PPDs

[Deleted User]

I didn't even know what a PPD was until I got here, but I can ditto PPs on the general disdain for them. One of my HS friends is in the military and she and her HUSBAND are having a PPD. They had a civil ceremony so that they would not be deported separately and so that they could live together, but they are lying about it. The only reason I know that truth is because she told a very small handful of people (one being my MOH) who told me. Like  others have said, I understand needing to be legally married for this type of reason, but seriously...don't lie. As soon as she got married (she is calling that her engagement, by the way), she started sending out group messages asking for help with things, they got engagement photos, and it's just been all downhill from there. She is seriously a sweet, kind person, and I think she doesn't realize how cringe-worthy her actions are. TBH she was one of the last people I expected this type of thing from!

ShesSoCold

CElizabeth419 said: anjemon said: As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.
The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.
TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 
As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

BOXXXXXXXXX----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See I think the bolded is total horseshit. Like PPs said, no one deserves anything besides the basics. Having a  fake ass "wedding" when you're already married is (IMHO) stupid. Period. 

The only time I have not side-eyed a PPD is when the couple could not legally get married. A friend of mine had a wedding ceremony before her state recognized gay marriages. When her state approved it, her and her spouse went to the courthouse with a friend and got legally married. No big to-do. I was 100% supportive of that.

Edited to add a box.

Maggie0829

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

I agree with this.  As an adult you have to make decisions and decide what is necessary and what is a luxury and what is important and what is only a want.  If someone needs medical insurance and the only way to do that is to marry the person they are with then so be it.  But that is a choice you are making.  You are choosing your health over that lavish wedding you may want.  As an adult decisions need to be made and you don't always get everything you want. People need to learn to be okay with that and own their decisions and realize a fancy dress and a big party is not the end all be all to being married.

climbingsingle

The only thing I think is really shitty is lying to your guests. I know a girl doing this. She's keeping it a secret from 95% of her guests that what they're witnessing is a fake redo. 

I do judge people that have what I call Wedding Tours. If you want to get married in Jamaica, get married in Jamaica. You don't need to have 2 more parties in your wedding dress. That just makes you an attention whore. 

JediElizabeth

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

I agree with this.  As an adult you have to make decisions and decide what is necessary and what is a luxury and what is important and what is only a want.  If someone needs medical insurance and the only way to do that is to marry the person they are with then so be it.  But that is a choice you are making.  You are choosing your health over that lavish wedding you may want.  As an adult decisions need to be made and you don't always get everything you want. People need to learn to be okay with that and own their decisions and realize a fancy dress and a big party is not the end all be all to being married.

Let me rephrase. No one "deserves" a reception in that someone else should expect other people do anything for it, or that they should lie and say something is their first dance or something.

But if you go through Hell, I think you can celebrate at the end of it. And if part of that celebration includes giving yourself (that is, paying for, planning, etc.) the part of the wedding that you wanted but didn't get to experience because life was too hard, I don't see anything wrong with that. If that means wearing a white dress or something, as long as you're honest and treating your guests well otherwise, I'll probably support that too. 

Maggie0829

climbingwife said:

The only thing I think is really shitty is lying to your guests. I know a girl doing this. She's keeping it a secret from 95% of her guests that what they're witnessing is a fake redo. 

I do judge people that have what I call Wedding Tours. If you want to get married in Jamaica, get married in Jamaica. You don't need to have 2 more parties in your wedding dress. That just makes you an attention whore. 

Ugh, yes.  I hate this!  If people can't make your wedding then they can't make it.  Trust me, they will get over it.  And shockingly they aren't crying in their pillows at night because they have to miss it.

emmaaa

CElizabeth419 said:

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

I agree with this.  As an adult you have to make decisions and decide what is necessary and what is a luxury and what is important and what is only a want.  If someone needs medical insurance and the only way to do that is to marry the person they are with then so be it.  But that is a choice you are making.  You are choosing your health over that lavish wedding you may want.  As an adult decisions need to be made and you don't always get everything you want. People need to learn to be okay with that and own their decisions and realize a fancy dress and a big party is not the end all be all to being married.

Let me rephrase. No one "deserves" a reception in that someone else should expect other people do anything for it, or that they should lie and say something is their first dance or something.

But if you go through Hell, I think you can celebrate at the end of it. And if part of that celebration includes giving yourself (that is, paying for, planning, etc.) the part of the wedding that you wanted but didn't get to experience because life was too hard, I don't see anything wrong with that. If that means wearing a white dress or something, as long as you're honest and treating your guests well otherwise, I'll probably support that too. 

A wedding reception is not for celebrating making it through the end of your treatment or hell, it is for getting married and thanking your guests for being there. Have a party for yourself after overcoming a bad health obstacle, but don't call it a reception.

julieanne912

I have a cousin who is on her 4th husband.  The first three she basically married for the military benefits.... she got some free education, free housing in San Diego when they were deployed etc.  It's so gross.  Thankfully she never did the PPD thing.  The first wedding was in Vegas, the second was was who knows where, and the third one she put on a white dress and he wore his Navy uniform and they had an officiant marry them without anybody else there from what I could tell except a photographer.  Now she's on husband #4 and he seems to be sticking around.  He's not active duty anymore (he was when they met) and they've had a couple kids together and seem happy, so that's good.  

Then, I have another cousin who met a guy in the Coast Guard.  He got shipped off to Alaska.  They didn't do a courthouse wedding or anything like that.  She just saved up some money and joined him when she could afford to.  They got engaged and then got married between the time he got to leave Alaska and was sent to his next spot (which thankfully, was just San Francisco).  So, all you PPD wannabe lurkers out there, it IS possible to do the military thing without having to fake everyone out.

beachyone15

No no no. You get ONE day.

anjemon

CElizabeth419 said:

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

I agree with this.  As an adult you have to make decisions and decide what is necessary and what is a luxury and what is important and what is only a want.  If someone needs medical insurance and the only way to do that is to marry the person they are with then so be it.  But that is a choice you are making.  You are choosing your health over that lavish wedding you may want.  As an adult decisions need to be made and you don't always get everything you want. People need to learn to be okay with that and own their decisions and realize a fancy dress and a big party is not the end all be all to being married.

Let me rephrase. No one "deserves" a reception in that someone else should expect other people do anything for it, or that they should lie and say something is their first dance or something.

But if you go through Hell, I think you can celebrate at the end of it. And if part of that celebration includes giving yourself (that is, paying for, planning, etc.) the part of the wedding that you wanted but didn't get to experience because life was too hard, I don't see anything wrong with that. If that means wearing a white dress or something, as long as you're honest and treating your guests well otherwise, I'll probably support that too. 

If you're honest about it, I'll probably support it too. I'm all for people celebrating things that are important to them. Have a "Yay I Beat Cancer" party or a "Celebrate our Marriage" party, don't call it a wedding. Acknowledge your choices.

I probably won't be against the special couple opening the dancing with a slow dance or doing toasts to their life/love/marriage. I'm never against cake. But I don't want to sit through a fake re-enactment of a couple's vows (renewals are different) and I don't want to pretend the couple wasn't married when they were. 

JediElizabeth

anjemon said:

CElizabeth419 said:

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

I agree with this.  As an adult you have to make decisions and decide what is necessary and what is a luxury and what is important and what is only a want.  If someone needs medical insurance and the only way to do that is to marry the person they are with then so be it.  But that is a choice you are making.  You are choosing your health over that lavish wedding you may want.  As an adult decisions need to be made and you don't always get everything you want. People need to learn to be okay with that and own their decisions and realize a fancy dress and a big party is not the end all be all to being married.

Let me rephrase. No one "deserves" a reception in that someone else should expect other people do anything for it, or that they should lie and say something is their first dance or something.

But if you go through Hell, I think you can celebrate at the end of it. And if part of that celebration includes giving yourself (that is, paying for, planning, etc.) the part of the wedding that you wanted but didn't get to experience because life was too hard, I don't see anything wrong with that. If that means wearing a white dress or something, as long as you're honest and treating your guests well otherwise, I'll probably support that too. 

If you're honest about it, I'll probably support it too. I'm all for people celebrating things that are important to them. Have a "Yay I Beat Cancer" party or a "Celebrate our Marriage" party, don't call it a wedding. Acknowledge your choices.

I probably won't be against the special couple opening the dancing with a slow dance or doing toasts to their life/love/marriage. I'm never against cake. But I don't want to sit through a fake re-enactment of a couple's vows (renewals are different) and I don't want to pretend the couple wasn't married when they were. 

I can get behind that. I wouldn't judge either way, probably, but again, I mostly care about honestly. I'm willing to let a lot of other things slide, particularly if I care enough about the couple to be at their wedding in the first place.

lyndausvi

We have friends who had planned their wedding.  Then about 4-5 months out he was diagnosed with cancer.   Very rare form of cancer.    They got married at the courthouse.  Not for insurance.   They wanted to married.   

Her b-party had already been planned for NOLA (tickets bought and all).  Her and her girls still came to NOLA.

   I forget how long, but he beat the cancer and they had a big "wedding".     Everyone knew what the deal was.     In their case deposits were already made, dress/attire already bought. (the vendors allowed them postpone)  Why not have a big ass celebration he beat cancer and celebrate their marriage?   They did a vow renewal and everyone was very supportive of the couple.

I guess my point is, like a lot of things it's a case by case thing for me.  I do side-eye the planned PPD over one where things are already in place (deposits made, dress bought) and life throws them a big fucking curve ball.

DarthV8r

  A PPD happens because the couple wants to benefit from a legal marriage right away.  How hard  is it to be an adult and wait to do it the way you really want?

On another note: I remember watching the royal wedding. They signed the marriage certificate in  the wedding ceremony. I'm actually thinking about doing that.  Maybe I will start the trend.

peachy13

I was in a friend's PPD last year which I have talked about on TK several times before. My friend and her husband were married for military purposes in a beach-side town hall in an area of the country they love wearing flip-flops, bathing suit coverups, and smiling ear to ear. I was over the moon for my friend and then suddenly not happy/surprised/confused when she told me shortly after that she was going to have a "real wedding" later in the year and that I should not share with anyone that she and her husband got "married on paper."

My friend went from care-free, beachy, happy newlywed to stressed-out, bossy, bridezilla all over her PPD. The day of the PPD she was, to be honest, an absolute monster person and not my happily married friend. I think at one point she realized she was stressing over nothing (she was already married!) and told me that she should have just had a small party after the town hall marriage. Meanwhile, her friend did have a town hall wedding around the same time with a small dinner reception following. My friend asked if she was going to have a "real wedding" and the friend responded with "I just did."

lyndausvi

ibarfburlapandlace said:

  A PPD happens because the couple wants to benefit from a legal marriage right away.  How hard  is it to be an adult and wait to do it the way you really want?

On another note: I remember watching the royal wedding. They signed the marriage certificate in  the wedding ceremony. I'm actually thinking about doing that.  Maybe I will start the trend.

The Monaco Royal wedding had the civil ceremony the day before the Catholic one.  That is because there religious ones are not recognized by the gov't.      

We are lucky that here in the states that generally a religious ceremony is recognized by the gov't. That is not true everywhere.

Kahlyla

ibarfburlapandlace said:

  A PPD happens because the couple wants to benefit from a legal marriage right away.  How hard  is it to be an adult and wait to do it the way you really want?

On another note: I remember watching the royal wedding. They signed the marriage certificate in  the wedding ceremony. I'm actually thinking about doing that.  Maybe I will start the trend.

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

novella1186

Maggie0829 said:

climbingwife said:

The only thing I think is really shitty is lying to your guests. I know a girl doing this. She's keeping it a secret from 95% of her guests that what they're witnessing is a fake redo. 

I do judge people that have what I call Wedding Tours. If you want to get married in Jamaica, get married in Jamaica. You don't need to have 2 more parties in your wedding dress. That just makes you an attention whore. 

Ugh, yes.  I hate this!  If people can't make your wedding then they can't make it.  Trust me, they will get over it.  And shockingly they aren't crying in their pillows at night because they have to miss it.

Right. If I really want to attend your wedding, I will find a way to get there. But when you bring the "wedding" To A City Near Me, now I have to try harder for an excuse to not attend. 

TrixieJess

Kahlyla said:

ibarfburlapandlace said:

  A PPD happens because the couple wants to benefit from a legal marriage right away.  How hard  is it to be an adult and wait to do it the way you really want?

On another note: I remember watching the royal wedding. They signed the marriage certificate in  the wedding ceremony. I'm actually thinking about doing that.  Maybe I will start the trend.

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

I was going to say that too. I've been the witness for a couple of weddings and it is always part of the wedding before the recessional.

Jells2dot0

anjemon said:

CElizabeth419 said:

Maggie0829 said:

emmaaa said:

CElizabeth419 said:

anjemon said:

As many PP's have said, usually when people have a PPD they are lying about it. That is what bothers a lot of people. Being lied to sucks.

The other thing that gets me is a PPD really shows where a couple's priorities are. There are not very many good reasons to get married legally and then throw yourself a party later. PP's who have spoken about people getting deported if not married is a good reason. But insurance reasons, medical benefits, the military moving both of you together (if only one of you is in the service) - these are all things that will just save you money. So you are valuing saving money over all of your friend and family being there for a special event.

TBH, I think even these financial things are open to debate, as long as the couple is honest. If one has a medical condition so bad that they need medical benefits ASAP or be forced to pay thousands of dollars for medical help, not only do I think that's appropriate, but they deserve a reception/PPD later to celebrate their marriage and getting through the medical turmoil. (For example, I've had a lot of cancer in my family in the past few years, and that kind of diagnosis can destroy a life just because of the financial burden in the US, never mind the health/quality of life implications.) 

As long as someone's honest about it and not doing it just as an AW or gift grabby moment, I'd probably support a PPD. Then again, I'll just about always support an excuse to party.

I don't think it is as open for debate as you think. If one has a medical emergency and needs to be covered by someone else's health insurance, then fine, go get married but no one DESERVES a reception. If they want one, then have the reception at the same time. Priorities. And honestly, it is no one's responsibility other than your own to make sure you are covered for health insurance. 

I agree with this.  As an adult you have to make decisions and decide what is necessary and what is a luxury and what is important and what is only a want.  If someone needs medical insurance and the only way to do that is to marry the person they are with then so be it.  But that is a choice you are making.  You are choosing your health over that lavish wedding you may want.  As an adult decisions need to be made and you don't always get everything you want. People need to learn to be okay with that and own their decisions and realize a fancy dress and a big party is not the end all be all to being married.

Let me rephrase. No one "deserves" a reception in that someone else should expect other people do anything for it, or that they should lie and say something is their first dance or something.

But if you go through Hell, I think you can celebrate at the end of it. And if part of that celebration includes giving yourself (that is, paying for, planning, etc.) the part of the wedding that you wanted but didn't get to experience because life was too hard, I don't see anything wrong with that. If that means wearing a white dress or something, as long as you're honest and treating your guests well otherwise, I'll probably support that too. 

If you're honest about it, I'll probably support it too. I'm all for people celebrating things that are important to them. Have a "Yay I Beat Cancer" party or a "Celebrate our Marriage" party, don't call it a wedding. Acknowledge your choices.

I probably won't be against the special couple opening the dancing with a slow dance or doing toasts to their life/love/marriage. I'm never against cake. But I don't want to sit through a fake re-enactment of a couple's vows (renewals are different) and I don't want to pretend the couple wasn't married when they were. 

The VERY last thing I would want as a cancer survivor is having to plan some big ass party. My H and I went through a total nightmare when I was sick, mostly because we were forced to live apart and I had to take care of myself a lot. We made it through and while the idea of a vow renewal sounds neat, we know our marriage is strong and there is no need to redo anything. Especially since I didn't invite anyone the first time around! However, I am in the process of buying myself a brand new car to "reward" myself

CharmedPam

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

novella1186

CharmedPam said:

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

When I was in my friend's wedding, she signed right before the ceremony started and then they took it to the other room so her almost-H could sign (they weren't seeing each other before the wedding so they didn't sign together). 

For our wedding, H and I signed immediately after the ceremony. Now I'm kind of wishing we had done it during the ceremony just because why not? It's super important so why do it in private when everyone is there to witness you get married? 

Maggie0829

novella1186 said:

CharmedPam said:

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

When I was in my friend's wedding, she signed right before the ceremony started and then they took it to the other room so her almost-H could sign (they weren't seeing each other before the wedding so they didn't sign together). 

For our wedding, H and I signed immediately after the ceremony. Now I'm kind of wishing we had done it during the ceremony just because why not? It's super important so why do it in private when everyone is there to witness you get married? 

H and I didn't have to sign our license, only our officiant (who was a close friend) had to.  And since we forgot the license on our wedding day, our friend signed it about a week later once we got back from our honeymoon.

julieanne912

Here in CO, you don't even need an officiant!  They let you "self solemnize" your marriage if you want.  I think PA is the only other state where you can do that.

But yeah I'm guessing we'll do it right after the ceremony.

marie2785

Maggie0829 said:

novella1186 said:

CharmedPam said:

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

When I was in my friend's wedding, she signed right before the ceremony started and then they took it to the other room so her almost-H could sign (they weren't seeing each other before the wedding so they didn't sign together). 

For our wedding, H and I signed immediately after the ceremony. Now I'm kind of wishing we had done it during the ceremony just because why not? It's super important so why do it in private when everyone is there to witness you get married? 

H and I didn't have to sign our license, only our officiant (who was a close friend) had to.  And since we forgot the license on our wedding day, our friend signed it about a week later once we got back from our honeymoon.

In the US I think this is state-to-state and religion-to-religion for these rules. Husband and I are Catholic, and we were not given the option of signing the license as part of the ceremony. For Catholics in the US at least, it is not part of the mass. After the mass in MI we went outside, walked around the church, and met the priest in the back room and signed the license with him and our BM and MoH. It was private, and the least terrifying part of the day. This is why I never quite got the whole "sign the license first" thing to alleviate nerves, but I guess everyone gets nervous about different aspects of the day. What I am more surprised about is we didn't sign anything with the church, and they didn't keep a signed copy of the license. The bureaucrat in me didn't like this policy.

Maggie0829

marie2785 said:

Maggie0829 said:

novella1186 said:

CharmedPam said:

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

When I was in my friend's wedding, she signed right before the ceremony started and then they took it to the other room so her almost-H could sign (they weren't seeing each other before the wedding so they didn't sign together). 

For our wedding, H and I signed immediately after the ceremony. Now I'm kind of wishing we had done it during the ceremony just because why not? It's super important so why do it in private when everyone is there to witness you get married? 

H and I didn't have to sign our license, only our officiant (who was a close friend) had to.  And since we forgot the license on our wedding day, our friend signed it about a week later once we got back from our honeymoon.

In the US I think this is state-to-state and religion-to-religion for these rules. Husband and I are Catholic, and we were not given the option of signing the license as part of the ceremony. For Catholics in the US at least, it is not part of the mass. After the mass in MI we went outside, walked around the church, and met the priest in the back room and signed the license with him and our BM and MoH. It was private, and the least terrifying part of the day. This is why I never quite got the whole "sign the license first" thing to alleviate nerves, but I guess everyone gets nervous about different aspects of the day. What I am more surprised about is we didn't sign anything with the church, and they didn't keep a signed copy of the license. The bureaucrat in me didn't like this policy.

In our state/county the officiant had a copy to keep.

So yeah, definitely a state by state thing.

TNDancer

Maggie0829 said:

H and I didn't have to sign our license, only our officiant (who was a close friend) had to.  And since we forgot the license on our wedding day, our friend signed it about a week later once we got back from our honeymoon.

It's the same here. I had asked our officiant the flow of the day, and he said we didn't sign at all. I guess our signatures when applying for the license are engouhg?

Pupatella

novella1186 said:

CharmedPam said:

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

When I was in my friend's wedding, she signed right before the ceremony started and then they took it to the other room so her almost-H could sign (they weren't seeing each other before the wedding so they didn't sign together). 

For our wedding, H and I signed immediately after the ceremony. Now I'm kind of wishing we had done it during the ceremony just because why not? It's super important so why do it in private when everyone is there to witness you get married? 

ibarfburlapandlace. I'm all about starting a new trend!! I now want to sign it during our ceremony too. I mean, that's what it's all about!!

MobKaz

pinupbride6189 said:

I agree with Lyndausvi and kmmssg. My sister is having a PPD. I was disappointed when I found out she was married, because I didn't get to be there. She told me, but only because my mom told her to. She didn't just go to the court house and sign the paperwork either. She had a mini ceremony with my parents there, officiated by a long time friend of my mother. She's not telling anyone else in the family. "But don't worry, we're still having the whole thing in March." If she were being honest, I'd still be disappointed that I didn't get to see my sister get married, but I would still be happy for her. The fact that she's lying to my family, and that she wants me to be complicit in this lie, still spend $200 on a dress, and take off work and travel to a weekday evening ceremony six hours away from me and pretend that this is real...that gets to me.

Out of curiosity, I have to ask....Will you attend?

pinupbride6189

MobKaz said:

pinupbride6189 said:

I agree with Lyndausvi and kmmssg. My sister is having a PPD. I was disappointed when I found out she was married, because I didn't get to be there. She told me, but only because my mom told her to. She didn't just go to the court house and sign the paperwork either. She had a mini ceremony with my parents there, officiated by a long time friend of my mother. She's not telling anyone else in the family. "But don't worry, we're still having the whole thing in March." If she were being honest, I'd still be disappointed that I didn't get to see my sister get married, but I would still be happy for her. The fact that she's lying to my family, and that she wants me to be complicit in this lie, still spend $200 on a dress, and take off work and travel to a weekday evening ceremony six hours away from me and pretend that this is real...that gets to me.

Out of curiosity, I have to ask....Will you attend?



BOXES

I will. I don't think my family would ever forgive me. I'd just be the snooty, self-righteous sister who missed her own sister's "wedding" on what they would see as misguided principle. I'm apparently supposed to be MOH. I say apparently because she never asked me, but she told the consultant when we were dress shopping that I was. When I asked her about it, she just said, "Well, duh! I figured you'd just know!"

DarthV8r

Pupatella said:

novella1186 said:

CharmedPam said:

Kahlyla said:

We do the signing at the immediate conclusion of the ceremony here in Canada as well.

That's what i thought too.  I've been too 2 Canadian weddings, and since I was MOH, I signed, as the witness, right after.

With my sister, I was in the party - but I can't even remember when she signed.  

Without changing this topic....when *DO* you sign? LOL. I don't go to a lot of weddings.

When I was in my friend's wedding, she signed right before the ceremony started and then they took it to the other room so her almost-H could sign (they weren't seeing each other before the wedding so they didn't sign together). 

For our wedding, H and I signed immediately after the ceremony. Now I'm kind of wishing we had done it during the ceremony just because why not? It's super important so why do it in private when everyone is there to witness you get married? 

ibarfburlapandlace. I'm all about starting a new trend!! I now want to sign it during our ceremony too. I mean, that's what it's all about!

We can choose a song to be played during the signing so there is no awkward silence.