Wedding 911

Double Reception HELP!!!!

My FI and I are getting married next September, his brother is getting married in July. Their mom wants us to have a double reception on our wedding day. She says it's because they have a big family and most of them won't be able to come to bother weddings. What should we do, I need help ASAP!!!!!

Re: Double Reception HELP!!!!

  • Have your FI tell his mom no.  "Receptions" are held on the actual wedding day right after the ceremony.

    They are entitled to one day, just as you are, and if they are not getting married on the same day as you are, that's their decision and the consequences are that some people won't come to both weddings.  Some may come to theirs, others may come to yours, but your FMIL has no right to expect you to plan a double "reception" simply because of who may not attend the July wedding.
  • Do you want to have a double wedding with them?  If the answer is no, then tell her no.  That's it.

    And I say double wedding, and not double reception because unless they are eloping with no one present at all, his brother will still need to have some sort of reception in July.  The reception is a thank you to the guests for attending the ceremony.  If they are having a ceremony with guests, then they must host their guests immediately afterward.

    Chances are, it might actually be your wedding that gets the short end of the guest stick anyway depending on when both weddings are held.  School will have started and your wedding is second in the line up so it may very well be that most of the family may attend the first one, but not the second one.  But in reality, two months is more than enough time for most people to travel and attend both.  It's not like you're asking them to buy airplane tickets two or three weeks apart.  Just tell her you're not interested and understand that it may mean family has to pick and choose if they don't have the time/money to travel for both.
  • Just out of curiosity, is FMIL paying for both weddings? If so, then she unfortunately has a say in all of us.

    Has the other wedding in July already been planned? How far along are you in the planning process?

    I would honestly have your FI talk to his Mom pretty candidly about this. I would try to stay out of the conversation so you don't get off to a bad start with your FMIL.

    Maybe your FI could say something like "Mom, I understand that you think it would be more convenient for our family to come to just one reception, but this is not how I envision my wedding day. My brother wants to get married in a barn and we want to get married on a golf course (I am making this up obviously :) ), and if we both tried to plan a reception together and come to an agreement between all 4 of us when planning all of the details, this has a high potential of causing a lot of arguments over the coming year. While I understand that some family members will not be able to make it to both weddings, FI and I still want to plan our own wedding and reception the way that is right for us. I hope you understand".

    [Deleted User]
  • Unless they're getting married at the same site the same day as you, then the simple answer is "no".  They get one day, you get one day.  If both of you share the same day with guests and invitations, that's a different discussion. 

    The key people will be there, those that can't, won't.  But asking you to host your FSIL's family, your family, and FI's family is a bit much when their wedding was two months earlier. 

    I had a cousin get married a month to the day before ours and it's safe to say a sizable number of guests didn't come to ours.  It is what it is, at the end of the day it's the energy you bring to the day that matters.   

  • I would have your FI tell his Mom no.

    Yes your FI family may be large and yes some of them may have to choose one wedding over the other, but such is life.

    You each get one day and those that can come will come. 

  • Have FI tell his mom no.  Brother gets his wedding day and you get yours.  If he chooses a wedding plan that restricts people from attending, that's his choice. He can still see all the family at your reception and introduce them to his wife, without taking away from your day.

    I had what sounds to be a similar situation to yours.  I live across country from my family.  The only people from my side of the family that were able to travel and attend my wedding was my parents & siblings. I kind of expected that to happen and was aware of that possibility when I chose my wedding location. If it was REALLY important to have all my family attend, I could have had my wedding back in my home town. After my wedding plans were set, my sister got engaged and planned her wedding for 2 months after mine, back in our hometown. I actually thought it was kind of great because I got to see all the family that couldn't go to my wedding and they got to meet my husband, which many of them hadn't previously.  But, we didn't need to "share" her reception.  People were able to meet DH and say congratulations to us on our recent wedding, without having to take the spotlight away from my sister and her big day.  I had a great reception at my wedding, even though it had less people, so I didn't need hers.


    MesmrEwe[Deleted User]Jen4948
  • Who's paying?  Is it you and your FI or your parents.  In that case NO WAY.
  • egirl2015 said:

    Who's paying?  Is it you and your FI or your parents.  In that case NO WAY.

    Honey, these horses are long dead, stop beating them.

    [Deleted User]lpeanut0610levioosaMesmrEwe
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