CMGragainSTARMOON44
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Send the invitations to all your intended guests first before you try to make a seating chart.

    And the point of sending an invitation is to let them know that you'd like them to come if they can.  You don't need to ask them if they can come before sending the invitation.  If they can't come, then ideally they will RSVP no.  (If you never get an RSVP from them, call them and ask if they are attending about 2-3 weeks before your wedding.)

  • edited September 2015
    You are starting your seating chart way too soon. It's nice to get a head start on things, and of course you probably have some idea of who you would sit with who, but wait until RSVPs actually come in to make the final plan. I think you should send you invitations and wait for responses.

    Even if someone gives you a verbal yes or no, they could change their mind come RSVP time. I just sent invites and a family member had originally told me a few months ago how excited her and her husband were to come and we got her RSVP yesterday and she will not be able to attend the wedding afterall. Things can change for people over even a course of days, so I wouldn't count anyone as 100% coming until I have the hand-written acceptance via RSVP or what have you in my actual hand.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why are you working on a seating chart before you know who is attending? You're sort of doing this backwards. 

    AddieCake
  • No. It would be inappropriate to ask for a firm yes or no before the invitations go out. And even if they say yes or no now, plans may change and you'd need to adjust anyway.

    It's in your best interest to just make an educated guess on the hotel block. You COULD set up a courtesy block (i.e. no cost to you if rooms don't get used) at a neighboring hotel in case you underestimate and run out of rooms.

    As far as a seating chart, you are WAY too early. You'll be doing this a few weeks before the wedding as RSVPs start coming in.
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    SP29
  • I finished my seating chart from my pedicure chair the morning of my wedding.

    You can wait until after invites go out. It's ok. :)
    InLoveInQueensJen4948
  • You're making way more work for yourself later by working on your seating chart now. Invite them, block extra rooms, work on your seating chart after the RSVP deadline and after you've talked to your stragglers.
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  • I agree w/PPs. The point of RSVPs is to get firm numbers, so making people commit before invitations even go out doesn't make sense. And as someone else said, even if they say now they will come, their plans could change. Depending on how close you are to these relatives - if you talk to them regularly - I don't see the harm in mentioning your wedding in the next conversation to feel them out, but you cannot ask them to give a firm answer before you have even sent out invitations.

    As for the hotel block - when we booked rooms, we made an educated guess. We blocked 17 rooms (some suites, some regular rooms) for 90 guests and they were all filled. However, at the hotel we chose, we could block as many rooms as we wanted, and once two rooms from the block were booked we got our small deposit back. So if the hotel you're looking at has a similar policy, where you won't actually have to pay as long as x number of rooms are booked, I would probably overestimate how many rooms you need. It doesn't hurt to have too many rooms if you don't have to pay for the block.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm 10 days out from my wedding and I still haven't done my seating chart.  So yeah, you're way ahead of yourself on this one.  We still have people adding in plus ones, removing their children that they originally RSVP'd with, etc.  Do it a week out.

    We blocked 10 rooms at a hotel (the area we are getting married in has lots of hotels but it's not a real tourist spot on weekends, it's more business travelers on weekdays).  The hotel also said they'd honor the blocked rate even if someone booked a room last minute, as long as they had rooms, which she said they always do since they don't sell out ever on weekends.    On my wedding website I listed that hotel, along with 4 other hotels in various price points, and from what I've gathered, people are booking the rooms at all of the hotels.  So don't worry so much about the room blocks.

    Lastly, FI's mom told me about 4 months ago (when I was setting up the blocks) that his grandmother and his aunt and uncle were all coming.  Once RSVP time rolled around, they all RSVP'd no.  So yeah, just wait til you have your RSVPs then worry about it.
    Married 9.12.15
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    InLoveInQueensCharmedPam
  • Thanks everyone! I know I'm way ahead of schedule. lol  I'm a stresser by nature... but I'll take my chill pill now and just focus on the important things for now.  It was one of those questions, where I pretty much knew the answer but just needed to hear it! All replies were much appreiciated!!
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    [Deleted User]
  • At the hotel we blocked rooms at, we could block as many as we wanted/needed, without putting down a deposit. The rooms were "held" until a certain date (about a month before the wedding I think), and if they weren't booked by guests, they were released back into the regular hotel room pool. 

    If you don't have to put a deposit down, I would book rooms for the number of out of town guests you are inviting plus a few extra. 

    No, I wouldn't ask any guests if they are planning on coming before you send your invites out. The answer could change very easily, so it is not helpful to you at all. It also comes off as pushy, or as if you are trying to figure out whether you should bother with an invitation in favour of inviting someone else. It's not your intention, but that's how it might look. 
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